Welcome to Barcelona! We'll get back to James being the most recent version of "the most evil man EVER." First though, Des seems like she's really enjoying herself. Zak nominates Barcelona for "perfect place to fall in love" because of the appreciation for food and wine and love. I'm pretty sure that there is an appreciation of those three things the world over, buddy.
Chris gives the guys the standard "you're going home if you don't get a rose" speech, but throws out there that Des has already determined that there won't be a cocktail party. Is this a sign that Des has already decided who is going home this week? We'll see. Drew gets the first one on one, and he vows to not let his issues with James interfere with his date with Des. Well good for him. Of course he then mentions that if it comes up, he'll be more than happy to talk about it.
As they wander the streets of Barcelona, Drew points to a bank of what look like apartments and says "have you ever seen anything so beautiful in your life?" Barcelona - where even low income housing is more beautiful than churches in America. Drew takes a chance in a coffee shop and tells Des that his dad was an alcoholic and this is the first time he's ever told anyone this. I'm a little confused as to why this is such an important conversation to have with Des at this moment....until he gets to the point where his dad has cancer. He then says that "not many people know he has cancer." Well, I hope you asked your dad if it was cool to go public with his illness, Drew! Also, how meandering was that story? Unless it's liver cancer, I'm not entirely sure that the two things relate into one story, but Des is on the verge of tears and does everything short of telling Drew "I'm coming to your hometown." I'm pretty sure the start-of-the-date kiss coupled with "my dad battles addiction and is also possibly dying" have ensured he'll get a rose tonight. Although, we haven't got to dinner yet.....
As they wander down an alleyway, they stop to listen to some music, and Des says "Barcelona brings out my emotional artistic side, which I love." I wish we could see some sort of sign of this, but alas, this seems like the same Des we always see. Drew decides to show his spontaneous side and yanks Des away from dinner to push her up against an alleyway wall so he can make out with her. Des is REALLY REALLY digging it.
Quick break to go over the group date, which involves soccer. James keeps the theme of some guy wearing hot pink at all times, but Kasey is sure that the group date is going to turn "stormy" for James after Drew tells Des about his eavesdropping conversation. Drew decides to wait until after he gets the rose and is safe to drop the bomb on Des. Smart move by Drew. Don't throw it out there until after you're safe and don't let her anger towards James (or the fact that you're a tattletale) cloud her decision.
Des finally lets her artistic side show, stringing together a stream of expletives that would impress Eminem (who needs to cuss on his raps to sell records, unlike Will Smith.)
Back with the guys, Drew recaps for us (for the 97th time!) what James said, as if Michael, Casey and all of America for that matter don't already know. Kasey seems pissed that he now has to balance James' drama with furthering his relationship with Des. Only if you want to buddy.
Juan Pablo's name translates directly into "you have no chance with Des" according to Brooks, and they're probably right. I read somewhere that the best way to impress a girl is to find something that you're very good at, no matter what it is, and do that a lot in front of her. Confidence is key, and Juan is in his element. After Des walks out with a professional women's team, the guys all channel their inner cavemen and make some of the most ridiculous statements ever in regards to how bad they're going to beat these girls. Methinks perhaps ABC wanted to set up the foreshadowing for a female beatdown of the guys. And yep, that's what happens. The girls let them score the first two goals, and then IT IS ON. The girls mercilessly pound the goal, which is being defended by James, the worst goalie in the history of the world. He was worse than the goalie in Kicking and Screaming that doesn't realize he needs glasses. His best attempt at a block reminded me of the opening credits of that MTV cartoon Daria. What the hell man? Have a little fun out there!
On the after party portion of the night, and Chris gets the first alone time. Time for some poetry! Des reads a crummy poem to Chris, which he of course loves. I suppose it's a good sign that she took the time to compose a poem for him. Kasey, meanwhile, can no longer contain his anger towards James and confronts him, yet again recapping the "Mikey told you he can get tall, rich, beautiful girls on my boat in Chicago" junk. After the commercial break, we get to hear the conversation AGAIN. Jesus. Enough. Time for some action. James immediately goes on the defensive, somehow targeting Michael and sort of mocking him for not being on a one-on-one date. Bad move. Don't drag Michael in, who already scorched the earth with Ben's corpse. Now Michael's firing back, and James again screws up by saying "that's heresy!" YOU DON'T LAWYER A LAWYER! Now there's a lot of mocking people going on, to which James finally admits that, yeah, he had the conversation, but he was just being a bro and going along with Mikey's conversation. Of course the guys take the stance that "we would've told him it wasn't cool dude" which of course they didn't because they pretended to be asleep like little bitches. I hate all these guys. PICK JUAN PABLO ALREADY!!!
