Happy Holidays from the Lasselles

It's time for the annual Lasselle MySpace Xmas letter! Hard to believe it's already been a year. 2007 was a year dominated by one thing...babies. Of course Jonah was born on Halloween, but we found out Rachel was pregnant in early March and spent the rest of the year planning, preparing, taking classes, and doing everything else that comes along with pregnancy. I learned more about the birthing process than I ever wanted to know. Having very little baby experience, the last few months have been a lot of trial and error for this first time father. I'm improving my diaper changing skills, getting better at understanding why he's upset and what calms him down, and perhaps best of all, I'm learning how to make him smile. Of course, everytime I figure something out, I realize that Rachel figured it out 4 or 5 days ago. She's a fantastic mom, and I feel pretty lucky.


There were a few vacations, including a return to Colorado in the summer. Having not been back since 2001, it was fun to see what had changed and what had stayed the same. I got to see a few friends that I hadn't seen in 6 years, and Rachel's family met us there for a relaxing week. The car ride was rough on Rachel, but I truly believe that the western United States exist soley for the purpose of road tripping across them. The scenery is jaw-dropping, and the speed limit is more of a suggestion than a law in states like Wyoming and Nevada!

I'm still plugging away on this school thing. I feel like I'm treading water rather than making any headway toward a certificate of accounting, but I can credit that more to my undergraduate misadventures than my current scholastic aptitude. Since going back to school, I've maintained a 3.09 GPA.....a pretty big improvement from the 2.26 I graduated with.

Speaking of school, in August I was able to attend my 10 year high school reunion. Having helped organize it, I was much more stressed out about the whole situation than I should have been, but it turned out pretty well. I still am in shock that one of my classmates actually said "I tried to join the Navy SEALs, but apparently they don't take felons." That sentence right there is the 1 reason you should never pass up a chance to reconnect with people from your past.

Looking forward to 2008, I'm looking forward to a year without any major life changes. The last two years have been dominated by weddings, purchasing a car, a house, and starting a family. It will be nice to settle in for a year of watching Jonah grow and just enjoy the ride. We have a few trips planned - to Wisconsin in February to get Jonah baptized, and a family trip to Hawaii in August. We have a few friends expecting babies next year, and we look forward to scheduling play dates and discussing the joys and drawbacks of parenting with other first-time parents.

Here's hoping that your 2007 was as wonderful as mine, and to getting together with all of you at sometime during 2008!

Happy holidays,

The Lasselles

Shocking

So here's a sample of what I deal with at work:


Coworker A spends a lot of time surfing online dating sites. She met a guy, invited him over for the weekend, and he ended up staying a few extra days. I might mention that the guy has no car, no job, and lives with his sister. She felt the need to not only tell people at work that "he was the biggest she's ever seen," but also draw a detailed picture. I don't care if you work with your best friends, some things shouldn't be done in the office.

Coworker B has been given the job of scanning documents and uploading them so our gift agreements can be easily searched for. Granted it's a lot of scanning, but she has flat out refused to scan anymore because she's "developed tendonitis in her elbow" and I heard her talking about how she gets stressed out every time she even thinks about scanning.

If the most stressful part of your job is scanning documents into a computer, consider yourself lucky.

How many days til the weekend?

Scariest dream ever

The last two nights I have had the worst dreams. Sunday night I dreamt that I left Jonah at daycare on his first day there. Just drove to Portland and forgot about him. Once I realized, I called Rachel. That was the real terrifying part. She laid into me about how I don't care about our son and all this stuff, and I really had no comeback.


Last night I dreamt that I was at my grandparents house. I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and I look in the mirror and there's a second me in the reflection. Like there was my reflection, and then a second Andy behind me that wasn't my reflection. It was so creepy. I screamed and ran and got someone else. Of course they couldn't see it. So I decided I wasn't feeling well and would go home. I get in the car and check my rear view mirror. There I am in the back seat giving myself the crazy eyes. It was terrifying.

I'm not liking this waking up every morning with an upset stomach because I'm scared to death. Maybe i need to cease and desist with the cookies and milk right before bedtime.

Nothing like shopping to kill the holiday spirit

Yesterday Rachel and I went shopping. After receiving our kicker refund check, we decided to go out and get a new laptop....you know, to keep up with the times. Plus, we figured we needed one with a webcam so Jonah's grandparents in wisconsin could see him grow. So we did a little browsing and finally settled on a nice computer from Circuit City. That's when the real fun began.

Circuit City has this ridiculous group of tech support people called "Firedog." It's basically their answer to Best Buy's "Geek Squad." Firedog will give your computer all the latest updates and remove all the ads that come bundled with your computer for $40. Sounds like a plan to me. As luck would have it, they had just done this work on our model of computer, so we wouldn't have to wait two hours while they worked on it before taking it home. At this point, I'm thinking Firedog is awesome, and I'd like build it a doghouse in our backyard.

Then we got home.

I broke out the computer and start fiddling around with it. After I connected to the internet and set up some anti-virus software, I all of a sudden noticed that something's missing: The built in webcam is not built in. A quick examination reveals that firedog put the wrong model computer in our box. So we load the computer and Jonah back into the car and headed on up to Salem for the second time.

We got to the store and explained what happened and this Fire-puppy guy came out and said "oh I bet I know what happened, I'm just not sure how it happened. Hold on." and he went back in the back and emerged with a box that looked just like ours. "Yep," he said. "What happened was we had these two computers out that look identical out working on them on the same time and we put them in the wrong boxes. Sorry about that." He then proceeded to swap the computers out and take all of our accessories that came with the computer. Rachel's like "ummmm does our computer not come with that stuff?" The guy says "oh, ummm yeah hold on." and gives us all the stuff that was in with the other computer. I said "So you're sure that the remote (yes our laptop has a remote, it's awesome) you're giving is us is for this computer and not the other model?" He replied "oh yeah, they work with any model, so you should just need the one that you already had. I look, and he's handing me a new remote that I haven't opened yet. "This is not the remote we had. I already put the battery in that one and this one is unopened. You're sure this works with either computer?" and he said "Well, just in case, I'll give you the first one."

Just in case? You're Firedog! People come to you because we know nothing about computers! You're supposed to have the answers. Furthermore, if they "update" the computers for you, how come when I got home and connected to the internet, the first thing my computer said was "there are updates ready to install?" Bottom line, I was totally unimpressed with Firedog and Circuit City on the whole. However, I am a fan of this HP computer we ended up with. I could ramble on about how customer service is an outdated term and how people are getting stupider and american companies pay the people with the important jobs far too little for them to care about doing a good job or to even hire competent people, but that's for another blog.

Happy holidays!

A quick list

Reasons being a dad is awesome

- Watching Jonah learn new stuff all the time.

- The way he freaks out the instant you put him in the tub before remembering that "oh yeah, I like baths!"

- The funny noises he makes

- Seeing how happy he makes Rachel

- It gives me an excuse to read "The Poky Little Puppy" again

- The way he can only control his head for a few seconds before it starts freaking out like a bobblehead in an earthquake.

- Looking at him and wondering what he's going to like and do and be when he gets older.

Reasons being a dad is not so awesome.

- Grunting for 6 straight hours at night

- The way he only seems to cry during the tv shows I really want to watch

- When he gets that drunk look and you know some projectile spit-up is coming and you don't have a burp rag on you so you just have to take a fountain of regurgitated milk off the shirt you were planning on wearing to work that morning. (Yes, this one happened to me today.)

- Dirty diapers

- The constant fear that I'm going to break his fingers off every time I change his shirt.

- When he cries so hard he forgets to breathe, and you don't know how to calm him down.

Trust me though, the pros FAR outweigh the cons!

Thankful

"The Holidays." When we say "Happy Holidays," it usually seems that we're referring to Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanzaa/New Years. I think Thanksgiving gets overlooked a little bit. Sure it's got a parade and a few football games, but nobody really stops to be thankful. Being that I've had a particularly rewarding year, I wanted to tell everyone what I'm thankful for this year.


First off I'm thankful for the health of my wife and newborn son. Both came through the birthing process fantastically. We went to a bunch of birthing classes, read a few books, but none of them told me how to react when my son comes out and he's not breathing and the doctor has to call in a second doctor to help stitch my wife up and stop her from bleeding. For a few minutes I literally stood halfway between both of them and didn't know what to do. It was probably the scariest moment of my life....realizing that this is a very delicate process and there's a real chance that I could potentially lose one or both of them. So yes, I'm extremely thankful that they're both healthy and will both outlive me by many, many years.

I'm thankful that OSU has won two consecutive national championships in baseball, meaning there's a much better chance my son will be into baseball and not skateboarding. I'm thankful that I've only missed two home OSU football games since 2000, and they were both against crappy teams that we dominated. I'm thankful that I've been to every Civil War game (in Eugene or Corvallis) since 1998. I'm thankful that the Blazers finally traded Zach Randolph so I can root for them again. I"m thankful that soccer is becoming a more popular sport in this country. Speaking of which, I'm thankful that I'm an american.

I'm thankful for my friends, who despite the fact that we are all at different stages of our lives, still find a way to all get together for at least one football game a year, and of course at Cinco De Mayo, despite the fact that none of us are even remotely close to Mexican.

I'm thankful for family, all of whom helped out by either spending time with us in the past few weeks, or cooking dinner for us or for their advice, friendship and support. I'm also thankful that I was able to be there to support my dad and my aunts through my grandpa's passing.

I'm extremely thankful that my grandpa got to meet Jonah, even if it was only for a few hours. I hope my grandpa understood the impact he had on my life and that it wasn't just a coincidence that my son's middle name is Courtney.

I'm thankful for my job. I bitch and complain about it, but I fully realize that it could be a lot worse. Working here I'm able to take classes for free, I have health insurance, great benefits and a ton of paid time off.

That being said, I'm even more thankful for my wife's job!

