Friday, November 14, 2014

Thanksgiving: The Third Wheel of the Holiday Season

Even as I write this, I know it won't change anything.  Christmas and Halloween have already won the holiday season.  Thanksgiving truly is the middle child of holidays....it just kind of hangs out in the middle doing whatever it wants without anyone paying attention to it.  My kids keep asking why we can't just speed ahead to Christmas.  My son forgot the name of Thanksgiving the other day, asking me what that holiday coming up was called.  My daughter has been watching Frosty the Snowman before bed every night and demands Christmas songs in the car now.  I'm losing the fight to make Thanksgiving relevant in my own home.   Maybe that's the problem...Thanksgiving doesn't have a hook for the kids.  Halloween has the candy and the costumes, Christmas has the presents.  Thanksgiving has turkey and mashed potatoes.  Not exactly the kind of stuff kids go bonkers for.

I'm not sure how people have missed the boat on commercializing Thanksgiving, and maybe that's what I love about it.  It's not promoted by the candy companies like Halloween, or exploited by everyone from Hot Wheels to Lexus like Christmas.  Maybe that's what I like about it actually - it's a holiday just because.  Now, let's break down the three major holidays of the season:

Federal Holiday?
Halloween:  Nope.  We all still have to work
Thanksgiving:  Since 1863.  Thanks, President Lincoln
Christmas.  Since 1870
Advantage:  Thanksgiving. GUARANTEED FOUR DAY WEEKEND.  Stick that in your corncob pipe and smoke it,  Frosty.

Traditional Outfit:
Halloween:
Sexy snowman?  Sexy snowman.

Thanksgiving:
Matching T-shirts for a Turkey Bowl!
Christmas:
Those smiles are masking some real shame


Advantage:  Push.  This one is too open for debate for me to decide.  I love people's Halloween costumes (not just the sexy ones), but I think the last time I actually wore a costume was like 1993.  And I'm not into the sweater thing.  I just don't get it.  I like that there's no pressure to impress on Thanksgiving.

Charlie Brown Special:
Halloween has the Great Pumpkin, Christmas has the Linus speech about the Angel of the Lord, and the Thanksgiving special has.....well if you can tell me one thing that happens in the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special, you're a better man than me.  
Advantage:  Christmas

Music:
Halloween:
Michael Jackson's "Thriller"
Thanksgiving:
Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World"
Christmas:
Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas"

These are the most popular songs of each season according to Billboard music, so don't get mad at me.  Actually, Billboard didn't make a Thanksgiving list, giving you an idea of where it ranks.  As awesome as Thriller is, it doesn't have much backing it up.  Christmas gets a whole month for its music.  Sure everyone's sick of it by December 15th, but for sheer volume, Christmas has this covered.  Advantage:  Christmas 

Decorations:
Christmas used to be the undisputed king of this, but Halloween is starting to give it a run for its money.  Also, the sudden, inexplicable rise of giant inflatable monstrosities is starting to tarnish Christmases once pristine reputation.  Advantage:  Halloween 

Food:
Halloween has candy.  Christmas has ham, I guess.  But Thanksgiving crushes the competition here.  This is a day that prompted John Madden to stuff a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey and call it a "turducken."  The holiday itself is literally about being thankful for having food, so we celebrate by EATING ALL OF IT.  Advantage:  Thanksgiving

TV:
Halloween has a couple yearly specials (Charlie Brown, Simpsons, that new Toy Story one), and Christmas has a bazillion crappy celebrity variety shows now.  Those all air in advance however, rarely on the actual day.  Thanksgiving has the Macy's parade and then football....ALL DAY.  Although it still baffles me that the Detroit Lions somehow secured one of the games every year.  Advantage:  Thanksgiving

Movies:
We don't even need to discuss this one.  Advantage:  Christmas

So upon further review, it seems like the holidays are pretty close according to the tale of the tape.  Respect the turkey.  It has feelings too.