...And we're off. The show starts without Sean's pecs! We start with the ladies. Chris is busy stroking the ladies egos by telling them Sean sees the process working and that his wife is in the room. Bummer for him, as he's gotta lead on 16 other women. Oh there's his torso...and his legs. Good god, now he's wearing underwear only? Atta way Sean.
Selma gets the first date, and Robyn is already losing it. She wants Sean to know she has a heart. Grant says "is she the tin man? I think he knows she has a heart." We're still debating who is Lindsey and who is Lesley. Selma and Sean are holding hands in the car, and she asks Sean if he can handle all 110 lbs. Grant immediately calls her on her humblebrag of her weight. He also calls BS, as she has 110 lbs. in her bra alone. Zing! Told ya it was going to be a different kind of humor tonight!
It's private plane time, which I guess is better than another helicopter. Their conversation is not very exciting. In fact, Selma's just downright annoying. "We're going to travel like this all the time, right?" Oh Selma, don't fall in love with ABC's money! Joke's on her though, because they aren't going anywhere glamorous - they're in the desert. "Oh sure, he takes the Iraqi to the desert" she deadpans. If she was as adept at playing the race card as Robyn or the handless card as Sarah, she'd have been able to pull a trip to Alaska or something. All you gotta do is complain about how the world is against you, and boom! You get a rose.
Oh, they're rock climbing. Selma seems non-plussed. "Good thing he didn't take Sarah - she'd need a hand," Grant quips. As they continue to climb, Sean, who is trailing Selma up the rock, says "you look great in that helmet." From the angle he had, he couldn't even see her helmet. Basically he just said "your ass looks awesome when you have a helmet on your head." Selma, for someone who seemed pretty uncool with the whole rock climbing thing, is destroying this rock. She's got a bit of a potty mouth when she's sweating. "Holy freaking hell!" and "I can't believe we just f*cking did this" come out of her mouth. Such a lady.
Dinner time. They're eating in a trailer park. "I'll bet she thought we were going to a fancy hotel," Sean says slyly. Again with the lame pranks - "Surprise, romantic trailer park! Ha ha you got punked!" Sean says he really wants to kiss this girl, and he "gets the vibe she really wants to kiss him too." What tipped you off? The fact that she's laying on your chest looking up at you with lips that look like she got stung with a bee? Joke's on Sean instead, as Selma goes into a "I was born in Baghdad, and I was raised a Muslim, so kissing someone on national television is a big no no" monologue. Selma Hussein wants to kiss him, but uses the "it's against my religion and my family hates me for being on this show" excuse. I think Sean looks like he needs a cold shower. Grant says "he's going to go beat it in an AirStream." Selma gets the rose because Sean doesn't want to look insensitive. Sean's like the affirmative action king - he's appeasing the handicapped, African Americans and now Muslims with his choices. At some point he's going to cut one of these people, and we'll get to hear how unfair it is. Should've just ended it early Sean. Will he really propose to a girl he can't kiss? He may be sincere, but I doubt it.
Group date time! The girls are all in workout gear. The date card said to "roll with the punches." Lindsay (at least I think it was Lindsay) says "I think we're going to be rolling down a hill in a giant hamster ball." Naturally. Sarah says "I don't think having one arm is going to hold me back today." If they're throwing punches, she's going to have punch twice as fast though. Good luck girl. Roller Derby! This should be good, and judging by the girls skating skills, it's going to be great. And by great, I mean awful. Amanda, in a stroke of genius, tells the other team she's a roller derby pro.
You know who's not a roller derby pro? Sarah! She's falling all over the place. "My body works in different ways. I can't break my fall and I wish I was normal," she cries. Sean, defender of the disadvantaged, tells Sarah "if you don't want to do it, screw it, just hang out with me." She decides to show how tough she is by strapping the helmet back on and rolling around the track at the lowest possible speed. Grant throws in a basketball reference - "As Mark Jackson would say 'hand down, man down.'" Amanda's still trying to psych out the other girls, and instead wipes out and cracks her face on the ground. For the second straight episode, someone allegedly takes a hard fall, and ABC doesn't have cameras on it. I'm starting to doubt either tumble even actually happened. Amanda goes to the hospital with a jaw bruise, but Tierra is able to escape a neck brace and potential concussion? I'm confused. Sean overreacts like Roger Goodell and immediately cancels all contact drills. It's a free skate! In one very literal conversation, Sean says to a girl "you're skating backwards while looking at me!" Yes, yes she is. Apparently he's trying to appease the blind community as well. Sean says that "today was rough for the girls. I don't think they were prepared for the physicality of roller derby, but they embraced it." How? How did they embrace it? They all looked like they hated being there.
Sean pulls Sarah away. Grant has started saying "because you have one arm" after every sentence Sean says to Sarah. For example "I'm so impressed with the job you did today (because you have one arm)." Amanda shows up, and guess what, she's fine! She laughs and immediately grabs her jaw and says "owww." She freely admits she's milking it. Sean falls for it hook line and sinker. "oh let me kiss your boo-boo." Ugh.
