Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Argh

So nothing's more depressing than thinking you're exercising more and eating smarter and then finding out you're not only not losing weight, but you're gaining. Now I know how women feel. Seriously one of the most irritating feelings ever. It may be time to drastically change my diet and see if that helps. I'm the kind of guy that needs to see results in order to continue doing something. I need to see them immediately. Very impatient person.


Yesterday I went to play basketball, and I decided I was going to push myself to play harder than I normally do. I did, and I played fairly well. Only problem was that I fucked up my arch and now I'm limping. Guess there's a reason I don't go full speed anymore. I also have this weird bruise on the top of my foot. Yesterday was a big downer.

Text messaging is killing my cell phone bill. Last year I was paying between $50 and $55 a month. Now I'm up to $67. This has got to stop. Fortunately it's time for me to get a new plan so maybe I can figure out how to save myself a little money.

This is most complaining I've done in a long time. I need something to cheer me up. I'll listen to a little Sir Mix-a-Lot and play some Snood before I head to work...that always picks me up.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Beaver Fever

Who else was sad to see Patrick kicked off American Idol last night? Are you kidding me? He was robbed. This is almost worse than when Nikko Smith got bounced last year. I'm bitter.


Work has been ridiculous this week. If it's this slow throughout the next six months like they've been telling me it might be, I might go insane. I spend almost more time at work reading cnn.com and espn.com than working right now. Yesterday, I thought I'd go ask people if they needed help. I went to three people, they were all either playing online games or looking at news websites. Ridiculous. Thank God I left early yesterday....I might've started office chair bowling by 4:30.

Why'd I leave early you ask? Good question. Rachel had to get her dress altered at David's Bridal. I guess I didn't really need to go, but doing wedding things together is a good idea I suppose. Rach and Mom went to David's Bridal and Grant and I hung out until we went and met them at TGI Fridays. I really like the food at Friday's, but it has to be the loudest restaurant of all time. It's amazing. The highlight of the dinner had to be the awkward first date that was going on at the table next to us. The girl just looked like she was having nothing to do with this guy. He kept trying to tell stories, but the guy was a meathead, and she wasn't interested in hearing his drinking stories. To his credit, he knew he was striking out. She got up to go to the bathroom and he just pulled his stocking cap down as low as he could and shook his head. But did this stop him from trying? Nope. He keep hammering away with his inane stories. Roger Lodge just said something about "I don't think these two will be interested in seeing each other again."

8 hours of work, then I'm off to the beach for the weekend. Our plan is to do as little as possible and watch movies all weekend. Rach is making me watch The Cutting Edge, and I'm breaking out Darby O'Gill and the Little People, if I can find it. Enjoy your weekend!

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Letdowns

Been a few days since I've updated my little blog....the beast needs to be fed.


Went and saw Freedomland last night. I've never seen a movie like that in my life. I still can't decide if it was good or awful. The first half of the movie, I was extremely frustrated. The second half of the movie I was just straight pissed off. Now if a movie can elicit such strong emotions, you'd think it was good. But damn if I can figure out what the hell the point of that movie was. I don't want to ruin it in case any of y'all want to see it, but I'd be interested to know what anyone else thought of it.

If I can find out who put in the stop light at 35th and Harrison, I'm going to pee on their porch. That is the worst light in Corvallis. Not only is it unneccesary, it's timed terribly. I mean, Corvallis is what 150 years old? And there's never been a light there. People seemed to get along with their lives just fine. Now they've got this stupid light where sometimes you're just sitting there, no other cars in sight, and you're staring at a red light. I use that intersection on a regular basis, and I never EVER thought "geez a light is really needed here." It's the most worthless thing ever. Right up there with the second stop sign they added on Monroe. Thank God that only lasted a year or so.

Speaking of driving....police in Corvallis are now starting to enforce the pedestrian law. The pedestrian law basically says if there's a person waiting to cross the street, you've gotta stop and let them go. I don't have a problem with this rule - 9 times out of 10 I'd stop anyways. But now pedestrians seem to not only assume that you WILL stop but now they think your car can stop FASTER too. Brown Sugar has shitty breaks and it weighs a crapload. I can't stop fast. So a memo to ballsy pedestrians....I once hit a guy on Monroe in the Mustang. That was an accident. The next time it won't be. (Yes, the guy was alright.......it was mostly a love tap. He walked out of my blind spot at a stop sign, and when I saw him, my foot slipped and I hit the gas instead of the brake and popped him up on my hood. No harm done, we both apologized.)

