Hometown time! Welcome to the episode where we all pretend that everyone loves spending every free moment of every weekend with their families, and that everyone LOVES their in-laws. We got a brief glimpse of this fantasy last week when the guys all told JoJo she was going to love their family, and Alex even threw in that he was looking forward to having a beer and watching football with JoJo's brothers.....because ever girl wants a husband who is going to drink beer and watch football with her brothers. Small wonder he went home...and you saw how those guys acted last season. Who would want to hang out and watch a game with those judgy bastards?
On to our first hometown...Highlands Ranch, Colorado, home of Chase....the guy who is definitely going home tonight unless something (dare I say?) dramatic happens.
Chase starts out that he's nervous because his parents got divorced....when he was eight! Two decades ago, his parents got divorced, and we're supposed to believe this has any bearing on JoJo's decision? I remember the first time I talked to Rachel about this...she asked about my parents, and I said "they got divorced when I was ten." She said "alright," and I knew this was the girl I was going to marry because she was cool with it. Give me a mother-f'ing break, ABC. We get some more Chase backstory...there were lawsuits. I took this to mean one parent had a lot of money and the other had less, and the parent with more either tried to keep all their money, or the parent with less tried to take all the money. Chase then tells us that he's going to have her meet his dad separately, to which JoJo says "oh so when you do family stuff, you do it separately?" Isn't this the default scenario for divorced families?
JoJo's excited to meet Chase's dad, but I'm distracted by the staircase. What is going on with that thing? It seems like it's unfinished and frankly dangerous. Not a good place to raise children, JoJo! Chase's dad then takes most of the blame for his divorce, saying he climbed the corporate ladder (so he's the one with the money) and that he's been better in his second marriage, which apparently includes quite a few step-children. Chase isn't interested in having JoJo meet her or his step-siblings. Maybe Chase really is still trying to come to grips with his parents not being together. I mean, I know I had trouble adjusting when my mom remarried and all of a sudden there were two more kids in the house. I wasn't the greatest brother to them...but then again I was 14. Grow the hell up, Chase.
Chase's relationship with his mom is way better than with his dad. He seems way more relaxed and at ease with them. Mama Chase says kids who went through a divorce can be hesitant to get married and again I'm a little surprised. Also, why do they have an old abandoned chairlift chair in their backyard? Is this a common thing in Colorado?
Chase has a conversation with his sister, and I'm starting to get the impression that this divorce was actually a doozy. His sister says something about how hurt they've been by people who were supposed to love them unconditionally, and holy crap what did Papa chase do? WHAT DID YOU DO, STEVE?
Anyways, the date's over, and Chase whispers "I'm falling in love with you, JoJo."
Key takeaway: Chase's dad cautioned him not to make the same mistakes he made, and that his actions can have effects on the lives of others. Basically what I heard out of that is "I've had to answer a ton of questions about you doing this stupid reality show, please don't marry this girl so I have to answer even more questions during Dancing with the Stars." I know I said that people don't aren't that concerned about the marital status of their significant other's parents, but holy crap this seems like a much bigger issue in this family than it should be. JoJo was probably going to send him home anyways, but this just seems like the clincher to me. Stop the fight, end the episode, we have our loser.
Up next is the "let's talk about the guy we don't like talking about" Rodgers family. My theory is that they couldn't get the show to work with Aaron's schedule, so they had to invent this huge conflict to factor him in the show to keep the state of Wisconsin watching the show. Jordan takes her to his high school, which ironically is nicknamed the Vikings, and even has the Minnesota Vikings logo! Oh, the irony. Also weird is that Jordan took JoJo to meet his teachers from high school. This was NEVER a thought of mine. I love that the school still has pictures of the Rodgers brothers displayed all over the place. JoJo points out a picture of Aaron, and Jordan is like "alright let's move on." According to JoJo, it's only been in the past couple years that Aaron has been estranged from the family. This leads credence to the "Olivia Munn is a family destroyer" theory. A coworker, who is much more perceptive than me, brought up the question that if they have problems with Olivia's lifestyle and the drama in her life, they probably aren't thrilled with Jordan dating a girl who has essentially broadcast her love life to the world for the last two years. If that's not the case, then maybe Olivia Munn is a huge bitch, but did you ever watch "The Newsroom?" She seems awesome!
Jordan apparently used to bluff that he was going to run away all the time as a kid. In other words, he was practicing being dramatic for a reality show from a very early age. This whole Aaron thing is getting a little weird, frankly. The show is going out of its way to explain that they all want Aaron to be a part of the family, but he's choosing not to. Luke goes to bat for Jordan, saying "he's had nothing given to him." Except, you know, that scholarship to Vanderbilt.
I love that JoJo tells Papa Rodgers that the other guys think Jordan's where he is because of Aaron. Who says that? Why would you say that? JoJo then goes on to say "Jordan is nobody's brother." I get what she's saying, but my goodness, the amount of time they spent bringing up Aaron on these last two episodes, it's pretty apparent that he is the brother of Aaron Rodgers. Jordan says he loves her, JoJo says "that sounds great, but what if it changes?" Who says that? What the hell is Jordan supposed to say? If I was Jordan, I'd be pissed. He seems pissed.
