On to Emily, who humblebrags her way through the opening: "How crazy is it that three amazing guys want to date me?" We start with the now standard opening of Emily handicapping the remaining contestants chances. Sean's first, and we get to see him talking about Ricki being his daughter no matter if she calls him Sean or anything else. I still am uncomfortable with the idea of guys talking about parenting a kid that they've never met.
Next up is Jef, and I like that Emily says that her and Jef have the same sense of humor "deep down," and that Jef is so comfortable with himself and lets everyone see his goofy side. I guess this means Emily is self conscious about the fact that she's a huge dork too. We get to see Jef chuck his skateboard into the bushes again, and I cringed, remembering how much I hated that guy at the beginning of the season.
Then we get a montage of Emily and Arie making out and get to hear how strongly she is attracted to him. She likes Arie because he would "worship her forever." I think I know what she meant, but it sort of came off as if she wants someone who's going to run around dropping rose petals on the ground in front of her and doing all the chores and stuff while she eats grapes on a lounge chair. But who am I kidding....with all the auto racing money in Arie's family plus the money Emily probably gets from Ricki's grandparents, neither of them will ever do any chores.
She then tells us that "everything she's been through" has forced her to "look at love more realistically." She says this AS SHE'S DRAWING "EMILY + ?" ON THE BEACH IN CURACAO. I'm not sure what's "realistic" about making out with three guys in three days on a Caribbean island KNOWING that all three guys want to propose to you, but whatever.
For some more realism, Sean shows up and they hop in a helicopter and head to a private island for some chatting about Sean's past. Emily seems determined to get Sean to say "I love you." She seems to hint that Sean could get the boot if he doesn't say the big L. Emily continues to press him to say it, and Sean keeps saying how much he "wants to tell her how he really feels." Well be a man and say it then, dude. Shocking to me that this guy can talk about how prepared he is to be a father to a seven year old he's never met, yet can't tell the woman he loves that he loves her. My favorite part is where he starts telling her how crazy he is about her, and then when an obvious moment comes to say "I love you" he instead goes with "I forgot what I was going to say." Really? That's the best you could come up with? Perhaps he sensed in himself that he wasn't going to be able to spit out the words without having a few glasses of wine at dinner, because he immediately changes the subject and suggests they go snorkeling. We get no shots of them snorkeling, but plenty of them making out in the ocean.
On to dinner, where Emily wears a classy summery dress and Sean rocks a v-neck white t-shirt and some beach shorts. She seems to wonder if he really loves him since he hasn't said it yet. If you're not sure if he loves you, why are you pressing him so much to say it? Couldn't this backfire on her? Couldn't he be like "to be honest, I'm not there yet?" Or if she's so certain he is in love with her, why is it so important he says it? Very confusing. Even more confusing is Sean writing a letter....to Ricki. A couple of quick thoughts on this note:
- Sean's handwriting is very girlish. It looks like it was written by a seventeen year old girl practicing writing her name with the varsity quarterback's last name. All that was missing was the hearts drawn over the i's.
- His letter was very clearly not written to Ricki. He used words like "overwhelms" and talks about "honoring your mother." These are not concepts that make sense to a seven year old.
- He says "I'm not trying to replace your father, but you will forever be my daughter." Ricki never met her father, and she's seven. A seven year old is not going to look at a guy coming in as trying to make her forget about her father. She's going to take one look at him, ask if he wants to play dollies and that's it. It's just creepy.
Emily then gives him the fantasy suite card, and Sean enthusiastically says he's up for it. Emily says that the fibers in her body say yes, but the fibers in her head say no. They end up going to the fantasy suite, but then sit on the couch and talk for a while, where Sean's feelings come bursting out of him like an erupting volcano. Emily then sends him home with a sweet kiss. Apparently this was done to set an example for her daughter that you shouldn't sleep with multiple guys in a week. I'm not sure that the example is going to be effective when she keeps talking about how much she wants to. Sean says he understands, but really wishes he had gotten the chance to stay all night with her to "talk" some more. Sure buddy...we all saw how excited you were to accept that fantasy suite invitation.
Emily and Jef get to go on a boat around Curacao. Jef keeps up his 14 year old personality, saying "look where we are....the middle of the ocean!" No kidding Jef. This kind of reminds me of a friend of mine who used to employ a tactic I called "third grade reporter" with girls. He'd ask them all these fluffy, silly questions that the girls would giggle at, but they clearly loved the attention. It was way more effective than I could have ever imagined. Seems to be working for Jef too.
Also working for Jef is his sincerity when talking about their future. In a stark contrast to Sean, who said something about looking forward to his future with Emily (before Emily quickly reminded him that Ricki would be there too), Jef is quick to point out that Ricki comes first and that he hopes that he can be the "second most important person in Emily's life." Jef might be kinda dorky and try too hard to express his individuality, but he very clearly is not stupid, something I can't honestly say about Sean or Arie. I also appreciate Jef's straightforward approach. He just pounds Emily with probing questions, not waiting for her to dictate the conversation. He wants to know where she would like to live (and again she kicks Brad Womack right in his nuts by saying she'd be happy to move where ever as long as Jef is there), why she's still single when she's so amazing and seems to attract other amazing guys, (which is a brilliant way of phrasing what is essentially the question "So, you're still single, what's wrong with you?") and if he'd be a good fit with her daughter. When you view her relationship with Sean and her relationship with Jef, it's pretty clear that Jef and Emily are more compatible. They're way past beating around the bush of what their feelings are and writing notes - Jef did that way back in London, loser!
