"Hey Steph Curry, as you move on to the Western Conference Finals, how do you feel?"
"Well I mean, these games don't mean as much as the games back in the first round or in the regular season you know. It's pretty relaxed."
Vietnam ends our overseas adventure, as we head back to Denver....which means a visit with Ben Higgins. Ben let's Colton know that nothing he's done yet will prepare him for the hometowns and what's coming up. These are problems that will make you jump a fence.
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| This still hasn't happened, btw |
Ben Higgins seems like a fine individual, but he is like the opposite of what I want to see on my TV. Being a good listener does not make for entertainment in my book. He gives solid, common sense advice (be honest about how you're feeling, level with the girls) and sends Colton on his merry way.
Colton and his dog are waiting for the ladies, and he immediately dismisses six of them to take a walk in the park with Tayshia. They walk all over downtown with his ancient labrador....seriously that dog looks exhausted and not at all like a city dog. They wander into an ice cream shop, and then buy salmon for dinner....and then stop for a drink? Don't you need to get that salmon into a fridge rather quickly?
Colton recaps the fact that all the ladies that left last week told him to watch his back, and that he knows they weren't talking about Tayshia. How he knows this is beyond me, because he didn't ask Sydney or Demi or Katie who they were talking about.
Back at the house, Caelynn and Cassie discuss how nasty is was of the girls to "drop bombs" on Colton before they left, but "at least they didn't name names," which is a weird thing to say unless you think that they were talking about you. Of course they follow this up by saying that nobody left s all the close with them, so even if they do say something they can be like "you can't speak about me, you don't know me!"
Tayshia, meanwhile, has no qualms saying that it's Cassie and Caelynn. They're talking about being the next bachelorette and that they aren't going to be ready to get engaged and talking about where they're going to go and what people they're going to meet after the show.
First off......how many conversations have you ever had about the people you're going to meet in the future? This just seems like a real weird conversation to have. Colton's genuinely freaking out, and says "I had no questions for Cassie and Caelynn....and now I do." Really? No questions? So you were prepared to propose to either of them? By process of elimination by the way, we can determine that Colton thinks one of the Hannahs, Heather or Kirpa is the problem....or at least that's what he's telling us.
Tayshia is prepping Colton for her family, and basically is saying that her dad is not cool with her dating on television and he's gonna be predisposed to hate Colton, in part because of how hurt she was by the end of her last relationship. Colton fires back that he's not proposing if he doesn't have the father's blessing. "Call me old fashioned" he says. My opinion on asking the father's blessing is that you're not so much asking for permission anymore as you are giving the dad a heads up. Sort of a respect thing. I'm trying to think if my wife's parents had said no if I would've just broken up with her. I'm 99% sure I would've proposed to her anyways, though maybe not in front of her parents like I did. That probably would've been awkward.
Also, it's curious to me that Tayshia kept saying "my last relationship" while talking to Colton, but used the phrase "my divorce" at the end after he gives her the rose. Is she downplaying it, trying not to draw attention to the divorce thing? Like he'll forget she was married if she just calls it a relationship? A quick google search revealed to me that she actually dated some dude between her divorce and the start of the show....so was her dad more upset about the couple months boyfriend than the divorce, or is she conveniently forgetting to mention that guy to Colton? Also, this is why I typically try to avoid reading anything online about the show because I want to experience the show in a bubble. It's way more fun to me to see the show as ABC is trying to present it and take everyone at their word. It's hard to make fun of people when you know they're playing a role or just repeating something a producer whispered in their ear.
Colton and Caelynn go snowboarding, and she super sucks. Nonetheless, Colton tells her she's a natural and that he was very proud of her effort. Thanks coach!
He then drops the bomb on Caelynn that Tayshia is talking about her being there for the wrong reasons. Caelynn please her case, telling Colton that only she knows if she's ready for marriage, and guess what, she totally is! Immediately Caelynn turns into a mob boss, talking about F that girl for putting my name in her mouth and how she better get a rose so she can call "that stupid bitch out." Wow. Also, this just reminded me that three weeks ago Caelynn shared a super personal, emotional and moving story about being a sexual assault survivor....and literally nobody remembers that anymore. Now she's the girl with the potty mouth that is ready to punch a ho for spreading lies. She also makes sure to tell us that she's the only one falling in love with Colton. Awesome little drop there. Nobody loves him like I do.
After some tears from both of them in interviews, they have dinner and Caelynn has changed her tune. No more attempting to plot how to kill Tayshia, now it's all "I'm so in love with you and I want babies and I pray to God that it's us at the end of this." Colton is convinced, and they kiss and a rose is conveyed. So now he feels that Tayshia lied to him? Is he going to discuss this with her? I bet not.