Robyn asks Ashley and Sarah what happened with Amanda, and Tierra flips out like Robyn ignored her intentionally. She then says that she's fustrated. No r. She's fustrated. Tierra says she's focusing on Sean and their relationship. She then does the exact opposite and starts railing about how fake the other girls are and says she wants to leave. She's tromping around looking for Sean, crying about how she's being tortured. Grant says "she's torturing us."
Tierra lays her sob story on Sean, and of course, the most sincere bachelor ever EATS IT UP LIKE A PROTEIN SHAKE. Ladies, if you want a date with Sean, just send him a tweet telling him how you have cancer/your dog just died/ you lost your job/ the stylist cut your hair too short/ Dennys overcooked your Moons over My Hammy. He'll throw you a bone. Or in Tierra's case a rose. In an attempt to please one girl, he angered 10 others. Although, in typical girl fashion, they all blame Tierra for his actions, more mad at her for manipulating him than at him for being manipulated.
Time for black
"Holy Moly!" Leslie drops her catch phrase, again. Sean says she looks stunning between the necklace, dress, and shoes. So, the pretty things about her are the rented stuff that she's gotta give back? Sean says "after this romantic date, if the feeling isn't there with Leslie, it never will be." So basically he's tried to spruce her up as much as possible, and it's still not working. You can put lipstick on a pig Sean..... Leslie says her parents got divorced, and because of that she doesn't want to settle. I wonder which one of her parents she thinks settled. These are the questions I want answers to.
Back at the house, the girls have taken their makeup off, and they just aren't as pretty. I'm looking at you, Selma. In the editing, how many times did they stop rock climbing to re-apply a fresh coat? Yikes. They're 50/50 on Leslie coming back. She gets the boot, and Sean withholds the rose. He then tries to make it better by saying "I wanted it to be there, so bad." I'm not sure that makes it any better, as it just basically is a fancy way of saying "I feel nothing for you." Leslie suffers a final insult, as she has to stand there as Sean takes the necklace off her. Not wanting to go down without a swing, Lesley tells Sean there's some girls that "aren't there for the right reasons." Sean has to go back and listen to Ben Taylor serenade him alone. Who is Ben Taylor? Nobody knows, but Grant says "I think he's one of those guys Brian Gjurgevich listens to." Cue solitary rose falling in slow motion from high place.
Time for a cocktail party! Tierra masters the obvious by telling us that "in order for me to win, there need to be less girls here." Sean has a future as a politician as he tells nearly every girl "I'm always thinking about you even if I don't get time with you, and I love your confidence and your strength." Robyn gets her time and breaks out her best pick-up line...."do you like chocolate? do you like the taste of chocolate? do you want to taste the chocolate? What chocolate do you want to taste?" If that's her best pick-up line, I really want to what she decided NOT to use.
Tierra thinks Robyn attacked her by not saying her name. She calls Robyn and Jackie (who?) aside, and says she wants to apologize. Didn't see that one coming. She then apologizes by saying "you attacked me and it wasn't fair, and you shouldn't focus on what I'm doing." So, I don't think she knows what the definition of apology is. For whatever reason, both girls accept her non-apology. Tierra then continues her "Lies Galore!" tour by telling Sean that she's not a drama person and that she doesn't get involved in petty stuff. "The other girls can't handle me being who I am." What does that even mean?
Catherine wins the "straight to the point" award by saying "I've been thinking about you a lot. I'm really attracted to you." The direct approach works, she doesn't bring up another girl at any point and boom - she gets a big-time outdoor make-out session. Catherine rocketed up my list of favorites tonight. Tierra's talking a big game, which is easy to do when you already have a rose.
Sean's ready to send some "ladies" packing. He reminds the girls how sincere he is, and how his feelings are real before he breaks some girl's heart. It won't be Catherine, as she gets the first rose. Desiree, who didn't have a date this week, gets the next one. Grant says Des reminds him of Katie Holmes, in that they're both attracted to gay men. Well played Grant. Lesley/Lindsey both get roses, and I'm still a little fuzzy on which one is which. Robyn sticks around because of the "only one minority can leave an epsiode" rule. AshLee gets to stick around. So does Sarah, and Jackie, the attractive redhead who we know nothing about. Now we're down to Amanda the Manipulator and Daniella the Ice Queen. Amanda takes it on the chin for the second time tonight, as Sean sends her home. Chris Harrison then reminds Amanda that she's the only person who didn't get a rose and that she needs to say her goodbyes and leave. Her exit is cold but cordial. At least at first, but then she talks about heartbreak as being a "difficult emotion." Grant states that "I think she thinks heartbreak is when you buy a new shirt and get ketchup on it." Well said Grant. Thanks for coming down buddy!
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