Sadly, Des decides to not issue a rose, and instead wants to discuss "the conversation with James." I feel bad for Juan Pablo and Chris, who have seemingly stayed above the fray, yet don't get a chance to feel completely safe that they'll be around for another week or so. Des says "James doesn't know what's about to hit him." Oh I think he does Des...he's been getting hammered for the past 20 minutes.
Maybe James doesn't know what's going on, because he casually LAYS DOWN ON THE COUCH. How is that the body language you present when you're about to get reamed? What a moron. Fortunately, once the actual conversation starts, he looks a bit more contrite. James takes the always popular "blame the guy who isn't around to defend himself" excuse. When Des doesn't buy that, he switches to "the other guys are jealous of me, and they GANGED UP ON ME!" Seriously, is this guy seven? He pouts on the soccer field, he blames other people, he complains that he's being picked on, and then he starts crying. Kill me now. This guy has got to go home. The best part of that conversation was Des asking him what mean things the guys said to him, and he says "they said this, and that is valid, and this that and the other...." Way to be descriptive Jimmy.
In the end, Des decides to sleep on it - which is another way of saying "review the videotape." James meanwhile has decided to adopt an angry, vengeful persona and someone's going to get suplexed before the night is over. He's decided that this is the guys banding together to push him out because he's the frontrunner and he's not going anywhere. Shockingly, despite all his posturing on the ride home, he's coldly respectful when he opens the door, saying "Gentlemen, goodnight." and walking out of the room. Well played, James.
Zak gets the "drama hangover" date, which might be a good thing for him. JP got the "post Bentley" date on Ashley's season, and was able to put on a good enough display to ride it all the way to an accepted proposal. Zak's got the perfect personality to turn that frown upside down. He might've just hit on the perfect storm of Bachelor circumstances to ensure himself a spot in the finals. After referring to Barcelona as a "hub for art," Zak and Des head to an art studio to draw some stuff. Specifically, they draw each other, and Zak makes Des look like Medusa wearing red lipstick. I don't think I've ever genuinely laughed out loud at something that happened on this show. It was horrendous, and he knew it. Des loved it, and this is a rare "real" moment on the show where I could see a couple not on a reality show actually experiencing something similar. It didn't involve a staged polka band, or a helicopter ride or Darius Rucker. It was an actual date. Of course the date is then blown up with a surprise nude model guy, who takes his job SERIOUSLY. He was in the zone, despite the fact he has these two amateurs goofing around in the studio. Having never been a nude model, I can't speak to the mindset you need to have to do it, but I guess it makes sense that you don't want to be a goofy nude. You don't want people laughing when they think of you naked, I suppose.
Back at the house, James gets Drew alone to hash things out. Sans alcohol, the conversation starts out much more civil than the previous night. Things deteriorate quickly, however, when Drew gives us our 1,000th recap of the bus conversation. Lots of yelling ensues, and James seems oblivious to the fact that talking about being the next Bachelor could in some way be construed as "the wrong reasons." James is correct that it that is a conceivable outcome, but much the same way that you don't talk about who you might date if you ever divorced your wife in front of her friends, you don't talk about "post bachelorette" with other contestants. He's an idiot.
Des calls James out for a walk to a random set of stairs. She claims she's sending him home, but the fact that she mentions this before the conversation takes place makes me think that he may just be able to talk himself back into this thing. And you know what, it's working! Des is conflicted, and meanwhile the v-neck posse is peeping from the balcony. James is selling himself hard, even using the line "I feel more alive than I ever have" at one point. He does a great job of putting his own head on the chopping block - offering to go home right now if she has any doubts, and he totally respects her decision no matter what it is. It works!
James strides back into the room confidently and says "what's up guys?" Now we're getting back into what a dick James is - and he's not doing himself any of the favors he just did down on the stairs with Des, actually saying that becoming the bachelor would be a "win-win" situation. This sends the other guys into a frenzy.....Drew says "I don't understand why she hasn't called him a pig and a deceitful jerk and slapped him." What Drew really means is "why doesn't she believe me?" Des likes all these guys, and now she's hearing two different sides of the same story from them. That's gotta be a hard decision. Imagine if a coworker who you have a good relationship with tells you that your significant other said something shady, yet when you ask your significant other about it, he/she explains it a different way. Who do you side with? You know somebody's going to be pissed and get their feelings hurt. It's a difficult situation, but when it comes down to it, you're going to side with the person you feel more strongly for. Maybe that's James in this situation. Des already said that she almost resents the guys for putting her in this situation. In the end she sends Kasey, Juan Pablo, and James home. That's a pretty big cut this late in the game. Kasey and James going home is kind of a way of leveling out the playing field. And now my boy JP is gone....I'm not sure what to do now. I guess I throw my support behind Zak the uber positive? I dislike about everyone else. Ah well...on to Majorca, right?
In the upcoming scenes, it looks like Des gets destroyed by some insincerity on the guys part. Yikes. That was a lot of crying. Like a LOT. Looks like a pretty entertaining end of the season eh?
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