Hannah B. gets the final one on one of the week, so that means Hannah G, Kirpa, and Heather are group dating it, which makes sense because they all got one on ones in Asia, but of course they flip out and think it means he's not into them, even though he just made out with them all over Vietnam.
Caelynn and Cassie have a very staged, very unbelievable conversation about how they can't believe Tayshia would say things like that about Caelynn. Caelynn of course confronts Tayshia, who is totally down to discuss this.
Tayshia then tells Caelynn that she has no real proof of her doing anything wrong, just that she talked to all the other girls, and they came to the same conclusion that the other girls must be talking about Cassie and Caelynn.
So a group of girls got together to discuss who they think is a fake ass skank and came up with.....THE ONLY TWO GIRLS THAT WEREN'T IN THE CONVERSATION! SHOCKING! Also, Tayshia definitely made it sound like she had heard these conversations that Cassie and Caelynn allegedly had, right? So why didn't that come up when she was talking directly to Caelynn? Her whole argument was that her and the other girls assume Cassie and her are fake because it's clearly not themselves! Tayshia is dead to me. Get her out of here.
At least the next date is Hannah B., who is way too crazy to be fake. Colton takes Hannah to meet his family. I don't know that is a great sign for Hannah B....I don't remember someone getting the family date mid-season actually being the winner at the end.
Colton's dad basically tells him not to trust any of the ladies over his own gut. Colton's dad seems like a good dude. Colton's dad asks him to tell him about Hannah, and Colton says she's incredible and amazing and she told him she loves him.....but he's not there yet. He then says he's 100% sure of Tayshia and Caelynn, even though he knows one of them is lying to him.
This is why Colton is an idiot.
Really seems like he's about to dump Hannah B. because he's just not that into her. Way to take her to meet your parents then, bro. If you're his parents, aren't you like "WTF did we just do that for? Great to see you and all, but you brought us a lame duck?"
Colton asks Hannah what makes her so sure about her feelings for him. She says she doesn't date to date, she dates for marriage, which is important at her ripe old age of 24. Apparently it's still 1754 in Alabama. Hannah continues to tell him how sure she is, while he doesn't smile once. She's toast. Colton basically says he's not ready for Hannah, so she's done because he can't shake her father's hand if he has any doubts about their relationship.
Hannah handles this like a champ. She basically doesn't beg him for anything, says "I've given you what I've got, not sure what else you want." Colton then says "I'm sure there's someone out there for you, to which Hannah basically responds "not shit dude." Hannah might be my favorite exit ever here.
Colton then acknowledges that he's a complete moron for sending a girl home that he knows is there for the right reasons. Good for him, but still, c'mon bro.
Back at the house, the girls all look shocked that Hannah went home, but you know they understand that means they don't have to win the group date rose to stay around....so good for them.
The group date is a train ride. I love the train, so Colton is definitely winning my heart on this one. Colton cautions the girls that they need to be sure about their relationship. Heather basically jumps up and says "well that's it for me! See ya bud!" Colton is also cool with this decision, so they share Heather's first last kiss and she hops on the train leaving the other girls and Colton stranded in the middle of nowhere until the next train shows up.
Kirpa and Hannah G. talk about how Cassie's gotta know the other girls are talking about her motivations and she shouldn't be surprised they hate her. Good times. Cassie pleads her case, and Colton seems to buy it. He asks Kirpa who is doing things right and wrong, and Kirpa says that Cassie and Caelynn "acted defensive" when Colton told them about Katie's warning. Colton then is basically like "durrrrr...idk.....what do I do?"
Kirpa and Cassie then start yelling at each other about what Katie said while Colton waits patiently six feet away off camera...I'm assuming at least. There's nowhere else for him to go right? He had to hear that whole thing. He's only sending one girl home here, and it would seem Hannah G. is safe as he just made out with her harder than any other girl last week in Vietnam, so it's either Cassie or Kirpa in my mind. He backed Caelynn, will he back Cassie too, or is he going to try to split the difference and say "well maybe one girl was being shady, I'll put my money on it being Cassie and Cassie only."
Colton gives Hannah G. the rose and sends her back to the other girls to tell them what happened. Hannah G. then says that Cassie and Kirpa had an altercation where they each stated their opinions. VERRRY descriptive Hannah!.
All of a sudden, Caelynn just waltzes into the group date. I love that the group date happens while the girls that are safe are just down the hall. Phenomenal. Caelynn basically says "don't send my friend home, she's awesome and the other girl is a lying liar." That's good enough for Colton, as he sends Kirpa home.
Incredible that he kept Tayshia around despite clearly not believing her that Caelynn and Cassie are fame whores. He sent literally everyone else that had a problem with the two of them home this week. What super sucks is that these girls aren't really going to see each other again save for rose ceremonies the rest of the season.
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