Key takeaway: Call your mom, Aaron.
Robby's up next. He has JoJo whistle for a horse. "Awww, the horse is so pretty!" JoJo gushes. Oh my bad, that was Robby. I guess now that James Taylor is gone, Robby is going for the gay best friend angle. He even has a bit of a George Michael thing going on with the stubble and the pink unbuttoned shirt. Oh my bad, the bottom button is buttoned. Is this a thing? I know nothing about fashion, but let's call that a metaphor for Robby not being able to fully commit to anything.
JoJo continues her tour of doubting the guys, not taking Robby at his word that he's over his ex-girlfriend. Robby says he wouldn't tell her he loved her if he didn't mean it. JoJo says that him telling her he loved her made her feel so much closer to him. Ok then. Robby says "her meeting my family will be a dream come true." and we're sent to commercial with him saying "I don't see how anything could go wrong." ABC, just fucking stop it. You've already got us, you don't need to do this crappy foreshadowing any more. I'd bet money that when the guys do their intro videos at the beginning of the season, the producers say "OK that's great. Now just say "I don't see how anything can go wrong," so we can use it in case anything goes wrong, and we're done!"
Robby and JoJo walk up to the house armed with flowers and a bunch of goody bags. Is this a thing that normal people do? When you meet someone's family for the first time, are you supposed to bring everyone bribes? Don't most parents and families see this as a buy-off? I don't get it. Robby's family seems pretty friendly, which is disappointing. I was hoping for some more drama.
JoJo's now asking Robby's mom about the ex. Robby's mom does him no favors by saying "there's always a chance you can get hurt." Yikes. Then Robby's mom pulls him aside, and they put their weird cups that look like colored wine glasses inside pint glasses down long enough for Robby to have gossip time with his mom. APPARENTLY, Robby's girlfriend's roommate Alex has been crafting an elaborate smear campaign against Robby online and in-person (to whom? Is she hosting town hall forums to talk about her roommates ex boyfriend?) Robby needs to tell JoJo about this, and he tells her what's going on. JoJo asks Robby what benefit the roommate would get out of this, and I just threw my remote at the television. YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HER ON NATIONAL TELEVISION. YOU SAID HER NAME! THERE ARE WOMEN ALL OVER THE COUNTRY HEADING TO TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM TO TRY AND FIND OUT WHO ALEX THE EXES ROOMMATE IS!"
Again, Robby tells JoJo there's no truth to any of it. JoJo again doesn't believe him. Robby again tells her it's over between him and Hope. Robby says Hope slapped him and he hasn't spoken to her since then. JoJo then says that she wants to know what happens if a year from now they're still dealing with this. What the hell? How is this fair to Robby? "So, if your ex girlfriend is still commanding her friends to defame you online twelve months from now, you realize that I'm going to dump you because you used to date a psycho?" Bad break for Robby. JoJo says again that Robby has been the most open and honest with her, AND YET SHE QUESTIONS HIM MORE THAN ANY OTHER DUDE.
Key takeaway: You're responsible for the actions of everyone you've ever come in contact with.
We still have one more of these disasters to go, and it's time to head to Texas for more horses n' guns and flannel. Luke brings 50 people to meet JoJo. JoJo wearing cutoff shorts and boots makes Luke's heart smile. Luke's dad and him have a fairly touching and (dare I say?) real conversation that makes me want to call my dad. We get our first dad who tries to say "we're not really cool with you making a decision because a TV show is telling you to do it," but of course he follows it up with "but we trust your decision." Dad then gets choked up talking about how glad they are that he came home from serving our country, and I can't even say anything snarky, because having a son or daughter overseas in a combat situation is about the most terrifying thing I can think of as a parent, and I'd feel the same way. Luke was my least favorite guy all season, and somehow his family is the best.
The date ends with a horseback ride into the fields to talk about how hot JoJo looked...because that's about all Luke ever seems to say. Luke says his heart gets more involved every time he sees JoJo, which is clunky, but effective. Rather than stopping there though, he continues to ramble, saying 500 words when 15 will do. They then make out by a heart made of flower petals. JoJo really looks like she wants to tell him she loves him, but doesn't. I half expected her to jump back out of the car and run back to him and make out with him while saying how much she loves him, but she doesn't.
Key Takeaway: I don't know if he'll win, but Luke is safe tonight. Country life is very intoxicating, and JoJo got a big ol' whiff of it.
Tonight's rose ceremony comes to us from an airport hangar....because....well I have no idea why. JoJo's crying and now she's saying goodbye to Luke? WTF? Why would they tell us this before the rose ceremony? Unless......
There it is! Luke tells her he loves her, and we're treated to JoJo wandering aimlessly around a jetway talking to nobody in particular and crying about how "everything's changed now!"
So with that, we have to wait until next week when she probably sends Luke home anyways. I'm a horrible judge of who people are going to pick on this show, but technically, I was right. Luke is safe tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment