Thursday, July 26, 2007

Infuriating

In light of what happened to me on my lunch break, I decided to list a top-10 list of minor things that should probably just be shrugged off, but get me so mad that I can't focus on anything other than the boiling rage in my heart. Anyways, here we go.


10. People who don't use a turn signal - If there's any car within a reasonable distance that maybe, just possibly, would benefit from the knowledge that you're turning, use your turn signal. It's people like this that cause problems at unprotected left-hand turns and other driving situations that shouldn't be situations at all.

9. When someone tells you they have to leave early from work because "there's no time" to get stuff done. Case in point: A coworker told me yesterday that she wanted to leave early so she could mow her lawn. Since she works and lives in the same area I do, I can say for a fact that work ends at 5 and the sun sets at 9. You need more time than that to mow your lawn? She does get bonus points for actually mowing her lawn though. There was some doubt in my mind that this would actually happen.

8. Getting something to eat at a drive-thru and finding out they fucked up your order when you get home. By that time, you're usually ready to be done driving, and it's easier to just scrape the pickles and ketchup off your bun than go back to the store and demand a new burger. The whole concept of the drive-thru is speed, so stopping to make sure your order is correct is not a good idea. Once the person behind you sees the bag go out the window and into your car, they put their car back in drive and start creeping forward so they can have food handed to them. If you pause, you're either going to get rear-ended or anger the person behind you and everyone behind them. It's a no-win situation. Of course this could all be avoided if the people inside would just take 2 seconds to realize that the ticket says "- pickles/- ketchup" on it."

7. When sports announcers get someone's name wrong and/or give erroneous information. If I know it, you should know it. You're getting paid to know these things. Especially football commentators. You do one game a week. That means you have at least 6 days to study the rosters and come up with interesting (and accurate!) factoids to entertain your viewers. I can tell you right now that I don't know who Kentucky's starting left tackle is, but if you gave me six days, I could probably tell you his name, height, weight, and what his most embarrasing moment was in high school.

6. Anytime the subject of same-sex marriage comes up. I've bitched about this before, so I'll let it be. But it angers me.

5. That video stores have movies "guaranteed" to be in stock. First off, they simply can't guarantee that, unless they buy so many movies that they actually lose money on the deal. Secondly, their solution when their "guranatee" is proven to not be a guarantee is to give you another movie free. How does this solve your problem? "I know we guaranteed your 1 choice would be here, but as a token of our apology, please see your 2 choice on us. Unless of course your 2 is guaranteed to be in stock as well, which means it's probably all checked out."

4. Bums with signs that say why they're homeless. I'd say that 99% of homeless people have probably had a tremendous stroke of bad luck at some point in their lives. You don't need to explain this to us. The tragedy is not why you're on an off-ramp begging for money, it's the fact that you're there at all. I'm actually less likely to give you money if your sign says "wife killed, need money for funeral" because my first thought isn't "Oh that poor man," it's "This guy is lying about someone dying to buy porn. What an asshole."

3. People who don't know when to use except and accept. I don't care that I can figure out what you meant, it just infuriates me that the school system failed you to the point that you can't even speak/write our own language properly. This goes for any words that sound similar (to/too/two, your/you're effect/affect etc.) It's not that hard to get it write people! (And yes that was intentional.)

2. Complaining about your work load and asking others for help when you spend most of your day either on break, talking to someone, or updating your myspace page. Yes, I realize that I am myspacing at work as I write this, but I'm also not asking someone to do my work for me. I got it done already, so I have time to do this. As for those people who say "yeah, but your job is easier than mine" keep in mind that I'm probably getting paid less than you. I'm not ashamed to admit that my job could be done by a middle schooler. What I am ashamed of is the fact that I'm 27 and this as far as I've made it in life this far. But I'm back in school trying to correct this problem.

