You betta check yourself, bitch!
With a line like that in the intro, you know it's on! We get our lame graphic that reminds me of "where in the world is Carmen Sandiego" where a plane flies from Utah to Puerto Rico, for those people from Arkansas who don't know where either place are...I kid, I kid! There's people in Oregon who don't know where those places are either. But, in case you were wondering, Emily says that "Puerto Rico seems like the perfect place to fall in love." Glad we got that out of the way early.
Courtney continues to just bash Emily in her confessionals. I believe her when she says she'll "embarrass her." Emily tried to tangle with her last week, and it went horribly wrong. The date card says "Nicki" but what all the women heard was "NOT COURTNEY." Man they hate her. Awesome moment when the date card is read in some of the worst Spanish ever spoken. I'm not sure if the producers were planning on embarrassing the poor girl who had to read it, or the entire Spanish speaking world, but wow.
Nicki's getting ready for her date while the rest of girls lounge on the lawn....not sure who's winning this week so far. Nicki informs us she'd be "bummed" to not get a rose tonight. Bummed is what I am when Subway is out of the Italian Herbs and Cheese bread, not when the "person of my dreams" tells me our journey ends here.
Snocones and Monsoons! Ben claims that the rain came out of nowhere. I'm pretty sure that afternoon rainstorms are the norm in that part of the world. Shocking. Nicki says that "it's not only raining, but it's SIDEWAYS raining as well!" I didn't know that sideways rain was not the same as straight down rain. They proceed to have a little fun with the local language (Ben is MUY CALIENTE!) and Ben says he has "a little Latin flava." Oof. Ben did this same thing on Ashley's season when he went around poking fun at Asian cultures on a group date. This guy's sense of humor is horrible. There's no depth to it. He's an easiest joke kind of guy, no imagination whatsoever.
Oh look, a wedding! That's convenient. Nothing creepier than a pair of Americans dressed like drug mules with a camera crew spying on your wedding from across the street! Wonder if they'll show up in the happy couple's wedding photos.
Ben says that he thinks the two of them have pretty good chemistry, but he also hasn't been sucking face with her quite like the other ladies. Ben follows the standard Bachelor date format of "have fun during the day, grill the girl on her issues at night." By saying that he wanted to "find out what went wrong" with her first marriage. I guess maybe this is something you ask people if you've never been married, but I think it's pretty obvious that what went wrong is that they weren't in love anymore, regardless of the situation. I guess the only thing he could glean is if Nicki just up and said that she cheated on her husband, but if she did that, she obviously doesn't know how to play this game.
Back at the house, Elyse is adamant that she deserves the one on one more than any of the other girls. Blakely seems to think she deserves it. Not surprisingly, the last two names left to be read for the date card are Elyse and Blakely. Clever editing, ABC! Blakely draws short straw. Here's hoping Elyse goes home....she bores me. At least Blakely says dumb stuff and can Stomp the Yard. Elyse has no redeeming qualities that I can discern.
Ben gives Nicki the rose only because he can't find a reason not to. She's nice and she's pretty and they can talk to each other, but really I don't see much there. Nicki's not going to last much longer here.
Beisbol time! Love that they went to Roberto Clemente stadium...one of my favorite all time players. I'm not loving the statue of Mr. Clemente though...looks like he's about to chop the head off of a menacing snake with his bat/sword.
Blakely says that she's the most athletic and is going to "wow" Ben with her athleticism. Not sure that's the best ploy.....if one girl is taking it way more seriously and bragging...that's going to turn a lot of guys off. Chris Harrison shows up and tells the girls they're going to be competing for a romantic evening. Lindzi gets the captains pick...meaning she gets the romantic evening no matter what.
Two inning game? Yikes. Casey says the game is crazy competitive. Unfortunately, competitive doesn't mean entertaining. These girls are pretty bad. I will give it to them, they can hit moderately well. None of them can field at all - including Ben, who throws one away, probably on purpose to add to the drama. Emily tells her team to "play good defense." Someone should've yelled "that'd be a first." Courtney with the best line of the night when, referring to Blakely, says "who knew strippers could play baseball?" I'm sure she thinks her ability is going to garner her Ben's affection, but I don't think it's going to help her unless she's in a professional league.
