To borrow a line from Chris Harrison, "You better Belize it!" Bachelor heads deeper into the center of Central America tonight, and we get the tease of Courtney being hated on by the other women. Ben apparently listens to the other girls, which can't make Emily feel good since she was on her own in calling Courtney out WEEKS ago.
Ben says "the feelings of love are there" but he's "not ready to tell anyone that." Very manly of you Ben. Nicki says this is the most crucial week and that the stakes are higher than ever. It's a nice sentiment, but untrue. The stakes are the same as they've always been. You betta wow Ben or he'll dump you. Same ol' same ol'. The one on one dates carry no roses this week, but the group date does. The women on the group date are already going to feel like they're behind the 8-ball because Ben didn't pick them for a solo date, and now there's a guaranteed hometown riding on it. Should make for some crazy desperation. Nicki's already starting to crack.....she's crying just thinking about Lindzi getting the first one on one. I hope she gets thrown in the group date.
Emily thinks that Ben looks like a piece of cheesecake in swimtrunks or something like that, and gives a pouty face as Lindzi heads off for some helicopter based activities. I think that might be an insult to the cheesecake's intelligence. Look, a deep hole in the ocean! Lindzi, who seems to have no problem riding in a helicopter with the door open, suddenly is terrified of heights! I'm starting to think that it's a requirement that you be afraid of heights, or at least have no qualms about lying your ass off to America. After about of a minute of contrived tension (in which Lindzi says "I could die in two seconds...just like in a relationship....") they make the completely safe and undramatic drop into the water. I believe this is the first "death defying" stunt that he's pulled with Lindzi, meaning that they're FINALLY ready for a relationship. Lindzi has now successfully shown that she can "go with the flow." I don't like hating on Lindzi, because she truly seems to be the most competent person left in this wacky competition. Alas, she's not leaving me much choice. She says Ben is "very sexy" driving through the waters of Belize. Classic girl move of confusing the setting with the man. The man equivalent is finding a girl infinitely more sexy just because she was there when you see your favorite sports team hit a game winning basket. Ben is kind of holding back - he keeps saying that their date is "great." I guess it's better than "rad," but I'm still not seeing much emotion on Ben's part. Then again, that may be because he's essentially a cardboard cutout that came to life.
Back at the house, Kacie B. thinks Courtney sucks because she claims to be in a relationship with Ben. Kacie takes this to mean that Courtney thinks the other girls aren't in one with Ben. Another classic insecurity move - hearing something that wasn't said. Courtney couldn't win over the other girls even if she tried right now.....not something she needs to worry about anyways. Courtney's school of thought now seems to be that if they're going to accuse you of murder, you might as well murder someone.
Ben and Lindzi are writing a fairy tale. The fairy tale turns out to be a very horrible synopsis of their relationship to this point. Ben makes an eternal promise to always be honest with her. He then follows that up by telling the camera that he's falling in love with Lindzi. He does not, however, tell the woman that he just eternally promised to tell the truth to. At least not on camera. This is where I differ from ABC...I think it'd be fascinating to see Ben tell one girl that she's "the one" while internally struggling to act interested in the other girls. Wouldn't it be great to see Ben say "I'm really struggling with who to take on this one on one date because I'm really not that interested in any of the girls left." Wouldn't it change your perception of the dates if you knew he didn't really like her? You'd have a better idea of when he's just being nice out of respect for the girl. Or imagine he goes into a date 90% sure the girl's going home, then something happens on the date that convinces him to keep her around for another week. That'd be really interesting to me. Ah, if only....
Courtney is still bitter about Emily talking to Ben about her antics. I loved her sarcastic "see you laterrrrrrrr" as Emily walked out. Such a bitchy thing that is better left unsaid
Ben, rather than pick up Emily, makes her take a plane by herself across the country. I don't know why he didn't take the plane trip with her....seems like a good time to sit and talk and get to know a girl you're evidently trying to establish if there's any long term relationship potential with. I think this is a very bad sign for Emily, and probably means she's going home.
Emily may be a PhD student, but she's an idiot if she thinks this lobster diving trip is "spontaneous." The whole conversation with the lobsterman was obviously preplanned.
Lobsters are crazy fast! I had no clue. Ben catches the world's slowest lobster ever...either that or the Ben took the lobster on a date and it said "you know what? Being boiled alive sounds pretty good right about now. Get a pot!" We then see the same footage of a hook grabbing a lobster tail, followed by a quick cutshot to Emily holding the lobster! Are we supposed to think she caught that? I'm constantly blown away that Ben can take the most interesting or exciting date ideas and make them look so goddamn boring. He's the fun killer. Ben "Fun Killer" Flajnik. Has a nice ring to it.