1. This is the reason I started this blog. I went to return a library book today. I pulled into the parking lot to place my book in the drop bin.....only the drop bin is locked. Apparently the drop bin is locked during business hours. So I had to park. I park, get out, go inside and return my book, only to come out and see that I have a parking ticket. $10 for two minutes. That's roughly $300/hr that I just paid for parking. First off, why on God's green earth would the city feel the need to charge people to park in the library parking lot? This is a place that people bring their kids during the summers to learn how to read, and we're charging people? It's free to check out a book, but you have to pay to park your car outside the building? Secondly, what kind of ninja meter maid was this? She was not in the parking lot when I went into the library, and she damn sure wasn't in it when I came out. This was a drive-by ticketing plain and simple. I'm pretty sure that the guys from the Italian Job would've had a tough time pulling off this Meter Maid's uncanny timing. I don't think I can describe how bitter this made me. The really infuriating thing is that I can argue the ticket, but to what end? I'm not taking time off work to go to court on a $10 parking ticket. I can send in a letter of protest, but you have to pay first and then they mail you back a "refund" if they deem your letter worthy of such a reduction. My guess is that my ticket gets reduced $5 at most. That's still $5 more than it should've cost me to park at the PUBLIC LIBRARY in the first place.

Ok I'm done now.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The case for Barry Bonds

I don't normally link to things on the internet, but I really enjoyed this column by Eric Adelson at ESPN.com


I want Barry Bonds to break the home run record.

I want Bonds to break the record because Jason Giambi gets paid $120 million to be a home run hitter, won Comeback Player of the Year after apologizing for something or other, said steroids didn't really help him, promised to discuss the topic in full "one day," and yet receives nothing at all like the venom flung at Bonds.

I want Bonds to break the record because Kenny Rogers had a strange substance on his hand during the World Series, and he was not disciplined, nor was he even chastised. Rogers allegedly did something to gain an advantage, even though it was illegal, and in his case, well, that's baseball.

I want Bonds to break the record because as a member of the media, if I want to ask him a question, I know where to find him. He will probably not answer my question, but at least I can ask. Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro and Jason Grimsley aren't exactly making themselves available to the media these days. Barry Bonds comes out every day and goes to the ballpark, where millions can see him. When the world thinks of steroids, they think of "Barroid," even though he is only one of many suspected of using them.

I want Bonds to break the record because he came closer to telling the truth than Palmeiro or McGwire or Sammy Sosa. He does not smile for the cameras now, only to cower later. With Bonds, what you see is pretty much what you get.

I want Bonds to break the record because he plays every game he can. He travels with the team. He does not retire and unretire every season.

I want Bonds to break the record because he is not the first star baseball player to show poor character, but he might be the first star baseball player to show poor character without a world of apologists who look the other way.

I want Bonds to break the record because baseball made a mistake, and now all the punishment is landing on one person. It is easier to blame one person than to consider that perhaps a majority of players have broken the rules. Then whose fault is it?

I want Bonds to break the record because even though Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron never faced a split-finger fastball or a pitcher on steroids, no one believes they deserve asterisks by their names.

I want Bonds to break the record because I am tired of baseball's constant celebration of its past, when its past is tinged with bigotry and racism. What would the record book look like if blacks were allowed to play when Jack Johnson won the heavyweight title or when Jesse Owens won an Olympic gold medal?

I want Bonds to break the record because when someone threw a phony syringe at him, he calmly picked it up and removed it from the field.

I want Bonds to break the record because the spite of millions rain down on him not because he is an alleged cheater -- so many are alleged cheaters -- but because he is the most powerful alleged cheater ever to play a game soiled by alleged cheaters.

I want Bonds to break the record because if he wasn't so good, maybe baseball would never deal with its steroids problem.

I want Bonds to break the record so that kids will ask their parents, "If the commissioner is reluctant to come to the park for the celebration, why is he also reluctant to insist on testing for HGH?"

I want Barry Bonds to break the record because I believe baseball sold its soul to the home run devil, and it deserves to crown a home run villain with its most precious mark.

Eric Adelson is a senior writer for ESPN The Magazine

Meet the Democrats

I decided to try and educate myself about the upcoming presidential election by watching the YouTube debates. That's when I realized that we don't even vote for a president for another 16 freakin' months! Is this this a bit overkill? Are we that excited to get Bush out of there?


On second thought, don't answer that.

A couple of my thoughts about last night's debate.

*I loved how Dennis Kucinich kept trying to get people to text him. That cracked me up. If you are for ending the war, text PEACE to 73732 or whatever his number was. I'm not sure that a large number of text messages is going to end the war, but it was a fun little thing he kept doing. Every time he got excited about a question, he'd start reaching for his cell phone. One time he even raised his hand, as if Anderson Cooper was going to call on him. Sorry Dennis, this isn't first grade. That's not how it works.