I'm especially thankful for Rachel. For the way she makes me think twice before ordering a burger, yet doesn't nag me if I order it anyways. For the way she tries so hard to keep Jonah quiet at night when she's feeding him so that I don't wake up because she doesn't want me to be tired for work in the morning. For not complaining when we watch sports for 12 straight hours on Saturdays during football season. For putting up with my friends calling at all hours of the night (cough cough Dave cough cough). For not being jealous when I go to movies that she doesn't want to see with a friend who just happens to be a female.

And of course, I'm thankful to everyone that reads this. The only reason I keep a blog is because you all tell me that you enjoy reading it. I'm thankful to MySpace for allowing me to keep in touch with people I might've never talked to or seen again.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Jonah meets his great grandpa

So Friday afternoon I got a call from my dad. My grandpa's health was failing, and the doctors didn't think he had much time left. One thing that was pretty important to me was that Jonah meet his great grandpa, since he's named after him. (Courtney is Jonah's middle name, my grandpa's first name.) So we packed up the car and Jonah went on his first overnight visit. Even though my grandpa couldn't talk anymore, we could tell he still knew what was going on, and I was able to set Jonah in bed with him so he could sit with him for a little while. I also got a picture of my grandpa, my dad, me and my son, which is something I will be sure to show Jonah as soon as he's old enough to understand. My grandpa died Saturday morning. The whole family was able to make it in time to say goodbye, which was nice. He died peacefully at home surrounded by family, which I'm sure is what he wanted. He was 95.


I'm just going to tell one quick story about the man, which makes me smile everytime I think about it.

Back when Grant and I were younger, probably about 16 and 13 respectively, we were spending a lazy weekend out at Grandpa's. We were playing video games and Grant got the great idea to call one of those 1-800 sex lines. He was doing his best sexy voice and repeating everything the recording was telling him. About the time he got to "for just $3.99 per minute, you can have a hot one-on-one conversation with some of the dirtiest girls around," his face got white and he hung up. My Grandpa had picked up the phone downstairs to make a call. All of a sudden I hear my grandpa screaming bloody murder and charging up the stairs. "You damn kids, what the hell are you doing?" Grant panics and throws the phone at me. Grandpa points his finger at me and says "you! What do you think you're doing?" I'm trying not to laugh and explain that it was Grant, but he's not listening, only yelling. "Wait til your dad gets home! Bunch of perverts running up my phone bill!" Grant tries to explain that it was toll free, but that only made it worse. My dad got home and Grandpa went off on him for raising a couple of perverts, to which dad came upstairs laughing and saying "what were you guys thinking?" I think this one of only three times he yelled at us.

We're going to miss you grandpa. Sorry we ran up your phone bill.

Tales from the other side of fatherhood

Last night was no joke one of the most stressful nights of my life. At the hospital, Jonah was nice and quiet most of the night and slept for four hour stretches. First night home though was a nightmare. Beware this, future parents. No matter what we did, he was wailing. I slept for half hour stints a couple times, but after 4 am he would not go back to sleep. I handed him off to Rachel and considered taking a walk outside at 5 am in the foggy blackness just to get out of the house and clear my head. Of course this was a terrible idea, but you think crazy thoughts when you can't sleep.


They told us in parenting classes that it was going to be tough, but I always thought "man I've operated on little sleep before, how tough can it be?" Let me tell you, it's harder than just about anything you've ever done. Being a parent isn't all birthday parties and clothes with little duckies on them. It's a lot of crying, diaper changing, holding your little bundle of joy and rocking him til you feel like your arms are going to fall off. It's work. I thought it was going to be great taking time off from work, but really you almost have to just to get your body switched over to baby time. 10 years from now, I'll look back fondly on almost everything about having a baby........except this first week. Yikes.

g's or cheese?

A debate broke out in the break room at work today. In Jay-Z's immortal hip hop anthem "Big Pimpin," is he spending g's or cheese? I stuck with cheese, while nearly everyone else was certain it was g's. I'll admit that g's is the more logical decision. The sensible decision. I submit that rap/hip hop lyrics are rarely sensible, and decidedly illogical. So we took the decision to the highest court in the land.


Google.

It appears that the great cyberspace is not all knowing. There are conflicting reports from numerous websites. Many websites had the lyrics as "spending g's" These websites quite often pointed out that "spending cheese" is a common misinterpretation. However, an almost equal number of websites came to the conclusion that cheese was the correct lyric. There were even a few websites that argued that Mr. Z uses both g's and cheese at various times during the song.

So which side you fall on? Do you spend your g's or your cheese? I need to know!

tick tick tick tick

We're now one week from Rachel's due date. So why does it seem like this baby is supposed to be here right now? Having a baby sucks. You find out your wife is pregnant then you realize you've got probably 30-34 weeks to go. It seems like the day's never going to come. Then one day you wake up and you're two weeks out. Every day after the two week mark seems like a lifetime. It really blows. I spend whole minutes of time at work staring at my cell phone. Everytime my phone rings, even if it's not Rachel's ring tone (Salt n' Pepa's "Push It"), I get all excited thinking "this could be it!" Of course to this point it hasn't been. I hate calling anyone, because before people even say hello, they ask "is this it?" It's a weird feeling knowing you're going to disappoint the person on the other end of the line every time you pick up your phone.


The best part of this? Still not knowing the sex of the baby. Is it a boy? Is it a girl? Will I be ok with either? If it's a girl, am I going to have any clue how to raise her? It's extremely exciting.

The worst part? Still not knowing the sex of the baby. It's pretty nerve wracking. Will I be buying bats and balls or tea sets and dolls? Actually, boy or girl, the kid's going to be getting bats and balls, who am I kidding? This is tough.

It's so hard to focus on work right now. Yesterday in fact, I was completely unmotivated, and also a little bitter that my coworker wasn't pulling her weight in my opinion. So I tried a little experiment. I worked at about 75% speed all day...didn't really push anything, took a little extra time doing everything, and as a result, not much got done. Yet around 3:30 I took something into my bosses office and she said "well you've been a busy little beaver today!"

This is what I'm dealing with.

Albany

This is from the Albany newspaper. Man I love this town.


Mysterious objects puzzle couple

By Ellen Ast

Albany Democrat-Herald

LACOMB - Raye Laufer has a vivid recollection of what she and her husband Derral saw in the sky above their Lacomb home last month and wants to know if others saw the same thing.

On Saturday, Sept. 22, the Laufers stepped outside to smoke cigarettes in the forested back yard of their Moran Lane home, nestled in a quiet valley among hills about five miles outside from Lacomb. It was shortly after 9 p.m., a clear night.

The couple fixed their attention on two long, silver, bullet-shaped objects flying side-by-side across the sky. Neither object had lights or made a sound, Raye said, and they soon split up: One headed east, the other toward the northeast.

As Raye scanned the horizon to see where they went, she turned and saw what Derral had just spotted floating above treetops almost directly above their home.

"There was this orb," Raye exclaimed. A large object, glowing red and orange, silent, emitting what she says looked like sparks.

"It was beautiful," she remembers. Derral and Raye watched the object float in the same spot for about a minute, move over until it was directly over their roof, pause, then slowly journey north.

The incident continued to bother her — and pique her imagination.

During the next two weeks, Raye, 50, set out to find others who may have seen the strange objects. She asked county and state law enforcement agencies if anyone called dispatch around the same time as the sighting.

No calls.

She posted a sign on a Lacomb bulletin board outside the town store, asking anyone who witnessed something to call her.

Still no calls.

"I know someone has to have seen it," she said.

She headed to the Internet for research. After she filed a report with the National UFO Reporting Center, a representative from that organization encouraged Raye to contact media.

"I used to joke about aliens," she said. "But there is something out there."

Can it get any worse?

Seeing how Rachel is about 14 months pregnant, I figured that I should probably help with some of the housework last night. Every time I ask Rachel if I can help, she kind of says "umm........sure" with the uncertainty in her voice so obvious it almost hurts my feelings.


It shouldn't hurt my feelings however, because I always screw something up. Always. I wrote about the crock pot incident a few months ago. Last night I trumped that one. How you ask?

I ran over my own foot with the vaccuum cleaner. Wasn't paying attention and just clobbered my own foot with the Hoover. Drew blood in fact. It was pretty awesome.

How am I going to be a father? How am I going to teach my kid anything when I hurt myself doing everything? I'm terrified to even hold my child because I might drop it. Of my current fears, the biggest is injuring my child via my own clumsiness. Yikes. If the vaccuum cleaner runs over the baby, it probably won't just be the foot that's bleeding.

I'm going to leave you with a joke:

Q: What do Andy Lasselle and Britney Spears have in common?

A: They're both allowed to see their kids only under supervision.

I feel ya Brit.

Feeling down

So work is dragging today. Although I was introduced to the food at Senor Sam's today. Great food actually! Before this, I had only been there after the restuarant had closed and the Cantina was crowded and I needed a place to sit. Who knew they served fantastic food? I particularly like the guy who works there who sounds like he's been sucking up helium for 15 minutes. What an odd voice.


We're under 3 weeks until Rachel's due date. I have to admit, I was kind of hoping today would be the day, so we could keep in line with the whole July 7, August 8, September 9 theme that we have going on in our relationship. I guess there's still a chance that we end up having the baby on November 11th, but nobody wants that. Certainly not Rachel, and certainly not anyone who has to deal with her if she goes past her due date.....she's going to be one unhappy possum at that point.

I suppose there's still 8 hours left in the day, so there's a chance for the baby to be born today, but I haven't heard many stories of 8 hour labors for first time mothers. Far more 18 hour stories. Guess this probably eliminates Joel from the baby predictor pool. He picked 10-10 as the due date.

Perhaps it's a good thing our child isn't born today. The 1 song in the country this week is some song by some kid named Soulja Boy Tell'em. What the hell does that even mean? I'd never heard this song before, but I had to look it up. It sucks. How is this the top song in the country? Seriously. What the hell is wrong with kids these days?

I think by typing that last sentence, I officially earned my 'ready to be a father' card.

