Thailand! Let's dive right in, shall we? Shawn says it's AMAZING to think that these are his last three girls. Because those are the words of someone prepared to get engaged.
Seems like we were just in Thailand, weren't we? If I remember correctly, Ashley brought her beaus here to kick-box and Ames ended up in the hospital. I'm a little sad Sean isn't going to put the girls through the same paces, because an AshLee vs. Catherine Muay Thai boxing match would be epic.
Sean recaps the women here's what he says:
Catherine is sweet, funny, intelligent and they have something he doesn't have with the other women. That thing is Catherine's nerdiness. So she's got that going for her. They also have an off the charts romantic element to their relationship. I find that funny, because we haven't really seen that. But they're on the same page.
But then there's AshLee.
He has the strongest relationship with AshLee. She's got a big heart and he likes that AshLee tells him exactly what she's thinking. It also doesn't hurt that what she's thinking is that Sean is a God sent down from Mt. Olympus. Then again, she's a control freak that is always on the cusp of emotionally combusting. But their values match up.
But then there's Lindsay.
The have a spark. It's grown into a massive flame. He thought she was not a good crazy the first night. But it turns out she's even more than crazy. She's generous and hilarious, and about seven other adjectives. She's got every quality he's looking for.
WHAT'S A GUY TO DO?
Lindsay's up first, and guess what, they're trying something new! They're excited to see each other. Lindsay says "you look so good" as she sees Sean in boat shoes, cargo shorts and a pastel orange shirt. Sean does not return the compliment to her tight t-shirt and sheer skirt. Apparently their "trying something new consists of taking a taxi into town and buying chickens dipped in food coloring. A little strange, but it is basically just a farmer's market. What's new about that? Sean's getting to that. On the way to the market, Lindsay apparently said "I'll do anything except eat bugs." So what does Sean suggest they do? Eat bugs of course! You gotta love a guy that asks a girl what her limits are, and then asks her to break those limits are. Sort of the no means yes mentality. Such is the mind control of The Bachelor. Lindsay thinks about saying no, but then sees how brave Sean is being (by eating a bug? really?) so now she's gotta do it too. You know, I just watched a movie where a guy wanted a girl to do something she didn't want to do, so she compromised and send him a naked pic on her cell phone. You know what happened next? SHE KILLED HERSELF. Watch "Sexting in Suburbia" next time it's on Lifetime. You won't be disappointed.
Onto the beach where they feed some monkeys. Sean seems to think that the monkeys add to charm and romance of the beach. I think that monkeys on the beach would creep me out. Be honest, if you're on a beach and you've got the choice of turning your back to the water or the monkeys, you're turning your back to the waves, right? Sneaker waves be damned, I wanna know where every primate is at all time. Lindsay told Sean she was "falling in love" with him last week, but she's really nervous about telling him she IS in love with him this week. Is there really that big of a difference between the two statements? From my point of view "I'm falling in love with you" means "I'm in love with you." Imagine you tell someone "I'm pretty sure I almost hate you." You know what they hear? "I hate you." But you go ahead and try to drum up the drama, ABC. We'll play along.
Sean is still blown away by how great the day went. Apparently he kept asking himself if he could marry this girl all day, and the answer was always yes. It better be, or the drama is just about sucked out of this date. Time for dinner in front of two boats with neon lights all over them. Lindsay says that she seems like she's in heaven. So Lindsay pictures heaven looking something like the Las Vegas Strip. Got it. She's ready to move to Dallas to be with Sean. She then talks about how much she loves him without saying "I love you." Now she gives the Bachelor mandated beat around the bush speech before Sean basically demands her to say it by whispering "what are you thinking?" But before she can say anything, cue the Sitar music and dancers. Sean, in a super creepy way, says "you gonna dance for me like that later?" Moment is dashed, and the "I love you" comment is shelved. Now it's fantasy suite invitation time. Sean says "no distractions, just you and me." Lindsay has no problems saying "I'd love to spend that time with you." On to the suite, where Lindsay says "I actually feel like a real couple in this suite." Again, exactly what you want to hear from a girl right before she hops into bed and potentially marriage. Sean says "you're great, you have all the qualities I'm looking for and on top of that you're my best friend. Lindsay says "ditto" and then finally says "I love you." Sean immediately kisses her, and then says "I love...hearing you say that." I'm starting to think Sean is a control freak. He talks about how great it is to hear her say she loves him. It's like he needs constant gratification from the ladies. He wants to pressure them into stepping outside their limits and wants them to dance for him and wants them to tell him they love him. Good thing AshLee's up next then....
