Bachelor: Sean Tells Nothing

What a waste of an hour that was.  So glad I didn't live blog that mess.  Chris and Sean get down and recap the episode with the premise of telling us new stuff about Sean's thought process.  Instead he basically recapped everything we already knew.  Here's my take on some of the "highlights" if you want to call it that:

• I like how they try to refer to events such as Desiree's hometown date as happening "this week," but then talk about watching the episodes, which, if we're to believe that this was filmed prior to him chosing a bride, would be impossible.  Chris straight up asked him if he had any idea who he was going to marry, and he said "at this point no," but then talks about watching the episodes of Tierra's meltdowns.  Can't be both ways here guys.  Also, I liked the completely rehearsed line about coming on the show hoping to have strong feelings for just one girl, never imagining that he'd develop feelings for 3!  Chris is quick to point out that just last night, it was 4 women (meaning Desiree), but apparently to Sean once you decline to give a girl a rose, those feelings never happened. 

• First off, Tierra was awful.  Sean says "why didn't I see what was going on with her?"  Well, probably because ABC purposefully keeps you away from it, and also EVERY FREAKING GIRL TOLD YOU SHE WAS A BITCH, so don't act like you didn't have the information.  Also, it's hard not to feel a little bad for the girl.  It must be hard to go through life without having control of your face - ba dum ching!  Seriously though, the other girls were like a pack of dogs on her, and while she brought most of it on herself, it's not surprising that she got a little crazy surrounded by a handful of women that don't know when to walk away.  I was liked how bitter Sean sounded about the week in Montana.  "All the girls were paying more attention to Tierra than me!" he moaned.  Seriously dude, you're dating a dozen pretty girls on national television, how much attention do you need?  Also, will Tierra actually show up for the Girls Tell All episode?  I hope they find her a seat right in the middle of all the other women and watch as she starts saying something stupid and all the other women move in for the kill like a pack of zombies on the Walking Dead.  It's going to be epic.

• The mind also boggles at the hypocrisy shown towards Lesley.  They talk about how she had a hard time expressing her feelings, and Sean even said that he kind of knew that she wanted to say how she felt and didn't.  Yet he says "if she'd said it, yeah things could've been different.  She might still be here."  Pretty easy for a guy who doesn't have to worry about saying the big L-word to anyone because he can hide behind the whole "because of television, I'm obligated not to tell you how I really feel."  Every girl that says "I love you" to him gets an "Aww thanks!" in response, but he's bitter about the one girl who he can tell wants to tell him, but doesn't?  Poor form, buddy. 

• I loved that Chris Harrison called Sarah a "fan favorite."  Really?  Who liked her?  I agreed with Sean that there was no passion and that she should've gone home, but can we stop talking about how disadvantaged she was at roller skating?  Look, I get that if you chopped my arm off right now and put me on roller skates, I'd have trouble balancing.  But that's because I HAVE TWO ARMS.  If you've only had one your whole life, you know where your center of balance is.  If she sucked at roller skating, it wasn't because she had one arm, it's because SHE SUCKED AT ROLLER SKATING. 

• The recap of Selma was just pointless.  The only takeaway from that is that pretty girls can get guys to do anything.  Eyelash kisses?  Jesus. 

• I was a little miffed by the "never before seen footage" as well.  First off, that stuff was way better than the parts they showed during the actual show!  The whole sexy brownie eating thing was funny, and showed a level of comfort between Lesley and Sean that we had never seen before.  Catherine slipping him dorky notes was cute, how come that wasn't shown?  Desiree's brother being nice to Sean and then flipping the switch would've been pretty compelling TV too.  The idea that they didn't show it because it didn't make sense seems strange - what about this show does make sense?  And I'm just throwing a thought out there - maybe he was nice at first because he was giving him the benefit of the doubt, and then attacked him later after he'd had a chance to form an opinion?  Just because Sean and ABC are trying to convince everyone of his sincerity and character doesn't mean that everyone has to believe it.  If you watched Jimmy Kimmel on Monday night, he showed clips of Sean saying he was "crazy" about every girl, followed by Des' brother saying "you're crazy 'bout a lot of girls, right?" I believe Sean also told Des' bro "I'm sorry I gave you that impression, but that's not me" later in the conversation. So yeah, I'm not buying it.

• My only reaction to the porn-esque scene of Sean showering at the end was "would they have done this with Emily Maynard in a bikini?  Doubtful.  With the music and the slow mo, I almost wondered if they should've put a disclaimer that said "men, you may want to leave the room now so your wives can have some alone time with Sean."  So strange.

That's it until next week, when Sean and AshLee encounter a sea monster in a Thai cave or something.  Man I hate ABC's over the top teasers.  That bit of Sean reading a letter on the altar?  I guess we're supposed to assume that someone wrote him a letter and said they couldn't face him and has left the show.  I put the chances that actually is what happened at 5%.  More likely is that it's a note from Des that says she still thinks he's making a mistake, and he acts all sad about it for 32 seconds until he proposes to Lindsey.  That's my prediction anyways.