Yesterday I had this deal with feeling shorter than normal all day. It was very strange. I felt like I was more compact.......like a brick all day. It was a strange feeling that I've never felt before. I guess I just had a short day. Some people have bad hair days, some people have clumsy days. I had a short day. Are there any other types of days out there that I don't know about? And when is lucky day? Or stumble across some money day? Or save a life day? Those would be fun.

September Showers bring October babies?

I don't know who came up with the idea of showers, but my guess is it was someone who was getting married or having a baby. You know this wasn't the idea of a friend of an engaged or pregnant woman. Good freaking lord. I'm starting to feel guilty. Between buying a new house, getting married and having a baby, people have bought us roughly enough stuff to take care of the people of Bangladesh...provided those people enjoyed wearing onesies that said "I love my Mummy." Baby's due around Halloween....get it? Anyways.....


We received so much Classic Pooh baby gear that I believe we've decided to call the nursery the Hundred Acre Wood and change the baby's name from Jonah Courtney to Christopher Robin Lasselle. Rachel is of course Rabbit because she's the worrying kind, and I will continue to be Tigger....the loveable oaf who does nothing all day and has fun doing it. Oh, and if you ask me a question, chances are I won't know the answer but I'll make something up and convince you it's true. Might figure out some way to get you into trouble. Tigger really is an asshole, isn't he? If the show was for older people, I can guarantee that Tigger would be the one that would run up the gambling debts and have to steal Rabbit's carrots to pay off his bookie.

At this time I should point out that I have no gambling debts and I have no plans to steal any of Rachel's carrots.

Thanks again to all who have supported us with home, wedding, or baby gifts over the past 15 months. Be it a shovel, margarita set, pillows, Pepsi vending machine, car seat cushion, stroller, OSU bib n' bootie set, or stuffed animal, we've loved them all and truly look forward to returning the favor when we can!

By the way, if anyone reading this wants to have a baby anytime soon, that'd be great. My kid's going to need a buddy.

Biggest hour of TV ever?

So tonight at 9pm what will you be watching? Three premieres of three of the biggest shows on television! Will it be Grey's Anatomy? Will it be The Office? Will it be CSI? Or will you be watching Lobster Wars on the Discovery Channel? Even the CW is rolling out something called The Reaper, a show about a kid who's parents sell him to the devil. I mean, that's gotta be worth at least a commercial flip over doesn't it? Even with a TiVo or DVR, you can't watch all of this stuff! I think this might be the biggest hour of television ever. Thank God the MLB playoffs haven't started, or you'd have a baseball game to contend with as well. Of course in a few weeks that will be the case, and then we're all screwed.


I know George Clooney's not on the show anymore, but please, please give ER a chance tonight at 10. It's still the best hospital related show on the tube....and yes I know House and Grey's are hospital shows.

For the record.....I'll be watching The Office. And DVRing Grey's.

Me? Prepared?

Last night was our last childbirth preparation class. After six classes of learning about everything from breathing techniques to massages to breastfeeding, we finally finished. Logic would say that at the completion of a preparation class, you would be prepared.


No fricking way.

Everything we learned was helpful, don't get me wrong. Even though most of it is common sense, it's nice to hear it so that when Rachel goes into labor and is screaming and not very cooperative or coherent I can fall back on this stuff. Might help me keep my wits about me a little better.

Last night we discussed techniques for calming a crying baby. We watched this video called "the happiest baby on the block." Basically it's a video by this doctor who is sort of a baby whisperer. He'd take these crying kids and do his patented "5 S's" and the kids would just fall asleep. It was crazy. The first S was Swaddle, which just cracks me up because you essentially wrap your kid up like it's a mental patient. Apparently the babies like this. The next S is to turn them on their side. He'd take this kid that's wrapped up like a burrito and it'd be on its back still bawling, and he'd just pick it up and tilt it on its side and it was like someone hit the mute button. Kid shut up instantly. Amazing. Next S was swing. Really it's more of a shake, but there's a lot of negative connotations with shaking your baby, so swing sounds safer. Basically you turn the baby into a living bobblehead. Judging from the video, babies love this. I'm a little hesitant to try it, but that first night I'm up at 3am and the baby is crying like somebody shot it, I'm sure I'll try anything.

The fourth S was Shhh-ing the baby. This is not gentle shhhhshing. This was basically making hurricane noises in the babies ear. Weirdest thing I've ever seen. He'd take the baby and make the loudest shhhhssssh you've ever heard and the baby would stop crying. I can't imagine doing this in public. People would think you were insane. That is, unless of course they've seen this video. I bet if you did this in public, you'd get about 5 crazy looks and one mother who'd just smile and say "isn't that video a lifesaver?" I don't know if anyone's done a study on hearing loss in these babies later in life, but man it's funny to see. The last one is sucking, which basically means if the baby's crying, stick something in its mouth and it'll shut up. That one's a no-brainer. I found a video on youtube of this guy....he's crazy. Check it out.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luZlph1mxWg

Office Gripes

If you don't enjoy watching "The Office" on NBC, it's probably because you don't work in an office. Things on that show seem so ridiculous, but in actuality, those things happen every damn day. Want examples?


We have a fridge in our kitchen here at work. It has an ice maker. Someone here decided it didn't make ice well enough or didn't make it fast enough, so they bought a separate ice maker. This ice maker works ok, but it doesn't exactly freeze the ice as well as the fridge freezer does. So when you throw the cubes into the freezer, it just all freezes together in one giant clump that nobody can use. So if you want ice, you have to freeze your damn hands trying to break off a chunk, or risk serious injury by stabbing away at the block with an ice pick. Apparently nobody else has an issue with this, because this whole retarded cycle happens on a daily basis. I don't know if people think fridge ice will make them sick or something, but I drink a 32 oz nalgene bottle of tap water with fridge ice every day, and I've missed exactly one day in almost 2 years here due to illness. That occurred before I started drinking water every day.

We also just hired a lady. I'm not sure what her job is. So far all she's done is read accounting books and ask questions. And print emails. Every email she gets. At least twice a day I walk over to the printer to pick something up, and she's printed out an email. Some of the emails I can understand having a hard copy of....stuff that pertains to certain accounts, policy changes, etc. What I don't understand is printing out an email that says "The building will be closed Nov. 12 in Observance of Veteran's Day," or "so and so will be in late. She had a dr's. appointment," or "please join us in welcoming our newest hire, who starts next monday!" Does this make any sense? Is she keeping a file of all correspondence? If so, isn't that what an INBOX is for? I'm so confused.

Still time to make guesses on the baby's gender, height, weight, and D.O.B....we've had about 12 people make guesses so far...don't be left out!

How to be a Beaver

So you want to be a Beaver. Good for you! Here's a few tidbits on how to be a Beaver fan:


Gripe about how we never play anyone tough in the preseason.

Gripe when the Beavs lose bad on the road to tough teams.

Gripe about how the Beavers need to pick a quarterback.

Gripe when they pick one and he does bad.

Bellyache about how Phil Knight supports the Ducks.

Forget that the only reason we still have Pat Casey as a baseball coach is because of Phil Knight.

Gripe about how our coach is "too nice" for football.

Forget that he's never lost a bowl game, whereas the previous coach was 1-2 in bowl games.

Seriously. I hate our fans.

food makes you do crazy things

Our office is like a 24 hour restaurant. If you miss breakfast, don't sweat it, because the odds are like 2 out of 3 that someone has brought in donuts, or muffins, or cake, or chips and salsa, or vegetables from their garden, or brownies, or cookies, or something. It's amazing. The other day we had a farewell party for a lady leaving, and of course they order a cake the size of Rhode Island.


Not a good situation for Andy, because if there's one person on the planet who hates to see perfectly good, freshly baked cake go to waste, well, to quote Snoop Doggy Dogg, "He is I and I am him." So of course I had a piece. And of course it was delicious. No harm no foul right? Wrong.

So now I've had my one piece, and I'm totally set. However, there's about 60 freshly cut pieces of cake looking at me. I can tell they're judging me too. I want another piece, but I know if I eat it, I'll feel like crap. But it's free cake! And it's good cake too. Very moist. I like how there's only two things are acceptable to call moist: cake and that other thing that we won't mention because this is a family blog. But I find that interesting. Anyways, back to the story....

Of course I have to eat another piece. Of course I felt like crap afterwards. Kristi, one of the very very few people at the office I can relate to, also had a second piece, and also felt the crappiness that comes with doubling up on farewell cake. So we made a pact to keep each other away from the office food. Here's where things just got bizarre.

We pinky swore on this.

We're in our mid to late twenties, and we pinky swore over keeping each other away from cake.

It gets worse.

It was my idea.

A married man with a baby on the way pinky swearing. I don't understand me sometimes. I felt ashamed the rest of the day. Really, I had trouble sleeping that night, wondering what possessed me to pinky swear. I'd never pinky sworn in my life....why now? Why over cake? So yesterday I went to work and apologized to Kristi for putting her in the awkward position of having to pinky swear with me. She laughed, but then she said "well how else would you make a pact about cake? It's not a handshake sort of deal." This is true. Kristi also has this strange thing with high fives. She doesn't do them, so that was out. No handshakes, no high fives......signing a contract in blood seemed a little too extreme as well. So we figured we were either down to a fist pound or a pinky swear. Fist bumping is something you do after hitting a homerun, making a particularly dirty (but funny) joke, or celebrate your team scoring a touchdown. A little too manly for "we're not eating cake anymore!"

I guess there are still times when it's ok for a man to pinky swear.

My baby guess

I suppose I'll throw my hat into the ring:


Sex: Female. Little Kylan Ruth Lasselle. I figure by hoping for a boy but expecting a girl, I'm covering all my bases.

Date of Arrival: October 31st. I have a feeling Rachel will wait one day past her due date before deciding she's had enough of this pregnancy thing and taking matters into her own hands.

Length: 18.75 inches

Let the games begin

Time for everyone’s favorite game!