*I'd never heard of Mike Gravel before last night, but I'm telling you right now, we need more Gravel. The guy is like a cross between your grandfather and Macho Man Randy Savage. He was mad about everything. He was pissed that Obama and Clinton and Edwards got most of the questions (maybe because many people didn't even know you were running?) One of the questions for him was asking him to defend his statement that soldiers in Vietnam died in vain. He looked right into the camera and pointed his finger right into the living rooms of america and said 'You can go to Hanoi right now and get a Baskin Robbins ice cream cone! Those soldiers died in vain!" I have no clue what this meant. I'm sure some political science major (Joel?) could explain this to me, but I didn't get it. By far my favorite personality of the night. I don't think I'd ever vote for him in a million years, but he needs a reality show.

*Though the race seems to be a three horse race between Clinton, Edwards, and Obama, my favorite candidate of the night was Joe Biden. I didn't know anything about him going into the debate (I'm not sure I'd even heard his name) but I agreed with damn near everything that guy said. He didn't dance around questions. He was shockingly direct and honest, stating that his kids went to private school only because his wife and daughter were killed. I really liked this guy. It's unfortunate that there's already so much buzz around the other three (Clinton and Obama especially) that he has essentially no chance of winning the Democratic nomination. If I were voting right now, he's who my vote would go for.

*I went in with a very anti-Hilary mindset, but I was impressed with her. When she says that she's the most prepared to hit the ground running of all the candidates, she's not kidding. Rachel and I kept remarking how organized she was and how you half expected her with every answer to say "If you'll turn to page 37 in the blue section of your binder....." She's an extremely strong personality and you can tell she means business. My biggest beef with Hilary is that she never misses a chance to belittle the republicans and I fear that if she took power, all republicans would drag their feet just to get her pissed, and then she'd focus all her attention on crushing those who oppose her. Either that or she'd put the fear of God into everyone during her first week and we'd have the most efficient government of all time. It really could go either way.

*The sooner same-sex marriages are legalized, the better off everyone will be. I'm still pissed that we have to devote entire sections of debates to something that should be a non-issue. We've got people at war, immigration is seriously messed up, social security is running out....and we're spending our time trying to figure out who can get married and who can't. Seriously.

I can't wait for the Republican debate now. I can only hope there's a few Gravel's and Kucinich's out there

Monday, July 23, 2007

Weekend

George Burns had it exactly right when he said "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city." I thought we were about to have a brawl at the dinner table over steriod use in baseball this weekend at my grandpa's 95th birthday party. Between that and my aunt's adamant demand that we take a picture before every family meal, it's enough to make me just shake my head and wish I drank a little bit. No joke, I was a little stressed out. But that's why you love your family. I'm sure I stress them out and make them shake their heads in amazement just as often, if not more. And no matter how many times it happens, I always know that they have my back and I have somewhere to go if I ever need anything. So here's to families!


Coworkers, on the other hand, are a much different story. Here's what I wrote in a survey this morning around 7:15:

21. Today I...

will not have my boss at work, which means I can guarantee my coworker will probably come in at least 15 minutes late, then talk the receptionist for half an hour, then sit at her desk, read her email, check her match.com page, maybe call her daughter, work for a few minutes, but then of course it will time for her break, so she'll squeeze 30 minutes out of a 15 minute break, then probably repeat the process of the first two hours until, of course, it's lunch time.

Now that it's lunch time, I thought I should update people on what actually happened. She came in 20 mintues late, then read her email, made a few phone calls, then talked to the receptionist, then was at her desk for about 25 minutes doing something other than work, then she had her half hour talk with the receptionist, then took her break, then chatted with the US Mail delivery girl for a while, then went to lunch. Oh, but I forgot to mention that on Friday she told me she was taking lunch at 1 because she had to pick something up. According to her, she was late because she went to pick up whatever it was this morning so she didn't have to do it on her lunch break. Do you think she's taking 20 minutes off her lunch? Nope, because if she was, she'd be back by now. Do you think she'll stay 20 minutes late? Me neither.

Do you think I could do both our jobs? Probably.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

For my grandparents

Today is my grandpa's 95th birthday. Think about that. He was born the same year the Titanic sank. He's lived through the great depression and parts of both world wars. He was alive before TV, before commercial air travel, and before women were given the right to vote. He's lived through 15 different presidents. When he was born, there were 38 stars on the flag for pete's sake!


