Weird Dream

A few weeks ago, I wrote in a survey or something that I don't have crazy dreams anymore. Well, I was wrong.


Last night I dreamed I had to save a bunch of kids who were dangling on a metal structure over the edge of a cliff that just happened to be overlooking a volcano. Once I saved them, I had to let the unabomber out of jail so he could escape the imminent eruption. Then it turns out that the Unabomber had some deal with the government, and after the eruption, he was the wealthiest landowner in the west. Not sure how that happened, but all of a sudden Ted Kaczynski is the most powerful man in the United States. Things kind of went downhill in our great country after that.

Pet Peeve

So I think my biggest pet peeve is people in Oregon who own convertibles. Yes, I know I used to drive one and my brother still does, but I don't think either of us would've bought it on our own. There's absolutely no reason to buy one. It's nice for about 60-70 days a year, roughly 20% of the year. That means at best you get to use the primary reason you bought the car 1 out of every 5 days. Furthermore, in a wet climate, the last thing you want is a flimsy layer of fabric between you and the elements. Our convertible developed one hell of a leak, which results every winter in "Lake Lasselle" filling up in the back of the car, almost to the point that we could start stocking it with trout and charge the kids in the neighborhood $1 to cast a line.


It also kills me how people who buy convertibles in our great state understand this when they purchase their car, so they try to squeeze extra days out of their drop-top. You've all see the dumbass who's got a winter coat on, the windows up and heat cranked with the top down in 45 degree weather just because it's sunny. I always feel sorry for the poor sap who gets stuck in the backseat, because the windshield provides no protection from the elements whatsoever.

When I was a kid, JR used to invite me out to his family's beachhouse in Seaside every so often. We'd usually leave Saturday after our basketball games. His dad was a convertible owner. He'd try and squeeze every dry day he could out of that thing. Going through the coastal mountains in mid-november with the top down sitting in the backseat sweaty and wearing gym shorts is not something I'd recommend. It was miserable. The only thing that made up for it was knowing that my mom had given me $20 to spend at the arcade, and JR's dad would give us each another $20, giving us $60 to play Rampage and Double Dragon. Maybe a little Ivan Stewarts Offroad Challenge. You never know.

What's your beef?

So new blog idea. I'm going to put what's bothering me right now, and I'd invite everyone else to add what's bothering them to the list.


What's bothering me today:

- I forgot to put on a belt today.

(EDITOR'S NOTE)
This idea for an interactive blog was a huge failure.

Weekend in Central Oregon

So, because there was no home game for Oregon State (and the game wasn't on tv for that matter) Rachel and I packed a bag and headed over the Cascades to visit my cousin in Redmond. What a great time! Rachel had never been to Central Oregon before, so it was fun to show her a different part of the state.


On Saturday morning, we took Sally's dog Odie to Dog-toberfest, a sort of pet-day for the city. They said they were having dog agility drills, humane society would be there, grooming, blah blah blah. Sounded like a good time. So we get there, and there's an agility course set up with a couple of people kind of milling around. So Sally takes Odie out on the course and tries to get him to jump something. Of course he's having none of it. Apparently neither were the people who set up the course. This really serious looking lady comes over and says that the course is "not open to public dogs" yet. We look around, and there's like absolutely nothing going on. This isn't a professional event, and this lady seems to be the only person who would even care. As she's shooing Sally and Odie off the course, I see a 10 year old kid run out there and do the entire course by himself....as in no dog. Just a kid running and jumping the jumps and weaving between the slalom poles. Serious lady doesn't seem to care. That's when I notice her husband, who is dressed identically to her! Hilarious, and made even funnier by the '70's moustache the guy was rockin'. He's over tending to their dogs. That's when I notice he's got one of those portable dog pens. In one pen, he has three hyperactive dogs that look like they don't know how to do anything except run around that stupid agility course. In the other pen, he has THEIR SON. Basically the dogs and the kid are getting the same treatment. It got worse. First he takes the dogs out and gives them all a run around the course. All this time, nobody is paying a lick of attention to the one year old kid in the portable dog kennel. So now that the dogs have got to run around a little bit, they're all wound up and he throws them back in the pen. Naturally, three dogs in a 5 by 5 cell are going to get a little antsy. So they start play fighting. This is happening with just a flimsy "fence" between the dogs and the baby. What makes you think this is a good idea? Thankfully, the kid was unhurt. But Moustache doesn't even check on him. He just grabs the two antsy dogs holds them apart and says in a forceful tone "that is unacceptable behavior you two! You don't behave like that!" What is this supernanny? I thought it couldn't get any worse, but it did. The guy then finally pays attention to his son and takes him out of the pen. He takes him out to the agility course and LOWERS ONE OF THE JUMPS! Like your one-year old is going to jump over a dog agility obstacle you freakin idiot! The kid can barely walk. He wobbles for a little bit, then flops onto his butt and starts crying. Nice job, Dad. Moustache picks up his kid and mom jumps back into it. She's busy training the dogs, but hears her kid crying. Does she run over to see how he's doing? Nope, she just yells "there's a granola bar in his pen, give him that!" Note to parents: Your kid is not a pet. Your pets are not people. Figure it the hell out. Why does God allow things like this to happen? I was furious. I seriously almost went and grabbed one of the Humane Society's "I need a home" vests that they put on their dogs and placed it on this poor kid. So we left.

