Bachelorette Episode 3: Villains Gotta Vill

Circumstances being what they are, I had to delay watching all three episodes of the Bachelorette until today (Tuesday, May 26th).  I'd never recommend binge watching this show.  I'm about to claw my eyes out, but I don't want to end up in this situation ever again, so I'm powering through my fourth hour of this show tonight.  Thank god for DVR and skipped commercials, or I'd never make it. As a result, there are far less in depth observations or links/.gifs included in the blog, but I intend to start beefing up the content again next week, so thanks for sticking with me.

Kaitlyn's ready to go, and tells us about forty bazillion times that she's REALLY excited to be the Bachelorette.  She has a talk with Harrison where she basically says "you know what?  When Soules kissed a girl on the first night, we were all shocked, but I get it now.  I'm gonna really whore it up from here on."  The guys are starting off the day with mimosas and bloody mary's, so this will probably go well.

Now we smash cut straight to Britt, who's probably glad that one dude gave her the Kleenex about now, amirite?  She's crying and telling her mom the guys didn't love her, but fear not, because AT THIS EXACT MOMENT, Brady is right outside her hotel room door!  A strong move by him, that may just work out better than a normal Bachelor/ette romance because they're on their own, pretty much off camera and they don't have to hide their relationship at all from the public.  I could see them working out, because Brady will tell Britt all the things she wants/needs to hear, and Britt just needs someone to tell her how pretty she is on the inside and out.

Group date time, and the guys are getting to punch the crap out of each other with Laila Ali!  How many times do you think these guys talk about how much they love her dad?  And how many of them actually have seen her dad fight?  I'll be honest, I've never watched a Muhammad Ali fight.  I saw the movie with Will Smith, and I've seen a few highlights, but come on.  Kupah immediately says she's a big deal because of her dad, not because of her own boxing career.

Some of these guys have some decent punches and look decent, others look like I can imagine I would in a ring.  Corey talks about how good Kaitlyn is at jumping rope, and then they show her jumping like a person who has maybe jumped six times in their life.  She's barely better than a toddler, but at least she can get both feet off the ground at the same time.  (I love watching toddlers try to learn to jump.)

Kaitlyn is concerned that Kupah is not really into her.  He's probably not.  He's probably more into impressing Laila Ali in some crazy fantasy scenario he's concocted where Laila is so impressed with his determination and devotion to boxing that she invites him to meet her dad.  Good luck Kupah, but my guess is the first thing Muhammad Ali would say to you is "what kind of freaking name is Kupah?  Has Mario hit you with a banana peel out in MooMoo Meadows lately?"

Time for the boxing "matches" and why are they fighting in a run down industrial district?  And where did all these people come from?  Did they bus these people in from the suburbs?  The first match is Ben Z. vs. Daniel, which looks kind of like a cocky twelve year old challenging his dad.  It didn't work out so well for the smaller Daniel.  In his defense, he was giving up 30 lbs.  Kupah wins his match because he's still trying to meet Muhammad Ali.  It doesn't go so well for him in the second round though, as Jared knocked him down.  Kupah seems to be taking it in stride, classically talking about how hard the final is going to be for Jared - what with him having to just go through two "excruciatingly tough" battles.  He just patted himself on the back for getting knocked down!  Way to go Kupah, you're the best.

Turns out he was right though, as Ben Z. lands a pretty vicious punch to Jared's face, ringing his bell and knocking him down.  Hilariously, the crowd shows it has no knowledge of the effects of a concussion, which can include sensitivity to sound, by chanting "JARED, JARED, JARED" as if the sheer volume of their voices can counteract the blunt force trauma his brain just took.  Jared too shows a lack of understanding of the situation, as he tries to brush off the paramedic.  "I'm fine, I just got PUNCHED IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD," he says.  The paramedic is having none of it and sends him off to the hospital.

Ben Z. feels bad about sending a dude to a hospital, but then says "here's something:  My mom fell down the stairs, broke her back, then they found cancer and she died."  Oops.  Forgot Ben Z. (which, when Kaitlyn says his name sounds like "Bensie") was the guy who was still dealing with the passing of his mom from a decade ago.