Time for the first ever Lasselle Baby Invitational! Guess the sex, length, weight, and arrival date. The contest will be scored like this:

Winning score will be the score closest to zero. Absolutely correct guesses will be scored as zeroes. On the date, each day that you are off will add a point. Each ounce that you are off on the weight will add a point. An incorrect gender guess will add a point, and each quarter of an inch on the length will add a point. The winner will get a prize that has yet to be determined by Rachel and I. However, I can assure you that the prize will not include inserting your name into our baby's name as names for both sexes have already been decided upon. Therefore, there will be no Joel Fowlks Lasselle being born, ya got that?

Ok, so now I'll give you the rundown on important information that will help you make a more informed decision:

- Rachel's due date is October 30th. That was the official ultrasound projection at 8 weeks. The 20-week ultrasound came up with October 29th.

- We have no clue what the sex of the baby is. Rachel was convinced it was going to be a girl for a while, but has recently conceeded that she thinks it's a boy. While I am hoping for a boy, I too think it will be a girl. This of course has no scientific backing.

- I was 6lbs 13oz at birth. Rachel was 7lbs 3oz. Rachel has also gained less weight than the average expectant mother, but what do you expect from someone who essentially works on a treadmill? The average weight of a newborn is 7lbs 8oz. Average length is between 19 and 21 inches.

-According to things I've read online, the first child tends to be smaller than subsequent children. However, since this is a first child, that really doesn't help you does it?

Feel free to post your guesses on the blog, or if you prefer not to have other people be able to base their guesses off of yours, you can email your guess to me, either through myspace or at Andy_Snacks@hotmail.com

Be still my beating heart

I woke up this morning to Rachel saying "OW!" This was followed by her yelling it a few more times and then squirming around. I'm freaking out, trying to figure out if I need to make her more comfortable, call the doctor, or get the car started. I decide to ask her if she's ok. She says "NO!" So now I'm panicked. Next thing I know she completely relaxes and says "phew, that was the worst leg cramp ever!"


Pregnant women are not allowed to do this, or anything like this. I know that there's only two months to go, but I'm still not ready. Rachel just laughed at me and said "you know this is going to happen for real soon," to which I replied, yeah, but not in frickin' August! My mind is focused on October." Humans have a 40 week gestational period specifically so the fathers have enough time to get mentally prepared for daddy-dom. Not 30 weeks. Sheesh.

What a way to start the morning!

Reason number 4,092 why I hate the University of Oregon

it's no secret that I'm not a big fan of the other major state university in Oregon. It's written into my DNA. Pretty much every relative I have went to OSU. From the city where it's located (they complained when city hall put up a Christmas tree because it was insensitive to other religions) to the crummy green and yellow colors I left West Linn to get away from, there's not much I like about the Ducks. Then I read today's story in the Oregonian about Phil Knight's $100 million donation.


From the article:

"Knight revealed the donation Saturday to about 100 Oregon donors he had invited to the Nike campus near Beaverton, and his guests gasped when they heard the news, Frohnmayer said. Pat Kilkenny, the former Oregon booster who was hired as Oregon's athletic director this year, recalled the moment with awe.

"Not to be sacrilegious, but it was almost spiritual," Kilkenny said."

I have no problem with him giving them money. I'm not one of those Beaver fan who bitches and complains that they have this rich guy that gives them money. We have Al Reser, they have Phil Knight. So their fish is a little (ok a lot) bigger than ours. Nothing they need to be ashamed of. Calling receiving a cash donation "spiritual?" That is just absurd.

I understand that the job of athletic director is to make the athletic program as successful as possible. Opening your mouth and saying garbage like that doesn't help. Absurdities like that are the reason that non-Ducks think that UO Grads have an inflated view of themselves. Their AD was a booster before getting his current post, and he just annointed the Top Duck to Pope-like status. Yet they wonder why we think they have a holier-than-thou attitude.

This comes on the heels of them starting a baseball program, saying it has nothing to do with the two National Championships the Beavers have won recently. Um, really? You're saying that the increased interest the Beavs run has generated in the sport of baseball in this state has nothing to do with the timing of your institution forming a baseball team? Really? Little League in Corvallis drew record numbers of kids this year. That has nothing to do with the Beavs success either. I swear.

Also, U of O is in talks to play a football game against Boise State. That in itself isn't anything to write about. However, where they want to play the game is. Autzen Stadium? Nope. PGE Park? Nope. Boise? Not even close.

Try China.

Yes, the country. Why? Good question. Is there any conceivable reason to play a football game in China? Even if you make a ton of money, all that will do is offset the cost of sending your entire team (along with coaches families, cheerleaders, the marching band, that guy who rides his harley out with the duck on the back and countless other athletic personnel) halfway around the world. I really don't know what this will accomplish for the university other than let them say "we played a game in China. We're important."

It's just another example of Oregon being Oregon....generating as much off the field buzz as possible because their teams can never generate enough of it on the field.

Reelin in the years

Over the past year, my attitude towards my 10 year high school reunion has covered the full spectrum of emotions. At first I was super excited for this event. 10 years! Getting to see people again, relive the old days, show off my new wife, etc. Then I realized I'd gained 50 pounds since high school, and I wasn't so enthused anymore. No problem, I had a whole year to work off the weight. Well, that never happened. Then I started thinking, you know, I haven't seen or talked to any of these people in 10 years anyways, why would I want to see them now? Now I was really not that interested in going. So what happened next?




I agreed to help organize the reunion. Why? Because when it comes down to it, I like the idea of identifying with a group of people. We all shared this same experience, we should acknowledge that. We were the first graduating class ever from Wilsonville High School, doesn't that count for something in this world? Don't we have an obligation to set the standard for future reunions of future classes?



The answer to this is of course "Andy, you're thinking way too highly of yourself and your mind is so warped that you actually believe someone other than you cares at all about you being the inaugural class."

Nonetheless, I still thought it'd be pretty dumb if we didn't have a reunion.

Planning this reunion, we faced many challenges, the biggest of which is that we had no money to start with. Another hurdle was generating excitement in the event itself. Being that we were the first graduating class, we ended up having a whole mish-mash of people who basically only went to school together for a couple of years. It wasn't like we were going home to see the people we grew up with and went to school with for 12 years.

However, the reunion turned out be quite fun, at least for me. Judging from what I saw, most people seemed to have a generally good time. There were a few people it took me a while to recognize, but pretty much everyone looked the same. We talked about old teachers, what we'd been up to, the typical reunion talk. Whenever the conversation started waning, someone would inevitably say "can you believe it's been 10 years?" to which we'd all predictably reply "nope." And, of course, there was the one guy who drank a little too much and got a little too loose lipped. My favorite quote of his was "I tried out for the Navy SEALs, but apparently they don't take felons." I repeated this, making sure I heard him right, and he replied "I don't want to get into it."

Good enough for me.

Actin fabulous

So my supervisor's husband thinks I'm gay.


I used to do this thing at work where Fridays were "musical Fridays" and I'd listen to songs from musicals. I realize that musicals aren't the most masculine things in the world, but some of those songs are pretty catchy. Anyways, my supervisor told her husband, and he now thinks I'm gay. When she told him I was married and had a kid on the way, his response was "that doesn't mean anything. It could be a cover." Yeah, because a guy who listens to "Annie Get Your Gun" is really trying to hide something. My supervisor kept saying there was some other reason that he thought I was gay, but couldn't remember what it was. I was like "It's probably because I'm a David Beckham fan," to which she replies "No, that's not it, but that's definitely another thing to add to the list."

Do I give off a gay vibe? This has happened to me in the past. When I worked in Colorado, I know the bike patrol guys had a bet going on pertaining to my sexuality. I think that was because I mostly hung out with the girls we worked with, but wasn't getting any action. That doesn't make me gay though. Just cause the girls didn't like me doesn't mean I didn't like them.

I don't really have a problem with people thinking I'm gay. They're going to think what they want regardless, and nothing I do is going to change that. It's kind of amusing to think that because I have female friends I haven't boned, watch soccer, like the Spice Girls and saw Brokeback Mountain in the theaters, I must also make out with men in my spare time. You know, when my wife isn't around.

So this morning I spent some time looking for quizzes to tell me how gay I am. Most of them weren't very helpful, asking questions like "when you fantasize about sex, do you think of: A)Women B)Men C)Sheep D) All of the above." The results I got ranged from "Relax chief, you're 100% straight" to "You're 30% gay, but girls like a sensitive man" to my personal favorite "You are 100% Gay. Straight people don't question their sexuality and certainly don't take quizzes online." That one made me laugh.

Anyways, I'm off to work. Maybe I'll whistle at the construction workers on Highway 20 as I drive by. Or not.

I hope baseball is still around when my kid is old enough to play

So right now I'm watching the Little League Softball World Series live from Alpenrose Dairy. Three of the infielders for the East team are wearing protective masks in the field! Essentially these things are like the masks umpires wear behind the plate. I tried to find a picture of it online, but I was unsuccessful. The announcers commented on them, saying that parents demanded that they wear them following the tragedies this summer. Apparently one girl died in routine infield drills in Michigan, and there was a minor league first base coach that was killed when a line drive hit him.


I agree that these things are tragic, but they are almost assuredly "freak" accidents. Furthermore, the first base coach was hit in the neck behind his ear. No facemask is going to prevent that. The point is, you can't change the gear everytime someone gets hurt in an accident. If a kid trips in the outfield and breaks his neck running into the wall, are we all of a sudden going to get rid of fences and just make a line on the ground that if the ball goes over it's a homerun? Are we going to make walls out of foam? Furthermore, facemasks and the like restrict your vision, making it more likely you'll get hit in the face. Sure it's padded, but I'll bet it still hurts pretty bad. I'd rather have the split second extra time to get out of the way than get beaned in the mask a couple dozen times. That'd make me quit playing sports a lot quicker than one bad hop knocking off my dome. Are we going to outlaw baseball all together? I think we're heading in that direction.

