DISCLAIMER!!!! THIS IS A LONG POST. DO NOT START READING UNLESS YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE TO DO FOR A WHILE. AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO READ IT, THANK YOU. IT MEANS A LOT TO ME THAT YOU'D SPEND THIS TIME LISTENING TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. I APPRECIATE IT.

Christmas.....the time of year when you spend all your hard earned money on....other people. Which is great. I will always believe that buying someone something they love is better than buying something for yourself. you'll feel better, trust me. Unless you have no heart. I woke up this morning for some reason thinking about what I'd do with a million dollars. And the next thought that popped into my mind was "would I take it if it meant I had to relocate and leave everything and everyone I knew behind." And the answer most obviously is no.

But back to Christmas gifts. They are a tricky thing. I'm one of those people that likes to get everyone a great gift - something that they're gonna be like "hey, look what Andy got me."

SIDE NOTE - The Staples commercial where the grandma tries to take a christmas picture with the stapler just came on. Hilarious. Never ceases to amaze me. I don't care if the commercial is trying to say that grandma's dropping hints. I just pretend that the old lady really thinks it's a camera. Much funnier that way. Back to what I was talking about.

Sometimes presents find themselves. You're in the mall looking for something completely different, yet you see something out of the corner of your eye that is like "my god! It's perfect!" Other times, people drop you hints that make it easy. This works great with peripheral people in your life. Your cousins, friends you don't see much, roommates you aren't particularly fond of, what have you. However, with the people you are closest too, you don't want to give into one of their hints. Even though they might like the gift, you know they're thinking "man I had to spell it out for that idiot." Therein lies the problem. If you eschew the hints, you're really on your own. You're definitely rolling the dice. You could find something they weren't expecting that they love, or you could find them something they weren't expecting because they really didn't want it. It's extremely frustrating.

What further complicates things is the timing of the purchase. You can buy the present months in advance, but then what if they decide to get it for themselves? You then also have to worry about secrecy. You can tell other people, but then you have to trust them not to drop hints. major problem if you get something good. When you know someone's getting a humdinger of a present, don't you wanna say "Damn dude, your present is SA-WEET!" Which then piques interest and you have to hope that curiosity doesn't get the better of anyone. Or you can wait til the last minute, but then everyone else has already done their shopping and you're really pigeon-holed into what you have to buy. This usually means you have to buy the person the only thing left on their list. You know why there's only one thing left on the list? Because it's a shitty present! Everyone else has already bought the good stuff.

I love the holidays, but I hate the holidays. I know you all feel the same.