While Daniel is having a chat with Kaitlyn, a note is delivered to her, and she makes a huge deal out of it by not talking about it and being all cryptic and dismissing him.  Turns out it's just Jared who explains that "he got hit in the bridge of the nose" which is the exact opposite of where he thought he got hit a few hours ago.  Despite the doctor's prescribing rest for him, he goes for a walk with Kaitlyn and gives her a kiss.  Kaitlyn thinks it's "hot," to be kissed by a concussed dude wearing a red shirt, yellow boxing shorts, and black converse high tops on a dirty Hollywood street.  Given that he's still in boxing attire, he probably hadn't showered.  I get that "sweaty boxing guy" might be kind of sexy to some girls, but "concussed guy who is no longer sweaty but still wearing stinky clothes" is probably not part of that fantasy.

Bensie gets the rose, and a big kiss (go figure).  Kaitlyn is here to PARTY.

Now time for the one on one date, and it's Clint the drawer of triceratops.  Their date is an underwater photo shoot, which seems a little weird, which gets weirder when Gisele greets them and tells them she's a conceptual underwater photographer.  I think underwater photographer would have sufficed.  Turns out that "spontaneous underwater jump" that I thought I saw in the "scenes upcoming" thing wasn't spontaneous at all.  Makes more sense now.

What doesn't make sense is underwater photography.  Gisele makes them go through breathing exercises that involve feeling your partner's breathing, and - bonus for Clint - Clint gets to second base by placing his hand right on her boob.  They pile into the water, and the pictures are absurd, as Kaitlyn can't stop blowing bubbles out of her nose, so there's this annoying trail of bubbles in every shot, that I'm sure Gisele wasn't conceptualizing.  Also, apparently conceptual underwater photographers don't wear wetsuits or other approved water wear - they just go in wearing regular clothes, fingerless biker gloves and scuba masks.  Basically she grabbed the most annoying props from a wedding photo booth.  At dinner, Kaitlyn tells Clint that she "knew she could bring out his funny side" which I tried to do once in college with a girl and is way harder than you think.  Turns out some people don't have a funny side.  Clint gets his rose.

Back at the house, the second group date is announced, and Tony is shocked she actually noticed him enough to bring him on a group date.  Tony is the worst.  Well JJ is the worst - he just wants to make fun of every other guy in the house and act like he belongs on Mount Olympus or something - but Tony is a close second.  He's going on about openness and mixing up the girls' names, calling Kaitlyn Britt, and just basically saying whatever cliche about love and spiritualism pops into his head.

(Note - due to my DVR segmenting the episode into two separate lines in my menu, I accidentally watched the second hour first, which you will see really confuses me when we get to the rose ceremony.)

We're not wasting any time tonight, as Amy Schumer is kicking off this episode with a "do you know how lucky you are?  You could be driving a tractor right now!" joke.  Good stuff.  The guys are excited about the stand-up, which of course means they're going to be terrible.  if their initial jokes are any indication, we're in for some bad stand-up.  Amy trots out three female comedians I've never heard of, but they're funny as they openly mock the guys.  Amy just lays out JJ saying he is a great guy, just missing "charisma, humility and a sense of humor."  JJ belabors his point by telling Amy he feels "he's smarter than 90% of the audience 90% of the time."  Amy deadpans "I hope it comforts you to know you're not smarter than anyone here." JJ responds with "just a second" and continues to write his horrible jokes down on a notepad.  What kind of idiot doesn't take advice from one of the best comedians in the world right now?  Amy wins the night by saying "hopefully JJ looks back on the show and stops being such a turd."  We need to refer to more people as turds.  It's a great word!

Time for the guys to embarrass themselves.  Surprisingly, the first few aren't bad, and Dentist Chris does a great job playing the super nervous guy routine to a T.  Healer Tony goes into a monologue about how blessed he is for the opportunity and then he just rambles.  This sets up JJ who only gets to tell one joke that gets aired.  That just really sucks.  I want to know if he was terrible, or he was able to channel his arrogance into some funny stuff.  Damn you ABC!  Can you watch full stand-up routines online?

I was worried about Idaho Welder Josh as being too much like Chris Soules, but I actually kinda like the guy.  He seems like an actual person.  A dumb actual person, but still an actual person.  Unlike sensitive Tony who can't stop talking in cliches and existential thoughts.  JJ can't stop being a condescending douche who thinks he's hilarious.  JJ is awful.  Back at the house, the guys are playing a prank on Justin, knocking on the walls and sending him out to find out what's on the date card.

