Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Downton Abbey

Yes, this post includes some spoilers, so just stop now if you're planning on watching


Because I like other people to decide for me what I should spend my leisure time reading/watching (see my late-to-the-party posts about Twilight, Hunger Games, and 50 Shades of Grey, plus television shows like House of Cards and Walking Dead), I waited until a sufficient amount of people around me started talking about Downton Abbey before getting on board with it. 

Watching Downton Abbey proved more difficult than expected.  At first, it was easy thanks to Netflix, but suddenly it disappeared from their catalog.  Some Internet sleuthing uncovered that apparently the rights to online streaming of the show had been purchased by Amazon, so unless I wanted to pay an additional $7.99 to watch it, I was out of luck there.  Renting it seemed foolish, since I didn't have 9 hours to spend on a one day rental, and paying $3.99 for a 5 day rental seemed even dumber given that I'd end up paying $8 to rent seasons 2 and 3.  Of course, nobody buys stuff like this on DVD anymore, so borrowing it was out too.  After being openly mocked for asking to borrow a copy of the Hunger Games from someone ("What you're too cheap to buy a $5 book for your Kindle?") I was gun shy on that idea anyways.

The solution presented itself in the form of the public library.  Hooray for ostensibly educational programming!  So I hop on the Corvallis Public Library's website (hilariously, their website is www.thebestlibrary.net, though I have no clue what claim they have to this.  And based on my experience with their parking lot, I'd have to disagree.)  and place a hold on season 2.  This was about 2 months ago.  I'm currently 66th in line to get it. Given that the rental period is one week, I should expect to be able to watch it sometime in November 2014.  This is where living in Albany comes in handy.  Rachel reserved season 2 before we went on vacation in July.  It was ready for us to check out the day we got back.  She reserved season 3 as soon as we were done watching season 2.  We got season 3 about two weeks later.  Two weeks vs. 66 weeks.  So basically we got it about 3300% faster.  I'll bet the situation would be reversed if we tried to rent season 1 of Duck Dynasty, but that's a topic for another blog post.

First off, I absolutely love Downton Abbey.  I've always been fascinated with history and how people lived in other eras.  It's mind-blowing the way these people lived.  Sure, there's not much action and it's slow and hard to understand their accents at times, but I really enjoyed it.  That's not to say that it's a perfect show - it suffers from the same pratfalls as other shows:
  • Too many story lines.  I'm kind of surprised this is an issue when each season is only 9 episodes, but throwing in random character arcs like a random maid having random sex with a random soldier and having a random baby before becoming a hooker to support her baby and then being "rescued" by Mrs. Crowley was completely pointless and I groaned every time she popped up on the screen.  Other unnecessary plot lines include the saga of Bates and his completely evil wife (she was so mad at him that she killed herself to frame him for murder?  Really?  Has anyone ever been this mad ever?  I could see faking her own death (much like what happened to Libby Parsons in Double Jeopardy) but actually killing yourself out of spite?) and the courtship of Mrs. Patmore....what was the point of that?  It seemed like a pretty drawn out way to introduce a "ringer" for a tug-of-war bet. 
  • The rule that nobody is allowed to be happy for more than an episode.  I hate this.  There's always got to be some sort of catastrophe that consumes the house every other episode.  Oh you just rekindled the love of your life?  He's going to get wounded in a war.  What's that?  He can walk again?  Well now his fiancee is going to die.  Oh you just found out you don't have to sell your estate?  Sorry, your daughter's going to die because of an arrogant doctor.  It's maddening. 
That being said, I do really enjoy the writing.  Mrs. McGonagall (I have to call her that, because The Dowager Countess of Grantham is just too long) is phenomenal, and I also really like the work of the actors that play Thomas, Anna, Mr. Carson, and the Earl of Grantham himself.  It's a great show to balance out the mind-blowing idiocy that is the Bachelorette for me.  Finally, I'll leave you with my five luckiest and unluckiest characters on the show.

Unluckiest
5. Ms. O'Brien - Every one of her dastardly schemes has been thwarted.  She can't buy a break.  She even got unlucky with her soap scheme.  That was like a one-in-a-thousand shot that her ladyship would exit the tub and step on that exact 4 inch space without seeing it first.  Baby Killer.