Maybe I will understand the need to protect children to an absurd degree once I become a father. Maybe I will hold my kid out of football practice because it's too dangerous. Maybe I will instruct my kid under no circumstances to slide into second base because he could break his ankle. Maybe I won't let him play basketball because the wood floor is hard when you land on it and he could get a hip pointer. The overreaction from tragic events always amazes me, and it concerns me because my child probably won't have the same options I did as a kid.

Does this concern anyone else, or am I way off base?

There's times when I think Walmart is the worst thing ever. Then there's times when you find a fantastic deal and think "Walmart is the best thing ever!" This weekend I experienced both at the same time.


Rachel and I were in the market for a new grill. We've been using a Coleman "Road-Trip" portable grill for the past 4 years as our main BBQ machine. It worked great when we lived in an apartment and didn't have a lot of space, but now that we have a house with a backyard, we felt it was time for an upgrade to a stainless steel behemoth that cook a entire cow at once. That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

After browsing through a few stores up in Salem, we came to Wal-Mart. They had a grill that looked great, had a side burner, and 50 inches of cooking surface. I think they do grill size the same way they do TV sizes, so that gives you an idea of what we're dealing with here. Best part? It's only $200! Had I been by myself I would've bought it on the spot and headed home to set it up. However, I was with Rachel, and she's nothing if she's not a patient shopper. So we file the grill under "potential purchase" and decided to get some lunch and see a movie while we think about if we want to buy it or not. When we decided that this was the grill we wanted, we headed to the other Wal-Mart in Salem (more on our way home) to make our grilling purchase. While there, we also bought a propane tank, a grill cleaning tool and an OSU grill cover. Total price: $250! I'm think we're getting away with robbery here.

Then we get home and find out that the grill is dented to hell. Looks like an elephant sat right on it. So we load it back in the box and head to Lebanon (closest Walmart to our house) to return it. There we are told that we can't return the grill because we didn't purchase it there. Upon asking for a second opinion on the matter at customer service, we're told that it won't be a problem. Good to see everyone's on the same page. So we think we're fine, until we encounter an unforseen problem. Lebanon Walmart doesn't have the same grill. So it's back on up to Salem.

This time we pull up to unload the grill and this total stoner dude is working. He says he's going to get a cart, and I think he means one of those flatbed carts that they use at Costco all the time. Oh no. This guy comes back with something that looks like one of those crates you got your milk carton from in the cafeteria on wheels. I swear this thing was like 1/4th the size of the grill. He pulls it up behind my car and proceeds to help me lift the grill out of the back of the car. However, he forgot that things on wheels roll on hills, and our milk-crate goes rolling away. I track it down, and the guy has to call the Wal-Mart greeter over to help us. Larry was his name. Larry's one of those over-helpful fellas that loves his job because he can talk to people, but hates his job because he feels he should be fighting the Nazi's in a foxhole or something. I liked Larry actually.

Anyways, Stoner asks Larry to hold the cart. But Larry being Larry, he doesn't want to hold the cart. No.....Larry wants to lift the grill out of the back of the car. This is the most action Larry's seen since Vietnam, and he's not about to let it pass him by. So I end up holding the milk-crate. Larry's ambition was quite a bit larger than his logic however, and he tries to hold the box by the top as they lift it out of the car. The box rips, and the grill slams about 3 feet to the ground. Stoner is delighted at this, and starts doing the stoner giggle. Larry is pissed at himself. I'm pissed that this is taking so long. That's when I realize Rachel went to customer service like 10 minutes ago to get an exchange receipt and still isn't back. No clue what happened to her. We'll get back to that later.

So we finally wheel the grill back in on the little milkwagon and I head over to pick out a new, undented grill. Stoner McBurnout is right behind me with the milkwagon. Once I find a grill I look at him, and he's got this puzzled look on his face. "Dude, I don't think we have any more carts." He's seriously perplexed by this situation. I calmly say "Well, how about we take the faulty grill off the cart we have right here, and put the new one on it, and then we can put the old one back on the cart when we're finished?" He says "Oh, I guess that'll work. Either that, or we can put the grill on top of a regular shopping cart. Would that work for you?" Seriously. I was amazed. So I say "At this point, I'll use whatever will get this grill into the back of that car without denting it." So he goes and gets a shopping cart. We balance the grill on top of the cart, and he says "you think it'll stay all the way to the car?" I say "It better." He says "I'm going to let you do this then." The guy did not have the confidence in himself to wheel a shopping cart 100 ft to a car without causing damage to anything, be it cart, human, car or grill. So I wheel this out to my car. When I get out there, Stoner is nowhere to be found. Larry notices this and sees a chance at redemption. So Larry and I get the grill in the back of the car and everything's kosher. Larry feels competent again and I have an undamaged grill.

But where's my wife?

She's still at Customer Service, waiting for the girl to get off the phone. Apparently they don't handle many returned grills, because the entire Walmart organization seemed confused by the situation. Customer Service Girl is trying to tell Rachel that she needs to bring the grill to customer service so they can verify that it is faulty. Rachel says "why don't you just call down to the Garden Center and confirm that we returned a faulty grill?" What a novel idea? After a few more non-problems that had to be sorted out, we finally got out of there.

I love Walmart, but I hate Walmart.

ask, and you shall receive

So of course, after saying that today was kind of strange, I get my neighbor's mail in my mailbox. But wait, there's more.....


On the way home I pass a guy in his mid-20s sitting next to his mangled bike, being attended to by two firefighters. Right next to them, a cop is interviewing two high school girls, who seem to be trying to explain the the cop what happened, as they lean against the dented hood of their Jetta. I'm not sure that this accident required the response of two cop cars and a fire truck, given that the dazed biker seemed to be fine other than the fact his elbow was cut up and he had an ice-pack on his head, but then again you never can be too careful. My favorite part was the hand motions the girls were using to explain how the biker was riding erratically and "came out of nowhere." It was pretty awesome, and I was upset when the light turned green and I had to leave.

Do you know where your elderly person is?

Ever have those days where nothing happens normally? That's today. It started with my drive to work. Passing HP, I see a guy in his mid-30's who could probably have his picture in the dictionary next to the term "poindexter." Sprinting down Highway 20 as if he's late for work. Hilarious. I have no clue where he walked from, if his car broke down or what, but he was hauling ass. Good stuff.


As if that wasn't amusing enough, I get into downtown Corvallis, and I literally had to stop at every crosswalk to let an elderly person cross the street. All the way down 2nd. Three different times. It was like the assisted living place had a jailbreak or something.

Anyways, I hope that's a sign of more fun stuff to come. I'll keep you posted.......

Shoot me now

I'm dying at work, but I can't leave. Nothing to do, but I have to be here in case the phone rings. It's rang three times all week. Yay. So here's some quick ramblings


*First off, Happy Birthday to my brother Grant. He's now 25. Hard to believe, since it seems like just yesterday he was working summers for dad in the hay fields and spending his evenings hanging with friends and playing guitar hero. Oh wait, that was yesterday. All kidding aside though, he's been a pretty good brother over the past 10 years, which is surprising considering the rocky first 15.

*Tried out a couple new restaurants in the area in the past few days. The Tokyo Steak House and Sushi Bar has a great atmosphere and the food was pretty decent, but it just took forever to get our food......45 minute wait after ordering. They were fairly busy, so I may give it another shot....plus any place where they cook the food on a hibachi right in front of you is fun....especially when they turn onions into flaming volcanoes and juggle eggs with their spatulas.

The Harrison Bar and Grill on the other hand has no atmosphere. It's a former mexican restaurant that now serves burgers and chinese food. Go figure. My burger today was really good, however again it took almost 45 minutes to get our food, despite the fact that the restaurant wasn't even close to half full. Other people at our table weren't as impressed with their meals....Kristi had a bone in her chicken strips, Marianne's burger was cold in the middle, and Sarah had an uncooked french fry in her turkey sandwich. Go figure. I don't think I'll be eating there again.

*I've read a few books by author Christopher Moore in the past months, and I must say he's a very interesting read. I'd recommend both of the books: Fluke, about a whale biologist who is swallowed by a whale, and Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, which is a humorous take on Jesus' childhood. It's very funny to think of Jesus wondering what sex is like as a kid, and him coming to terms with being the Messiah. I should note that if you're religious and don't like to think of Jesus as anything less than the most perfect person ever to walk the earth, I wouldn't read it. You'll just get angry.

*I am the world's worst handyman. I found this out last night when I tried to install some shelves in the walls of the nursery. I succeeded in drilling two holes into the wall, breaking an anchor and stripping a screw before getting the first shelf support in the wall.....crooked. I'm sure I could've made it work, but the last thing you want in a baby's room is wobbly shelving. When it comes time to teach my kid life skills like handywork, how to change a tire, haggling over the price of a car, having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, etc, all I'm going to be able to do is teach them how to write blogs and drink a pepsi in under 10 seconds. If that doesn't scream "future president" I don't know what does.

*I'm off to Seattle for the Mariners-Red Sox game tomorrow.....enjoy your weekend!

I'm on the Juice!

So yesterday morning my eyes were kind of bothering me, so I figured I'd make an appointment. Lucky me, they had a spot open at noon! In I go, only to find out that my eyes were bothering me because I have an inflammed eyelid. Basically the inside of my lid is bumpy, and it keeps knocking my contact lens off kilter. The remedy? Steroids!


I wonder if this means I can compete in the Tour de France next year..........

Infuriating

In light of what happened to me on my lunch break, I decided to list a top-10 list of minor things that should probably just be shrugged off, but get me so mad that I can't focus on anything other than the boiling rage in my heart. Anyways, here we go.


10. People who don't use a turn signal - If there's any car within a reasonable distance that maybe, just possibly, would benefit from the knowledge that you're turning, use your turn signal. It's people like this that cause problems at unprotected left-hand turns and other driving situations that shouldn't be situations at all.