JJ continues his douchebaggery, going on and on about how much he misses his daughter who is growing up too fast and all this, and then tells Kaitlyn that there's no other place he'd rather be and makes out with her.  JJ thinks this kiss puts him in the lead, even willing to put $50K on his getting a rose.  Not to be outdone, Kentucky Joe decides to kiss first and ask questions later.  The first thing he says is "Well I'll be!"  Then Kaitlyn says "theres's something about that I like and I'm not sure what it is."  I don't think this is a good thing for Joe.  She basically said "you're dumb and I don't see a future with you, but I like kissing you, so you can stay for now."  JJ cashes in his bet and gets the rose, after Kaitlyn says "I like the sensitive dad thing you're portraying.  Keep playing that angle, because I like it."  Naturally, the tease as we go to break shows JJ doing the exact opposite.  All he had to do was keep talking about how his daughter is his princess and that nothing will ever take her place in his heart, and he can't do it.

Somehow we're at the rose ceremony already, and I'm wondering if I somehow missed the one-on-one date(s).  Did my DVR screw this up?  Whatever, I'm not complaining.  JJ breaks some sort of verbal agreement the bros all made that they would let the guys who didn't have the dates go first at the cocktail party.  He basically rubs it in all the guys faces, telling them "I had to remind her what husband material looks like."  Ian goes right into his "I was hit by a car, but now I'm here" story.  Kaitlyn is very impressed that he didn't die apparently, and gives him a big kiss for not letting that car murder him.  JJ continues to aggressively antagonize the guys leading to one of them saying "Villains gotta vill" which just supplanted Amy Schumer's "turd" line and my favorite quote of the night.

Kupah is really frustrated with his lack of roses, and feels like he may only be here because he's a minority and fills a quota.  Way to distance yourself from any responsibility in your own exit, which seems more and more likely to be tonight.  He sits down to beg for Kaitlyn to validate him being there.  When Kaitlyn tells him she didn't think he noticed her, he acts shocked.  Kaitlyn kinda needles him about paying more attention to Laila than her, and he kinda says "well she's a big deal!" which isn't going to help him out at all.  He then lays out his quota scenario to Kaitlyn, who doesn't want to hear that she's keeping around for affirmative action.  Kupah, whose name autocorrects to Kaput when I type, is just about kaput here, as he says when I was watching last season, he thought she was a real person.  When Kaitlyn asks if he still thinks that, he kinda stumbles over his words and starts saying something about how hot she is.  Kaitlyn is not impressed.

Kaput then lays out the situation to the guys, and Kaitlyn can overhear the whole thing.  She's not happy at all, and gives him the ol' heave ho.  Kupah isn't happy, and says "I don't want to go home.  I think you're hot."  Whoops.  Kaitlyn says "there's more to me than that," and he replies with "yeah, and I like that stuff too!"  There will be no last minute stay of execution here.

Kupah then goes after some poor production assistant, saying "you're process probably works for Jared and Cupcake, but it doesn't work for me.  He then starts approaching the camera in a menacing fashion, and Kaitlyn apparently decides she needs to defend the cameraman.  What is she going to do?  Why does she need to do anything?  Where's that big bouncer looking dude that escorted Drunk Ryan out of the building last week?

Anyways, we end on a  "To be continued......." and that'll probably be less dramatic than we all want it to be.  I will say that despite there only being a few guys that seem to have any realistic shot of winning (Ben Z., Shawn, maybe the dentist) this season is working so far because of Kaitlyn's humor and horniness.  Also, I'm never going to try to work in five hours of Bachelorette in two nights again. That was just too much.  It is not a binge-worthy show.

Bachelorette Episode 2: And then there was One

We pick up right were we left off, with some over the top, Dark Knight-esque musing playing over shots of a gritty Los Angeles skyline.  Chris Harrison comes out and tells Britt by herself that she won't be the girl, which is somewhat of a classy move, not announcing it in front of the guys.  I respect the decision, but at the same time, in the ratings driven television universe, public shaming of a person seems like a no-brainer.  I don't understand how the show can exploit the hell out of people getting too drunk or outing some sort of poor decision they made in their past, yet pulls back some other times and does the classy thing.  Figure out what you are, Bachelorette!

Britt says "she didn't see this coming at all."  Either she was over confident, or she failed her probabilities class in high school.  Kaitlyn is happy, and yet her first words are "is Britt OK?"  Classy move by her.  In a complete lack of understanding of how the show works, Kaitlyn seems shocked that Chris tells her she has to send some guys home.  Kaitlyn then calls her mom, who tells her she's proud of her.  For what?  For being attractive and funny enough to get a bunch of horny guys to pick her over the other attractive and less funny girl?  Some parents are easy to please.

