Monday, February 28, 2005

Return of the bumpasaurus

Looks like I'm moving back to Portland.....


Rachel said she's going to take that job in Vancouver if she's offered it. She seems confident about it - the lady that would be hiring her had two of her classmates as interns a few summers back. So if she liked them, I'd imagine she'd be more inclined to hire Rachel as well.

JR is going to try and hook me up with a job. I can't afford to play the waiting game anymore. I need money like whoa. So if he can get me a job, no matter the pay, I gotta take it. I just picked up my paycheck from the ticket office....$129.80 - FOR THE MONTH. That ain't gonna pay the rent. Or the bills. Or buy food. Or health insurance. Actually, it'd just barely cover health insurance....but you get the point.

In a sidenote, because season ticket renewals for football are going out, I got called into the ticket office to help last Thursday and Friday. I worked more in those two days than I did in the last month combined....21.5 hours. And the funny thing is, those days flew by. Here it is not even noon and I'm already looking towards the door wondering when Rachel's coming home. I'd rather put in 11 hour days than sit on my ass anymore. Just give me something to do.

Quote of the weekend goes to Grant. When told that Skip, our stepdad, was thinking about taking us all on a backpacking trip for graduating and that our gift would be keeping the backpack and sleeping bag, Grant responded "The whole reason I worked so hard to graduate is so that I'd never have to wear a backpack again."

That's really all I have right now. I'm kind of disappointed that this entry doesn't have more teeth to it. Right now I'm really frustrated with myself, and it makes it hard to write anything with substance. Some people write their best when they're conflicted or stressed out. I write my best when I'm happy and care-free. I'll work on improving my mood by the end of the week, and come with something great by Friday. And you can take that to the bank.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

And another thing

In my previous entry, I mentioned some of the things I have to do in return for Rachel keeping the house clean and keeping me well fed. Another one of those things is putting the pork in the crock pot for dinner. Well I did that....even flipped it to low heat. Just forgot one little thing....plugging the damn thing in. Looks like dinner is on me tonight.....I am retarded.

Now don't that beat all....

Now I consider myself a pretty confident person. I don't need to put others down to feel better about myself. It takes a lot to embarrass me. (By the way I had to look up how to spell embarrass....I thought it only had one set of double letters, but I couldn't remember which one. Looks like I was wrong either way.) Dave and I sang karaoke this weeekend and it was so bad that even I left after it was over. But I didn't feel embarrassed....it was fun. We went bowling and the blacklights showed off the fact that I'm terrible at laundry by showing detergent stains all over my legs. I didn't really care. But I found something today that embarrassed me....and embarrassed me bigtime.


Now living with Rachel is great. I love it. I get well cooked meals, a clean house and a cuddle buddy every night. In exchange I have to do a few things like kill spiders, make the bed, and get things off the high shelves in the kitchen. Another one of my duties is laundry. So I'm over doing the laundry today and as I'm moving the clothes from the washers to the dryers, what should pop out but one of her bras. Now this is no ordinary bra....this is some fancy bra that can't go in the dryer. So instinctively, I pick it up and put it in my pocket, much to the horror of the guy tending to his laundry next to me. Our eyes met and I instantly knew that he thought I was the second coming of Sung Koo Kim, the most famous panty thief of all time. Now I thought about explaining myself, but if you see a guy with a handful of women's underwear stuffing a bra in his pocket and he says "oh I'm just doing my girlfriend's laundry" what are you gonna think? So I just stayed silent and pretended I was invisible, which was hard to do since I had a wet bra in my jeans pocket. I might have the Corvallis Police knocking on my door in a few minutes.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

and the beat goes on

So I didn't get the job at the Corvallis Clinic.


I got a nice generic letter this weekend from them informing me that they had given the job to another candidate. I kind of saw this coming, since Rachel said that the job posting had been taken offline, and as of Wednesday my references hadn't been called. I was still hoping for a miracle I guess though.

I decided to call up the lady I interviewed yesterday anyways, to see if she could give me any feedback as to what I could do to better my chances of getting the next job that I applied for. Here is what she said:

"Andy, you were great. Your interview was tremendous. Unfortunately for you, we had people with records experience apply for this job. Even without that experience, you were one of our top candidates. I'd love to have you work for us, so keep your application current with us, because I think we'll have some job openings in July."

Wow. Very nice of her to say, and extremely unhelpful. Joel said it best when I told him about this yesterday: "Well geez, the fact that they liked you will pay the bills for a few months." This is twice that I've been passed over for jobs due to a lack of experience. I don't want to sound like a whiner, but how am I supposed to get experience if no one will give me a job? I hate the fact that I have to say that. I know that life isn't fair, and I have no clue how many people applied for that job, or how qualified or deserving those people are. Maybe they were more deserving. It's just frustrating......

I'm going to start applying for jobs in Portland now. Corvallis doesn't really have a wealth of jobs at the moment, and I really am going to need a job sooner rather than later. I'm not sure what that's going to do to my relationship with Rachel, since she's got a good thing going in Lebanon. I really don't want to be the reason she quits. She does a lot for me already, and quitting her job shouldn't be part of the plan. I guess we'll see what pans out.

That's funny I don't care who you are

I'd like to read you all a little something I got in the mail today. It goes a little something like this:


Congratulations, Andrew Lasselle. You have been referred for nomination to The National Dean's List...one of the highest academic honors tha can be bestowed on college students. In order to receive this honor and take advantage of all it offers, you need to send us your biographical information by the deadline shown below.