4.  Mr. Bates - Permanently injured in a war, hated for no apparent reason by O'Brien and Thomas, apparently married the wicked witch of the west on steroids who won't divorce him despite being offered an apparently large sum of money and then is framed for her suicide.  He is then hated by his cellmate (again for no apparent reason) who tries to frame him for smuggling and enlists an equally sinister guard to tip off the only witness that can exonerate him that he might be on to her.  Not fair dude.

3.  Thomas Barrow- first off, his sexual orientation is against the law.  That's a tough break.  He's a footman and hates his job.  He sees a way out via the war, only if going to war is your best option at a better life, again that's a tough break.  Hatches a plan to maim himself in order to get out of the war, which works brilliantly for a while, but he's out on his ass when the war ends.  Is swindled out of what money he does have by a black market sugar peddler, and then almost kills a dog in a scheme to curry favor with the Earl.  Does curry that favor, only to lose his job as valet when Bates returns.  Also is in love with a guy who loves women. 

2.  Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham - Lost his wife's money on a business venture gone south, almost forced to sell an estate that has apparently been in his family for centuries.  He gets bailed out by his son-in-law, which has to be the unluckiest way to get lucky in the history of the world.

1.  Lady Edith - Middle Child, which is in my opinion the worst position to be in.  You're not the first and you're not the baby.  You're the other one.  Also, while not ugly by any stretch of the imagination, she's bookended by knockouts for sisters.  Falls in love with an old dude but is initially thwarted by her conniving older sister, then gets past that only to have him wounded in the war, making him seem unsuitable to her father, who talks the old cripple out of marrying her.  Finally overcomes that obstacle only to be jilted at the alter when the old fuddy duddy inexplicably gets cold feet.  She also had a brief romance with a married guy until his wife put the kibosh on it, then falls in love with another married guy who legally can't get divorced because his wife's legally insane.  Has she ever had a good day?

Luckiest
5.  Lord Grantham - He's on the list because he's born into his position, married a rich American to keep his estate going, then was bailed out a second time by his son in law.   Also lucky nobody discovered he was putting the moves on an anonymous maid and somehow got his mommy to get the doctor to fudge the truth a little bit to get him back in good graces with his wife after his stubbornness played a major role in the death of his daughter.

4.  Matthew Crawley - before dying, he was pretty damn lucky.  Survived the war, was told he'd never walk again, only to find out he's perfectly fine.  Tries to push away two hotties that want to marry him at different times before finally picking one only to have the other one totally understand and then die to avoid any future awkwardness when they see each other at parties.  Then, despite spurning a girl who stuck by him through his pseudo-paralysis, her father leaves him a gigantic sum of money, but this is only after Lavinia AND two other contingency beneficiaries die.  Oh, and he married into a family that will give him a title with which to wield that money.  Also had a son, which was apparently a big deal in those times. 

3.  McGonagall - She is like a thousand years old, which in itself is pretty lucky for someone born during a time when average life expectancy is around 50 and I doubt she's ever done a lick of physical exercise in her life.  Plus she's super rich and has yet to have one of her little plans not pan out.

2.  Tom Branson - OK, so the love of his life died.  That was a bummer.  Still, he made the leap from Irish Chauffeur hellbent on the destruction of everything the Crawleys held dear to becoming one of the family with respect amongst both the family and the servants.  Not bad for for an Irish Catholic.  Also apparently was able to be party to the burning down of an innocent families house and escape any sort of punishment beyond "don't go back to Ireland." 

1.  Daisy, the assistant cook.  Probably the only person to not have any personal tragedy befall her.  Was in love with Thomas, but luckily he's into guys and spurns her advances.  William loves her, but she doesn't love him, yet she agrees to marry him as sort of a "sorry you've got to go to war" present from the staff.  Of course he gets himself killed, getting her out of any future awkwardness.  Oh, and his dad wants to leave her a farm, giving her a life outside of the pseudo-indentured servitude that is the life of a servant on one of these estates.  Then she falls in love with that goofy buffoon Alfred, only to have a pretty kitchen maid Ivy show up just in time to turn Alfred's attention elsewhere and save her from ending up related to O'Brien.