Can ya dig it?

I was able to download the entire 5 minute clip of Leroy Wells on American Idol onto my computer last week....I think I've watched it about 900 times since then. Never gets old. You'll remember him as the crazy guy with the crunk teeth that sang "baby I got your money" and told Simon he needs to "bob his head and get crunk."

My weekend was great....got to go golfing with my dad, Grant and Jerry. I shot a 50 on the back 9. Pretty good, considering I shot a 61 on the front. I probably average about a 58, so to shoot a 50 was pretty fantastic for me. Made me want to go golfing again.

Rachel's gone for the week, which means a whole lot of sitting around playing Xbox this week. I think I'd be having a great time if all my friends still lived in town, but as it is I'm pretty much the only one here. Grant's here, and we went to see "The Longest Yard" last night....pretty entertaining flick. I'm pretty disappointed with the humor being so focused on black vs. white. But then again it is a Chris Rock movie about a prison.....so what would you expect? I tried to rent the original one, of which I have only seen bits and pieces. Sadly, other people must've had the same idea, because I could not find it at Hollywood.

Oh and the highlight of the weekend might've been Dad's birthday dinner at Chili's. Don't let a group of 50 somethings drink margaritas...you end up singing happy birthday 7 TIMES! That didn't include the time the wait staff sang to him. I guess two parties asked to be moved because we were being "obnoxious." This is Chili's, not Chez Swanky Swank, people....learn to deal.

OSU is hosting a baseball regional this weekend. Of course now it's practically impossible to get tickets. I love people who decide they'll finally support the team when they're nationally recognized. I'm afraid this weekend is not going to do wonders for Oregon State's image. We'll see what happens. I'm a little leery about going, but I know I'll be kicking myself if I don't attend at least one game.

Well that's about all I got. When's Nikko Smith's album come out?

Who says work can't be entertaining?

When it's 88 degrees before Memorial Day, work should be abolished. On my way home, I saw a group of college kids in swimwear at the gas station using the air pump to inflate a gi-normous circular rubber raft. I looked at myself in khakis and a button-up shirt and secretly cursed myself for getting old. Called my brother, who was playing homerun derby with some friends and then going to a barbeque. F your mid-twenties.......there's way too much fun to be had to be working full time.


Although that's not to say work wasn't interesting.....A sample:

So midway through the day nature called. In the solid form. So I head to the john down by the orthopedics wing. And I'm sitting there on the can when I see the shadow of feet under the door and someone tries the handle on the door. Thank God I'd locked it....last thing I want is some patient walking in on me with my pants around my knees doing my business. Well then I hear a voice outside say "is there someone in there?" and another voice say "ummm...I think I saw someone go in there a few minutes ago." Voice number one says "well I hope whoever it is doesn't flush, I just got a page that the toilet is clogged." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? To quote my buddy Dirk, I'd just "taken the Browns to the Super Bowl" and now I can't flush it? So the janitor guy knocks on the door and says "don't flush, the toilet's clogged." I'm like "Are ya sure? It doesn't look clogged." He's like "better let me make sure." Fuck me. So I finish my business and take a peek in the toilet. Oh man, it's not pretty. So I open the door, and I'm like "look, are you sure you don't want to just give me the plunger and let me deal with this?" He's like "no, let me check this out." So he comes in with his plunger then just freezes in his tracks when he sees my waste products in the bowl. Poor guy. He just shakes his head, hits the handle and prepares for the worst. And you'll never guess what happens next.....the freakin thing isn't clogged! He got a page about the wrong toilet! So this guy got a eyeful of my fecal matter and he didn't even need to! I felt terrible. But now everytime I see this janitor, I'm going to be thinking....this guy has seen my poop.

How's that for a work story?

Weekends are for relaxing, right?

So this weekend was great, but I was more run down at work today than I am on a Friday after working all week. Why you ask? Well I'll tell you!