....P.S. Only 1/2 of 1% of our nation's college students receive this award. We commend you for your accomplishments.

Are you kidding me? Are they talking about the same Andrew Lasselle? This Andrew Lasselle? The one who spent almost 8 years finding the path of least resistance to a degree? The Andrew Lasselle that withdrew or failed almost as many college courses as he passed? I took Sociology 204 three times before I passed with a D- that I had to beg for because I wrote down the date of the midterm wrong. Once, in an attempt to avoid being kicked out of the university, I dropped every single class except basketball. It worked. I got a 4.0 and was restored to good academic standing. I took an F on a group project once to go to a concert. Joel once wrote that I dropped a class after finding out that it would be at the same time as Magnum, P.I. reruns. He was only half wrong. And these guys want me on the Dean's List? Apparently a teacher or dean or someone recommended me for this award. Who was this person? Are they being funny? I'm laughing. So was my mom when I told her. I'm filling out this thing and sending it in for the sheer amusement of the ordeal.

In other news, Rachel was asked to interview for a position in Cardiac Rehab at a hospital in Vancouver, Wa. today. Looks like moving to Portland might be what happens whether I find a job there or not. I'm excited about the idea of living in Portland again. I'm only know a handful of people here anymore anyways, and my best friends and family are in Portland anyways. Might have to abandon the idea of working for OSU's athletic department, but I can live with that. Plus, there's probably a better chance of opening a sports bar in Portland than there is in Corvallis anyways.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Sittin Fat Down South

This weekend marked my return to Brookings. Now I don't know what it is, but the Mustang doesn't particularly like driving down to Brookings. Brookings is the southern-most town on the Oregon Coast. It's so far south, in fact, that the fastest way there requires you to drive into California and then come back up. Ridiculous.


Ok, back to the car. Last time I tried to go down to Brookings, the car overheated around Eugene, and I had to get it towed back to Corvallis. Cracked engine block or something. So Friday, I spent all morning making these cds for the drive down. I was excited to listen to my Sir Mix-a-Lot's greatest hits. So I throw it in the disc-changer that is located in the trunk. As I go to shut the trunk, I see a shiny piece of metal staring me in the face. The key. Bang! trunk shuts, entombing my cds for all eternity. I was locked out. Looked like the Freeway Gods were conspiring against me again.

There was one time a few years ago that I locked the keys in the car. Granted, the window was cracked a little bit, but I was able to use a coat hanger to press the door lock button and unlock the door. No luck this time......the window was shut tight. No problem, I told myself. About 15 minutes with the coat hanger, and I'd have it open. Getting the coat hanger in between the convertible roof and the window was a snap. Getting it to the button was another thing. I finally gave up when the coat hanger got itself hooked around the steering wheel. So now I have my keys locked in my trunk, and a coat hanger sticking out of my window like a guy high on crystal meth was trying to break into it.

So I pull out the yellowpages and call number on the first ad I see that says "unlock your car!" The guy from Charlie's Towing was there in a matter of minutes and popped my door open in a matter of seconds....probably from the time he got the call to the time he got my door open was no more than twenty minutes. And I paid this guy $45. that's like $135 an hour. Maybe I should be a tow truck driver.

Anyways, I finally made it to Brookings and the fun started. I saw two fights at The Hideaway, did some Karaoke with Dave at Sandy's Kitchen (we sang The Highwaymen by Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash) and watched Dave attempt to buy a shotgun off a guy who was selling all his stuff before moving to Hawaii. Among his other possessions were a sword and a pit bull. This guy was amazing. Dave was going to pay him $200 for this shotgun before he found out it was worth $50 at most. Pretty entertaining.

Among the quotes Dave supplied over the weekend:

* "Whenever I get stressed out or excited, my left nipple gets itchy and hard."
* "My dream would be to have her serve me a ham sandwich and a bj....and let me put a bucket of ranch on her head to dip my fries in."
* "You know, people from Tennessee are the greatest." (when asked who else he knows from Tennessee, Dave replied "No one.")
* "Have you ever noticed that the state of Nevada is lime green when you fly over it?"

Thursday, February 17, 2005

V-Day Redux

I can't believe I forgot to recap Valentines Day. After the outpouring of support I got from people offering me ideas for Rachel, the least I could do is tell you how everything went. I got ideas ranging from cards to ice cream to massages to cooking her dinner and massages. All good ideas. All from other people. I had to come up with something on my own.

So 4 hours before she gets home, I'm still sitting in the house going "I need to get her something." So I headed to the most romantic store in town: Fred Meyer. What a zoo. Full of girls checking out heart shaped boxers and picture frames. Whole aisles packed with guys getting heart shaped boxes of chocolates and trying to decipher the meaning of the color of rose they were about to buy. Me following people around, firmly believing that I'd know what I was looking for when I found it.

I purposefully avoided the jewelry section. Not that I don't feel comfortable giving Rachel jewelry. She has issues with dangly earrings and has a few small ones that she sticks with. A ring was not what I was looking for at this time. She just bought a necklace last Saturday, so I figured she was set there.

A box of chocolates was not going to fly either. Too hit or miss.....get one of the caramel ones and its a hit.....take a bite of a coconut disaster and I might as well have got her those Harry Potter jelly beans that taste like vomit. Nothing says I love you like vomit jelly beans.

