Random ramblings

So today I went to Safeway to buy milk and bananas. It made me feel healthy. And I'm sure the checker was thinking "wow, he's gonna eat some bananas and have a glass of milk." I always wonder what people think when you buy things at the store. If you get a whole cartload of stuff everything goes largely unnoticed, but in the express lane, you tend to think everything's related. Like if you saw someone buying a loaf of bread, two Snickers, a pineapple, and some Drano you'd probably go "what the hell kind of shopping trip is that?" Or if you bought a gallon of ice cream and an onion. Everyone's gonna think "boy that's a weird combination, ice cream and onions." Of course they're not related, other than the fact that you're buying them simultaneously. I think someone should test this out....it could be a great hidden camera show. People go into supermarkets, pick out random stuff, and you record the checkers reactions. I think it could work.

This reminds me of the time in Colorado when I went to the supermarket to buy a pint of ben and jerry's ice cream, a bag of gummy bears, and a box of lucky charms - You know, the usual. Well I walk up to the counter and there's this lady in front of me with all of her groceries in her arms. And she had a lot. Like a gallon of milk, a carton of OJ, some bread, a few cans of beans or something and a couple other things. I've forgotten exactly, but she had what was almost an unmanageable load of groceries. So she dumps it all on the conveyor belt and lets out this huge sigh of relief. The checker goes "boy you just made it there Denise." The town of Fraser, Colorado isn't very big. Everyone knows everyone. Well, me being me, I just can't keep my mouth shut, so I blurt out "you know they have these things called carts now, they're really helpful." This lady is about twice my age....I'd guess around 45. So she looks at me and goes "is that a fact?" And I say "Yeah, experience has taught me those things can be helpful." And she looks at me and goes "you know what experience has taught me?" At this point I figure she's either gonna tell me to mind my own fucking business or hit me, and I instantly regret ever opening my mouth. But nooooo, she goes "I've learned that sometimes you have to take advice from people who are only twenty years old. And as she said those last three words, she slapped me on the ass in unison with each word. Three slaps. One she could've gotten away with. Two I would've dismissed as being friendly. The third one was scary. As in "you should let me teach you a few things, junior." At this point, I lost my smart-assedness (probably because my ass smarted! Good god I amuse myself) and turned red and just kind of stood there with this stupid look on my face that was part shock, part amusement and part terror. She paid for her groceries, gave me a wink and left. I think I ended up giving my ice cream to Kindra, because I suddenly didn't feel like eating anything.

The point is.....the supermarket is not for conversation. Don't strike up a conversation. I don't care what the people are getting, or what they're doing. Let them do it and be quiet.