Some genius that dove into a few inches of water at a frat party last year and paralyzed himself is suing the frat, OSU and the city of Corvallis for medical costs and lost wages. He's suing for $50 million dollars. I didn't realize the guy was planning on winning powerball for a living. Let's see here....you wandered by a frat party you weren't invited to, saw a pool in the front yard, and decided it'd be a good idea to dive headfirst into it and snapped your neck. And you're suing the city because it was their water in the pool? You're suing OSU because the frat is affiliated with it? You're suing the frat for creating an unsafe environment? If it was unsafe, why'd you jump in? It sounds to me like this guy doesn't have a leg to stand on. Ok that was mean. But you see my point.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

The man in the red shirt

So I have this red shirt. It's got some black stripes on it. I like this shirt. So I wear it to work every so often. Take yesterday for example. Only problem is, every single time I wear this shirt, this other guy that works here wears a shirt that looks almost identical. It's amazing. No matter what day I wear this shirt, I always run into Lyle and he's sporting a similar look. Never fails. Every time I hear someone says "hey you and Lyle are like twins today!" or "Did you and Lyle coordinate before work today?" or my favorite "Is it red striped shirt day? Did I miss the memo?" So frustrating!


That's all I got today. I volunteered to train as a backup for my supervisor's position. Keep in mind I know nothing about stock transfers or tax law, but I figure this could be a good way to end up making more money down the line. We'll see if anything comes of it. Enjoy your Thursday.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Valentine's Day

So I heard on the radio that men spend on average $136 on gifts for Valentine's day. Women? They spend $69. This reinforces my belief that Valentine's Day isn't really a day for people to celebrate their love. It's really a day for women to find out how much their men love them. I lucked out this year. Because we're saving money for the wedding, we agreed not to do gifts. Her idea actually. Works for me. So we just did the whole dinner and a movie thing.


Dinner was at Headwaters, the restaurant we're considering for our rehersal dinner. Nice place actually. We get there, and I say "we have a reservation for Lasselle." The guy looks around and says "we don't have a table under that name....we do have one under "Assatale." Really? Assatale? I even spelled my name over the phone to the girl who took my reservation. I can see missing an S or an L or something, but adding a T? C'mon now. Anyways, we decided that must be our table. Imagine the surprise on our faces when Mr. Assatale showed up! I'm just kidding, there wasn't a Mr. Assatale.

Anyways, I ordered the special...elk steak with potatoes au gratin. Rachel go the salmon and red potatoes. It was a pretty good meal. Those au gratin potatos were awesome. The elk steak was pretty good too. The only thing I didn't understand is that there was a piece of fried chicken on my plate. I have no clue if that was on the menu or if it fell off someone else's plate onto mine, but I was not down with a piece of fried chicken. I didn't even touch it. Ok, I take that back. I did, only to figure out what it was. There was way more fried than chicken. It was awful. I'm willing to chalk that one up as a mistake and let it go though, cause I'm cool like that.

After dinner, we headed over to the movie theater to see Firewall. The movie really should've been called Air Force Two. Same plot, only Harrison Ford isn't the president. Before I saw the movie, I talked to Joel, who said when he saw the preview the first thing he thought was "GET OFF MY PLANE!" Dead on. It was a pretty predictable movie, but enjoyable. I'd give it a B-. At one point a blender is used as a weapon....prompting Rachel to lean over and say "that's why I put a blender on our wedding registry." That made me laugh.

And now a Valentines Day flashback.......

Back in 2002, I get a call from the house mom at Chi Omega. She says she's planning a "singles dinner" for some of the girls without dates, and wondered if I'd like to go. She was inviting some of the girls male friends in an attempt to make the girls not feel alone on V-Day. Made sense to me, and I liked most of the girls in the house, so I said sure. Well I show up at the restaurant, and I'm the only guy. 14 Chi Omegas and me. So I sit down, feeling a little less than comfortable. About halfway through the meal, my friend Sue just starts cracking up. I ask her what's so funny, and she says "the couple at the table behind you has been staring at you all night. The guy just leaned over to the girl and said "he's got to be gay." Yup.......some people see a guy with 14 girls and say "PIMP." This guy sees me and says "HOMO." Glad to know I give off such a masculine vibe.