So I walk around some more. Looked at cards for a while, before deciding on one of a puppy dog cuddling with a teddy bear that said something like "thinking of cuddling with you tonight" or some crap on the inside. Especially since when we share a bed it's like we're opposite poles of a magnet. You'd think we hated each other as far apart as we sleep. We'd probably sleep with our heads at different ends of the bed if I wasn't fearful of kicking her in the melon. But the picture on the front seemed appropriate: she likes puppies and I like bears. I figured I could write some stuff in there that would overshadow the sappy line that Hallmark put in there anyways.

Passing the candy aisle, I saw that bags of mini candy bars were $1.50 each. Now getting the Russell Stover 16" heart shaped box is one thing: a bag of 3 Musketeers and a bag of Milky Ways for $3.00 is another. Cha-Ching. Got the card and the candy and I was only out $5. This was gonna getting easier.

Suddenly the perfect gift came into focus. If this were a commercial, a ray of light would shine down from the heavens and angels would start singing. The Karate Kid DVD set! Complete with all 3 movies PLUS the riveting Next Karate Kid starring a young Hilary Swank! Rachel had almost ordered it immediately after seeing the commercial a few weeks back. Jackpot. A single red rose on my way to the check out line completed my show of affection.

I checked out at the U-Scan to avoid having a checker comment on my choice of valentines day gifts. Not everyone would understand the beauty of the Karate Kid, and I didn't feel the need to explain myself. Some people do the lit candles and the rose petals and the lavish gifts. I don't.

And yes, she loved the gifts. At least that's what she told me. Hope you all had a Happy Valentine's Day as well.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Can't Stop the bum rush

1. What time did you get up this morning? 8:45 a.m. I've been trying to get up earlier each day on the off chance that I actually get a job sometime in the near future.


2. Diamonds or pearls? Did anyone else see the Duck Tales episode where Uncle Scrooge bought a coal field and a peanut farm then dropped the peanuts on the coal field and let the elephants come and trample the coal and turn it into diamonds? That was awesome. But I think I like pearls better, because you get to scuba dive to find them.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Hitch. Great great movie. Will Smith is the man, but I really think Kevin James steals the show in that movie. He's awesome.

4. What is your favorite TV show? I never miss the O.C. I play basketball on Thursday nights at 7, so as soon as the game is over, I grab my stuff and run to the car.....forget sportsmanship. I don't slap anyone's hand, barely even say goodbye to my own teammates. I gotta see what whack thing Marissa is gonna do this week.

5. What did you have for breakfast? nothing...yet.

6. What is your middle name? Stewart....No I wasn't named after that little mouse that can talk.

7. What is your favorite food? I think it's hawaiian style pizza.....although Rachel makes this broccoli chicken casserole that is really really good.

8. What foods do you dislike? condiments and pickles. I hate condiments.

9. Favorite chip flavor? Memphis BBQ....when is Lays going to bring those back?

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Jimmy Buffett "Boats, Beaches, Bars and Ballads." Ok, that's 4 cds, but they all come in a set, so that counts right?

11. What kind of car do you drive? Ford F-250 or Mustang depending on the situation. I love the truck, but it's falling apart. I hate the 'stang, but it gets better gas mileage. Advantage: Push

12. Favorite sandwich? The free kind that someone else makes

13. What characteristic do you despise? dishonesty.......and not finding me attractive

14. Favorite item of clothing? My Wisconsin Badgers sweatshirt...so comfy

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Napili Bay, Maui, Hawaii....no more relaxing place in the world.

16. What color is your bathroom? dazzleberry and navy blue....yes I said dazzleberry. Visit Target for more dazzleberry decor.

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Nike. I'm not a big fan of their shoes, but they make some pretty good clothing.

18. If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why? Being invisible....how cool would that be? And not for perverted reasons (well not entirely)....you could learn a lot about people that way. Plus you could make a pretty good living as a private investigator.

19. Favorite time of the day? When Rachel gets home from work.

20. What was your most memorable birthday? Probably the one where my psycho little league coach threw some kids out of the way to get me a foul ball at a minor league baseball game. That was crazy.

21. Where were you born? Portland, OR born and raised

22. What is your favorite sport to watch? Baseball and basketball

23. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? 99% of the people who read it.

24. Person you expect to send it back first? ? we'll see.....

25. What fabric detergent do you use? Kirkland......the 50 gallon drum from Costco

26. Coke or Pepsi? Pepsi and I don't care what you say.

27. Are you a morning person or a night owl? Lately a night owl....I need more stuff to do during the day

28. What is your shoe size? 12.5-13 depending on the shoes.

29. Do you have any pets? Not right now, but I have ambitions of one day owning a Saint Bernard

30. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your family & friends? Still no news on the job front, but stay tuned.

31. What did you want to be when you grew up? At various times I wanted to be a vet, a professional athlete, a fireman, and a deep sea explorer.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Some observations

A few things I noticed today:


*I saw a sign on the freeway today that said "Speed 60 Trucks 55." I'm wondering: would you rather have all traffic moving at the same speed or have giant slow moving obstacles for the cars to dodge?