Courtney, for all her braggadocio, is just as insecure as the next girl. She takes the fact that Ben took Emily on a date as a sign that he has no feelings for her. I guess her reasoning is that Ben knows how much she hates Emily, and that he's doing this to get under her skin. For the love of God, did you not know that he'd be going on dates with other women? Courtney, for the second time this season, threatens to reject a rose if she doesn't get what she wants. She accepted a rose last time without knowing if Ben was sending Shawntel home or not, so I have no reason to believe she is serious this time.
Ben says that his date with Emily is "great" too, so he doesn't tip his hand one way or another yet. Emily takes a question about if she's comfortable bringing Ben home to meet her family, and somehow manages to mention Courtney in her answer. Her answer is way too long, but she wraps it up nicely by extending a formal invitation to Ben to come meet her family. She has no control of the situation, but I like that she at least tried to give off the allusion that it was her choice to have him meet her family. Points for her.
Back at the ranch. Courtney says that if she doesn't get a one on one it shows that "he doesn't think much of our relationship." I can't tell if she really believes this, or that she wants to plant that seed in the other women's head about their own relationships with Ben. It's a brilliant move if it's the latter. Sadly, we again don't get to find out if Courtney will follow through on her vow to decline a rose, because she's picked to go on the last one on one date. She says a bunch of things like "he must've heard me....he knows what's best for him after all!" I take it as a sort of a joke on her part, sort of how you say "he must've heard me!" when you yell at the TV for Metta World Peace to pass the ball to Kobe while he appears to be mulling over shooting a 35 foot jumper.
Courtney continues her scorched Earth policy by saying "can't stand you all!" under her breath while she's leaving for her date. She's a huge bitch....I get it. Ben is apologetic for how long it's taken to get back to her....he's extremely whipped. Ben says that "we're walking through the jungle when we come across a giant temple reaching towards the sun." I'm not sure if we're supposed to believe that this wasn't their destination all along, but I have very little faith that Ben and Courtney were sent off into the jungle without knowing exactly where this temple was. Courtney goes back to her old "I had a tough day because you haven't been showing me the love lately." You know when that line works? WHEN THE GUY ISN'T DATING FIVE OTHER WOMEN!" He's got options you know. Options that don't chastise him for going through the process of establishing if he has feelings for these other girls. Amazingly, her antics work, because Ben is falling all over himself to apologize for something he shouldn't have to apologize for. Until this moment, I didn't think Courtney would ultimately win. I thought he was taking her along for the ride because she was hot and liked to get naked with him, but now I think he's actually in love with her. My new prediction is that she's going to be the winner. Notice how he hasn't called their date "great?"
They then hike to the top of this Mayan ruin, where they take in the breathtaking views. Ben, ever the wordsmith, says "Oh. My. Dad." I can't tell if I'm jealous of the relationship he had with his father, or if this is one of the dorkiest things I've ever heard. I love my dad to death, but I don't think I'd ever insert his name into a saying that usually uses God's name. That just seems creepy. When he recites the Pledge of Allegiance, does he say "One nation, under my dad?" It's awkward for sure.
I just came to the realization that we could be meeting Courtney's parents next week! I'm beyond excited to see the people that birthed this crazy bitch. She doesn't have to win, but for the love of Ben's Dad, ABC, don't take away my chance to meet her parents! I'm hoping she has some mousy sister that the family treats like Cinderella (pre fairy godmother) or some emo brother that may or may not have a crush on her.
Back on the date, Courtney tells Ben that she's bent over backwards to be nice to the other girls.....two seconds before she says that they bore the hell out of her and she would never be friends with them in real life. She then talks about modeling by referring to herself as "the talent" and that she has to make everyone happy. Despite the fact that Courtney tells Ben that she has to refer to the other ladies as girls because she "doesn't even feel that they're women," Ben says he can't believe that Courtney is two faced in his dealings with the girls. He's either got the biggest blinders on ever for this girl, or he's a moron. Or (and this is my choice) both.
Ben's waking the girls up at 4 am for their group date. Lindzi says that it's "a good thing she wore a shirt to bed....that could've been awkward." I think it would've been far more awkward if she was sleeping topless in a bed with Nicki. Also wonder how they decided who got to share a bed with Courtney. I think this might be my favorite revelation about the Bachelor...that they make the girls share beds on the road. Do they make the guys do this on the Bachelorette? I need to know this stuff! I may have to send a tweet to Ali Fedotowsky to find out the answer to this. Ok I just did this. Will let you know if she responds. I love twitter. Of course this could lead Ali to see some of the snarky things I said about her season in the past, but then again, if she's just now finding out that Frank was a creepy assbag from my blog, well, then there's not much I can do to help her.