In another moment that has become a staple of premiere week, Kaitlyn tells the guys that she truly thinks that she's looking at her future husband in the room.  The guys all of sudden morph into "hey it's time for us to impress her!" mode.  Josh from Idaho makes a strong impression by giving her a steel welded rose that he made.  Kaitlyn thinks it's "hot" that he made a rose out of metal.  Harrison then shows up with the first impression rose, and Kaitlyn feels like she hasn't been Bachelorette long enough to have to make a decision.  I would think that the first impression rose would be the easiest decision (aside from sending the guy who drank too much home) they'd have to make.  Is he attractive?  Does he have a real job, and not a made up job like auto spokesman or sex coach?  Did he not bore me in the thirty seconds I talked to him?  Congrats, you get a rose!  How often does the first impression rose winner actually make it to the finale?  It doesn't mean anything.  Just pick someone you don't hate.  

We get a nice little segment of guys who wanted Britt trying to mask their disappointment.  Tony says something about how everyone has to drink from the same drinking fountain, but he's ready to head home to dig his own well.  I think that means he's gonna go home and give himself a long, firm handshake below the belt if you know what I mean.  I think you do.  Jared can't wait to tell Kaitlyn that he voted for Britt, which just seems like one of those things that you don't just come out and say off the bat.  I mean, I wouldn't lie about it, but you don't need to say "hey, I'm pretty happy you're the Bachelorette and all, but I voted for the other girl."  JJ says he was 1000% in for Kaitlyn and then tells her he has a 3 year-old daughter and thinks that's going to be a strike against him, but Kaitlyn thinks he's great.  I think he's weird.  Dentist Chris tells Kaitlyn that "no one is more deserving of this than you" and gets a kiss out of it.  Jared is starting to second guess his idiotic decision to out himself as pro-Britt (duh?) and wonders is Kaitlyn feels the same way he does.  About what?  About Britt?  Probably not bro.

The kiss count moves to two as the not-a-sex-coach Shawn gets the first impression rose.  Kaitlyn is not holding back...she's not here to play hard to get, she's here to get them hard.....hey-oh!

Rose ceremony time! Dentist Chris, Ben H., JJ, Kentucky Joe, Koopah(?), Daniel, Not Drunk Ryan, Josh the Rose Welder, and Sensitive Tony get roses, prompting some of the guys to get a little frosty that guys who voted for Britt are getting roses.  They think that the pro-Britt crowd should opt-out of the rest of the show.  Wonder if they'd feel the same way if the vote had gone the other way?

Brady, the guy who sings songs of spiritualism, apparently has had enough of this business, and one-ups Too-Honest Jared and tells Kaitlyn he was so into Britt that he's taking off to pursue her.  Hilariously, the guys think that he's back there trying to talk himself into Kaitlyn's good graces.  Also hilarious is that, as Harrison takes him off to find Britt, the sun is coming up!  What an exhausting process.  I'm definitely too old to go on a reality show.

Back to the roses, as Clint, Cory, Jonathan the Car-Lorax, Cory the Second, Second Ben, Tanner, All-In Ian (who made no bones about his pro-Kaitlyn stance), Justin, and Too-Honest Jared collect the roses.  Looks like Jared's bold move paid off.  That was a big risk, but he cashed it in.  If he'd been the second guy to announce he'd picked Britt, he might be going home.  

Moving on to scenes upcoming - they go to Ireland, they spontaneously jump into a pool despite the fact that there was a waterproof camera ready to film them, the go to the Alamo, she kisses all the guys, Amy Schumer! the guys are jealous, of course they fight, Nick the A-hole from Andi's season is back and apparently a major threat to win Kaitlyn, more angry dudes, Kaitlyn has sex with a dude who then runs naked across a golf course, lots of Kaitlyn tears, she tells the guys she had sex, someone burns a picture, guys cry, the dudes get lost in a hotel, more Kaitlyn tears, and a lot of "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person" comments.  I feel like these are things that wife beaters and child molesters say the first time they get caught.  

In any event, on to week 2!

Bachelorette Episode 1: Double Trouble

Welcome to yet another season of this incredible show.  I know this post is late this week, and II'd like to take the time to personally apologize to every person that contacted me concerned that I wasn't watching or blogging this season:

Grant, I'm sorry.

