But first....
It's time for some mommy/daughter bonding. featuring Emily wearing some oversized jacket with what Rachel thinks looks like a skull on the back. I personally think it looks more like a Hopi Indian cave drawing of a spider, but whatever.
Because we've got two hours of show to fill tonight, we get a nice montage of the four remaining
Emily loves that Chris tells her what he thinks, BUT....
Jef would make the best dad and she sees something special in him, BUT.....
She has so much fun with Arie and there was an instant connection, BUT......
Sean is gorgeous.
Emily then says she really thinks she could be in love with one of these guys by the end. Telling that she says ONE of them and not ANY of them. She's already made her choice, I'm sure. Let's see if we can figure out who it is!
First up is Chris in Chicago. Emily and Chris do a horrible job faking a suprise meeting in front of a church that Chris says is the closest thing to a castle in Chicago. Emily says she can see herself falling in love with Chris. I think they edited out the part where she said "if he's a billionaire and I'm REALLY drunk." Chris also tells us that on a scale of one to 10, he's "really Polish." Emily says she's excited for Chris to take her to "all the cool" places in Chicago. So of course he takes her to a generic restaurant to drink a beer. Risky move. He's trying to show her what a regular day is like with him, she wants to "see the cool places." Methinks these two aren't on the same page at all. They have a conversation that sounds like two coworkers trying to work on a presentation more than two people thinking about getting married. Chris then preps Emily for his family. His dad is "really Polish." Get it? Chris is Polish. He says that his dad will like Emily because "she's a lot like his sisters." Let's see, what do I think about that? How do I put this.......
RED FREAKING FLAG
I just don't get the idea that you'd like to marry someone like your mom or sisters (or anyone else you're related to.) It kind of sets up your significant other to always come in second place in your mind....to this point, Chris says he "doesn't know what he'd do if his family didn't like Emily." Like if his sisters didn't like her, he'd dump her? This shouldn't even be an issue. If you think your family might not like the person you're dating, that's probably a good sign you shouldn't introduce them and maybe stop dating them.
Chris' dad IS Polish. Wow. He looks kind of like a nightclub owner. A short, Polish nightclub owner. He gets first crack at Emily. Emily turns it on him and asks him if Chris is ready to be a dad. John's answer isn't exactly a ringing endorsement: "It's a huge responsibility and I think Chris will do his best. It's not about the stuff you have, it's about the love, and Chris has that. If you're not looking for that, then Chris might not be the guy for you." Interesting. Mama tells Chris he needs to "kick ass" if he wants to be with her. Well, Chris tried to kick ass in the Highland Games and Doug owned him. Kicking ass is not his forte. Chris' sister basically says "dump him if you don't think he's the one." Again, not exactly a ringing endorsement. Papa Polish then tells Chris that Emily is falling in love with him, but I think something was lost in translation, because I don't remember her saying that. The night ends with a good ol' Polka. Emily didn't expect to see the side of Chris that says he's in love with her. I'm not sure what that means, because that's pretty much the only side I've seen of him.
Moving on to Utah and Jef....Jef lives a couple hundred acre ranch! Not too shabby Jef. Jef's so excited to see Emily, his hair has an erection. It's really high today. Emily hops out of the Suburban and into Jef's Batmobile of an ATV. Jef is really in his element out on the ranch. He's shooting guns and posing and telling Emily "you're on my turf now...if you don't do well today, I'm done with all this." Way to tip the scales on her Jef. Emily then gets a turn with the shotgun, and holy hell these two are like Michael Gross and Reba McIntyre in Tremors. Remind me not to try to sneak onto Emily's southern plantation or Jef's Mormon ranch. Between the two of them, I think they own more land than Rhode Island.
Jef's parents are doing charity work in South Carolina (because that's apparently more important than meeting your son's future wife for the first time). I'm pretty sure Jef doesn't win because of this. Like, if he was going to be the winner, I'm pretty sure ABC would've worked around their trip to South Carolina. Either that or they're incredibly private people, in which case I'll respect their wishes and not bash them for missing a major event in their son's life.
The sisters have group time with Emily, and again Emily says that she's open to moving wherever to give Ricki a good life. Brad Womack is calling his therapist right now. Jef's sisters ask if she's in love with Jef, and she chokes so bad I thought I someone was going to have to give her the Heimlich. She finally expels a forced "yes" from her mouth, but then throws in a qualifier of "I'm not one to throw that word around lightly."
Jef then reads her a note, which is nice I guess, but I'm partial to people who don't read from scripts, even if it's a little more rambling and rough around the edges. It just doesn't seem like you should need a pad of paper to tell someone what you think about them. Emily, however, disagrees because she says "that's the sweetest thing she's ever heard." Somewhere Ryan is stroking his manicured facial hair and saying "what the hell Emily? My letter was way longer and more awesome!"