Monday, February 13, 2006

Originality is dead

Without a doubt, the most popular song for myspace pages has to be upside down by Jack Johnson. Does everyone love this guy or what? Am I the only guy who doesn't really know who the hell this guy is? It seems like everytime I look at someone's page for the first time, I'm hearing those goddamn bongos. Let's mix it up people!


The weekend was pretty relaxed. Went to the gymnastics "pink out" on Friday. It was a fundraiser for breast cancer. All the gymnasts wore pink leotards, and they handed out pink t-shirts. Sadly, they didn't have extra large, so I got to squeeze my chunky frame into a large. It really wouldn't have been that bad, if I didn't have a shirt on underneath it. Rachel was like "ooooh sexy man in a tight pink shirt....can we write 'Kitten' on the back? For whatever reason, she's started calling me Kitten. I'm stuck in that odd position where if I get frustrated by it, she'll call me Kitten more, and if I pretend like I like it, she'll keep calling me Kitten. I have nothing in common with kittens, I don't particularly even like kittens. Yet it's her new pet name for me.

Saturday we went to Target and scanned items for our wedding registry. What fun! They just give you a scanner and you run around the store scanning anything that looks like you might like it. You might scan a kitchen knife set one minute, a fluffy pillow the next, and then you're scanning Jenga. And yes, we did scan all those items. I can't wait til we do that at another store. I don't even care if people will never buy the stuff for us, I just like scanning!

Yesterday we went to Portland so Rachel could try on the dress and we could go see the bears. No joke, one of the black bears was named Andy. We got our picture taken with him. He was a nice bear. Ironically, the guy kept feeding him gummi bears. I don't know if this is a form of cannibalism or not, but it was weird.

Enjoy your week!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Let's hear it for the bears

By now, most of you have probably heard of my affection for all things bear. Most of my friends refer to me as "Big Bear," even my cousin's kid calls me Uncle Big Bear. When asked what my real name was, she simply replied "Bear?" Yeah, it's strange. I'm not particularly hairy, or bear like in any way. I've been told I give good hugs, and that I'm a hugger, but that was by this crazy girl that I went on a blind date with once that tried to kidnap me back to her house and got her straw stuck in her hair at dinner. So I don't really place her evaluation of my hugs in very high esteem. That was an awful date really. But that's another story.


Anyways, I guess the origin of the bear thing dates back to my grandma. She collected teddy bears, in particular Paddington Bears. You know, the bear that wears galoshes and I'm pretty sure was some sort of British orphan. Not really sure on the story of Paddington. Did his mom drop him off on a doorstep, ring the bell and run? Were his parents poached? I don't know. Anyways, she always had a thing for bears. The only movie I ever remember going to with my grandma was "The Bear." You know the one with like 3 words in the whole movie? Probably not as good as I remember it, but I remember thinking that little bear was the greatest thing ever. So they've always been one of my favorite animals.

I remember when we took a family vacation to Canada and down through Montana and Yellowstone, my entire goal was to see a wild bear. Never happened though. My sister claimed she saw one, but by the time we got to where she was, there was no bear. I was so mad, I called her a liar, which my brothers thought was hilarious, so they joined in, and we ended up making her cry. Yeah, I wanted to see a bear so bad I made my 10 year old sister cry. Ridiculous. Sorry Erin!

Anyways, the bear thing went dormant for a few years. Then came the movie Super Troopers. One of the greatest movies ever. Anyways, at the end of the movie, the good cops and the bad cops get in this slapstick drunken fight, and in the background there's a song playing. It's called "Big Bear" by the band Steak. Not a particularly great song, but for the next few days, I just kept laughing to myself and mumbling "Big Bear, he's iron tough!" My roommate Dave caught on, and started calling me Big Bear. For whatever reason, I started calling him Big Bear, and we've both been Big Bear ever since.

