Ben has fond memories of his father....just like every other person everywhere whose father was not an abusive alcoholic. Let's not glorify the fact that he loved his dad, OK ABC?
Kacie gets the first date, which is good because I don't think anyone remembered who she was. Also, love when there's two girls on the show with the same first name. Kacie B. makes her sound like a spice girl, or a fourth grader. Either way, it's amusing to me.
Ben says that "Southern women are very family oriented." A nice sentiment, until you realize that you could probably replace "Southern" with Hispanic, African, Midwestern, Mormon, Pacific Islander, or pretty much any other group of people.
I was willing to give ABC the benefit of the doubt when Ben "runs into" a few friends on the street, but when Kacie B. finds a baton in a candy shop....that's just ridiculous. I know there's always band props when I walk into See's Candy. I hope that on the next date the epidemiologist girl just "happens" upon a Petri Dish in a Starbucks.
Ben really misses his daddy. He's really laying down the "this is where I'm happy and this is where I'm staying" law. It's admirable that he's big on family and all that, but I worry about his prospects for a lasting relationship if he's not at least flexible to moving for his future spouse. Makes me wonder what else he's going to be inflexible on. Of course he's got the major hammer of being The Bachelor so none of the girls want to argue or question him for fear of being eliminated.
Ben starts the "Ben and Kacie Future Wedding Slide Show" by saying "Oh
I understand that I'm super fortunate to have my dad still in my life, but let's remember here that Ben was an adult when his dad died. His dad wasn't ripped from his life when he was 8 or something. The guy just seems a little over sensitive to me. Maybe that's because I'm under-sensitive. Kacie B. sure seems to love it. I'd always assumed that tears on a first date weren't a good idea regardless of your gender, but apparently it's OK....provided you're a rich winemaker with the unlimited resources of ABC at your disposal, and also that girl is in a competition with 17 other women for your affection.
Commercial break! First you take the jumbo jack, then you add two tacos.....
Group dates.....always awesome. Ben remarks that "that's a lot of pairs of legs." Classy.
Ben talks about some playwrights and the girls start thinking about Broadway. It's lame to say this after the fact, but I totally knew it was going to be kids. I'm not sure if this was to judge their mommy potential or what. This is awful. Blakely saves this segment by wearing something that I'd put on my 8 month old daughter. Props to ABC for editing it make it look like the 8 year old boy was digging the busty moron...nothing like portraying a fourth grader as a sexual being to America.
Back at the house, Courtney is being a bitch! Shocker!
Back at the community theater, Ben is doing is best to embarrass the hell out of all the women, making them wear horrible costumes in front of the entire town of Sonoma. This is another major flaw of The Bachelor - they always put the women in super awkward situations and then the guy will try to equate this unrealistic scenario to an actual relationship. He'll end up sending a girl home because she'll either take it too seriously or not seriously enough. Pretend this wasn't a TV show and you overheard a guy at Safeway say "Yeah, I had to cut her loose because she just didn't get into her Gingerbread Man character in a fourth graders play."
Does anyone think that the kids came up with this play? I imagine these kids sitting down with a production assistant and throwing out ideas and the P.A saying "great idea Timmy, but what if we had him dress like a sheep and then strip down to his loincloth when the dragon blows on him?" WOW ABC....just WOW.
And right on cue, Ben says that the women "proved they are comfortable in their own skin" by acting like farm animals in a horrible play. Tune in next week when Ben says something like "this girl can't handle the pressure of a long term relationship. I mean, did you see the way she freaked out about hang gliding over shark infested waters?"
Group date after party! Ben wants to get into more "serious" conversations with the women - while they're wearing bikinis of course! Ben gets "major points" for being good with kids. He'll score more points later in the season when he's good with dogs...and then teaches them about wine...and then takes them on a helicopter tour of the coastline.....
Life sucks when you're 34 and the other girls are referring to you as a Cougar. Bummer for Blakely. Samantha is so upset the Blakely is attractive and sexual that she cries in a bathroom stall. For some reason, Jaclyn and Jennifer, who are supposedly competing against Samantha for Ben's affection, are concerned that she's essentially removed herself from the contest. That makes two bathroom cries in two episodes...let's see how long this streak lasts!
Date card time...."Courtney, let's spin the bottle!" A very unsubtle reference to a wine themed date. Of course Courtney goes low brow and says that she "thinks this means they're going to make out." Erika confesses that she knows Courtney is trying to get under the other girls skin....and that it's WORKING!" In most forms of battle, it's an advantage to know your opponent's strategy, so you can counter it. Erika seems to be bucking conventional wisdom and instead trying to win by submitting to her opponents tactics.
Ben and Jennifer have a conversation in a candle lined hot tub that is best summed up as "I wish we didn't have to have small talk before making out, but lest we look too much like horny 15 year olds, let's sit really close to each other reminisce about the things that happened less than one hour ago!"
