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| So fellas, you think you're more interesting than me? |
DeMario tries to regain himself by saying things like "I told my Uber driver I was coming to get the girl of my dreams. And he told me to not take no for an answer." Well if your Uber driver said it.....seriously, are Uber drivers the new bartenders? People with absolutely no context on the situation that nonetheless are constantly solicited for affirmation and advice? Rachel shuts him down pretty hard, saying "you're a boy, I got me some men, good luck on your journey." Honestly, I hope that's the end of it. I guess congratulations are in order for Rachel for not dragging out this situation any longer than it needed to be.
The guys are effusive in their praise for Rachel's handling of the situation, with Adam saying that "she's not a fool, you can't pull the wool over her eyes..." except DeMario absolutely was pulling the wool over her eyes until his girlfriend blew up his spot. I mean....that's not exactly what pulling the wool over someone's eyes means. (Later in the episode, Rachel will refer to DeMario as a wolf in sheep's clothing, which seems like she thought the wool was pulled over her own eyes.)
The Tickle-Monster has some comically large fake hands that work as a great conversation starter, but I feel like an easy Donald Trump joke was missed in there.
And now we're back to Blake vs. Whaboom. We're all still in agreement that neither of these guys are going to win right? So why are we investing any time in either of these goofballs. Rachel asks Whaboom why Blake is all mad at him, and Whaboom goes into some story about Blake licking a banana seductively over Lucas' bed while he sleeps. It seemed blatantly obvious to me that Lucas was making this story up to try and be funny, but everyone seemed to take it seriously, which....that guy is never serious. Why would we choose this story to be engaged in?
When Rachel asks Blake why Lucas is saying he stands over him while he sleeps and eats bananas, Blake says "well, that's clearly not true, I don't eat carbs." Yes, please refute the less creepy of the two accusations. Mercifully we get to a rose ceremony that will hopefully remove one or both of these guys from the equation and banana-gate will end here and now.
THEY'RE BOTH GONE!
Oh wait no. We're going to get four minutes of them yelling at each other about they are ruining each other's lives in the driveway. Neither of them really do themselves any favors, though I did laugh at Blake's "wakka wakka unhh unhh fart joke" blast....albeit mostly because I just felt sad for him.
Group date number one is a trip to see Ellen DeGeneres....which then turns into guys without shirts dancing for dollars with the Ellen Show crowd. WHY? WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? This does not give anyone any insight into who would make the best husband....and can you imagine if the Bachelor took his ladies to the Howard Stern show or something and had them dance in bikinis while a bunch of men shoved dollar bills in their pants? I mean, I get that the fact that these people are attractive and are in great shape is a key component of this show, but c'mon.
They then play "Never Have I Ever" with Ellen, which goes about how you think it would, except for the fact that Fred is awesome. Fred is sick and tired of being told that he "was a bad kid," which I totally get. I mean, when I was a kid, I was....well nevermind, I'm exactly the same. But the point is that Fred hasn't done anything since he's been on the show to give anyone the impression he's an attention hog or interested in causing a ruckus. Give the man the benefit of the doubt, Rach!
....And then we get a montage of Fred saying how anxious and impatient he is to kiss her, and I'm dreading this is going to go horribly wrong. Fred than asks if he can kiss her, and she's not feeling it. Fred gets super excited about it, and Rachel has nothing to say about it...until she calls him to the side and kicks him off. Adding insult to injury, Rachel says that "it was like a little boy kissing me." Holy crap I feel terrible for Fred. He generally seems like a good dude. A little harsh of Rachel to hold the rose the whole time she's kicking him off the show.
Fred says "I can honestly say that I was falling in love with her." HOW? I mean, at what point did she give him any impression she was interested in him? I guess it depends on what "falling in love" means. I suppose the older you are, the easier it is to determine what love is. In 3rd Grade, I think I convinced myself that I was in love with the girl who knew exactly when to say "Stop! Hammertime" in MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This." However, I think even at that young age, I knew that she didn't feel my ability to sing along with Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" was nearly as cool, and as such I admired her from a non-creepy distance (at least I think it was non-creepy.) I think my final answer is that love is not a one-sided emotion, but I'd be curious to see what other people think about this.
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| What is love? |
Meanwhile, Rachel went on a whole date with Anthony that involved riding horses down Rodeo Drive. They rode them into stores, fed the horses cupcakes, and one of the horses pooped. Anthony got the rose. This date was super boring.
Group date involves other girls that were dumped by Nick (Raven, Alexis, Corinne, Jasmine) getting some more screen time, and random women at a country bar screaming things like "show me your junk" and "let me see that butt," while the men mud wrestle. Raven is all over finding out who the other guys don't think is right for Rachel, which is a good question to ask other women, but when you ask a guy, they're going to hear "which dude do you not get along with?" Eric seems to rub the guys the wrong way, and Lee and Bryce both jump at the chance to throw him under the bus.
Rachel, of course, is all too willing to let Eric know exactly which guys talked behind his back. Add this to the growing list of things I don't like about Rachel:
- Use of the term "keeping it 100."
- Talking to the camera about how the guys need to step it up because of the accelerated journey, then telling them that she's "not about to rush things with any of them."\
Lee has a very condescending conversation with Eric, where he continues to tell Eric how much he loves him while simultaneously questioning everything that comes out of his mouth. Lee is annoying, but I get why Eric rubs everyone the wrong way. He's one of those people that is just so serious it seems like he can't actually be that serious and is just acting serious.
Iggy apparently also has an issue with Eric, and uses his time with Rachel to tell her about their argument, which I think had something to do with Eric wondering how seriously Rachel was taking this process. Now, props to Iggy for immediately searching out Eric and giving him the heads up.
Rachel then goes after Eric, and tells him that she believes him, but she also has to take into account what the other people are saying so she's "got her antenna up."
Amazingly, Eric disregards this warning from Rachel altogether and immediately calls a group meeting to start yelling at people. All he's gotta do is lay low, shrug it off and wait to get a little more one-on-one time with Rachel. Instead, he starts yelling. Unbelievable. He's gonna be the first person to get a rose yanked, and I can't really say that he'd have anyone to blame but himself.
TO BE CONTINUED
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