Off to Arizona, and they're at the racetrack. Emily says she's "totally excited" to be at the racetrack. Last time we saw Emily at a racetrack, she was a complete wreck because it brought back so many memories of her fiance...you know, the one that was in the plane that never made it to its destination. This time, there's not even a mention of him. I hope Brad Womack has his therapist on speed dial. Arie says that he's worried about Emily meeting his European parents because she's "so American." When Emily presses him as to why that is, Arie starts talking about how awesome he is. So what's the problem here? Oh right...the mom. Arie says she'll be the "least open minded" and they'll have to "work as a team to win her over." This sounds like hit has the potential to blow up, but ABC has tricked me before. My prediction is that everything looks like it's going off the rails until the mom gives her stamp of approval and everyone talks about how relieved the are.
In the ultimate awkwardness, Mama starts talking in Dutch, and this leads Arie to respond in Dutch and Emily to look horrified. Arie's dad throws a lit match on this gasoline spill by saying "we're talking about you" to Emily. Arie says that he knows how awkward this is, but continues to speak in Dutch nonetheless. Well done. He finally translates for Emily, saying mom just wanted to know how it was going and he told her it was going great. Why that needed to be said in Dutch is beyond me. The only point is to make it seem like Mama isn't sold on Emily yet. I'm not falling for it this time ABC! Arie's mom tells Emily that Arie is still traveling a lot and that it's a rough life, but that she "loves this life." Her life seems to consist of plastic surgery, fancy clothes, and lots of wine. What's not to love? I got the better of ABC today, as mom gives her stamp of approval and Arie tells us how relieved he is and thankful to have his parent's blessing.
Finally on to Sean's family down in Dallas. Sean's got his dogs at a park and a v-neck shirt that makes him look a little like Popeye the Sailor to me. They pick some flowers, throw frisbees to the dogs, and drink some wine on a blanket. Sean finally says something of substance, talking about how he dated a girl for three years but had to end it because he knew deep down it wasn't going to be forever. He feels a little remorse about this and has made a promise to himself that he won't go down that path again. Good for him. Time to meet the family! Sean has a great family, including a niece named Kensington who has her own cottage in the backyard WITH AIR CONDITIONING! Yipes. Oh but it gets better....SEAN LIVES AT HOME STILL!!!! He takes her up to his room and it's an absolute mess. At this point I'm calling bullshit - there's no way anyone would invite 18 million people on television into their home with half eaten cookies laying around in the room of someone who supposedly has been away for a few months. C'mon. Emily puts on her best fake smile and says "it's cool, I like to clean." Oh honey, you're better than that. What happened to that West Virginia Backwoods Hood Rat? She would not have volunteered to be the maid for a dude who lives at home. Oof.
Sean's dad seems like a pretty thoughtful and nice dude. He gets best parent award of the night, hands down. Mom's cool too, she seems like the stereotypical Texas mom. Have I mentioned before how much I like Texas? If it wasn't 8 billion degrees all summer, I might consider moving there someday. Sean can't bear to see the Tahoe drive off, so he takes off running down the street at a slow jog. No way you could catch a car at that pace, buddy! Of course, he does, and Emily says "what are you doing?" Didn't he pull this stunt in Prague, tracking her down to make out with her? Switch it up big fella!
Why is the rose ceremony in L.A.? Can we officially put the "we're doing the show to make it as easy as possible on Ricki" thing? What a joke. Chris Harrison and Emily recap the episode, where Emily says she likes all the guys so much and blah blah blah. Emily then claims that she has no idea she has what she's going to do at the rose ceremony. Stop it! We all know you're sending Chris home. Thanks for letting him down easy. Harrison twists the knife a little more by saying "good luck, remember families are involved now!" Not two minutes later than Emily says "I don't know what I'm going to do," she says "I'm ready to get it down to the three guys that I have super strong feelings for." Ok then.....
Harrison then fluffs the guys up....but it doesn't seem to work as well as it does on the ladies. The only guy who's showing any sort of nerves is Chris. Emily says there wasn't "an obvious choice to send home" this week. Except of course for the one guy she didn't have super strong feelings for. Arie and Jef are safe and Sean will be too, as soon as Harrison reminds everyone of his impressive math skills. "Emily has three roses. She gives one to Arie and one to Jef. How many roses does she have left?" Sean's safe and Chris and his electric blue tie are left to ask for an explaination. He's convinced that he did something wrong, and then tries to debunk her reasons. Not the best way to get her to change her mind, buddy. Chris apparently feels like he's the only person who can make him look like a fool on TV, and to prove it, he starts ranting in the limo. "I'm ten times the man of any of those dudes in there," he says. Real men don't call other guys "dudes" in fits of rage, buddy. You're barely more of a man than my four year old son, "Dude."
Good work brother! I can't wait for next week!
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