9. When someone tells you they have to leave early from work because "there's no time" to get stuff done. Case in point: A coworker told me yesterday that she wanted to leave early so she could mow her lawn. Since she works and lives in the same area I do, I can say for a fact that work ends at 5 and the sun sets at 9. You need more time than that to mow your lawn? She does get bonus points for actually mowing her lawn though. There was some doubt in my mind that this would actually happen.

8. Getting something to eat at a drive-thru and finding out they fucked up your order when you get home. By that time, you're usually ready to be done driving, and it's easier to just scrape the pickles and ketchup off your bun than go back to the store and demand a new burger. The whole concept of the drive-thru is speed, so stopping to make sure your order is correct is not a good idea. Once the person behind you sees the bag go out the window and into your car, they put their car back in drive and start creeping forward so they can have food handed to them. If you pause, you're either going to get rear-ended or anger the person behind you and everyone behind them. It's a no-win situation. Of course this could all be avoided if the people inside would just take 2 seconds to realize that the ticket says "- pickles/- ketchup" on it."

7. When sports announcers get someone's name wrong and/or give erroneous information. If I know it, you should know it. You're getting paid to know these things. Especially football commentators. You do one game a week. That means you have at least 6 days to study the rosters and come up with interesting (and accurate!) factoids to entertain your viewers. I can tell you right now that I don't know who Kentucky's starting left tackle is, but if you gave me six days, I could probably tell you his name, height, weight, and what his most embarrasing moment was in high school.

6. Anytime the subject of same-sex marriage comes up. I've bitched about this before, so I'll let it be. But it angers me.

5. That video stores have movies "guaranteed" to be in stock. First off, they simply can't guarantee that, unless they buy so many movies that they actually lose money on the deal. Secondly, their solution when their "guranatee" is proven to not be a guarantee is to give you another movie free. How does this solve your problem? "I know we guaranteed your 1 choice would be here, but as a token of our apology, please see your 2 choice on us. Unless of course your 2 is guaranteed to be in stock as well, which means it's probably all checked out."

4. Bums with signs that say why they're homeless. I'd say that 99% of homeless people have probably had a tremendous stroke of bad luck at some point in their lives. You don't need to explain this to us. The tragedy is not why you're on an off-ramp begging for money, it's the fact that you're there at all. I'm actually less likely to give you money if your sign says "wife killed, need money for funeral" because my first thought isn't "Oh that poor man," it's "This guy is lying about someone dying to buy porn. What an asshole."

3. People who don't know when to use except and accept. I don't care that I can figure out what you meant, it just infuriates me that the school system failed you to the point that you can't even speak/write our own language properly. This goes for any words that sound similar (to/too/two, your/you're effect/affect etc.) It's not that hard to get it write people! (And yes that was intentional.)

2. Complaining about your work load and asking others for help when you spend most of your day either on break, talking to someone, or updating your myspace page. Yes, I realize that I am myspacing at work as I write this, but I'm also not asking someone to do my work for me. I got it done already, so I have time to do this. As for those people who say "yeah, but your job is easier than mine" keep in mind that I'm probably getting paid less than you. I'm not ashamed to admit that my job could be done by a middle schooler. What I am ashamed of is the fact that I'm 27 and this as far as I've made it in life this far. But I'm back in school trying to correct this problem.

1. This is the reason I started this blog. I went to return a library book today. I pulled into the parking lot to place my book in the drop bin.....only the drop bin is locked. Apparently the drop bin is locked during business hours. So I had to park. I park, get out, go inside and return my book, only to come out and see that I have a parking ticket. $10 for two minutes. That's roughly $300/hr that I just paid for parking. First off, why on God's green earth would the city feel the need to charge people to park in the library parking lot? This is a place that people bring their kids during the summers to learn how to read, and we're charging people? It's free to check out a book, but you have to pay to park your car outside the building? Secondly, what kind of ninja meter maid was this? She was not in the parking lot when I went into the library, and she damn sure wasn't in it when I came out. This was a drive-by ticketing plain and simple. I'm pretty sure that the guys from the Italian Job would've had a tough time pulling off this Meter Maid's uncanny timing. I don't think I can describe how bitter this made me. The really infuriating thing is that I can argue the ticket, but to what end? I'm not taking time off work to go to court on a $10 parking ticket. I can send in a letter of protest, but you have to pay first and then they mail you back a "refund" if they deem your letter worthy of such a reduction. My guess is that my ticket gets reduced $5 at most. That's still $5 more than it should've cost me to park at the PUBLIC LIBRARY in the first place.

Ok I'm done now.

The case for Barry Bonds

I don't normally link to things on the internet, but I really enjoyed this column by Eric Adelson at ESPN.com


I want Barry Bonds to break the home run record.

I want Bonds to break the record because Jason Giambi gets paid $120 million to be a home run hitter, won Comeback Player of the Year after apologizing for something or other, said steroids didn't really help him, promised to discuss the topic in full "one day," and yet receives nothing at all like the venom flung at Bonds.

I want Bonds to break the record because Kenny Rogers had a strange substance on his hand during the World Series, and he was not disciplined, nor was he even chastised. Rogers allegedly did something to gain an advantage, even though it was illegal, and in his case, well, that's baseball.

I want Bonds to break the record because as a member of the media, if I want to ask him a question, I know where to find him. He will probably not answer my question, but at least I can ask. Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and Jason Grimsley aren't exactly making themselves available to the media these days. Barry Bonds comes out every day and goes to the ballpark, where millions can see him. When the world thinks of steroids, they think of "Barroid," even though he is only one of many suspected of using them.

I want Bonds to break the record because he came closer to telling the truth than Palmeiro or McGwire or Sammy Sosa. He does not smile for the cameras now, only to cower later. With Bonds, what you see is pretty much what you get.

I want Bonds to break the record because he plays every game he can. He travels with the team. He does not retire and unretire every season.

I want Bonds to break the record because he is not the first star baseball player to show poor character, but he might be the first star baseball player to show poor character without a world of apologists who look the other way.

I want Bonds to break the record because baseball made a mistake, and now all the punishment is landing on one person. It is easier to blame one person than to consider that perhaps a majority of players have broken the rules. Then whose fault is it?

I want Bonds to break the record because even though Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron never faced a split-finger fastball or a pitcher on steroids, no one believes they deserve asterisks by their names.

I want Bonds to break the record because I am tired of baseball's constant celebration of its past, when its past is tinged with bigotry and racism. What would the record book look like if blacks were allowed to play when Jack Johnson won the heavyweight title or when Jesse Owens won an Olympic gold medal?

I want Bonds to break the record because when someone threw a phony syringe at him, he calmly picked it up and removed it from the field.

I want Bonds to break the record because the spite of millions rain down on him not because he is an alleged cheater -- so many are alleged cheaters -- but because he is the most powerful alleged cheater ever to play a game soiled by alleged cheaters.

I want Bonds to break the record because if he wasn't so good, maybe baseball would never deal with its steroids problem.

I want Bonds to break the record so that kids will ask their parents, "If the commissioner is reluctant to come to the park for the celebration, why is he also reluctant to insist on testing for HGH?"

I want Barry Bonds to break the record because I believe baseball sold its soul to the home run devil, and it deserves to crown a home run villain with its most precious mark.

Eric Adelson is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine

Meet the Democrats

I decided to try and educate myself about the upcoming presidential election by watching the YouTube debates. That's when I realized that we don't even vote for a president for another 16 freakin' months! Is this this a bit overkill? Are we that excited to get Bush out of there?


On second thought, don't answer that.

A couple of my thoughts about last night's debate.

*I loved how Dennis Kucinich kept trying to get people to text him. That cracked me up. If you are for ending the war, text PEACE to 73732 or whatever his number was. I'm not sure that a large number of text messages is going to end the war, but it was a fun little thing he kept doing. Every time he got excited about a question, he'd start reaching for his cell phone. One time he even raised his hand, as if Anderson Cooper was going to call on him. Sorry Dennis, this isn't first grade. That's not how it works.

*I'd never heard of Mike Gravel before last night, but I'm telling you right now, we need more Gravel. The guy is like a cross between your grandfather and Macho Man Randy Savage. He was mad about everything. He was pissed that Obama and Clinton and Edwards got most of the questions (maybe because many people didn't even know you were running?) One of the questions for him was asking him to defend his statement that soldiers in Vietnam died in vain. He looked right into the camera and pointed his finger right into the living rooms of america and said 'You can go to Hanoi right now and get a Baskin Robbins ice cream cone! Those soldiers died in vain!" I have no clue what this meant. I'm sure some political science major (Joel?) could explain this to me, but I didn't get it. By far my favorite personality of the night. I don't think I'd ever vote for him in a million years, but he needs a reality show.

*Though the race seems to be a three horse race between Clinton, Edwards, and Obama, my favorite candidate of the night was Joe Biden. I didn't know anything about him going into the debate (I'm not sure I'd even heard his name) but I agreed with damn near everything that guy said. He didn't dance around questions. He was shockingly direct and honest, stating that his kids went to private school only because his wife and daughter were killed. I really liked this guy. It's unfortunate that there's already so much buzz around the other three (Clinton and Obama especially) that he has essentially no chance of winning the Democratic nomination. If I were voting right now, he's who my vote would go for.

*I went in with a very anti-Hilary mindset, but I was impressed with her. When she says that she's the most prepared to hit the ground running of all the candidates, she's not kidding. Rachel and I kept remarking how organized she was and how you half expected her with every answer to say "If you'll turn to page 37 in the blue section of your binder....." She's an extremely strong personality and you can tell she means business. My biggest beef with Hilary is that she never misses a chance to belittle the republicans and I fear that if she took power, all republicans would drag their feet just to get her pissed, and then she'd focus all her attention on crushing those who oppose her. Either that or she'd put the fear of God into everyone during her first week and we'd have the most efficient government of all time. It really could go either way.