Sally also showed us her classroom, which only reinforced my belief that teachers work way too hard for the pay they get, and I don't think I could handle it. Props to Sally though, she does a great job.

Then we visited Smith Rock, which is just an amazing place. After running five straight days, my plan was to take Saturday off from exercise. Instead, we hiked this freakin rock. Not the easiest thing. I think hiking that took more out of me than running. We sat up on top, ate lunch and watched the mountain climbers climb "Monkey Face" which looks surprisingly like a monkey's face. Then we hiked down and went to the pumpkin patch where we met up with some of Sally's friends. The had a pumpkin cannon, which shot pumpkins at about 150 mph. It was insane watching these pumpkins just slam into the side of a beat up van they had out there. Pretty awesome.

Then we went home, had dinner and rented Best in Show in tribute to the psycho dog people we'd met earlier in the day. Sunday we went to Bend, bought some shoes at the Nike Factory Outlet, visited the High Desert Museum and had lunch in Sisters before heading home. All in all a fantastic weekend, made all the better by another Beaver victory!

The man in the bathroom

So we have a door inside the men's bathroom here. I always assumed it was a supply closet, where they kept plungers and other supplies that you don't want lying around your office. Turns out I was half right. It is a supply closet, but it also has a computer work station in it for the maintenance people. I found this out when I went to "use the facilities" today and saw a guy in there working on the computer. It's a closet, so there's no air circulation in there, so he's pretty much forced to leave the door open. Poor guy has to sit there and work within earshot of the crappers! He was talking on his cell phone while I was sitting on the can, and I could hear him clear as day. What kind of stories does that guy have when he goes home?


"Well honey, today I was right in the middle of printing off some invoices when this guy came in, and I don't know what he had for lunch, but it must've just gone right through him! The smell was atrocious! I would've shut the door, but then I would've be sweltered by the heat of my meager storage closet office!"

Guess they're right.....it always could be worse!

The F word

This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves. You hear a song on the radio - for instance, Akon & Snoop Dogg's "I want to love you" - and you get really into the song. Like you love it. So you try and download it. Once you've downloaded the song, you realize that the name of the song is "I want to fuck you." Now you love a song that's all about having sex with a stripper. And it's not even subtle about it like T-Pain's "I'm in love with a stripper." So now I look like this total douchebag 27 year old male blasting misogynistic rap from my car stereo. Thanks Akon. Way to go Snoop. Do rappers really lose street cred if they write PG-13 songs? Does Snoop Doggy Dogg really need to prove to anyone that he's a gangster? I think we got the point when you went on trial for MURDER. Writing a song about love is not going to ruin your rep Mr. Dogg.

The hidden cost of owning a home

I was prepared for the mortgage, the higher energy bills, the garbage and sewer bills. I even knew what I was getting into with yard maintenance costs and other home improvement projects.


I was not prepared for the onslaught of little kids with "causes." Jogathons, candy sales, magazines, christmas stuff, etc. I swear ther must be 8000 kids in the neighborhood. And how do you say no to a little 5 year old girl who wants you to sponsor her per lap around the track? You can't. That's why Rachel purchased mint meltaways from a kid last week. That's why I gave this girl $3 to run around a track. I'm going to have to declare bankruptcy by supporting the neighborhood children. It's amazing.

What a weekend

Well we all survived this weekend. The Beavs won, which was great, but I'm still pissed at our fans. I don't even know if you can call them fans of the Beavers at this point. They're more fans of winning. When things are going bad, they might as well be wearing the colors of the other team. What bitches! I was most appalled when Matt Moore came over to fire up our section of Beavers, and everyone starts applauding him and I heard people yell "you're the man!" As if these same people weren't overjoyed when we put in Sean Canfield earlier in the game. As if they weren't booing his ass 7 days earlier. It was pathetic.


