Floridumb

Got back from Jacksonville at about 1 am last night. I'm starting to think that flying out of Seattle to save a few bucks isn't really worth it at all. From the time I left for the airport in Jacksonville to the time I finally made it home was roughly seventeen hours. That's just silly. I had a good time though. Vince's wedding was real nice. Church was amazing. His family was amazing too. Never met a crazier bunch in my life. About the only part of the trip that sucked was Jacksonville itself.


What a ridiculous city. We couldn't find helpful service anywhere. The hotel desk clerks were painfully slow, fast food restaurants might as well have been called "moderate pace" restaurants. One day, the cleaning ladies didn't come to our hotel room until 4:30 (although they could've come during the mid-morning, we slept until noon). It wasn't like they were rude, it was more like they just didn't care. It was amazing.

And the driving down there was something to behold. We came upon a little road construction that was congesting the road just before a bridge. Traffic was pretty much at a standstill. And people were bailing off the road, cutting across this patch of grass like it was a refuge lane, and heading the other way, I assume in an attempt to head to the next bridge. Only problem was, the nearest bridge was at least a couple miles north of where we were. Now I've seen it where one or two impatient people do it, but this was like systematic! It looked like a scene from a natural disaster movie, where people are just bailing off the roads and doing anything in their power to keep driving. It got to Joel so much, that he considered following. I was like "I think our best bet is to stay on the one road in Jacksonville that we're familiar with. Turned out to be a good choice.......we were delayed at most 15 minutes. Who knows how long it took these psychos to get back on the road they needed.

I saw semi-trucks driving 80 in the left-hand lane. I saw at least 10 one-car accidents while we were there. Not like actually saw them happen, but saw the aftermath. I saw two two-car accidents. I saw numerous people change lanes by throwing their hand out the window and then barging over, forcing the car behind them to slam on their brakes. It's absolute anarchy.

Mix all that in with the crappy weather....muggy and rain most of the time we were there, and you've got a recipe for a city Andy won't like very much.

I also met a crude, foul-mouthed feller named Brad. Great guy, just not very tactful. Kind of guy that everyone loves, but nobody's really sure why. He rails on and on about himself, is an unabashed cheater on his wife, tells these grandiose stories, and just basically says the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. But he's a great guy, if that makes any sense. He's also fiercely loyal to Vince (he was the best man in his wedding), is like a second son to Vince's mom, and did an excellent job of making me feel welcome and comfortable, seeing how I'd never met anyone involved in this wedding other than happy couple prior to arriving in Jacksonville. To give you an idea of the stuff this guy would say, consider this conversation:

Vince's mom: What do you want to do tonight, Brad?
Brad: I don't wanna dance, just rub the dick on the ass.
Vince's mom: hahahaha, give me a hug you little shit.

What? How many of your friends' mothers can you insinuate that you'd like to rub your erection against their hind-quarters and they find it adorable? I know I couldn't. I swear to god I'd get slapped if I said even a tenth of the stuff he says. But he pulls it off. Amazing.

I'll post pictures from my trip tonight most likely, once I download them off the camera. Peace, and I'm out.