Now the bear thing is out of control. Dave and I make bear noises to greet each other on the phone. I have a bear shot glass, and I don't drink. Grant made me a calendar for christmas in which he superimposed my head on a bear's body and vice versa. I'm driving to Portland this weekend for the outdoor sportsman's expo not because I like fishing or hunting or camping necessarily, but because they have a live 600 pound grizzly on display. Rachel tells me at least once a week...."Baby, you're not a bear."

Thursday, February 9, 2006

Letter to the Editor

I wrote a letter to the editor of the OSU Barometer regarding this whole scrap over student seats at baseball games. For more background on this story, I provided a few links.

http://barometer.orst.edu/vnews/display.v/ART/2006/02/06/43e6f9da4c224?in_archive=1

http://barometer.orst.edu/vnews/display.v/ART/2006/02/07/43e84df2734cf?in_archive=1

Here's my letter. Hasn't been published yet, but let me know what you think.

Students can't have it both ways.

Just a few months ago, I remember student outcry because a report came out that athletics was pulling money from funds allocated for educational use. Now that the athletic department has a chance to make some money of its own by capitalizing on the success of the baseball team, students cry foul. What gives?

In the 8 years I've lived in Corvallis, I would be surprised if 500 students ever showed up for a single baseball game, save for the few final series of last years season. Furthermore, 500 seats is over 20% of the available seats for a baseball game. Compare that to the less than 15% of available seats they have for basketball and football, and I'd say they're getting a pretty fair deal.

Dan McCarthy says he is afraid that students will be "priced out" if sports such as softball or volleyball become successful. Yet OSU is one of very few major colleges not to charge students for tickets to any sport. Granted athletic fees are factored into student tuition, but these only cover basketball and football tickets for students. What would students rather have? Tickets that can be paid for by scholarships and grants, or out of pocket expenses? He probably should wait until students actually have to pay for sporting events before worrying about high ticket prices.

I agree that students are a valuable part of a home crowd. They are some of the loudest and most energetic fans in the stands.....if they show up. And they only show up if the team is good or we're playing the Ducks. If the baseball team is 6-18, are 500 students really going to show up for a rainy Wednesday afternoon game against the University of Portland? I'd be surprised if you get 50. Even for football and basketball, it's a very rare occasion when every student ticket is distributed, much less every seat actually filled.

Perhaps student government should focus more on educational issues than where they sit to watch a sport they couldn't have cared less about one year ago.

Wednesday, February 8, 2006

Busted faces and nuts in the mail

So I'm playing basketball today, and this guy starts driving to the hoop. I beat him to the spot and just stand there. He barrels into me and slams his elbow into my face, splitting it open just above my left eye. So now I'm bleeding all over myself, and he calls a foul on me! What? So I say the first thing that pops into my head, which is "Fuck you!" This resulted in a pretty heated argument in which nothing got resolved. So I played the rest of the game with blood on my face and my shirt. When the game was finished, the guy comes over and apologizes for the blunt force trauma to my face. I say, "I'm not mad that I got hit - that happens - I was more made that you called a foul." And the douchebag goes "Well what happened was I saw you there and decided that I wasn't going to get a clean shot so I knew I was going to call a foul before I shot the ball." This guy literally told me he CALLED THE FOUL IN ADVANCE OF ANY CONTACT!!! That's enough to make me hate playing basketball at Dixon. I think I'll just use a treadmill or elliptical for a while now.


Attention anyone planning on getting married anytime in the future. DO NOT GO TO A WEDDING SHOW! I'm serious about this. You are hounded at every corner by people begging you to use thier services. They tempt you to give them information by offering you free wedding dresses, free tuxedos, 50% off your catering or dj service, etc. Things you can't pass up the chance to win because weddings are so damn expensive that you'll take a break any way you can get it. Well once you leave the Bridal Show, that's when the real fun begins. I get 3 emails a day from people hocking wedding services. We get phone calls and junk mail every day from people peddling their wares. Today was the topper though. Some place sent me a six page typed letter telling me "I must be nuts to try and plan a wedding on my own. To further illustrate their point, they actually stapled a bag of peanuts to the first page of the letter. If that doesn't scream ri-god damn-diculous, I don't know what does

Tuesday, February 7, 2006

Dinner for dummies

So as we're cooking dinner tonight (which was grilled cheese sandwiches and stuffing) I'm looking at the box for the directions on how to cook the stuffing. Pretty simple...boil water and margarine. So I'm like 1/4 cup margarine, got it. Rachel says "you don't need to use that much margarine." I'm like "baby, the recipe on the box calls for 1/4 cup margarine, I'm using 1/4 cup margarine." She says "I'll bet it says that the margarine is optional." So I look at the box and sure enough, there's an asterisk. So the message attached to the asterisk says "to cook with less margarine, decrease margarine by 2 tablespoons."