I'd like to tell you our funny stories from the weekend, but the funniest one was a "you had to be there moment." I wish I could convey to you how funny it was when we took a picture of Dave wearing Mandy's hat with Mandy's phone while she was in the bathroom. We made it her phone wallpaper, and the plan was to let her figure out what happened on her own. Well she's been back at the table for less than a minute when Dave goes "hey I think someone tried to call you." He couldn't even contain himself for 60 seconds! It was hilarious. I realize that this isn't funny to any of you, but we laughed so hard we cried. Classic. Garth took some photos, and if he sends them to me, I'll post them.

I decided this morning to follow Grant's lead and give up fast food, soft drinks and start exercising. He dubbed last week "Rock Bottom" week and ate, drank and partied accordingly. I followed suit this weekend, drinking way too much pepsi and eating burgers like my name was Kobayashi. But I'm really going to try and "get healthy." So far today I ate an apple, some baked lays and a turkey bratwurst for lunch, and drank about 5 glasses of water. I also did pushups and situps for the first time in months, followed by some stretching. I plan on going running after work today. Grant's toying with the idea of running the Portland Marathon next year, and I think I'm going to see how this getting healthy stuff goes and see if maybe I'm going to do it with him.

We'll see.....

If it's a National Holiday but nobody celebrates, did it really happen?

So Columbus Day......good idea in theory. Let's honor the guy who made the world realize that....well that there was more world. And that it was round. He also is probably responsible for the demise of the Mayan and Aztec empires, and the obliteration of Native Americans from coast to coast. Probably not his initial motive, and we can't fault him for that. So yes, I agree that a forward thinker such as Mr. Columbus should have a day in his honor.


However, what's the point of a holiday if nobody celebrates it? Do you know of any Columbus Day parades? Are any Columbus miniseries running on ABC this week? Will there even be a show on TLC or the History Channel about him tonight? I looked it up...the answer is no. The only people who seem to get the day off today are the US Postal Service and possibly the DMV, though I didn't go to find out.

I'm a little bitter about this mail thing though.....it really makes my job slow when no donations come in. Of course this means tomorrow will be busier than normal, which means I might actually have something to do all day. I've really been stumbling around trying to find something to do today. I honestly don't want to be posting a blog about Columbus Day for Christs sake. I'd much rather be earning my paycheck. This is why I want a new job. I want to earn the money I make. I understand why I get paid crappy. I just wish they'd let me work less and get paid the same. If I was working 30 hours a week, then I could understand. But I think my time is a little more valuable that what I'm making annually.

Still trying to find someone to see The Departed with me.........Rachel won't go. Any takers?

Nothing makes you feel old like...

You know, a few months ago, I wrote about how turning 27 made me feel old. Over the past few months, I've been able to get away from that (working with a bunch of 21 year old students and going to football games wearing a Mike Hass jersey will do that), but today my age reared its ugly head yet again.


Bryony called this afternoon and asked me to deliver flowers to her friend Stephanie for her birthday. Being the nice guy I am, I said that I would gladly do it. So on my break from work, I headed to Safeway and picked up the requested two dozen yellow roses (by the way, who knew roses came in colors other than red? And furthermore, I don't even buy my wife two dozen roses! That's some friendship they have!) and then headed over to Stephanies house. I knew where she lived when I stopped by their football after party last week after the game. I remember when I was in college, people always ran the music through their computers. Nowadays, they pipe the music through speakers attached to an I-Pod. Anyways, I pull up to the house, and of course, there's a couple of guys looking very frattish tossing a football around outside. I just prayed that none of them were dating Stephanie or anyone else that lived in the house. I really didn't want to explain to some dude why I was delivering flowers to his woman's house. Besides saying "I'm doing a favor for my brother's girlfriend" doesn't exactly sound like the most believable story.

Thankfully they stayed on the other side of the street, but they definitely were wondering why this guy in business causal attire with gray hair was delivering flowers to the cute girls across the street. At this point I thought about pretending I worked for 1-800-Flowers or something, but my lack of a pen and invoices nixed that idea.

So I knock on the door, praying that Stephanie answers. Of course she doesn't. It's this very cute perky blonde. I use the word perky in a good way.....your typical college girl. She looks as confused as I am. "Ummm....is Stephanie here?"

"Which one?"

Talk about a question you're not expecting. That one caught me off guard. Only in a college town would you expect a cute blonde to answer the door, only to have another equally cute blonde answer the door and then ask you which Stephanie you are looking for. Well, either a college town or a porno. And last time I checked, I was not blessed with a porn star's body.

As I explained which Stephanie the flowers were for and who they were from, I was met with repeated exclamaitions of "Awwww!" and "Cuuuuuuute!" At this point she turns around and yells upstairs "hey come check out the pretty flowers!" I took that as my cue to leave before I had to explain who I was and what I was doing there to any other college coeds.

Was pretty awkward for this bear, but I managed.