We're going to extra innings, but apparently we're going to see the same footage they've shown already, because I think I've seen Blakely make the same catch at shortstop three times. Jennifer's got the weight of the game on her shoulders......and she strikes out. Blakely looks like Michael Jordan after one of his teammates airballed a three pointer. Blakely, sticking with her MJ persona, reams her teammates for not trying hard. The helicopter only adds to her rage, as she wishes bad things upon the red team. This sends her into tears. Now the whole blue team is in tears, thinking that losing a baseball game cost them their chance at love. Someone needs to tell these girls that Ben's probably already made his decision and is now just stringing all the other girls along for the show's sake. If and when Jennifer gets sent home, she's going to eat a gallon of ice cream and watch Mr. Destiny and cry for six days straight.
Romantic dinner time! Some girls (Courtney) goes for a summer dress. Jaime goes for cutoff shorts and a shirt that's having an identity crisis - is it a formal shirt, is it a tank top...I DON'T KNOW! Let's cut to the unhappiest bus of all time. Poor girls sitting in the dark crying on a school bus....yeesh. I think that might be the place I'd least like to be in the world.
Ben spends some quality time with Kacie B. and goes next level with his emotional talk. I think he really does like her. Kacie's hair kind of reminds me of Monica's in that Friends episode where they went to the Bahamas Courtney slams all the other girls (including calling my girl Jaime a "hot mess.") Courtney then says she "needs time, not roses." She exudes confidence. She is the smartest girl here, hands down. She steals Ben away, and Kacie gets pissed. How quickly she seems to forget that she stole Ben away from a group date back in San Francisco. Yeesh.
Courtney wants to go skinny dipping! Remember when Ben told Kacie in Utah that he didn't kiss her because he didn't want her to get attacked by the other girls? Apparently Ben isn't applying the same level of courtesy to Courtney. Although he could probably justify it by saying "the other girls already hate Courtney, so it's all good!" Although as we cut to commercial, they make it look like Courtney holds off on nekkid time until after the group date is over.....maybe we're going with a different situation, although Ben's a moron if he thinks the other girls won't find out.
Elyse gets her date card, which is just a formality at this point. She then gets all emotional talking about how much she gave up for this opportunity, and if it doesn't work out she'll be crushed. Let's say I told you you had a 1 in 25 chance of winning anything. Would you give up everything you had...for a 4% chance? Of course not, so why would you do it for a 4% chance at love? Oh, that's right...you also get to be on TV and become a fake celebrity.
Elyse goes into the date laying out all her qualities, including the great job she has that she just told us two minutes ago she "gave up." She then re-iterates that she gave up her job to be here. I'm confused. Elyse then goes on to say that she ditched her best friend's wedding because she wanted to find love. Yikes. I'm guessing that relationship is going to be strained when she gets home. Elyse then follows up her "I gave up a lot to be here" with "I like you, let's get married and screw everyone else." Very, very odd conversation. Ben's so weirded out by her casual marriage proposal that he jumps off the side of the boat....well maybe it didn't happen exactly like that, but Ben definitely shifted the date from talking to action. Hope he sends her home....I really don't think she'd see it coming. But I do Elyse! If not this week then soon. Very very soon.
Elyse apparently didn't talk to the other girls about Ben's dinner conversation, because she just opens herself up to be bombarded with tough questions by saying "do you have any concerns?" To her credit, she handles his questions well. Ben stays silent however, and she just keeps on talking, which makes it worse. Oof. Ben says "he knows what he needs to do." That doesn't sound good. There's lots of pauses and "unfortunatelys" in his speech. She's not getting the rose! He then makes it worse by saying "I've got better relationships already with the other girls than I could ever have with you." That was the opposite of letting her down easy. That was tying a two ton weight to her legs and dropping her off a bridge. Wow. Elyse wants to know what she did wrong. She's really trying for a sympathy stay of execution, but Ben just strokes her hair and reiterates that he likes the other women more than he'll ever like her. This ain't a game to Ben.....he's SURRIOUS. Elyse still thinks she screwed up and did something wrong. I don't think anyone understands how egotistical that statement is. The implication is that he couldn't possibly love someone more than her unless she made some sort of serious mistake. Is this how her life has gone? Has she gotten every man she's ever wanted? If so, I have to wonder about the caliber of men she's dated in the past. This is a pretty person problem. I think I learned about not getting the girl you want in about second grade. Humbleness...pass it on!