I love all my grandparents. I actually went to see my other grandparents today becuase they needed a lightbulb changed. They gave me $200 for doing it! Ok, that's not entirely true, it was an anniversary present, but still. They didn't really need to do that, but I would've insulted them if I had tried to give it back. Another reason to love grandparents. Even when you have a wife, a good job, and a house, they still feel the need to give you money.

They also fed me. I showed up, and they have an entire tray of sandwich ready for me....in three different types of meat! My grandma's the kind of lady that won't let you leave until all the food is gone either. If you say "no thanks, I've had enough," she'll fill your glass up anyways. I had three sandwiches, a whole tray of chips, two applesauce popscicles (a family delicacy) and two glasses of milk. Then she brought out the oreos. I finally was able to use the "I have to get back to work" excuse to get myself out of there, or else I'd probably still be at the table with my belt undone and the crust of the third loaf of bread in my mouth.

So hug a grandparent today! They're awesome, and you wouldn't be here without them!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Is someone trying to tell me something?

So first I don't get into the accounting program at OSU (for this year at least)


Today I was told I was no longer being considered for the Account Technician job I applied for here at the Foundation.

Maybe I picked the wrong path? Who knows.

I did appreciate the fact that I was told that "the fact I already work here and no the people and procedures is a huge plus" right before being told I was no longer being considered. If I had this huge plus, how shitty were the drawbacks? They're looking for someone with an accounting degree, which of course I do not have, but I was told to kind of use the lady who vacated the job as a model.....a lady I might add who did not have an accounting degree!

All of this leads me to one conclusion: They never wanted to hire me in the first place, but figured they better at least throw me a bone since they have to see me every day. I can appreciate that on some level, but the fact that I'm no longer being considered despite the fact that there's nobody lined up for the job as of yet does sting a little. Not gonna lie about that.

There's a light at the end of this accounting tunnel, I know it. I just might be 45 by the time I get there.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Finally, some clarity!

I met with a guy from the accounting department at OSU today. Here's a brief synopsis of our conversation:


"You seem confused about our decision Andy."

"Well, I wasn't confused about the fact that you denied me, I was more confused about why."

"Well, they just changed the requirements, so your advisor was right. You don't need to take those classes because you were grandfathered in."

"Ok....so what was the problem?"

"You suck as a student."

"Ah. Gotcha. I figured that would come up at some point."

"Basically if you take one of those classes that are pre req's now per term for the next year and get A's and B's, you'll be in no problem. We just want to make sure you still aren't a retard about your classes."

"Makes sense to me....thanks for clearing that up."

"No problem."

Obviously he didn't call me a retard, but I knew what he was thinking.

We finally joined the 21st century and got wireless internet at our house. We figured it'd be easier for Rachel in the third trimester of her pregancy if she could access the internet from bed. Also, with a little Lasselle on the way, it'll be nice to have something to do while watching the little tot watch some unwatchable thing like the Teletubbies. The computer desk was also moved into our bedroom so that our guest room wasn't so crowded. In order to get the router set up, we needed to drill a hole in the floor and run a cable through the crawl space under the house. After some deliberation, Rachel decided it would be easier for her to maneuver in the crawl space than me. She's still half as big as me, despite the pregnancy. This was a big step for her, because she's scared of literally everything that could conceivably be living in an area underneath your house. So she put on shoes, socks, long pants (which were tucked into the socks of course), a long sleeved shirt, goggles (not work goggles, but swim goggles) and a stocking hat in an attempt to ward off the creepy crawlers. It was a pretty funny sight. Turns out it was relatively clean down there, and the job was pretty easy. I drilled the hole from the top, and she fed the cable through.

And that's how I spent my Saturday night.

As an aside, if anyone who hasn't seen Transformers yet needs someone to go with them, I'm your man. Fantastic movie. Can't say enough about it.

Friday, July 13, 2007

T-Frickin-GIF

Coming back for a full work week after being on vacation for 10 days is tough. This has been one long week. Maybe that explains the dream I had the other night:


I lived in this little prairie town in the 1850's, and somehow we got into an argument with a neighboring town. So everyone in our town started marching towards the other town. They did the same. We met them on this dusty mountain road about half-way. All of a sudden a referee comes out and says "How many are you?" to our side. We respond "300 strong!" He asks they other side. "Nearly 1,000!" they say. The referee looks back at us and says "good luck!"