...Because she has to run to see him because she "couldn't get there fast enough." She then says she's "elated" and "can't believe how far they've come" and she "loves him more than words can express." She's off the charts with the superlatives. Sean loves hearing this, but he thinks she's too comfortable in her routine - in this case a cave. And here goes Sean pushing her into an uncomfortable situation where he gets to act like the strong protective boyfriend and being her rock. Sean says numerous times that "she can just hold onto him" and he'll get her through this cave. AshLee "she doesn't do caves." Do many people "do caves?" Like I feel it's a pretty select few people in the world who spend time in caves on a regular basis.
The cave is dark, and Sean is playing it up like it's super confused. That's kinda how life is sometimes. It's like when you're with that person you love, you're going down a dark alleyway." I probably rewound this six times trying to get what she was saying. When you're with someone you love, life is like a dark alleyway? Being in a cave in the dark is like being in an alleyway in the dark, only with water? What is she getting at? The talk in the confessionals is all about how scared they are, but they really don't seem that concerned. Suddenly, they find the way out and boom, everything is good. The AshLee that comes out of the cave is not the same AshLee that went in according to her. She seems the same to me...she's still calling Sean "This Man" every chance she gets and doesn't believe any two people have ever been more perfect for each other than her and Sean. Joke's gonna be on her when Sean decides there's TWO girls more perfect for him than her at the end of this episode, amiright?
Sean says he can picture the two of them spending the rest of their lives together...similar to what he said to Lindsay. AshLee is having trouble reconciling spending the night with This Man who is also spending the night with Those Bitches. They have a discussion about how people ALWAYS ask them why they're still single. Sean says that he was chasing other things like his career. AshLee says she just was patient and didn't want to make a bad decision and that she's glad she waited for Sean. Apparently she forgot about that time she got married in high school.
Time to break out the fantasy suite invite. Cue the tweets across the bottom - which I love. ABC picks this time to throw one up talking about how AshLee said "every part of her body" wants to be engaged to Sean, but probably one particular part wants to be engaged to him tonight!" Hey-oh! Sean give her the same line about "just you and me, no distractions." She says "I know where you stand, and you know where I stand." Which may be referring to the fact that the rumors are out there that Sean is saving himself for marriage.
Just to make sure they're still on the same page, AshLee tells him exactly what style of engagement ring she wants. AshLee says "I love This Man, and This Man has healed my broken heart. If I have anything to do with it, we'll be spending our lives together." I'm going to say it's probably a bad thing if you're not sure you have any say in your relationship and he's got less than a week to make a decision on if you're going to get married or break up.
Time for Catherine's alone time. Sean has a few more questions, but he knows that "he loves spending time with her, and that's important." Such a wordsmith, that Sean Lowe. They snuggle on the boat and drink wine. Catherine thinks she's been super silly with Sean, but hopes he knows she can be serious. It's been 3.5 years since she's been able to be herself apparently, which is just such a sad, sad statement for someone who seems like genuinely fun and nice person. Catherine talks about how her sisters pissed her off in Seattle, then makes a little jab about how they get jealous of her sometimes. Take that Siamese Cats!
Catherine reminds us that she hasn't told Sean she's falling in love with him. Is this different from being in love with him? According to Lindsay it is, but what does Sean think? Will we find out at dinner? Time for some making out in a lightning storm. I'm actually surprised Catherine didn't equate life to wearing a bikini and making out amid lightning strikes on a boat. That was like a perfect Bachelor moment right there, and she missed it! But she does steal a bit of AshLee's thunder by calling him "This Man" and how she has never been in a place in her life where she's been able to accepting great love from someone like Sean. Again, this makes me sad? Why wasn't she able? Was she able to accept love from a person not on Sean's level? Was she in a place where she could accept love from a chubby computer programmer from Topeka, Kansas?
