Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Early bird gets done up the butt

Are you kidding me? I wake up at 8:30, feelin good. Well rested, I went to bed fairly early. No work today, great. Can't beat that. So I decide to get some stuff done. I've gotta run to the bank to get some quarters to do some laundry. I debated with putting laundry off for a while and working on job applications, but then I realized I could start the laundry and do the job apps and be done with everything by 11:30 or so. So off I go. Hop in the truck and I'm gone. The truck is in some pretty bad shape. If you asked me what was wrong with it, I'd say everything. It's sprung a couple leaks, the ignition switch is tricky, one door doesn't open, there's holes in the floorboards.....it's a wreck. Xzibit really needs to pimp it. I don't need a full size rollerskating rink in the back or an ATM machine in the dash, but it could use some paint and a new interior. Anyways.....the truck is also low on gas. Remembering the last time I let it run out I ended up getting two parking tickets, I figured I better get some gas. However, because of the one way grid downtown, I'm playing tetris trying to maneuver Brown Sugar around downtown to get to the gas station and have the truck pointing towards the bank when I'm done. I failed, thanks to a Jeep Cherokee that was blocking two gas pumps. Asshole. So then I have to go away from the bank before I can go back towards the bank. Yay. I finally get to the bank, and find out it's not open until 10! 10 am! Do people not have banking needs before 10? Is there any logical reason for this? I figured it might be just US Bank, but no, Wells Fargo is the same way. So now I've got 40 minutes until 10 am. So I can either chill downtown for 40 minutes in a sweatshirt and shorts, or I can go home, sit around for half an hour, then drive back. Neither option sounds good. So....laundry is gonna have to wait for a while. Ridiculous. I don't think I can explain on paper how absurd not opening banks until 10 is. Banks should probably have hours from 7-10 in the morning, 11-2 for lunch breaks, then 4-7 so people can hit the bank on the way home. I know this will never happen, but good god.


In other news, I dreamed I was on a road trip with JR's mom. That was scary. She kept making us stop at every convenience store. After 3 days, we still hadn't made it out of Idaho. But then I got arrested and thrown in jail. I can't even remember why. But in jail, no matter what I did, escape situations kept presenting themselves. I'm chained to this one guy, but he picks the lock and my chains fall off. So I'm thrown in the shower to sleep for the night. The showers run all night, so I'm freezing and wet and mad. So I bang on the door.....and it pops open. And I can see across the courtyard into all the cells, and they're all telling me to run, but then a guard would come, and they'd all yell "stop!" Quite funny actually. Imagine an entire cell block yelling go and waving their arms like a third base coach, only to simultaneously hold their hands up and yell "STOP!" If anyone's ever laughed during their sleep, I probably did it last night. So anyways, I'm just about to walk out the door, when the warden walks in and says "I'm leaving my guard dog to watch you." And this dog has a head like a horse. It's huge. Like "The Beast" in the Sandlot. Only not the real dog, the dog in Squints' story. Able to eat people whole, has to sleep in a warehouse. Could give Clifford a run for his money in a fight. But he's a nice dog....in fact, has a thorn in his paw. So I take the thorn out, and the dog starts talking to me! He's all "Thank you my friend. Now you must escape. Once you get out the door go twelve paces east and take the storm drain to freedom. I'll lead the warden astray. Go!" Why is it that talking animals are always very articulate with voices like James Earl Jones or Sean Connery? Or is that just my dreams. Anyways, I escaped, but when I tried to hitchike back home, the lady decided she was going to adopt me and then sell me into slavery. I was a little confused, but this was her plan. So I tried to jump out of the car and tuck and roll to safety, but I don't know if I made it. I woke up mid jump.

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