18 days to my first anniversary and barely hanging on

Many times I've wondered aloud how I duped Rachel into marrying me. I mean, she had three years to realize she was entering a bad situation. Yet she still said yes. Now, I'm wondering why she's still married to me. With a child on the way, she must feel like she's about to become a single mother of two.


Yesterday Rachel woke me up on her way out the door to work. "Honey, before you leave, can you turn the crock pot on?" A simple enough request. I say yes, then roll over and go back to sleep.

10 minutes later, I realize that I better get out of bed now, or I'll go back to dreaming about building a pirate ship in math class with my high school prom date again and forget the whole crock pot thing. So I get out of bed and hit the elliptical. Nothing to keep the brain firing on all cylinders like a little exercise right? I turn on the music player and start ellipticizing, or whatever you call it.

I think my thought process over the next 5 minutes went something like this:

"Man this is hard to do at 6 in the morning!"

"Why can't I turn the crock pot on now?"

"I need to shave"

"If I turned it on now, the food would be all dry and disgusting by the time we got home! Of course! This would be why she didn't turn it on herself!"

"Already burned 30 calories! Nice!"

"She's probably worried about this....last time she asked me to do this, I turned the crock pot on, but didn't plug it in.....Not this time!"

"Nothing like a little Avril Lavigne to start the morning off right!"

"Wow it's hot in here."

"I wonder how my fantasy baseball team did last night?"

At this point the crock pot was long forgotten. I didn't remember again until I talked to Rachel at lunch. She was mad, but she tried not to let me know because she could tell I was even madder at myself than she was. She's so sweet sometimes.

My punishment for ruining a perfectly good roast was to clean out said crock pot. I was doing great - until I dropped the damn thing and cracked it. You've never seen a more defeated man in your life than the one in my kitchen last night looking pitifully at a cracked crock pot while his wife laughed at him. Not that I blame her......it's about the only thing you can do in her situation. I believe her exact quote was "You know, I thought if I made you do this stuff more often, you'd get better at it, but it seems as if you get worse."

Husband of the year I tell ya.