*The sooner same-sex marriages are legalized, the better off everyone will be. I'm still pissed that we have to devote entire sections of debates to something that should be a non-issue. We've got people at war, immigration is seriously messed up, social security is running out....and we're spending our time trying to figure out who can get married and who can't. Seriously.

I can't wait for the Republican debate now. I can only hope there's a few Gravel's and Kucinich's out there

Weekend

George Burns had it exactly right when he said "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city." I thought we were about to have a brawl at the dinner table over steriod use in baseball this weekend at my grandpa's 95th birthday party. Between that and my aunt's adamant demand that we take a picture before every family meal, it's enough to make me just shake my head and wish I drank a little bit. No joke, I was a little stressed out. But that's why you love your family. I'm sure I stress them out and make them shake their heads in amazement just as often, if not more. And no matter how many times it happens, I always know that they have my back and I have somewhere to go if I ever need anything. So here's to families!


Coworkers, on the other hand, are a much different story. Here's what I wrote in a survey this morning around 7:15:

21. Today I...

will not have my boss at work, which means I can guarantee my coworker will probably come in at least 15 minutes late, then talk the receptionist for half an hour, then sit at her desk, read her email, check her match.com page, maybe call her daughter, work for a few minutes, but then of course it will time for her break, so she'll squeeze 30 minutes out of a 15 minute break, then probably repeat the process of the first two hours until, of course, it's lunch time.

Now that it's lunch time, I thought I should update people on what actually happened. She came in 20 mintues late, then read her email, made a few phone calls, then talked to the receptionist, then was at her desk for about 25 minutes doing something other than work, then she had her half hour talk with the receptionist, then took her break, then chatted with the US Mail delivery girl for a while, then went to lunch. Oh, but I forgot to mention that on Friday she told me she was taking lunch at 1 because she had to pick something up. According to her, she was late because she went to pick up whatever it was this morning so she didn't have to do it on her lunch break. Do you think she's taking 20 minutes off her lunch? Nope, because if she was, she'd be back by now. Do you think she'll stay 20 minutes late? Me neither.

Do you think I could do both our jobs? Probably.

For my grandparents

Today is my grandpa's 95th birthday. Think about that. He was born the same year the Titanic sank. He's lived through the great depression and parts of both world wars. He was alive before TV, before commercial air travel, and before women were given the right to vote. He's lived through 15 different presidents. When he was born, there were 38 stars on the flag for pete's sake!


I love all my grandparents. I actually went to see my other grandparents today becuase they needed a lightbulb changed. They gave me $200 for doing it! Ok, that's not entirely true, it was an anniversary present, but still. They didn't really need to do that, but I would've insulted them if I had tried to give it back. Another reason to love grandparents. Even when you have a wife, a good job, and a house, they still feel the need to give you money.

They also fed me. I showed up, and they have an entire tray of sandwich ready for me....in three different types of meat! My grandma's the kind of lady that won't let you leave until all the food is gone either. If you say "no thanks, I've had enough," she'll fill your glass up anyways. I had three sandwiches, a whole tray of chips, two applesauce popscicles (a family delicacy) and two glasses of milk. Then she brought out the oreos. I finally was able to use the "I have to get back to work" excuse to get myself out of there, or else I'd probably still be at the table with my belt undone and the crust of the third loaf of bread in my mouth.

So hug a grandparent today! They're awesome, and you wouldn't be here without them!

Is someone trying to tell me something?

So first I don't get into the accounting program at OSU (for this year at least)


Today I was told I was no longer being considered for the Account Technician job I applied for here at the Foundation.

Maybe I picked the wrong path? Who knows.

I did appreciate the fact that I was told that "the fact I already work here and no the people and procedures is a huge plus" right before being told I was no longer being considered. If I had this huge plus, how shitty were the drawbacks? They're looking for someone with an accounting degree, which of course I do not have, but I was told to kind of use the lady who vacated the job as a model.....a lady I might add who did not have an accounting degree!

All of this leads me to one conclusion: They never wanted to hire me in the first place, but figured they better at least throw me a bone since they have to see me every day. I can appreciate that on some level, but the fact that I'm no longer being considered despite the fact that there's nobody lined up for the job as of yet does sting a little. Not gonna lie about that.

There's a light at the end of this accounting tunnel, I know it. I just might be 45 by the time I get there.

Finally, some clarity!

I met with a guy from the accounting department at OSU today. Here's a brief synopsis of our conversation:


"You seem confused about our decision Andy."

"Well, I wasn't confused about the fact that you denied me, I was more confused about why."

"Well, they just changed the requirements, so your advisor was right. You don't need to take those classes because you were grandfathered in."

"Ok....so what was the problem?"

"You suck as a student."

"Ah. Gotcha. I figured that would come up at some point."

"Basically if you take one of those classes that are pre req's now per term for the next year and get A's and B's, you'll be in no problem. We just want to make sure you still aren't a retard about your classes."

"Makes sense to me....thanks for clearing that up."

"No problem."

Obviously he didn't call me a retard, but I knew what he was thinking.

We finally joined the 21st century and got wireless internet at our house. We figured it'd be easier for Rachel in the third trimester of her pregancy if she could access the internet from bed. Also, with a little Lasselle on the way, it'll be nice to have something to do while watching the little tot watch some unwatchable thing like the Teletubbies. The computer desk was also moved into our bedroom so that our guest room wasn't so crowded. In order to get the router set up, we needed to drill a hole in the floor and run a cable through the crawl space under the house. After some deliberation, Rachel decided it would be easier for her to maneuver in the crawl space than me. She's still half as big as me, despite the pregnancy. This was a big step for her, because she's scared of literally everything that could conceivably be living in an area underneath your house. So she put on shoes, socks, long pants (which were tucked into the socks of course), a long sleeved shirt, goggles (not work goggles, but swim goggles) and a stocking hat in an attempt to ward off the creepy crawlers. It was a pretty funny sight. Turns out it was relatively clean down there, and the job was pretty easy. I drilled the hole from the top, and she fed the cable through.

And that's how I spent my Saturday night.

As an aside, if anyone who hasn't seen Transformers yet needs someone to go with them, I'm your man. Fantastic movie. Can't say enough about it.

T-Frickin-GIF

Coming back for a full work week after being on vacation for 10 days is tough. This has been one long week. Maybe that explains the dream I had the other night:


I lived in this little prairie town in the 1850's, and somehow we got into an argument with a neighboring town. So everyone in our town started marching towards the other town. They did the same. We met them on this dusty mountain road about half-way. All of a sudden a referee comes out and says "How many are you?" to our side. We respond "300 strong!" He asks they other side. "Nearly 1,000!" they say. The referee looks back at us and says "good luck!"

The rules of the battle were ridiculous. Everyone got one shot, and we took turns. So basically in order for this to be a draw, we'd have to kill roughly 3 people with every shot, while hoping they missed a few times. Then maybe one person would survive this ridiculous battle. Anyways, we won the toss and got to shoot first. So this little old lady with a bonnet on pulls out her rifle, walks about 10 feet away from the other townspeople, and fires. Only her gun jams. "Too bad," says the ref. "Ok, your turn!" So this guy walks up and guns down the old lady. it's now 1,000 vs. 299. We take another shot, and again the gun jams. Again, another of our people bites the dust. 1,000 vs. 298. I don't know how long this went on, but every time our side took a shot, something went wrong and we just kept on dying. Then I saw this pregnant lady on our side, and I just started crying uncontrollably. "We're all gonna die!" I scream and just collapse on the side of the road, waiting for my turn to get shot. Then I woke up.

Not my favorite dream of all time.

In other, less morbid news, Rachel has suspended me from mail duties until further notice. After leaving my mailbox key in the mailbox and having it returned by some nice man for the 4th time this year, she finally decided I am unfit to retrieve the mail from our box. Basically a 4 year old could get our mail, but I can't. And yet she married me. I must be doing something right but trust me, I don't know what it is.

Work...who needs it?

Remind me why I work again?


Today consisted of these things:

~I was informed that I'd be getting a bonus. The bonus comes out to roughly $300 after taxes. Yippee.

~I was informed that I am eligible for a raise, if the compensation committee approves it. The compensation committee does not deal with me on a regular basis. If I am approved for a raise, the MAXIMUM I can get is roughly $600 for the year. That's BEFORE taxes. Double Yippee.

~ Apparently hardly anything got done while I was gone. While part of this can be attributed to a switch in computer systems, I believe a large part is directly attributed to the work habits of one specific co-worker of mine. Despite the lack of work completed, she's thinking of taking a day off this week to "recharge after the rough week." Also today we had a power outage that lasted roughly 45 minutes. About 25 minutes after the power came back on, this particular coworker decided that she was still entitled to her 15 minute break, despite the fact that we sat around doing nothing while the power was out. This 15 minute break came roughly 30 minutes prior to a going away celebration for our coworker. Between lunch, the power outage, the break, and the celebration, I'd say that she worked approximately 25 minutes in the last 5 hours of the work day today. Impressive. Oh, and we're still backed up.

~I was also informed that I did not get accepted the accounting program at OSU. The reason? I have not completed the 4 prerequisite classes that NOBODY IN THE PAST 6 MONTHS THAT I HAVE TRIED TO GET ANSWERS ON WHAT I NEEDED TO DO TO GET ACCEPTED TOLD ME ABOUT! So now I have 4 more classes that I have to take, and if I get a B average in them, I will be pre-approved for the '08 year. But wait, there's more! One of the classes is only offered fall term, and it's already full. Furthermore, I'm not even eligible to register for it because I'm not in the accounting program. The accounting program that I can't get into because I haven't taken this class. I'm really impressed with the whole process really.

Back in Oregon

After being in the car for roughly 55 hours over the past 10 days, it feels really good to do something else.....like stand up.


Our trip to Colorado was a great time. We visited two National Parks (Grand Teton and Rocky Mountain) and saw some great wildlife. Buffalo, bighorn sheep, moose, a fox or two, and an entire herd of elk, which was amazing. Sadly, I was unable to get any great pictures of any of these animals, just some blurry shots that may or may not be actual animals.