Ummmm......

So let me get this straight, if I don't want to use as much margarine, I shouldn't put as much in?

Am I going to be tested on this?

Can I borrow your legs?

Before I get to my post, I need to comment on the ad banner running across the top of my screen. It says "who would win in a fight?" and then there's pictures of bloodied Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. Are you kidding me? I win a free shopping spree if I tell you who would win a ficticious fight? That being said......I think Aniston would win. I know that there's no question who the bigger badass is.....Angelina is an action star, she's got that bad girl look, blah blah blah. But she didn't get her man pilfered by some whore. The only true cliche is "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Aniston in a landslide. She might not even lose a button on her shirt.


Ok, now onto the post. I have been heading to the gym pretty regularly the past week. I've been running around 3 miles a day, and it's starting to catch up with me. My legs are so stiff. Plus, my running form is all off and I feel like I'm going to fall off the treadmill everytime I get on it. It's a terrible feeling to realize you're no longer an athlete in any sense of the word. My goal is to get back to that by the wedding. So far, no good.

I almost forgot to share the quote of the weekend with you all. I may or may not have mentioned that Rachel was pissed at me for buying too much food for the Super Bowl party. I said I was only going to spend around $20 at the store. I spent $40. So we're walking out of the store and she says "20 bucks, huh?" So I say something like "yeah, guess I screwed that up." And she says "It's like you have no concept of what things cost." Which is true. When it comes to grocery stores, I just buy whatever looks good without taking price into consideration. Anyways, so then I said something like "Oh well it's the Super Bowl." WRONG THING TO SAY. She gets all exasperated and says "We're trying to save money for a wedding, not feed the hungry!" Which would've made me laugh if I hadn't been in trouble and known laughing would only make it worse. Looking back, it's downright hilarious.

Monday, February 6, 2006

Super Bowl Hangover

That "eat healthy" thing I tried to start the other day isn't going so well so far. I can't imagine the pizza rolls were very healthy for me.....or the summer sausage that I kept snacking on......or the potato chips.......or the cookies......you get the idea. They say that the average person consumes 1200 calories during the Super Bowl. I'd be willing to bet I was in the ballpark. Good thing I went for a 3 mile run before the game.


Shame on Grey's Anatomy for making last night's "Code Black" episode a two-parter. If you're going to do that, you need to give people advance warning. I was all jacked up for a resolution, and then they just leave you hanging with Merideth's hand on a bomb in a body cavity. I mean, come on. This isn't Baywatch or Walker, Texas Ranger. Those two shows must have set the record for most two-part episodes. I don't want to wait a whole week to see how they get the bomb out of the guy's chest without it detonating. And that's the damning thing about it.......you know that everything's going to be alright, no major character is going to be killed off, and yet you're still on the edge of your seat. It's like when you watched the movie Miracle. You knew going in that the US was going to win 4-3 on Mike Eruzione's goal with 10 minutes left, and yet you sweated out the last 10 minutes going "holy crap, the Russians could tie this up at any moment!" Damn you Hollywood for playing with our emotions like this.

Well it's about time to start another week at work. I'm on deposit this week, which means I don't have to scramble for work and do crazy side projects as much. I like that. Knowing what your day is going to be like going in. Gives you time to get your mind right.

Friday, February 3, 2006

Wedding boot camp

So tonight Rachel and I went to pick out tuxedos for the wedding. Was actually pretty painless. We kind of knew what we wanted going in, which made it easier. We decided against selecting different tuxes or making color changes between my tux and the groomsmens tuxes, or the ushers or our fathers. It just gets too complicated if everyone needs something different. Plus, I don't really feel the need to stand out from them any more than I already am. I mean, I'm 6'2, my bride-to-be is 5'1" and the priest marrying us is about 5'5. I think I'm going to stick out enough. Basically it's going to look like Chewbacca marrying R2-D2 and having one of those wookie things as our priest.