The rules of the battle were ridiculous. Everyone got one shot, and we took turns. So basically in order for this to be a draw, we'd have to kill roughly 3 people with every shot, while hoping they missed a few times. Then maybe one person would survive this ridiculous battle. Anyways, we won the toss and got to shoot first. So this little old lady with a bonnet on pulls out her rifle, walks about 10 feet away from the other townspeople, and fires. Only her gun jams. "Too bad," says the ref. "Ok, your turn!" So this guy walks up and guns down the old lady. it's now 1,000 vs. 299. We take another shot, and again the gun jams. Again, another of our people bites the dust. 1,000 vs. 298. I don't know how long this went on, but every time our side took a shot, something went wrong and we just kept on dying. Then I saw this pregnant lady on our side, and I just started crying uncontrollably. "We're all gonna die!" I scream and just collapse on the side of the road, waiting for my turn to get shot. Then I woke up.

Not my favorite dream of all time.

In other, less morbid news, Rachel has suspended me from mail duties until further notice. After leaving my mailbox key in the mailbox and having it returned by some nice man for the 4th time this year, she finally decided I am unfit to retrieve the mail from our box. Basically a 4 year old could get our mail, but I can't. And yet she married me. I must be doing something right but trust me, I don't know what it is.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Work...who needs it?

Remind me why I work again?


Today consisted of these things:

~I was informed that I'd be getting a bonus. The bonus comes out to roughly $300 after taxes. Yippee.

~I was informed that I am eligible for a raise, if the compensation committee approves it. The compensation committee does not deal with me on a regular basis. If I am approved for a raise, the MAXIMUM I can get is roughly $600 for the year. That's BEFORE taxes. Double Yippee.

~ Apparently hardly anything got done while I was gone. While part of this can be attributed to a switch in computer systems, I believe a large part is directly attributed to the work habits of one specific co-worker of mine. Despite the lack of work completed, she's thinking of taking a day off this week to "recharge after the rough week." Also today we had a power outage that lasted roughly 45 minutes. About 25 minutes after the power came back on, this particular coworker decided that she was still entitled to her 15 minute break, despite the fact that we sat around doing nothing while the power was out. This 15 minute break came roughly 30 minutes prior to a going away celebration for our coworker. Between lunch, the power outage, the break, and the celebration, I'd say that she worked approximately 25 minutes in the last 5 hours of the work day today. Impressive. Oh, and we're still backed up.

~I was also informed that I did not get accepted the accounting program at OSU. The reason? I have not completed the 4 prerequisite classes that NOBODY IN THE PAST 6 MONTHS THAT I HAVE TRIED TO GET ANSWERS ON WHAT I NEEDED TO DO TO GET ACCEPTED TOLD ME ABOUT! So now I have 4 more classes that I have to take, and if I get a B average in them, I will be pre-approved for the '08 year. But wait, there's more! One of the classes is only offered fall term, and it's already full. Furthermore, I'm not even eligible to register for it because I'm not in the accounting program. The accounting program that I can't get into because I haven't taken this class. I'm really impressed with the whole process really.

Back in Oregon

After being in the car for roughly 55 hours over the past 10 days, it feels really good to do something else.....like stand up.


Our trip to Colorado was a great time. We visited two National Parks (Grand Teton and Rocky Mountain) and saw some great wildlife. Buffalo, bighorn sheep, moose, a fox or two, and an entire herd of elk, which was amazing. Sadly, I was unable to get any great pictures of any of these animals, just some blurry shots that may or may not be actual animals.

I got to see some people I haven't seen for almost six years, which was also fantastic. It was great to see Kindra again and it was like we had seen each other just yesterday. She started right in on my eating habits and my addiction to Pepsi. Rachel just nodded approvingly. For a second there it was like I had two wives. But it's nice to know that people are concerned about me.

No real strange things happened on vacation, which I guess you could say is a good thing, although it'd be nice to share stories with you.

The best story I guess would be about the little kid who was staying in the same condos as us. I was playing catch with Rachel's 10 year old cousin Brett and this kid comes running out to play with us. The kid just didn't know how to catch the ball, which was kind of sad. His glove was always turned the wrong way and he just looked like nobody had ever worked with him on it. But the kid thought he was great, kept saying how quick his reflexes were and all this junk. That made me not want to help him out at all. Brett threw him the ball, and the ball clanked off his glove and hit him square in the face. Looked like it hurt pretty bad, so I said "hey man, you ok?" and he replies "Yeah, I take shots like that all the time."

Well, ok then. Keep it up kiddo!