*I saw a semi-truck up ahead of me with a picture of the back of a head on it. The first thing I thought was "oh, that's Michael Jordan's head." HOW FREAKING FAMOUS ARE YOU IF PEOPLE CAN RECOGNIZE THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD ON A SEMI TRUCK FROM 100 YARDS? And seriously, does he really sell enough of his cologne to warrant an entire semi-full of it? I really wonder what it's like to be that famous. I don't know that I'd want to find out.

*I wonder what people think when they see me using my fingers as a gun when rapping along with 2Pac or Jay-Z? Or when I started moving my head along with Jimmy Buffet when he sang "fins to the left, fins to the right."

*I mentioned the fact that it would be fun to open up a sports bar in Corvallis to my dad and his friends at lunch, and all of a sudden they're getting all excited and thinking about going around to different sports bars to see what works and what doesn't. I think they need less free time.

Rachel has one of the most interesting sleep habits of all-time. If she's sleeping on her stomach, her legs will spontaneously bend at the knees like she's doing leg curls. They'll come up, hover for a while, then go back down. Does this for about a minute, then she's done. But the real treat is when she's sleeping on her back.

The other night I'm lying in bed, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I hear a clap. I open my eyes to see Rachel, fast asleep, with her arms up in the air. Then she starts rubbing her hands as if she's putting lotion on them. Rubs it in there real good, then her arms kind of slowly fall away to the sides. A few seconds later, she starts pointing with one hand and making motions like she's conducting an orchestra or something. I just started laughing my ass off. It's seriously one of the funniest things I've ever seen. She does this from time to time....I'm not sure what triggers it. It might be dreams, a stressful day at work, what she eats for dinner....I don't know. But I hope to find out so I can facilitate this behavior more often. I invite all of you to come over and watch my girlfriend sleep whenever you want. Admission is $5.

Some observations

A few things I noticed today:


*I saw a sign on the freeway today that said "Speed 60 Trucks 55." I'm wondering: would you rather have all traffic moving at the same speed or have giant slow moving obstacles for the cars to dodge?

*I saw a semi-truck up ahead of me with a picture of the back of a head on it. The first thing I thought was "oh, that's Michael Jordan's head." HOW FREAKING FAMOUS ARE YOU IF PEOPLE CAN RECOGNIZE THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD ON A SEMI TRUCK FROM 100 YARDS? And seriously, does he really sell enough of his cologne to warrant an entire semi-full of it? I really wonder what it's like to be that famous. I don't know that I'd want to find out.

*I wonder what people think when they see me using my fingers as a gun when rapping along with 2Pac or Jay-Z? Or when I started moving my head along with Jimmy Buffet when he sang "fins to the left, fins to the right."

*I mentioned the fact that it would be fun to open up a sports bar in Corvallis to my dad and his friends at lunch, and all of a sudden they're getting all excited and thinking about going around to different sports bars to see what works and what doesn't. I think they need less free time.

Rachel has one of the most interesting sleep habits of all-time. If she's sleeping on her stomach, her legs will spontaneously bend at the knees like she's doing leg curls. They'll come up, hover for a while, then go back down. Does this for about a minute, then she's done. But the real treat is when she's sleeping on her back.

The other night I'm lying in bed, minding my own business, when all of a sudden, I hear a clap. I open my eyes to see Rachel, fast asleep, with her arms up in the air. Then she starts rubbing her hands as if she's putting lotion on them. Rubs it in there real good, then her arms kind of slowly fall away to the sides. A few seconds later, she starts pointing with one hand and making motions like she's conducting an orchestra or something. I just started laughing my ass off. It's seriously one of the funniest things I've ever seen. She does this from time to time....I'm not sure what triggers it. It might be dreams, a stressful day at work, what she eats for dinner....I don't know. But I hope to find out so I can facilitate this behavior more often. I invite all of you to come over and watch my girlfriend sleep whenever you want. Admission is $5.

Monday, February 14, 2005

So much drama in the CRV, it's kind of hard being Snacks D-A-Double D (Y)

So the wait continues to see if I get a job......

No word from the clinic. I'd imagine it wouldn't be til the middle of this week, but damn I wanna know now. Make me feel a lot better to know that I can quit searching the same websites daily for the same jobs. It sucks valuing where you want to live over what you want to do....really hamstrings you sometimes.

Today marks Valentine's Day #2 with Rachel. Great year, had its ups and downs. Last year I took her roses at work. This year I'm broke, so I have to scale back my gift. I'm scaling it back so much, I haven't got it yet, or figured out what it's going to be. No bother, I've still got 5 hours til she gets home. Well.....4 hours and 49 minutes, but who's counting? Thanks to everyone who offered their advice on what I should get her.

As kind of a pre-valentine's day date, we went to the Oregon Food and Wine Festival in Salem on Saturday. Good times, although I have a little bone to pick with the people who put on this event. Why do you allow people to sample the wines for fifty cents, but you have to buy a full meal to sample the food? I guess I did get to eat some pretzel sticks with various dipping sauces for free, but where was the bite of a hot dog on a stick? Or the philly cheese steak wrap cut up with a toothpick thru it? As a result I had to decide what I was hungriest for and sample that and that only. Thus I ended up with beef brisket sandwich. Rachel opted for the bourbon chicken sandwich. She picked right, I picked wrong. Being a guy, I felt I had to pick the red meat selection. Note to self: you don't always have to be a guy. That bourbon chicken sandwich was awesome. no way was i going to pay another $5 to get one though.