Ok, back to the blog

Despite the fact that the show is seemingly getting more popular with time, they nevertheless decide to mess with the format, bringing back not one but TWO girls from last season - Britt and Kaitlyn.  Kaitlyn is probably best remembered for telling Farmer Chris he could "plow the f*ck" out of her field on the first night.  Britt is probably best remembered for crying a lot and not taking showers.  My memory of Britt is her literally crying when she found out she was going on a hot air ballon date because she was "deathly afraid" of heights, then having "the best time ever" on that date.  With the guys getting to vote one of these "ladies" off of Bachelorette Island, I have to wonder if the guys will remember how insane Britt is, or if they'll be brainwashed by her beauty alcohol.

Chris is here, and he hits the ground running, giving us the standard "most talked about, controversial season" line.  I gotta ask who truly views this show as controversial? Also, who's talking about it?  Even though I didn't watch this episode for almost a week after it aired, I had surprising little trouble avoiding learning the outcome.

I love the shots of the limo caravan bringing these girls to the mansion.  But now we get to the good stuff.  Let's met the "men."

Up first is Jonathan, who is an automotive spokesman.  Does this mean he is the Lorax of cars?  He's a minority and a dad.  Prime candidate for getting the "you are so great, but you need to be back with your kid because it'll get even harder if I don't let you go now" speech in week three.

Up next is a lonely farmer from Kentucky.  Basically Chris Soules with an accent.  I didn't even catch his name.

Firefighter Josh is the third guy up and OH MY GOD HE'S NOT A FIREFIGHTER!

Brady the singer/songwriter from Nashville annoys the hell out of me.  He seems like the kind of guy who believes that real life should be like the song lyrics he writes.  Also he looks like Macklemore, which is killing me.

Some welder from smalltown Idaho won't be around very long I don't think.  These girls aren't going to want a guy that reminds them of the #soulestrain they almost rode to Tinyville, Iowa.

Ian is our first sob story of the year, having been "left for dead" after being hit by a car.  Despite being told by doctors he'd never run again, surprise! He's chiseled like a Greek God.

Up next is some guy with dumb hair and an even worse shirt who asks his dog what shirt he should pack.  NEXT.

Tony the yoga dude seems like he's probably been told that he's going to the be weird sensitive guy and to really play up that angle.  Claims he's been "training for this" my whole life.

Personal trainer dude lost his mom twelve years ago, but still stares longingly at picture of her.  Hilariously, as he's flipping through pictures, he flips past one of him and his mom in a hospital bed to one of him with some dude at dinner that was obviously taken many years after she had passed away. Who vetted that?  And why are those two pictures even anywhere near each other?  Even if the dude keeps all his pictures in a shoebox, those pictures probably should've been in different shoeboxes.

Here come the girls, Kaitlyn in the black sparkly dress and Britt in the more innocent looking white dress.  Britt's dress actually looks like something at 15 year old would wear to prom.

I like the idea of the guys meeting both of them at the same time.....who do they approach first?  Do they have to have two pickup lines?

Guy one goes handshake with Kaitlyn, so naturally Britt gives him a hug.  It's on early!  The Lorax is next out of the gates, and he makes no bones about his affection for Britt.  Britt's digging him too.

In fact, quite a few of the guys seem to be digging on Britt.  I'm guessing none of them watched the show last season.  Either that, or they're conveniently editing out all of the conversations with Kaitlyn.  The way this is setting up, Kaitlyn is going to kill it at the party, and the guys will vote her in (by one vote of course).  The worst pick up line goes to the dude who says "hey Disney princess,"  narrowly edging out the dude who is wearing a headband and a tennis racket, who must have been so lame they edited out everything he said.  Also, stripper firefighter sticks to his strengths and keeps his mouth shut and takes his clothes off.  JJ tells Kaitlyn that he'd love to "puck" her.  Somewhat funny.  Some dude said his dad taught him to give a woman a tissue when she cries, and he knows how much Britt cried last season, so "just in case" he hands her a travel pack of Kleenex.  Might be the most tone deaf gift ever.

Kaitlyn says that she didn't picture the "start of falling in love" being like this.  Oh you didn't picture standing outside of a house with another woman as multiple guys hop out of a limo and size you both up?  This whole thing is pretty awkward...can we get to the drinking and over the top machismo?  Kaitlyn goes to tell the guys "hey hang in there, the fun part's coming" and Britt is all pissed off about  it, mostly because she didn't think of it first, and now she can't go give her own pep talk because then she'd look like a copycat, and here comes the middle school drama that Britt is so good at.