Friday night I recapped in my last journal entry (the OSU Awards banquet and what-not)

Saturday I woke up and had to head to ol' Goss Stadium at Coleman Field for the OSU baseball game. Why I agreed to work these games is beyond me. It was insane though! I had to be at work 2.5 hours before the game started, and there was already a line of about 50-75 people. Keep in mind that last year for baseball they probably averaged 500 people per game. Anyways, so I'm selling tickets so fast that my money tray was just overflowing with cash and the 20's are in the 50's slot and vice versa, so somebody might've got a good deal on their tickets, though I doubt it. I'm usually pretty good about that stuff, dispite my disorganizational style. Anyways, the game sold out before it started, so I got to watch the whole game. The best perk about working is being able to get good seats down the first baseline for my family and friends for games when they want them. My Dad and Jerry came down. So they sat down there, and I found a spot to stand between the concession stand and the dugout. Game was good, OSU won 10-7 to clinch a share of the Pac-10 regular season title. Jamie was at the game too, just got back from New Zealand the night before. He had a stack of pictures with him, and I was like "oh are those from New Zealand? He goes "no these are of my grandparents house before and after that arsonist torched it a few months back." Yeah....that's not random or anything. Apparently a few months ago, some guy just went off the deep end and waltzed through Albany burning anything that he could light on fire. Got 6 houses or something.

Speaking of random criminal activity, Dad said someone stole Grandpa's ride-on lawnmower. Who steals a lawnmower? Better yet, who steals a 93-year old man's 20-year old John Deere? Dad said there's tire tracks through the field out back, up through the neighbor's yard and out to the street, where little grass clippings can be seen for a few yards. Had to be a meth addict. He'll be lucky to get $50 for that antique.

Saturday night is when the real fun started. Headed up to Portland with Grant to meet up with Dave, Steve, Garth and Joel. JR had to cancel cause his wallet got stolen and couldn't get into the bars. Bummer. Anyways, just past Albany on I-5, I get pulled over by a state trooper who is parked right in front of a 55 MPH sign. He happened to be sitting right in a section of highway where you can't change lanes. So I'm in the left lane and there's no shoulder, and I can't switch lanes for at least a half-mile. So I'm just cruising along with this cop behind me. I've got my turn signal on, so he knows I see him and intend to pull over as soon as the law allows me to. Well apparently this guy wanted me to know for sure he's behind me, so he starts in with the siren. Like I can't see you dipshit. Anyways he gets out and says he clocked me going 74 and 71. Didn't know they clocked you twice now.

Anyways, he starts going off about how I was in a 55 MPH zone, plus it was a construction zone. I'm like "really? I didn't realize that it was 55 until that sign that was just behind you, and I thought the construction zone was coming up." He starts with this good cop/bad cop interrogation of me....like he'd ask one question nicely, and before I'm even done answering, he's already barking the next question at me. Extremely strange. He's asking me where I live, how long I live there, where I lived prior, all this stuff. His point was that the construction had been going on for about 5 years, and I should've known this was a construction zone. I'm trying to explain to him that, yes, I knew there was construction but that I didn't know it was a construction zone that far south. He's like "So you did know it was a construction zone." Like he caught me lying! What an ass. Then he tells me I passed a sign telling me that I was in a construction zone and that I'd passed two posted 55 signs before I got to him. So he goes back and writes me a ticket.

When he brings it back, he bonks his hand into the window, so he yells at Grant for not rolling the window all the way down. It's pouring down rain, mind you, so Grant didn't want the window all the way down so rain would get all over the inside of the car. So Grant kind of makes a production of wiping down the car with his hand an flipping it in the cops direction. Subtle Grant, real subtle. So then I look at the ticket, and he's done some strange stuff. Despite being an asshole, he'd written my speed down as 71 degrees and not in a construction zone. But.......he'd also mispelled my name, gotten my birthdate wrong, and written my weight down as 250, even though it clearly states on my license that my weight is 235. Who does that? Did he just assume that I'd put on 15 pounds since the issue date? Was he like "no fucking way this guy weighs 235...I can totally tell even though he's wearing baggy jeans and a sweatshirt," or did he do some quick analysis on the ground clearance of the car and run it through some formula that spit out my weight as 235? Whatever asshole. I'm writing a letter to the courts about how schizophrenic you are.