Another great thing about it was the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes baseball team had a booth there. I was offered a job to work for the Volcanoes, and I have an idea that if I'd have taken it, I'd be sitting at this table rather than the extremely bored looking girl in a mustard yellow shirt that was there. No regrets on my part. I found it amusing that their tickets were $8 a game, while the Portland Beavers have tickets for $6. Does this make sense? Single-A short season ball (also known as the first rung on the ladder) for $8 or AAA (also known as the last step before the bigs) for $6? Anyways, they had one of those "fastest pitch" things set up, where you can throw three balls for $1 and they'll record the speed of your fastest throw. The sign said "fastest pitch of the day wins a prize." So I asked what the prize was. She says "a weekend vacation." Not too shabby. I asked where this trip was to, and she tells me that they have "a variety of locations across the country." I looked at the sign, and the fastest pitch was 53 MPH. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I could throw that off-handed. So I ponied up the buck, and threw a pitch. 61 MPH. Already in the lead. Next pitch was 64 and the last one was 65. So I'm in the lead, and feeling pretty good, since a vast majority of the people at this festival are 50 years or older and more interested in filling their glasses with merlot or pinot than throwing baseballs. We walk away to taste some more wines (rachel) and contemplate buying more food (me).

Out of the corner of my ear, I hear a faint "pop." Someone else was throwing baseballs. Sounded like they were throwing them pretty good too. I had to go check it out. Some guy, probably just old enough to get into a wine festival, is pitching. Much to my chagrin, he's just thrown a ball 67 MPH. Bye bye weekend vacation. Rachel goes "you can throw harder than that." She's right! So I wait til he wanders off, not to give away my intentions. Then I forked over another dollar. Wound up and threw.....66. Dang. Gonna have to dig a little deeper. Next pitch...69. Yeah boy! That vacation is mine. The last one I was feeling pretty good and more than a little cocky. So I fire it in there.......

Before I tell you the speed, let me say something. When you haven't pitched in almost 4 years, and haven't even softly tossed a baseball in over a year, it's a very bad idea to go out and throw a ball as hard as you can without warming up. I was able to get away with this for 5 pitches, but the sixth one just killed. I got that tingly sore sensation you get when you throw a ball a little too hard almost instantly. Two days later, I can still tell that I probably threw that last one with a little too much gusto. I hit 71 and felt pretty safe that the kid wasn't going to be able to top that. I figured he had to throw about his best to beat 65, because nobody's gonna hold back and try and throw just 2 MPH faster than the previous best. There's no way you could trust yourself to throw a ball just that much faster...you'd have to pick it up a little bit just to feel safe.

Sadly though, I still have not received a phone call congratulating me on winning a weekend vacation. Maybe someone beat me after we left. Maybe the Volcanoes brought in a ringer right at the end of the day to ensure that their tiny organization that pays people barely better than minimum wage would not have to dole out a vacation. Maybe they conveniently wrote down my number incorrectly. Maybe they'll still call. I doubt it.

Other highlights of the weekend:

*Quote of the weekend - "I'd love to ride a horse through an office building." Grant, while watching Open Range.

*Surprise of the weekend - Oregon State beating Washington by 17. Big big win for our little university. It's the kind of win that makes you think ridiculous thoughts. Thoughts like "if we win our last six games (including 4 on the road, where we're 4-8 on the season), we might make the NCAA tournament!" or...."This win might give us the momentum to win at Arizona (where we haven't won in god knows how long)." Yes, I've thought both of these thoughts over the past 24 hours.

*Gift of the weekend - Rach got me a six pack of Pepsi and a book called "100 Greatest Sports Arguments of all time" for V-Day. This is why I love her. Two of my favorite things: Drinking Pepsi and arguing about sports. Probably cost her about $10 total, yet she couldn't have picked a more perfect gift.

*Disappointment of the weekend - Finding out that I could only throw a ball 71 MPH. My how the years fly by. My how the years sap your athletic ability.

*Moment of the Weekend - Rachel and I dancing in our living room to DJ Casper's "Cha Cha Slide." One of the most ridiculous songs of all time, and also one of the best songs to dance to of all time. In fact, it was so fun, we did it again the next night. Yes we're dorks. But this is reason #1,456 why I love her.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Pet Peeves and Keanu Reeves

sorry, Keanu was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with peeves.


I don't consider myself a tidy person. Anyone who has lived with me can attest to this. However, there is a time and place for everything, and my time and place for tidiness is my computer. Specifically, my music files. I absolutely hate it when some songs are in files with incorrect singers, the caps lock was on, the song name isn't right, or any information is missing. Thus I've begun the tedious task of looking up song title, artist and album information for each and every song in my music library. This totals 1854 songs at the moment. I'm going through this artist by artist. I just made it to the D's. It's 3pm right now. I started this at 11. That's about one hour per letter of the alphabet. At this rate, it's going to take me 26 hours to do this. That's if I don't take any breaks. Good lord.

In other news, my Super Bowl Pepsi Can collection is no more. I started collecting the super bowl collectors cans a few years ago, when Tampa Bay beat whoever they beat in Super Bowl XXXVI. Well, I came downstairs this morning to find that the can from that game had spontaneously sprung a leak and leaked all over the kitchen. This can is sitting (with the other two) on top of the cupboards. It somehow leaked behind the cupboards as opposed to down the front, and pooled on top of the flour container. It was the weirdest thing I've ever seen. I have absolutely no explaination. I just wonder how many ants are going to take up residence behind our counters this summer. I did come to the conclusion however that keeping full Pepsi cans may not be a great idea, so I popped the most recent can into the fridge and drank it shortly thereafter. Last year's can was dumped down the sink and recycled. Sad day.