I got to see some people I haven't seen for almost six years, which was also fantastic. It was great to see Kindra again and it was like we had seen each other just yesterday. She started right in on my eating habits and my addiction to Pepsi. Rachel just nodded approvingly. For a second there it was like I had two wives. But it's nice to know that people are concerned about me.

No real strange things happened on vacation, which I guess you could say is a good thing, although it'd be nice to share stories with you.

The best story I guess would be about the little kid who was staying in the same condos as us. I was playing catch with Rachel's 10 year old cousin Brett and this kid comes running out to play with us. The kid just didn't know how to catch the ball, which was kind of sad. His glove was always turned the wrong way and he just looked like nobody had ever worked with him on it. But the kid thought he was great, kept saying how quick his reflexes were and all this junk. That made me not want to help him out at all. Brett threw him the ball, and the ball clanked off his glove and hit him square in the face. Looked like it hurt pretty bad, so I said "hey man, you ok?" and he replies "Yeah, I take shots like that all the time."

Well, ok then. Keep it up kiddo!

Stop! Hammertime!

So tomorrow I start my 10 day summer vacation. Sure doesn't stack up against the 3 month vacations we used to get when we were kids, but I'll take what I can get these days. Rachel and I are off on a road trip to Fraser, Colorado. Fraser is a tiny little mountain town with not much around it. We're meeting other members of her family there for a relaxing week of doing not much. Should be great. Plus, I used to work at a ski resort not that far from there, so I plan on seeing some people I used to work with.


In other news, congrats to the OSU baseball team for winning another national championship. It's hard to wrap your head around what the team just did....but with the way the ended the regular season and eked their way into the tournament, it's the equivalent of what George Mason did a few years ago in getting to the Final Four. Only we won. Two years in a row. The team is fun to watch, for the most part they stay out of trouble (Mike Lissman is getting a bad rap in my opinion.....he was just following his mother's lead. He was wrong, and he was punished by the legal system. He didn't need to be suspended, especially for a first offense.) and they're mostly local kids. Plus, they've made baseball relevant in Oregon. I heard that little league participation in Oregon is at an all time high. That's great, because so many kids were abandoning baseball for individual sports like skateboarding. Baseball is a fantastic game, and I'm so happy that more people are discovering a love and appreciation for it.

One thing I've discovered over the past few days is that women love Darwin Barney and Mitch Canham. I'm pretty sure they will have no problem getting endorsement deals if they make the big leagues. The women at work were swooning over the two of them for the past few weeks. Rachel also commented on the difference in their appeal. "Darwin is more cute attractive, like a little kid. Mitch is more of a "put your wedding ring in your pocket" attractive.

I don't think we'll be going to too many Eugene Emeralds games this summer.

I also downloaded this biorythms application for my facebook account. Apparently these rythms are based on your birthdate and I'm not sure what else. There are three different rythms: physical, emotional, and intellectual. According to my biorythms, I'm about as low as you can get in all three. I won't peak until November 2008. Great. Not like I'm going to need my energy this year.

Alright, I'm out for 10 days....try to survive without my blogs. I know they keep you guys going sometimes. After all, everyone needs a little of the Snacks every now and then!

Baby Updates

couple quick things about the baby:


We're over halfway through the pregnancy......according to the literature we've read, the baby is about the size of cucumber. Rachel swears it's bigger.

I felt it move for the first time the other day. I don't think I've been that excited to feel something since the first time......well, let's just say I was really excited.

At our early pregnancy class last night, I was comforted to find out that every father there was hoping to have a boy....so I'm not alone in this.

Remember how we were going to repaint the nursery that brown with the squares of color? Well, after we got started, Rachel decided it needed to be brighter. So we ended up with the pastel explosion.  If the baby ever falls asleep, it'll be a miracle

18 days to my first anniversary and barely hanging on

Many times I've wondered aloud how I duped Rachel into marrying me. I mean, she had three years to realize she was entering a bad situation. Yet she still said yes. Now, I'm wondering why she's still married to me. With a child on the way, she must feel like she's about to become a single mother of two.


Yesterday Rachel woke me up on her way out the door to work. "Honey, before you leave, can you turn the crock pot on?" A simple enough request. I say yes, then roll over and go back to sleep.

10 minutes later, I realize that I better get out of bed now, or I'll go back to dreaming about building a pirate ship in math class with my high school prom date again and forget the whole crock pot thing. So I get out of bed and hit the elliptical. Nothing to keep the brain firing on all cylinders like a little exercise right? I turn on the music player and start ellipticizing, or whatever you call it.

I think my thought process over the next 5 minutes went something like this:

"Man this is hard to do at 6 in the morning!"

"Why can't I turn the crock pot on now?"

"I need to shave"

"If I turned it on now, the food would be all dry and disgusting by the time we got home! Of course! This would be why she didn't turn it on herself!"

"Already burned 30 calories! Nice!"

"She's probably worried about this....last time she asked me to do this, I turned the crock pot on, but didn't plug it in.....Not this time!"

"Nothing like a little Avril Lavigne to start the morning off right!"

"Wow it's hot in here."

"I wonder how my fantasy baseball team did last night?"

At this point the crock pot was long forgotten. I didn't remember again until I talked to Rachel at lunch. She was mad, but she tried not to let me know because she could tell I was even madder at myself than she was. She's so sweet sometimes.

My punishment for ruining a perfectly good roast was to clean out said crock pot. I was doing great - until I dropped the damn thing and cracked it. You've never seen a more defeated man in your life than the one in my kitchen last night looking pitifully at a cracked crock pot while his wife laughed at him. Not that I blame her......it's about the only thing you can do in her situation. I believe her exact quote was "You know, I thought if I made you do this stuff more often, you'd get better at it, but it seems as if you get worse."

Husband of the year I tell ya.

Weekend

There are new developments in the rock stealing adventure. Rachel's boss used to live in our neighborhood. He knows this guy. Rachel asked him "hey do you know anything about the guy who lives behind us?" and his words were "Oh stay away from him....he's weird."


Apparently this guy has had run-ins with everyone. Rachel's boss said "as I recall, the people you bought your house from had major issues with him." Thanks for the heads up Jeanne. He also said that the guy's girlfriend used to come over and talk to him when he was in his yard and tell him that she feared for her life cause this guy was so crazy. There's also unconfirmed reports that someone died over there at one point, though I have no clue how this person died, or when this was. All in all, Rachel's rethought her plan to confront this guy. I'm wondering if we might be able to convince the homeowners association to pay for a higher fence along the back of all the houses bordering his property, since the guy sounds completely looney.

Gotta love Albany!

Neighborgate 2007

There are new developments in the rock stealing adventure. Rachel's boss used to live in our neighborhood. He knows this guy. Rachel asked him "hey do you know anything about the guy who lives behind us?" and his words were "Oh stay away from him....he's weird."


Apparently this guy has had run-ins with everyone. Rachel's boss said "as I recall, the people you bought your house from had major issues with him." Thanks for the heads up Jeanne. He also said that the guy's girlfriend used to come over and talk to him when he was in his yard and tell him that she feared for her life cause this guy was so crazy. There's also unconfirmed reports that someone died over there at one point, though I have no clue how this person died, or when this was. All in all, Rachel's rethought her plan to confront this guy. I'm wondering if we might be able to convince the homeowners association to pay for a higher fence along the back of all the houses bordering his property, since the guy sounds completely looney.

Gotta love Albany!

Me? A Thief?

So last night Rachel and I are nice and comfy on the couch watching National Bingo Night. Yeah, we're that exciting on a Friday night. Around 9:30, there's a knock on our door. I get up and answer it, and to my surprise, there's an officer of the law there. He asks if he can come in and talk to us for a second. "About what?" I ask. He says he has some questions about some rocks. Rachel and I both thought that maybe he wanted to buy them, which would be great since we want to get rid of all the river rock in our backyard. Heck, we'd have given them to him for free. But no, that's not why he was there.


The people in the house behind us have accused us of stealing rock from them. Apparently we have about 4 or 5 pieces of shale in our backyard that look like some rock they have piled up in their yard. So they called the cops. The cop asks us how long we've lived there. I say "since July." He says "this July?" I say "yes." Immediately the cop gets a smile on his face and says "It's only May. How did you move in in July of this year?" Smartass. Obviously I did not move in two months into the future. Yet he seems to think that he caught me in some sort of a lie, because he makes a point to say "so you moved in in July of LAST year."

Once the time of our arrival on Riverbow Ave is established, the cop then asks us if we've ever been in our neighbor's yard. I say no. He says "well he claims he has videotape." Why this guy is videotaping his rock, I have no clue. So I say "wait, this guy says he has me on videotape stealing his rock?" to which the officer replies "well he says he has a videotape......why do you think you're on it?" I reply "I'm pretty sure he doesn't have me on videotape." Now the cop's all over me. "You're pretty sure? So you're saying there's a chance?" Now I'm starting to get annoyed, so I say "can you show me the rock in question?" So we go into the yard, and sure enough, there's some rock back there.....the same rocks that were there when we moved in. We try and explain this to the cop, who says again "have you ever been into your neighbor's yard." And I say again "no, I've never been over that fence." He says "Have any of your friend's ever been in his yard?" To which I say "not to my knowledge." He says "But your friend's could've been in his yard?" Apparently I'm supposed to know everything that everyone I know is doing at all times.

At this point the cop has pissed off Rachel who comes into the yard and says "that rock has been here since we moved in. He probably couldn't see it because there were weeds there which we just pulled last week. We don't want the rocks. If they are that important to him, we will give him the rocks. He can also take these rocks here, and this one there, and there's a few over here he can have too." At this point the cop decides he's had enough and says "thank you for your time."

I don't know what we did to piss our neighbors off, but I'm really starting to hate this place. It's a foregone conclusion now that we won't be living in Albany any longer than we have to. Stupid city.