Back at the hotel, the girls seem shocked and slightly upset that he'd send a girl home despite the fact that they get pissed whenever he spends time with one of them. Courtney continues her mastery of the other girls, saying crazy, off the wall stuff that gets the girls focused more on her than on Ben. She's exactly like Michelle on Brad's season, only she's BETTER. She's Michelle 2.0. I still think she'll end up losing to Lindzi or Kacie B or Jennifer. Ben says "this is a bad idea, but I want to spend more time with her." Translation "I REALLY REALLY WANT TO SEE HER NAKED." Ben's brain has time travelled back to when he was 15. Courtney says she's worried that the girls will hate her when they find out, as if she doesn't already know that they do. You're not fooling anyone Court - we know you don't give a damn about the other girls' feelings at all.
Cocktail party time! Emily asks if anyone feels good. Courtney says "she does" which is the truth. Emily takes it as arrogance. Emily is completely thinking herself out of this competition. Jennifer thanks Ben for their date in Park City. Ben says it was "rad." I can't tell if this is a compliment or something you say when you don't know what to say. Ben says their conversations are easy, then stops talking and makes out with her. It is easy when you're not talking, isn't it? Blakely says she's had a revelation that she can't wait to tell Ben. This should be good. I thought she was building up to "I love you" but she goes a completely different direction and essentially says "I love myself" thanks to you. I think Ben got thrown for a loop there too....but then Blakely shows her appreciation by tongue wrestling with him. Ben says he's blown away by her honesty.
Courtney decides to stir the pot and starts the skinny dipping conversation. Jennifer starts treating this like a slumber party after the middle school dance asking who's gone skinny dipping and where. Why would you want to know this stuff, Jennifer? Is there really an OMG factor in what people have done when you're in your late 20's and 30's? It's shocking when a 17 year old has skinny dipped in a public pool. It's not when a 27 year old has.
Emily starts her alone time with Ben by saying that she hasn't thought about Courtney all week, but then follows it up by talking about how Courtney is a weirdo. Ben tells her the same thing he told her last week, drop it or you're going home. Emily says "I think he hates me." I think she's trying to get sent home now. She's found a way to get herself kicked off without admitting she doesn't want to be with Ben or really admitting that he doesn't want to be with her. Kind of like when people say they're to focused on a career to have a relationship right now. You create an issue to "block" whatever it is you're supposed to want but don't really want. I'm on to you now Emily.
Rose Ceremony time! Rachel or Casey S. is going home...that's my prediction. Could be Jamie though. She's getting absolutely not airtime, which is a shame. She's gorgeous. She must have a trainwreck of a personality, otherwise Ben is an absolute moron...she gets a rose, so I hold out hope that she gets a one on one date next week! Rachel gets a rose too....Casey S is on the chopping block...but she's safe! Emily is now dead girl walking, and she knows it. Blakely does not have the look of a woman who has "found herself." She looks like a woman who needs a rose to feel any sense of worth as a woman.
What just happened? He sent Jennifer home? How the hell did that happen? Apparently "Rad" does not mean "good date" in Benspeak. I'm really, really surprised about that one. Ben's got some 'splaining to do. Jennifer too wonders what she did wrong, only in her case, she's justified because Ben really didnt' give her any indication she was in trouble. He talked about how easy their conversations were.....bad form by Ben there. This is tragic for her. Ben is a Douchebag. He's actually the worst kind of Douchebag - the kind that thinks he's a nice guy. Bachelor Ben, I hate you.
Ben then says "We're going to the most romantic city in Central America....." which is met with a lot of blank stares because I think if you asked 80 people what the most romantic city in Central America was, you'd get 75 different answers. Panama City! It's got a canal! and stuff!
Tune in next week, when Ben apparently listens to the other girls about Courtney (boy that's gotta piss Emily off), and something horrible happens to Casey S!
No comments:
Post a Comment