Alright I'm going to get back to the music. By the way, did anyone know that Britney Spears has a greatest hits album already? And she called it "My Prerogative." What the hell?

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

Living for the Moment

Ever had one of those moments where you hear a song and it just seems to perfectly illustrate your mood for the moment, and you just want to listen to that particular song over and over and over again? Like for the forseeable future, you could never get sick of hearing it? That just happened to me. And the song o' the day happened to be Nelly's "St. Louie." Why that song, I don't know. I've never been to St. Louie, thus you would never find me there. However, I literally got up and started dancing on my way to the refridgerator to get a Pepsi because of this song. It just ended, and now I'm listening to Three 6 Mafia's "Late Nite Tip." Great song, and some other time, I'd be rapping right along with these guys. However, right now I've got a fever, and the only thing that'll cure it is more Nelly. E.I.!!!!

Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Musical musings

I got a job interview!


Finally...after about sending out approximately 15-20 job applications, I got one call back. That's not a very good rate of return, but like an unplanned pregnancy, it only takes once. It's with Health Information Services at the Corvallis Clinic. The call it a "health information services clerk," but really I think that's fancy jobspeak for "office bitch." whatever, it's a source of income. My interview is Tuesday at 2, so I'll post all about the goodness sometime shortly afterwards. It's hard not to put all my eggs in this basket. I've already started thinking about what I'm going to do with my first paycheck and how much I need to start spending on this that and the other. Might wanna get the job there first, chief.

Watched SuperNanny for the first time tonight. I can't help but think that the nanny looks like a character from a bad porn flick. This English lady in a purple suit with horn rimmed glasses and her hair pulled up in a bun. Then showing up, letting her hair down and unbuttoning her suit jacket while biting on the end of her glasses and telling the dad that he's been a bad parent and showing him some "disciplinary techniques." Coming soon to the Adult Video Shop near you....

The show is actually pretty entertaining though. Never thought I'd actually watch it. But flipping channels tonight, I saw this little 4 year old girl slap her mom straight across the face and call her a "butt pie." I was hooked. These kids are absolute psychos. At one point the dad looked totally defeated and said "how did I let it get to this?" If only they had shown the first four years of these kids lives so we all knew what not to do. I know parenting isn't easy, and every kid is different, but c'mon. My parents fought constantly growing up, my dad was hardly ever home, but I never punched my mom, or flat out refused to accept a punishment. The only time I really remember getting way out of line was at the doctor's office when they wanted to prick my finger. They had to call for backup I was so out of control. I was running circles around the nurses station screaming and crying. Rachel told me that when a patient or someone at the hospital gets bullish or physical, they page "Dr. Strong" and a bunch of guys come running to restore order. I was probably the first six year old in history to require a paging of Dr. Strong. Of course it wasn't even close to as bad as I thought it was going to be, but I was quite satisfied that I had to be restrained before being poked.

I got an email from one of the kids at the Boys and Girls Club tonight. It's nice to know that they still think about me there. Makes me feel like I made a difference in at least someone's life while I was there. She wants me to come to one of her basketball games, and I'm gonna try and catch one of the ones at the club coming up here in a few weeks. I don't know if it's considered weird for me to go to a 13 year old girls basketball game or not.

I spent a good chunk of the day today ripping songs from CDs onto my computer and downloading music. I think I probably have a bigger collection of Sir Mix-A-Lot songs that anyone else in the world. Except maybe Mix himself. And I have every Lila McCann song ever released. That's a bigger library than Lila has. I'm sure of that. Why she never became a big star in country is beyond me. My theory is her management team sucked ass. Some of her best songs were never released as singles. It's a crime really. Plus she's really cute. Sigh......

Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. But I bet if they had enough people, they could've done it.

Is this a test?

Ok so I interviewed for a job today. It went well, in my opinion. I had to answer the generic "describe a time when you had to handle 4 duties at once" questions. My favorite was "what do you expect from the next company you work for?" I felt like saying "their money," but I refrained and went with "an enjoyable work atmosphere and a place with good communication between employees." I thought that was more appropriate. I think I answered all the questions well. In my opinion, I'd hire me. The pay is terrible, but it has good benefits. The perks of working for a health care company. The lady told me there's a good opportunity to move up in the company, so that's good. Not to be arrogant, but I don't think it'd be hard for me to prove I was worthy of a higher position there within a year or so.


Tonight Rachel asked me what we were doing this weekend. I mentioned that we should probably do something to "celebrate our love for each other." I thought it was a good line. She laughed at me. Then she said she didn't really care. I was like "you don't care about our love?" She laughed again. She doesn't care what we do, or if we do anything. Apparently she thinks Valentine's Day is a dumb idea and a crummy holiday. Being a guy, you'd think I'd be estatic with this news. However, I can't help but wonder if this is some sort of test. Am I being tested to see how romantic I am? If that's the case, I'm screwed. I'm probably the least romantic person I know. Except for that guy that gave his girlfriend a Thomas Guide street map as a gift. I won't name names.