Tony the sensitive yoga dude, gives the EXACT SAME SPEECH to both girls, which is about the most insensitive thing he could do.  What a poser.

Time for the drunk person who has become a staple of every season premiere of this show.  Ryan's basically morphed into a skinny Chris Farley character.  Shawn the "amateur sex coach" shows up in a hot tub car, and I'm completely flabbergasted.  Drunk Ryan is not impressed.  Yet, he's completely enthralled with the next guy's vehicle:  Chris the Dentist shows up in a cupcake and says it's because he wanted to do something sweet.....that's much worse than calling someone a Disney princess.

The guys seem to be excited at the prospect of having two Bachelorettes, most likely because they could strike out and still have a chance a redemption with the other girl.  Kaitlyn starts off with a very, very bad joke that the guys courtesy laugh at, and Britt goes straight for the "I'm looking for my best friend."  These two couldn't be more different.   The guys talking to Kaitlyn are picking up on her goofiness and acting accordingly.  All the conversations they show with Britt seem to revolve around their children, or sponsored children.  One dude has a kid named Aurellious.  I wonder if his favorite movie is Gladiator?  I'm too lazy to figure out who it was or look up the profiles on ABC.com to see how many guys picked Gladiator as their favorite movie.

Tony the sensitive guy looks like he got punched under his left eye maybe?  In any event, he votes for Britt because her rose was "pulsating."  Some other drew a picture of Chris Harrison riding a triceratops.  He gets my first impression rose.  I love triceratops.

I also love that the girls have to lobby for the guys while the guys are simultaneously lobbying for them.  It makes for a little bit more interesting opening episode, although I'm slightly annoyed with the three hour season premiere.  If they can figure out how to compress this into one standard two hour episode, that'd be great.

A nice little moment when Ben asks Kaitlyn about her tattoo and she says "you know, Chris never asked me about it once."  What the hell, Chris?  This seems like second/third date territory, and she made it to the final two or three?  Tattoos are incredibly personal things to most people, and it's an easy way to show you're interested in a person.  Even if you don't really care, you still ask.  However, I always want to know about people's tattoos, because I'm fascinated by the thought process that goes into engraving an image or word on your body forever.

Ok, back to the show.  Drunk Ryan gets confronted by Shawn the sex coach for insulting his hot tub car.   Let me type that sentence again:

DRUNK RYAN GETS CONFRONTED BY SHAWN THE SEX COACH FOR INSULTING HIS HOT TUB CAR.

Reality TV my ass.  In any event, Drunk Ryan doesn't remember telling Shawn him and his stupid car sucked, but he doesn't miss a chance to tell that he (and everything about him) sucks again.  Drunk people are the best.  Ryan continues his one-man race to the bottom by telling Britt "a lot of guys like her," referring to the Bachelorettes as a "couple a' hoes," and then tapping Kaitlyn on the ass and telling her she's "Ryan approved."

The guys decide that Ryan needs to go, most likely because they feel the need to protect the ladies who have not asked for their protection.  JJ tells him that he's being inappropriate, and I'm pretty sure Ryan threatens to rape him.  How do you not laugh at the guy at that point?  Apparently Chris Harrison also feels the need to protect the ladies, but hilariously sends in an enormous crew member/bouncer to escort Ryan out of the house so he can dismiss him.  Nobody is bigger than Harrison, you betta' recognize!

Dude who brought the Kleenex gets his time with Britt, and she calls out his Kleenex move for the dick-move it was, and they immediately cut to Kleenex dude telling some other guys "I like Kaitlyn more...she's more real."  What a sissy.  Also sissyish is Brady the crooner who says "Britt is a billion on a scale of one to ten."  He played baseball, prayed when his career was over, and it led him to writing songs that are "so spiritual."  Britt LOVES it.

Chris Harrison interrupts to let everyone know that the votes are in.....and I just had a thought.  Does Drunk Ryan's vote count?  What if it's thirteen to twelve and HIS vote is the deciding vote?  Although it looked like he just chucked his rose at Britt's picture, so I'm not sure if that's a vote for or against her.  We get lots of shots of the girls looking bored/nervous while Chris takes way too long to count twenty-five roses.

Votes have finally been tallied and the winner is.........
(continued next blog)