Ok, back to the group date....shark diving! This was done as recently as the last season of the Bachelor. We are told for the 90th time this season that relationships are all about overcoming fears. Also, Ben tells us that this area has the "highest shark concentration in all of Belize." That's like saying that your freezer is the coldest place in all of your house. The girls are pissed that Rachel is scared of sharks. I like that they're not in cages. Must be some pretty terrifying sharks. I'm a little confused by Ben's hanging all over Rachel, but I suppose it makes sense. You don't want some panicky girl thrashing about scaring the sharks while you're in the water. It also could be that he knows he's sending her home shortly, so this is his version of a pity date. He knows he's got more time coming with the other ladies in their hometowns.
In case you're wondering, Nicki is not afraid to tell the palm trees, sea shells, or the f*ckin' ocean that she's falling for Ben. Why you'd be afraid to tell a tree your feelings is beyond me. That was weird. I just told our ottoman that my wife was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was pretty nervous about how it would react, but it was very accepting and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. Knowing that the ottoman approves of our relationship will really allow me to open up and take my relationship with my wife to the next step.
Kacie B. is also falling in love with Ben. She knows that he can't say it, but his kisses prove that he's feeling the same way. FALSE! Kacie is a master of giving non verbal things and attaching literal meanings to them. It's a good way to end up disappointed. Of course, Ben backs up her assumption by giving her the rose.
For whatever reason, Courtney is allowed to observe the group date from a balcony. That was weird. This is a perfect segue into the women telling Ben to "watch his back" around Courtney. For whatever reason, he takes it to heart this time. I really hope we get to hear what Emily says about this, because she'd have every right to be upset with Ben for taking the other girls word over hers. I think she should take as a sign that Ben doesn't trust her and decline his rose, if she's even given one.
I love Courtney. Not in a "she's gorgeous, she's be fun to hang out with" sort of way.... in a "She's insane and I can't wait to see what facial expression she makes next" kind of way. Also, she's super drunk. "When in Belize..." she says. I guess she thinks that Belizians drink their asses off. She also said this about taking her top off in Panama. "When in Panama..." I might start might using this saying everywhere. Next time I'm in Wisconsin, I'm going to make a sleeping bag out of empty Frito Lay bags, because "when in Wisconsin..." There really is nothing better than someone completely misinterpreting a saying and/or using a saying incorrectly. I also love when she says "Ben's not the only guy in the world" and Emily is ALL OVER IT. Again, Courtney is 100% correct. I am a man. I'm in the world. HOWEVER, Emily interpreted it as "She doesn't care about Ben." Unfortunately, Ben has made his decision and we won't get a chance for Emily to go all crazy sauce on him before the rose ceremony.
Before the roses are handed out however....Ben wants a little tete a tete with Courtney. Rather than say "the girls say you're mean" he softballs her by saying "I want to make sure you're in this 100%." Very weird. Nicki gets a rose, meaning someone who went on a one on one is going home. Lindzi gets a rose. We're down to Courtney or Emily. And.............Chris Harrison reminds us we have one rose left. Of course. Now we get to the last rose. Ben waits an uncomfortably long time before calling Courtney's name out. She's hammered and is still making light of the entire situation. It's incredibly disrepectful to the process, but that's really OK, because the whole process is incredibly disrespectful to the women. Emily handles the rejection better than I expected, though she seems to think that things would've been different if she hadn't called out Courtney. Not really the case in my opinion.
We then get the teaser for next weekend, which includes Courtney's dad (who looks a lot like George Peppard from A-Team fame) saying "marriage is life's biggest gamble," which is such a horribly incorrect thing to say that it explains quite a lot about Courtney. Marriage is only a gamble if you don't do your homework, or if you marry someone for the wrong reasons. If you're marrying someone because you love them, respect them, and genuinely enjoy their company, it's not a gamble. It's the smartest, safest investment you'll ever make, assuming they feel the same way about you. And if you're not sure if they feel the same way about you....DON'T GET MARRIED. It always annoys me when people say that marriage is "just a piece of paper" or some other crap like that. It's not just a piece of paper. Nobody ever says that about a diploma. A diploma is a piece of paper, but you only get it if you put in the work to earn it. That's what a marriage is. It's a commitment to one person saying "I'm going to do my very best to make you happy for the rest of my life, to put you above everyone else." If you don't want to get married, that's fine. I respect your decision....just don't tell me that my marriage is just a piece of paper. It's the most important thing I've ever done.
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