Speaking of romanticism, what exactly is romantic? Writing a poem? Personally I think equating her eyes to "deep pools of understanding" or her smile to "the light when the sun crests over the mountains in the morning" is just lame. I don't care if you mean it....it just sounds corny. And definitely not me. Is it buying chocolate? Those giant hearts full of chocolates are a sham. Half of those things suck ass and have things like coconut or some strange toffee concoction in them. Not worth it. Plus my girlfriend is the healthiest person on the planet. Flowers? Pretty generic. And expensive. Spending money on her when I don't have a job usually is met with a stern look and "what are you doing? You can't afford this....let me pay for dinner and a movie tonight." My girlfriend. Not only is she awesome, but she pays for stuff. Makes me feel like a freeloading tool sometimes, but I know she's only doing it because she loves me. And because she likes having the power, but whatever. I love her to death.

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold. Can you imagine if someone actually traded in friends? Like if I said "sorry Joel, you're fired. I met this other guy, and while he hasn't been there for me for the past 16 years, he likes playing Xbox with me." Good lord, does this really need to be a saying? Did it really need to be made into a song? What the hell?

Sunday, February 6, 2005

Super

Since this is the Super Bowl entry, all numbers will be in roman numerals.


Another Super Bowl Sunday in the books. The Patriots win again. This is a team that I worshipped in high school. When they won the AFC Championship in MCMXCVII, JR, Grant and I drove through the streets of Wilsonville dressed in red, white and blue waving a Patriots blanket from the bed of the truck and honking the horn. During the playoffs that year, JR and I tried to simulate gametime temperature at Foxboro Stadium by opening all the doors to his apartment in the middle of December....I think it was about XXXIV degrees that day. We simulated all of the playoff games the night before on Playstation - and WATCHED THEM. We didn't just fast simulate, or play with one of the teams. We let the game simulate itself, and watched every play. I was - dare I say - a diehard. And I did die hard the day they lost to the Packers in Super Bowl XXXI. Damn you, Desmond Howard.

So now they've won III of the last IV. And I don't care. I guess I wasn't as big of a fan of the team as I thought, more a fan of the players they had at the time. Seems this has always been the case with me. Once Isiah Thomas, Bill Laimbeer, Rick Mahorn and Vinnie Johnson moved on, I wasn't really the Pistons fan that I was during their championship runs. Way back in the day, I was a huge Blazers fan, until they traded Kiki Vandeweghe (I swear I spelled that right the first time...though I did look it up to make sure.) In fact, the only team that I've stuck with through thick and thin is the Angels. Been a fan going on XIX years now, and I'm pretty sure that they don't have a single person associated with the team now that was a part of the organization in MCMLXXXVI, though I can't prove that. Although it's going to be a tough pill to swallow for me to call them the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. Arte Moreno dropped the ball on this one...it's not worth it. I don't care if you want to be L.A.'s team. It's not worth this. The Golden State Warriors are not the Oakland Warriors of San Francisco. The Minnesota Timberwolves are not the Minnesota Timberwolves of Minneapolis. I'm not happy about this at all.

As for the commercials......I was pretty disappointed. Fed Ex had the best one in my opinion. Any commercial that uses Burt Reynolds and a bear is ok in my book. Even still, there wasn't really a commercial that people will be talking about tomorrow. If you're gonna spend $II.IV million dollars, you better get it right. I am excited about the new Cadillacs though.....look pretty nice.

A few things that I found interesting about the Super Bowl:

* The kid that flipped the coin basically just threw it up in the air....didn't flick it or spin it or anything. The coin floated through the air and never turned over. Might've bounced and turned over, but I doubt it. He didn't really throw it that high. Rodney Harrison looked like he wanted to murder the kid. I could just see him blaming the kid in an on field interview after the game if the Pats had lost.

* The announcers praising Andy Reid and his coaching staff for throwing the red flag to challenge the fumble in the first quarter. They marveled at the speed with which they were able to decide to throw the flag. Nobody seemed to notice that Donovan McNabb ran over to the sideline and said "throw the flag, my knee was down."

* When Tom Brady fumbled and the all the refs were trying to pull people off the pile to find out who had control of the ball and some guy on the Eagles was standing X yards away holding the ball.....I'm amazed this doesn't happen more often.

* I was amazed that T.O. didn't get more show-boaty, especially considering the day he had. He caught more passes for more yards than any other Eagles receiver, yet he only celebrated once. T.O. is all about self promotion, yet he remained pretty business-like on the field. I guess after the game he was saying that if he was Brett Favre, people would be calling him a hero for even playing today. That's the T.O. I know. Trying to tell people how good he is, rather than letting other people do the talking for him. While I think Brett Favre gets more credit than he deserves sometimes, you never hear him telling people how good he is.

That's all I got. Remember, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game. Unless you lose. Then winning was the only thing.

Friday, February 4, 2005

Thumbs Sideways

Ever since I heard about this movie "Sideways" I've been interested in seeing it. I know it cleaned up at the Golden Globes, and the previews tout it as "The best time you'll have at the movies all year." Sounds like a can't miss flick. Well, the one problem I had is that when I saw previews, I had absolutely no clue what the hell this movie was about. There is no discernable storyline from the previews. That always worries me about a movie. If I'm gonna pay between $5.25 and $8.00 to see a movie, I want to have some idea what I'm getting into. Plus, it looked like one of those movies that wins a lot of acclaim and awards, but you're not really sure why. Like "American Beauty" or "Cider House Rules." So I held off seeing it until I could get a reliable source to tell me it was worth seeing.