Jennifer is shocked that he's making out with someone else not more than five minutes after shoving his tongue down her throat! To this I say "that's what you get for being a creepy peeper trying to spy on other people's one on one time!" The accountant has trouble handling a social situation....shocking!
Blakely and her super annoying personality get the rose. I'm convinced that either Ben gave her the rose because he knew it would piss off the other girls and wanted to see how they handled it, or ABC figured it out and made Ben do it...because Blakely is clearly about as deep as a parking lot puddle and not marriage material. I'm a little disappointed that Monica and Blakely didn't continue their first night flirtations, because I thought that the bisexual storyline would've really drove some of the girls into hysterics. Apparently Monica is a huge bummer when not completely trashed, because she's been nonexistent in this episode. Somebody get that girl another Mojito!
Model Courtney gets to meet Scotch, the dog/son of Ben. Ben says he wants to take Courtney on this date to show her Sonoma. What he really wants to do is show her how his tongue feels on her tonsils. Wait...I spoke too soon. Ben wants to show her how he makes creepy howling noises while he squats over his dog's ass! In case you didn't get to see this hot mess - here's a picture I took with my iPod Touch:
Wow. Just....Wow.
The bad date continues with Courtney talking about how hard it is to be a model because she's too beautiful to be asked out on dates....a problem that we can all relate to. She also says Ben is a "good dad" because he puts a blanket on a shivering dog. This reminds me of a Chris Rock skit about people taking credit for things they're supposed to do (warning: very bad language in that link).
Courtney says Ben has a "winning" personality. I'm guessing his competition in this personality contest was a cardboard box and a bag of snap peas. I'm not sure if Courtney is "all in" on Ben yet, but he's clearly smitten on this one. She's going to be around for a long time, much to the chagrin of the other ladies I'm sure. Ben says "I know you have trust issues, but I want you to trust me." Not sure that was the most persuasive argument he could've made. As soon as the date's over, Courtney goes from "Ben's so dreamy" to "I got the rose, bitches!" thanks to some clever editing. I wonder how often watching the season on TV causes tension between the couple...when they get to see all the crap they talked about the other contestants. ABC probably works against themselves if their goal truly is to help this guy find a mate. Good thing that's not really their goal.
Back at the house....Horse girl makes the most of her brief time with Ben. She's growing on me. She's does a good job of carrying the conversation without dominating it - a great quality.
Samantha does not make the most of her time - saying that she's sorry she freaked out, because that's so not who she is. The second someone says "that's not who I am," you know THAT'S EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE! Blakely of course butts in and sends the whole house into a frothy lather. Now we transition into another Bachelor staple - girls getting pissed at a girl who already has a rose for interrupting a conversation, instead of doing the exact same thing to her, or - and I'm just throwing this out there - telling her it's NOT OK to interrupt and showing her two drink carrying butt the door. Instead we'll just get madder and madder until we're more focused on tearing each other apart instead of impressing the guy we desperately want to validate our existence. Courtney may be an narcissistic megalomaniac, but props to her for sitting back and watching the girls disrupt erupt.
Oh joy....Jenna's back, using the shovel that is her brain to try to dig herself out of the hole she put herself in last week. Her verbal diarrhea is impressive. I'm going to start a reality dating show where the contestants don't meet....they just chat online. Jenna will be in my first cast, and I'll bet she wins. Poor blogger misses her MacBook Pro. It's like sending Thor into battle without his hammer.
Blakely apparently forgot her own advice to "focus only on Ben" because she's now crying in a corner of the Samsonite museum. It's almost like she built a fort out of suitcases. All because a girl with a horsey face told her she has a horsey face or something like that. Nurse Jamie gets her first screen time, and spends it telling Ben that she wants to know him better, but doesn't want to talk to him because the other girls might feel threatened or something like that. Horrible.
Ben says he gets why the girls don't like Blakely, but then immediately contradicts himself and says he needs to talk to her to figure out what's going on. She decides to stay in her suitcase fort. Jenna meanwhile is hiding in a bed. Ben is now playing the most tearful and annoying game of hide and seek ever. I'd revoke Blakely's group date rose and email Jenna to hit the bricks.
Jenna knows she's done, because she's doing the vomit face again during the rose ceremony. She then has the best post eviction interview ever....taking all the blame off herself and placing it on the other women for "distracting" Ben. Really? The other girls didn't tell Ben that she "acted like a man" she did that all on her own. Apparently she thought it would be better to be humiliated by others than by her own actions on national TV. Unfortunately, she's the only one who believes that. This is like the time when I was a little kid and I had to pee with no hope of making it to a restroom and pretended that I tripped, peed myself, and then got up and pretended I had fallen in the world's most inconvenient puddle. Keep in mind this was a sunny day. Point is, nobody would ever buy that story, but in my mind this was my best option of getting out of my current humiliation. I feel for you Jenna, I really do.
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