Hometowns are typically my least favorite episode, because it's always just the same 25 minute date four times in a row. They do some activity that is usually not exciting (my town has horse drawn carriages! Here's my high school! I used to get in so much trouble in this park!) and then the families get their moment of fame.
I'll be honest, I barely paid attention. I know Cassie's dad went with the "Nothing you do or say will impress me" bit, and Hannah had the old dad, and Tayshia's dad was the "lemme be real with you" dad, and Caelynn had the dad who isn't really her dad and knows what it means to earn Caelynn's love dad. And that's really what this episode was all about. Asking dads for permission to marry their daughters.
I was kind of taken aback by Bachelor Twitter being so up in arms about this. There seemed to be three general beefs with the asking the father bit:
She's an Independent Woman, She Can Make Her Own Decision!
STOP ASKING MALE PARENTAL FIGURES FOR *PERMISSION* TO MARRY A WOMAN. (Yes, this is the hill I will die on.) #TheBachelor— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) February 26, 2019
Here's the thing - 150 years ago, you probably needed a father's permission to marry his daughter. It was how things worked back then. But like most things with time, this has changed, hasn't it? Now, it's more of a "I'm declaring my love for your daughter, I hope you're on board with that." I would venture to guess that most guys talk about marriage with their girlfriends before going to her dad about it. And I would venture to guess that even if the dad said "I'm not so cool with this," most guys are going to ask anyways, because it is the woman's decision, not her father's. But you know, Twitter got big mad about this anyways.
Why Didn't You Ask The Moms, You SEXIST PIG?
Example Tweet:
What 👏🏻 about 👏🏻 mom's 👏🏻 approval 👏🏻 though? #TheBachelor— Kristen Baldwin (@KristenGBaldwin) February 26, 2019
You know why you don't ask for mom's approval? Mom will give you her opinion without you even asking. No mom in the history of moms has not made it abundantly clear if she's cool with you marrying her child from the get go. Colton probably knew the answer from all the moms by the way they passed the potatoes at dinner.
Also, Colton says he did ask:
SPOILER ALERT: I did #TheBachelor https://t.co/HI4cYXJsQh— Colton Underwood (@colton) February 26, 2019
How Can He Ask Permission From These Men When He Knows He's Not Proposing to Three of Their Daughters?
Example Tweet
Honestly, I think it’s shitty that they ask every dad for permission. It’s one thing to lead on the girl, but to make her whole family get THAT invested is kind of messed up. #TheBachelor— Bach Tweets (@BachBatch) February 26, 2019
You guys have seen this show before, right? I think this happens every season. The Bachelor says something like "I'd like to know I have your blessing," and the dad pauses for an awkwardly long time, then says "Son," pauses again for an awkwardly long time, then says something like "IF she's the one at the end, and IF you two keep progressing in your relationship, and IF she accepts your proposal, then you have my blessing."
And I think that's the important takeaway here....it's a TV show. This is not real life. You don't meet four girls' families in a week. you don't get to the point of wanting to marry four girls at once, you don't take twelve girls to Phuket or Istanbul or Venice or wherever they go. It's all entertainment. I guarantee if ABC had good footage of Colton asking a mom for mpermission, they'd have shown it. If the mom freaks out and says no....that'd be in there. But a majority of this country grew up in a patriarchal society, so we're comfortable with the construct of a guy asking for a daughter's hand in marriage. (Side note: I cringed every time Colton said "man to man...." during the episode. Like, stop trying to put yourself on the level of the girl's dad. You're not there yet, and even if you were, you pretend like you aren't. I could see forward thinking women all across the country pouring themselves another glass of wine every time those words came out of his mouth.)
Anyways, Caelynn went home, and Tayshia's probably next and we're going to be left with the two young blonde girls without any baggage or any sort of personality really.....just like Arie picked Lauren last year. Are all the winners really young and blonde, or is that just the perception? When I think of The Bachelor, I think of a dude proposing to Emily Maynard every time.
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