Never take a ride from a security guard

So yesterday, I'm getting ready to head to my class from work, when the phone rings. It's a donor who had an issue with something that of course he had to give me the detailed version of (all he needed was a receipt sent with the correct date on it, but I had to hear about every donation he's made in the past 12 months before he got to that). Usually I walk to class, so now I'm going to be late, so I try and check with our receptionist to see if maybe I could borrow a campus parking pass so I could go park near Bexell Hall so I won't be late. She says yes, but there happens to be a campus security officer in the lobby at the time. She's like "I'll give you a ride, I'm heading that way anyways." So I figure I'll take the ride just so I'm not being rude. Big mistake. As soon as we get in the car she's shoving these valentine chocolates in my face saying "you need energy to stay awake in class don't you? EAT SOME!" Not wanting to get on the bad side of someone who carries a billy club, I politely took some candy from the strange lady with the badge. I don't think I said a word during the entire 10 minute drive. She started talking about everything from her friend Robby cat-sitting for the old people and finding worms in their top ramen to her having to drop the same class twice 10 years apart because her grandpa died the first time and the second time her mom got sick and was "obviously on her way out." Those are her words, not mine. So by the time we finally get to Bexell, she pulls over right in front of the building and as I get out of the car, she yells "have fun! Pay attention to that teacher!" like she's my mother or something and I'm off to my first day of kindergarten with my Scooby Doo lunch box. As if I don't already look out of place. Not only am I a "non-traditional" student with gray hair and business casual attire, now I'm being dropped off my security guard surrogate mother. I got more than a few weird looks from the girls in the Uggs and the guys on their longboards, let me tell you.