So ticket in tow, we headed to the Portland and to the bars. Highlights included Dave doing the booty dance on this box by the DJ booth before being told that it was for "girls only" by the bouncer, and this guy I went to high school with giving me a huge hug when he saw me and saying "anyone that fucks with you tonight is dead. End of story. D-E-A-D. I fucking love you man!" Absolute psycho. He then proceded to show me how he would deal with anyone that "fucked" with me on poor Joel. He just grabs Joel, puts him in a headlock and starts pretending like he's kneeing him in the face, before giving him a mock-uppercut to the chin. Joel's drink is splashing everywhere, and he's just got this look on his face like "what the hell just happened?" It was hilarious.

So we get back to the hotel room about 3 in the morning, where Dave goes into this speech about how Rachel and I are going to have two daughters before having a son, and he's going to be the god-father of my son and I will name him Kodiak. He also was quoted as saying "If you lived with your parents, you'd sleep with a pillow between your legs too." Don't try and decipher that, you'll never figure it out. Love that guy.

So I ended up getting about 2 hours of sleep, then had to get up and drive back down to Corvallis to work yet another baseball game. On the way, I checked out the signs that this cop said I'd passed. Turns out that I'd only passed one 55 MPH sign, probably half a mile before he'd pulled me over, and the construction sign I'd passed said "construction zone ahead" What an ass. I'm losing $206 because this guy really needed to give a ticket.

So somehow I made it through the day and stayed up for Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Great shows both. But I crashed hard at work today. Hitting the hay early tonight for sure. Enjoy your week, I know I will.

Lemons and Financial Specialists

So I had a pretty good week. Really good actually. Yesterday I had an interview with Samaritan Health Services for a data entry job. The interview was going pretty well, but then it got even better. The lady that was interviewing me decided I was better suited for a different job....a job as a financial specialist. It sounds pretty impressive, but what it really means is that I call people and let them know they owe Sam. Health money. My job would be to make sure they understand their medical bills and help them set up a way to pay. But they seemed pretty impressed and gave me the distinct impression they would be offering me a job once they did a background check and called references. So, barring an unforseen problem (and that has happened before) I'll be giving my two weeks notice at the clinic sometime soon. I couldn't be happier. Trading in a job as a medical records bitch....er....clerk at $8 with semi-decent benefits for an $11 an hour job with great benefits sounds pretty good to me.

The other news of the day was that today was the annual OSU Spring Awards Banquet. This is a dinner where they honor OSU alumni who have well-represented the university. The most prestigious award is the E.B. Lemon award, named for my great-grandfather. After graduating from OSU in 1912, he continued to work at OSU as a professor and later as a dean until he retired. He was known as "Mr. Oregon State." Pretty cool, actually. Anyways, every year they give out this award with his picture on it to some extremely successful Oregon State Alumni, and every year our whole family goes. It's really a big deal for my grandpa Butch, and he's always proud to show off E.B.'s great grandsons (as well as the rest of the family.) Pretty fun stuff....and it's always fun to be able to say your great-grandfather was one of the most influential people in the history of OSU.

That's about all I have. The OC almost (repeat: ALMOST) made me cry last night. Great season ending. I will be anxiously awaiting the start of season 3 in the fall.

Did ya miss me?

Been a while. I feel a little guilty....for some reason I feel that I have to "perform" in my journal. Like if I have a bad post or take too many days off, I'll lose my audience. Probably would actually.


So it looks like they're ruling the death of the OSU student who died at Lake Shasta a suicide. Crazy. I didn't know her well, but I knew her. She was friends with my brother for about a month. She seemed like a pretty normal sorority girl....nothing to suggest she was capable of suicide. Guess that goes to show that it's not just the people in dark trenchcoats with pentacle tattoos or members of a cult that feel the need to end it all. I'd tend to think alcohol played a part in her decision making, but then again I don't know. One of her sorority sisters said that they would remember Gina for her "courage and motivation." Funny how those qualities abandoned her in her final decision........