At one point the girl working at Mr. Formal asked how Rachel and I met. That question still bothers me. We used the ol' "it's a very long story" excuse. She wasn't buying it. She seemed almost pissed off that we didn't want to tell her. (For those of you who don't know how we met, I'd be happy to tell you somewhere a little more private than the WORLD Wide Web. I don't mind if my friends know, but people I don't know still look at me a little weird when I tell them.)

Then little miss full of questions asked if I wanted to get fitted. That's when it hit me.....I've got to wear a tux in a little over 5 months and I still look like a hippo when I get in the bathtub. *DISCLAIMER* I don't really take baths that often, but a hippo in the shower makes much less sense. So now I have to really be serious about working out and eating healthy. So I am asking all of you to help. Be an asshole if you have to, but don't let me eat a whole bag of potato chips in one sitting. If we're eating out....make some comment about how I should get a salad. If I'm playing X-box, pull the plug and throw a pair of tennis shoes at me. Actually, make sure I'm not winning my game before you pull the plug. If I'm winning, I promise I'll go as soon as the game's over. For me to be at my best come July 7th, I need you all to be at your worst up until them. Call me fatty.....I can take it.

Back in the winter of 1978, a farmer named Dale and a former college cheerleader named Louise got busy and nine months later, out popped a beautiful baby boy they named Andrew. On the outside he seemed perfect. And he almost was. But there was one fatal flaw......motivation was a recessive trait in both Dale and Louise, so little 'Roo was born without the motivation gene. I seriously lack it. Hence the seven plus years it took me to get a four year degree. So beat me if you have to. Put a padlock on my fridge. It's for my own good and I know it.

And yes, 'Roo was a Winnie the Pooh reference. I called my mom Kanga I was so into it. I was a very awkward little kid.

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Badgered

While browsing oscars.com today, I came across the nominees for best animated short film. There's one called "Badgered." The synopsis says "A beleaguered badger tries to get some sleep."


...........ummm..............

A movie about a grumpy badger trying to get some sleep? Does it star my fiancee? OK, that was a total joke, you know I love you Rachel. In all seriousness, was there a shortage of animated shorts this year? Could I have made a movie about an uppity cow that won't give milk and won an Oscar? Or is this a movie that is brilliant in its simplicity? A beleaguered badger tries to get some sleep. Seems pretty simple. Although any movie you sum up in one sentence is going to be simple. Brokeback Mountain could be described as "gay cowboys struggle with their relationship," or Ice Age as "A mammoth, sloth and sabre tooth tiger come together to help baby human." Given that sentence, the movie sounds absurd. Well, ok, it is absurd. But funny! So I guess I should give Badgered a try. Where can you rent animated shorts, anyways? How does anyone see these?

Update on cigarrette-gate

So Rachel went over to talk to our landlords. She tried to explain that we don't smoke. The landlord said that the butts were found out in the carport. So Sylvia downstairs complained about smoking that was being done at least 20 feet from her apartment, behind a wall. Furthermore, she could not have seen the people smoking and thusly had no reasonable reason to think it was us. My guess it was just some kids who stopped for a smoke break out of the rain. Anyways.....after Rachel made it a point to tell the landlords that it was rude of them to accuse us without even talking to us about it, they told her that Sylvia had complained about us in the past. Rachel asked what about, and was told that Sylvia had said that we had dumped beer off our balcony onto her this summer! Yeah, because we were so mad at the 70 year old retired teacher that we decided to give her a Coors shower. I know what event she is referring to, and what really happened was we dumped water out of our cooler off the side of our balcony into the grass below.......not knowing Sylvia was outside on her porch. The water never came close to hitting her, and we apologized immediately once we realized she was down there. Yet she tries to make it into something like we forced her into a wet t-shirt contest at Platinum. Sylvia doesn't know it yet, but her apartment is now directly in the path of the 5'1" tornado of anger. Batten down the hatches!