Fantasy suite invitation is out...and Jef, like Emily with Sean earlier, talks about how much he'd like to, but recognizes that their families will be watching and "it's not just us" making this decision. I'm still not sure that you're sending the right message when you talk about it in terms of "if this weren't on tv and nobody would know except for us, I'd totally roll around with you in the fantasy suite." You're not exactly looking like a pillar of morality in these moments guys. Jef follows it up by saying "I want to spend every night with you in our own fantasy suite (smooth) and "I want to watch 1,000 sunsets with you" (not as smooth, since this basically comes out to 3 years of watching sunsets....what happens then Jef?)
Emily remarks that she's a little bummed that Jef turned her down on the fantasy suite because she wanted to turn him down? I'm not sure what this means, but it sounds like she's upset that Jef came to the decision she was going to come to anyways on his own. Reminds me of those cartoons where the criminal mastermind is trying to come up with a plan and the doofus henchman suggests something that the mastermind scoffs at, then suggests they do the exact same thing. Is Emily a criminal mastermind, perhaps?
Arie's up next, and he's wearing almost the same outfit Sean wore on his dinner date - plain white T and blue beach shorts. Makes more sense on a boat though. I'd like to say that I learned a lot about Arie and Emily's relationship on this date, but it's essentially a five minute montage of them kissing with a little bit of dolphin footage mixed in. Emily is a little apprehensive around the dolphins, but marvels that Arie "isn't afraid of anything!" So not being afraid of a non-aggressive, probably trained, sea mammal makes you a manly man? Just call me Paul Bunyan then! Also, for reference....the first thing that comes up when you google "dolphin attack" is a wiki answer claiming there's only one confirmed human death at the hands (flippers?) of a dolphin, and this video is the second. Clearly these are animals you should watch out for.
more kissing, more kissing, more talking about kissing, more kissing, more talking about kissing.......
Apparently they've been making out so much that they've forgotten to ask a few vital questions like "what is it exactly that you do besides race cars?" Clearly these two are ready for marriage. Arie says that he wakes up at 9, goes to the shop for a while, then goes out to dinner with friends and comes home on a typical day. I shudder to think about him walking into a house as an instant father. I can't even remember the last time I woke up after 8 am, and it's been even longer since I had dinner with friends after work. Arie's anxious to show Emily how good he is with kids and how ready he is to be a father. His "strategy" for being a dad is to "be her buddy" first. I guess this is in contrast to walking in the door and barking at her to clean up her room and yell "don't make me come up there young lady!" Emily seems to think that this answer shows how much thought he's put into being a father and says "I didn't give him enough credit." This seems to be the equivalent of Arie making her a grilled cheese sandwich and her saying "I had no idea he was such a good cook!"
Arie then says that he knows how tough this must be on Emily and that he "could never be in her shoes." I'm suddenly hoping she picks Sean or Jef and Arie jumps at the chance to be our next bachelor. Sorry Lamar Hurd, you'll have to wait. I love watching people contradict themselves on national television.
The rose ceremony is up next, and Emily is a mess. She's totally in love with these guys and it's so hard for her to make a choice. She mentions that she she's falling in love with each of them....in different ways. I'm thinking this means that she loves two of them as friends, but she's got to keep up appearances. Emily says thinking about tonight makes her sad, because she's had "so much fun" on this journey. Not because she's going to have to dump somebody she loves, but because her 10 week party is coming to an end. The guys all made videos for her, and I was hoping that someone would say "I love you, but I know you've got other relationships going on and I want you to know that I'm going to be ok with whatever you decide. Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." These guys have all watched the show before and know how nerve wracking the final few rose ceremonies are on the bachelor/ette. Of course nobody does this. I guess you're opening yourself up to be sent home because you've sort of given her an easy way out, but then again if she's going to send you home because you tried to lighten the burden on her, clearly she had no intention of marrying you in the first place. Emily looks like she's about to puke by the time the videos are done rolling. She also feels bad that she's going to have to break a guys heart tonight. You know why one of these guys hearts is going be broken tonight? Because you told Sean he's "the perfect guy," you told Jef that you he was the guy "you pictured in your house with your daughter," and you've swapped so much saliva with Arie that you're now 1/4 Dutch.
And the broken hearted dude du jour is....Sean! Emily's sort of psycho friend from Charlotte that made Sean take his shirt off back in week three is pissed. Sean seems kind of shocked. Emily walks him to a bench, then unbelievably asks him what he's thinking. Really? You're going to make him do the talking right now? You should be the one trying to console him, but instead you're crying and he's having to rub your back and tell you it's going to be ok? Poor form, Ems.
Scenes from the finale seem to show Emily making the decision to not marry anyone, but I'm 99.9999% sure this is clever editing by ABC to make us all think that. Also, I'm a little surprised that there's not a single teaser shot of Ricki. Does she not even come? Is she seriously going to accept a marriage proposal without the guy even meeting her daughter? Yikes. My opinion is that she should choose Jef, but my guess is that she picks Arie because he's the "safe" pick. He's a race car driver, he comes from money, and that's what she knows. Plus, she's probably pictured herself doing the dirty with him so many times she'll have to pick Arie just to see if it measures up (no pun intended) to the fantasy she's built up in her mind.
Next week is "the reunion show you don't want to miss." ABC should throw us a curve sometime and say "you know what? Skip this Men Tell All show, it's not that great."
No comments:
Post a Comment