Shock of all shocks, Sean could see himself marrying Catherine too! Catherine goes into the whole "I never thought I'd accept a fantasy suite invitation because I'm a lady and blah blah blah, but now I know it's not like that so of course I want to sleep in the same room as you and "talk." I wonder if they're just pretending to shack up, but after talking for a few hours, these girls are going back to their own rooms. I'm pretty convinced with all the "you know my intentions" talk that he's told all these ladies that he's saving himself for marriage, only ABC didn't want to let us know that he'd said that because they wanted the drama of "will he shack up with all the ladies?" Catherine goes into her super insecure "I never thought someone like him would like me, and I'm chunky and never wear a bathing suit except when I'm around you." So, insecure girl who thinks she's fat is willing to put herself on national tv to be judged? I'm not buying it.
Chris Harrison comes on, and I'm not sure where he's going with this, but it turns out he just wants to plug the new Wizard of Oz movie. Disney is just too damn big. Cross promotion like this is the worst. Just play the trailer - we don't need an introduction to the trailer from Chris Harrison.
Sean's not feeling good about tonight. Apparently he didn't dwell on getting sent home at all when Emily sent him packing. He talks about how hard it was because he spent the whole week planning his and Emily's life together and had no clue he was going home, and now one of the girls is in that same spot and there's nothing he can do about it. Well there was one thing you could've done Sean. You could've reined in all the "I missed you so much, I wouldn't want to be here with anyone else" talk you pump these ladies full of on a minute by minute basis. Sean also says he's pretty sure he's going to propose at the end of this. To me, that means he's already made his decision, but he'll drag it out for TV's sake.
Sean hopes that the video messages make his decision easier. When has watching a video of a girl telling you how amazing you are and how much she loves you and wants to marry you make it easier to dump her? Has that ever happened? Is he expecting one of the girls to say "oh by the way, I'm still technically married to my ex, but we'll figure that out later." C'mon Sean, you know this is going to make it tougher. That being said, AshLee made my decision easy. Her voice drives me up a wall. Speaking of walls, she's been building a metaphorical wall in her heart since she was kid. But Sean, you big stud, you've knocked that wall down. Now she's crying just thinking about how much she loves Sean. This girl is exhausting.
While her video made it easier, the dress AshLee is wearing will not. Goodness gracious. Apparently she lowered the neckline of her dress along with that wall. Good luck saying goodbye to that Sean. But seriously, I hope you do, because she might have the most epic exit interview of all time. She'll be able to swim in the back of the limo by the time she's done crying.
Sean says he's worried that the girl he's sending home won't be ok once this is over. That's gotta be AshLee, right? Let's find out.
Sean opens his rose ceremony by reminding the girls how much he loved Emily, and how much it hurt when she sent him packing. Good plan buddy. Sean picks up the first rose, and a tip of the cap to the editors who show Lindsay saying "holy shit" at that moment - making her look as unclassy as possible. But she's safe. She gets the first rose, and the Sean pauses for an interminable amount of time before finally giving the rose to...........still waiting.......we've only got two minutes left of recorded time here buddy.....Catherine!
Here we go...the music gets as ominous as AshLee's face. I love the first thing she does is try to cover her boobs up a little more, as if to say "I wore this for you and this is how you repay me?" She's PISSED. This is not the emotion I thought I'd see from AshLee. Sean then shatters the "bad breakup speech" record by saying "can I explain where I'm coming from? I thought it was going to be you from the very beginning. Our relationship was so real and intense." That's your explanation? That you thought you were going to marry her? How is that an explanation? Nothing like "our flame burned so hot and bright that there was no way we could sustain that?" I just came up with that in like five minutes, you can't come up with anything better than "I thought I was going to marry you, but it turns out I'm not going to?" in the however long you had to compose your thoughts? AshLee was annoying, but she deserved better. I'm surprised at the lack of tears from AshLee. Anger was not the initial reaction I was expecting from her. I thought that would come later. She actually pushed him out of the way when he went to open the door for her! I love that Catherine and Lindsay get to watch this whole scene transpire through the window, as AshLee drives away and Sean sits there staring at the ground thinking about how poorly he handled that. Nothing like watching the guy you might be engaged to next week completely depressed over the departure of another woman, am I right ladies?
Stoked for The Women Tell All next week. NOT STOKED for a 3 hour finale the following week. THREE HOURS? I'd rather have them break it up into three one hour segments.
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