On a brighter note, Rachel and I went to Seattle Saturday for a college-major league double header. At 1 we watched Oregon State play Washington at Husky Ballpark on the University of Washington campus. Pretty cool baseball field. Right on Lake Washington, plus it has a FieldTurf infield and natural grass outfield with a purple warning track. The game featured some strange occurrences:

~ A swarm of bees descending on the field delaying the game for a few minutes as they made their way over the first base dugout, past home plate, and up over the bleachers on the first base side. Nobody was stung. I think they were focused on making a poor bird's life a living hell for disturbing their hive or something. But it did incite mild panic. Players running for their dugouts, fans not quite sure what to do, some breaking out umbrellas or coats they'd brought, others covering up their young children and running for the nearest cover.

~A flock of Canadian Snow Geese honking and landing in the lake right behind the OSU bullpen.

~A near brawl after a pitch came up and in....quickly defused by OSU coach Pat Casey, who yanked his pitcher immediately, despite him only facing two batters.

~Some of the worst sportsmanship I've ever seen by fans in my life. Grown men and women calling for OSU's pitcher to bean a UW batter. OSU fans bitching when a UW coaches visit to the mound took a little too long. Nevermind the fact that just one inning later, OSU had a conference between the pitcher and catcher, followed two pitches later by a conference between the first baseman and pitcher, followed three pitches later by a coach’s visit. Perhaps my favorite was when UW took a 1-0 lead and got excited and some jackass goes "Yeah you were doing pretty good for a few innings last night too....just wait, your pitcher will blow it," Followed by raucous applause everytime their pitcher threw a ball. I was absolutely disgusted. I seriously considered sitting on the UW side the rest of the game...instead I opted to sit as high up in the bleachers as possible.

The Mariners game was better.....tons of Red Sox fans in the stands made it interesting. The fans were much more good natured about their ribbing. Chants of "Red Sox Suck!" were rebuked with chants of "You Suck!" and laughter....nothing malicious.

A letter to the editor in yesterday's Oregonian compared Oregon's Golden Boy Joey Harrington to Pat Tillman. It seems Joey Harrington bought a former teacher of his a car when he found out that Father Tom of Central Catholic had totalled his. Someone needs to explain to me how buying a car for a friend is the equivalent of passing up millions of dollars to GO TO WAR for your country. Yes, buying a car for Father Tom is a nice gesture, don't get me wrong....very generous of Joey. However, this is the equivalent of a friend of mine finding out that I'd dropped my remote control and broke it and buying me a new universal one. Not that much money to an NFL starting QB. Now on the other hand, turning down a $3 million dollar a year contract and trading in shoulder pads for an M-16 and a soldier's salary is a slightly bigger gesture.

That's all I got for today.....enjoy season finale week(s) on television.

Wurk

had this conversation at work today


girl at work: Man is it ever going to stop raining?
me: Any more of this and we're going to have to start rounding up two of every animal.
girl at work: *laughs* seriously.
me: Ya know....how cool would it have been to be Noah? Not only are you the smartest person on the planet because you were the only person that listened, but you also have all the animals on your boat if you want to hang out with elephants or koalas!
other, more scary girl: Or you could breed the lions then kill one and make yourself a fur coat!
(uncomfortable silence)
Me: Ummmmmm.....yeah.......

Other things from today:

~Due to the inability of Brown Sugar to start over the past few days, I have been forced to resort to public transportation. Nothing is scarier than "the bus." I have no clue what is so scary about busses, but I'm always terrified that I'll take the wrong one and end up so far from where I need to go that I won't be able to get back. Turns out it's not so bad. Although due to bus schedules I'm forced to get to work a half an hour early and, unless I leave work 5 minutes early, I have to wait a half an hour to catch a ride home. Either that or beg someone to give me a ride home.

~Everyone at work complains about country music, yet I hear them singing along with the songs...why?

~"What's a Guy Gotta Do" by Joe Nichols absolutely wins the award for "breakthrough performance by an artist Andy absolutely despises." It also is the first song ever that makes me want to square dance every time I hear it.

~It seems that nobody stays in medical records as an HIS Clerk I for more than a year. If I make it to a year and have not got promoted or anything, I think I will quit.

~Doug and Carrie Heffernan from CBS' "King of Queens" are absolutely the tv version of Andy and Rachel.

Cinco de Mayo....way better than Quatro de Mayo

The OC was on last night, and it was good one! Holy crap it was intense. So intense in fact, that when I returned to the couch after getting something to drink, I was so involved in the show that I started cuddling with the wrong girl!