My dad finally told me it was worth seeing. When he told me it was about wine tasting, I had Rachel hooked. So we went and saw it yesterday afternoon. And.....well I was right. It's good, but I don't understand why it's winning academy awards. It was funny, and the characters were well written and acted, but geez there's a lot of slow parts. All in all I'd say it's a film you can justify seeing at economy time or using your old student ID to get a discount. But if you wait til it's on video, you're not really gonna be sad.

That's all for today. Remember, Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. Unless it's not your baby, or it's possessed by the devil or something. Then get rid of it by any means necessary.

Thursday, February 3, 2005

Dating shows

While watching "Elimidate" last night, I came to a realization - the show sucks. The idea behind the show is good in theory - a guy takes four girls out, then whittles it down to one based on how the date goes. Makes for an interesting show, and in its infancy, it wasn't bad. But somewhere along the line, they stopped casting real people and started casting prostitutes and penises with legs. The show has now deteriorated into four skinny girls with large breasts hurling insults at each other while the walking hard-on stands there and bases his choice solely on which girl is most likely to give him a reacharound by the end of the night. It's so retarded. Last night, these two girls were sitting there calling each other sluts and stupid while the third girl (who actually seemed normal) just kinda stood there with a look of "oh my God, this is the dumbest thing ever." So when the penis says "you're kinda quiet, you don't have anything to say?" she responds with "I don't feel the need to insult the other girls to get your attention." At which point one of the whores starts trying to extract Mr. Penis' tounge from his body with her mouth. Not to be outdone, whore #2 tries to one-up whore #1 by giving the drunken erection an even more disgusting kiss. I'm absolutley convinced that if this show were on Cinemax, Whore #1 would've had her top off and her hand in the jeans of the dude. Whore #2 would've been so insanely overcome with lust that she'd have started coming on to the normal girl and turned her lesbian right there on the spot. Needless to say, when girl #3 refused to suck face with the guy, he cut her for "not competing." This led to a great conversation about "sloppy seconds."


Point is, I felt insulted watching this show. I don't usually feel insulted watching tv. Maybe I've turned the corner from immature boy to somewhat civilized man. Maybe the show has always been bad, and the only thing that's changed is my attitude towards it.

But actually, I think the thing that annoys me the most is that the show is supposed to be about a guy choosing a girl to date. This of course requires the assumption that the girl wants to date the guy. Actually it assumes that all four girls want to date the guy. The same is true with The Bachelor. Once the cameras are on, you could put Jared from Subway or Napoleon Dynamite out there - hell it wouldn't matter if the guy had a wooden leg and an eye-patch. They're not interested in the guy, just getting the most tv face time. When The Bachelor started off with two bachelors and the girls had to choose between the two, one of the girls literally said to the camera "I wanted the other bachelor, but now that Byron's the guy, I'm gonna do everything I can to win." No mention of "I want to marry this man, I think I could have feelings for him." It was all about duping this poor guy into falling in love with her. This is why none of these bachelor shows have happy endings.....nobody is there for the right reasons. Any show with competition dating innately flawed and should be put out to pasture. Or turned into a porn movie. (If the girls are going to act like sluts anyways.......)

Ok I'm done with that rant. Remember, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.....unless you're trying to lose weight to impress the doctor.

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

Free Bill Cosby!

Bill Cosby has been accused of rape. Do you think he'll be charged with sexual assault with a pudding pop?


Seriously though, how could Bill rape anyone? He's like 80 years old. Did he drug her? he'd have to pop like 19 cialis pills too. So that just makes me skeptical right off the bat.

But the most ridiculous thing is that Oregon State is considering cancelling his comedy show here in May because of the accusations. Hello? Innocent until proven guilty? I was under the assumption that was the rule in this country? Or does that only apply in courts? Next time I lose something, I'm immediately blaming my neighbor and getting him evicted. Oregon State has a problem with this type of thing. We're like the kings of overreaction. The band was prohibited from playing Michael Jackson songs at halftime of last years football games.

While we're at it, I think we should stop playing basketball until Kobe Bryant is executed. Maybe close all ice skating rinks in the state until Tonya Harding is burned at the stake.

In other news...I'm sick. Have been since Sunday night. Can't breathe, got a pounding headache. Is it possible to have your sinuses removed? The worst part is sleeping. You try and breathe through your nose, but you feel like you're asphyxiating yourself. So you breathe through your mouth, annoying anyone else in the room (and possibly the room next to yours). Then you wake up, and it feels like someone sand-blasted the inside of your mouth. Your tongue is like a slug that had salt poured on it. Tastes like one too. You have to drink a gallon of water to get moisture back in your mouth, and you can't eat til noon because you still have that nasty drymouth taste. So frustrating.

Dixon Rec Center finally got wise to the fact that I'm not enrolled this term. Only took them 5 weeks. So now I have to pay $5 everytime I want to play basketball. Guess I'm retiring. I'd like to thank my friends and family for supporting me throughout my career, Dixon for giving me a place to play for 7 years, and all my teammates for making playing basketball truly enjoyable.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, wouldn't you feel stupid for letting it go in the first place?