I was sitting on the couch between Rachel and Nicole. I've written before how I think Nicole and Rachel are pretty similiar. Well I sit back down on the couch and start cuddling with who I thought was Rachel. Something didn't seem quite right though. I look over to my left and I'm like "I didn't even realize Nicole was wearing the same shirt as Rachel." Then I kinda looked up at the girl whose shoulder I was using as a pillow. Definitely Nicole. She's got this face that's kinda half confused, half amused. And she just starts laughing hysterically and says "I was wondering how long that was going to take you." Probably a good 30-45 seconds had passed. I turned so red. Rachel, who didn't notice until right then, just shakes her head and starts laughing. Probably the most embarassing thing that's happened to me in a long time. Props to Nicole for not freaking out though, and letting me figure it out on my own. Made it way funnier.

Survey

1. What is the geekiest part of your music collection?

>I'd say the fact that I have Snow's "12 Inches of Snow" is pretty geeky.

2. What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?
>....eh I don't usually raid the fridge. I don't get hungry in the middle of the night. If I was that hungry, I'd go to Shari's or Jack in the Box, possibly La Conga.

3. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?
>Grumpier Old Men. When Jack Lemmon is sitting on the couch by the lake with a dead Burgess Merideth...gets me everytime.

4. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
>Nothing....If I get that insecure about my own body, I'll see a counselor first.

5. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
>People sticking their finger in my belly button. Gives me the willies.

6. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
>rocking back and forth shifting my weight from foot to foot.

7. Do you like to be on the top or bottom?
>bottom....I've fallen off the top bunk too many times in my life.

8. Do you have too many love interests?
>I'm a one woman man.

9. Do you know anyone famous?
>In high school, I had a class with former UCLA quarterback Cade McNown. I accidentally stabbed him with a pencil. Scared the hell out of me. He was quite a large high schooler.

10. Describe your bed:
>Rectangular. White sheets with a navy blue comforter. Actually it's a navy blue duvet cover over a blue comforter. Rachel's influence on my bed cannot go unnoticed. I will give it to her....it's one nice looking comfy bed.

11. Spit, swallow or gargle?
>Honestly. Does anyone gargle? Anyone that has gargled, please stand up and be counted. That's just weird. Bear in mind I have no first hand experience with this, but I'd imagine I'm a spitter. The baseball influence in me.

12. Who would play you in a movie?
>Someone once told me Jerry O'Connell looked like me. I'm not so sure about that one. Probably some geeky guy like Jason Biggs.

13. Do you know how to play poker?
>I do, but does it help me win? Hell no!

14. What do you carry with you at all times?
>My sense of humor! I actually thought about this one for a while, but there's nothing that I absolutely have to take with me everywhere.

15. When did you lose your virginity and did you regret it?
>Summer 2003....just before my 24th birthday I believe. Yeah...I was a late bloomer. No I don't regret it. I definitely waited for the right girl.

16. Are you happy with your given name?
>Andrew Stewart Lasselle. Funny, nobody calls me Andrew, there's a bit of a dispute that my middle name should've been spelled Stuart, but something happened on the birth certificate, and it's extremely rare that anyone pronounces and/or spells my last name right. Yet I always liked my name. Then I came to Oregon State, and there's a building called the LaSells Stewart Center. Every class I take, the professor says something. That got a little old.

17. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?
>$100,000. Seems reasonable.

18. If you could only fulfill one of your fantasies, which would it be?
>To be financially independent.

19. What was the last song you were listening to?
>Scott Savol singing "On Broadway" on American Idol. He got kind of robbed....Anthony blew last night.

20. Where is the most public place you have ever had sex?
>Not really into the public thing. One time I had sex on the couch with the door unlocked. That was risky.

21. Have you ever been in love?
>Yes Ma'am

22. Do you talk a lot?
>constantly. I'm sure I annoy the hell out of some people at work when I start talking along with the commercials on the radio, or singing with the McDonalds commercial with the guy in the shower. I love that one.

23. What is you favorite sexual position?
>Live chicken in one hand, tennis raquet in the other. Seriously...does it matter?

24. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
>More than most people. I'm probably too nice.

25. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
>Definitely my girlfriend....but really that's the way it should be. I don't have to share a bed with my friends. Although it would be nice if my friends lived a little closer.

26. What is your ideal marriage location?
>Please refer all marriage questions to my bride-to-be. If I know one thing, it's that the woman always calls the shots in wedding related activities. My job is to nod and agree.

27. How many sex toys do you have and which is your favorite?
>I have none. I know how to have fun without toys. Allllllllllright! Giggity-giggity!

28. Favorite fabric?
>A woman wrote this survey. Proof positive.

29. Something you love and hate?
>Fast food.

30. Have you ever been tied up in your bed?
>Nope. Unless you count that time an escaped convict broke in and....oh well nevermind.

31. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?
>Not typically....only if something funny or interesting happens. Things like "we had sex last night and it was good" just don't need to be told. But "we got caught by her parents playing "hide the sausage" in their kitchen" well that needs to be heard. DISCLAIMER...that didn't happen.

32. What's the one language you want to learn?
>That african dialect where you make clicking and popping noises...that's awesome.

33. How do you eat an apple?
>with my hands and my teeth.

34. What do you order at a bar?
>Water...or if they offer free soft drinks to designated drivers, I order a Pepsi.

35. Have you ever pierced your body parts?
>I used to think it was cool to slip a safety pin under a few layers of skin in my finger, but I gave that up years ago. That's as renegade-ish as I'll get.

36. Do you have tattoos?
>Nope....can't think of anything meaningful to get.

37. What is your drug of choice?
>Caffeine.

38. What's one trait you hate in a person?
>Dishonesty. That's a bunch of BS.....play it straight.

39. Ever had same-sex sex?
>Ha! Nope. Not my bag baby.

40. What was your most frivolous purchase?
>I one time sent flowers to a girl I talked to online a few times because she asked me to. That was not a good move. Don't try that one at home boys and girls.

41. Do you consider yourself materialistic?
>Not really...I like having stuff that's nice and works, but I don't have a problem driving a 1979 Ford F-250 that pretty much fails me once a week.....Love Brown Sugar.

42. What do you cook the best?
>Salmon. It's about the only thing I know how to cook.

43. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?
>More often than not I'm happy to let other people take the lead...I'll hang back. There are times when I want to be recognized and unique.

44. What kind of books do you like to read?
>My shelves are filled with James Patterson and Michael Connelly novels....you know the kind you find on the paperback shelves at airports. I'm a big fan of Dan Brown - the guy that wrote the DaVinci Code.

45. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
>Oh lots of stuff. New cars for everyone would be first on the list.

46. Burial or cremation?
>Do I really care? I'm dead!

47. Do you have a fetish?
>Nothing interesting. I'm not turned on by radial tires or cheese curds or anything.

48. What's one thing you're a loser at?
>poker. I already discussed that. I'm not very good at individual sports like golf, tennis, checkers, figure skating or cross country skiing.

49. How many drinks before you're tipsy?
>I'll go with one.

50. Do you think you're cute?
>I have my moments. What do you think?

Huh?

When Nightline asked the father of the American Idol contestant who is alleging he slept with Paula Abdul and fell in love with her before she broke his heart what he would like to say to Paula, Mr. Clark responds "Stick to the Script!"


Ooooooh burn!

bzzzzzt!

First off, happy birthday to my cousins, KBear, and Kindra.


Now......last night I decided to cut my hair. I've cut my own hair since I was in seventh grade. Saved I don't know how many thousands of dollars that way. Anyways, as I'm cutting my hair, Rachel gets home. I'm thinking "great, she can touch it up, trim my neck and around my ears." So she comes upstairs telling me how she got a table and four chairs for $50 bucks from one of her patients. Well she's so excited about this purchase (it really is a great purchase) that she doesn't notice that I took the clipper attachment off. Next thing I know, a giant clump of hair lands on my shoulder and she screams. I now have a golf ball sized chunk of hair missing behind my ear. After she almost started crying she felt so bad, we decided it'd be better just to leave it and let it grow back than to shave my entire head. Based on the reactions I get today at work, we'll see if that was a good decision or not.