Tuesday, November 8, 2011

'Tis (Almost) the season

You know how people lose their minds when the McRib surfaces?  Or how nobody passes up a chance to get into the Nike Employee Store?  It's because these are things that are rare, that only happen on special occasions.  It's the reason Oregonians lose their minds over a half inch of snow while people in Wisconsin just roll their eyes and say "here we go again." 

It's like that with Christmas.  Devout Christians like to say "Keep Christ in Christmas." (Side Note:  I absolutely love that the first wall post on that facebook page is a link to "the world leader in edged weaponry."  Nothing says Christmas like a Hapkido Dagger with 2 Hidden Kunai Throwing Knives.) I like to say "Keep Christmas in December....or at least after Thanksgiving."  I also found it interesting that a majority of the search results for "Keep Christ in Christmas" were for websites selling merchandise emblazoned with the slogan.  Isn't that in direct opposition with the meaning behind your slogan?

Is any holiday more overlooked than Thanksgiving?  If Christmas is the Super Bowl, Thanksgiving is Howie, Terry, Jimmy and JB sitting around for three hours prior to kick-off talking about how awesome Christmas is going to be (I think my analogy got confused, but just go with it.)  Everyone knows about "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas," but until I went online today, I had no clue that there was "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" - In fact it wasn't even released until a full 8 years after the other two holiday specials.  It's almost as if they said "well I suppose we HAVE to do a Thanksgiving special, right?"  I'm assuming I have no recollection of the Thanksgiving special because it was hastily thrown together and probably sucks because nobody cares about Thanksgiving.

I just don't understand why we have to rush Christmas.  Over the past week, my facebook news feed has been littered with people posting about listening to Christmas music stations on Pandora or other Internet radio feeds.  This is just insane to me.  I love Christmas music, but let's be real here...there's only about 20 different Christmas songs - they're just sung 20,000 different ways each.  How many different versions of O Holy Night are you prepared to listen to?  I'll save you some time....Celine Dion's version is really the only one you need. 

Second most common facebook post right now is some version of "OMG! Starbucks red cups are back!  Yaaaaaayyyy!"  This might be more ridiculous than the McRib Panic......at least you get to eat a McRib.  The cup just holds the same coffee you always get, although I like the Seattle PI's take on the whole red cup thing. 

ABC Family does their "25 Days of Christmas" programming every year that usually features 8 different movies about some supermodel/actress playing Santa's daughter and having to save Christmas by finding a man.  This year, they're doing a "Countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas" in the week leading up to the "25 Days of Christmas."  So we're clear here, they're having a countdown to their countdown.

We're going to get burnt out people.  Savor the season.  I like Christmas because it is so fleeting.  I eat a sausage and egg casserole for breakfast on Christmas morning that quite possibly might be my favorite food in the whole world, but I only eat it on December 25th.   Why?  BECAUSE IT'S SPECIAL, DAMMIT!!  All those candies and cookies are sacred!  You don't make those in November!  November is for pie.  The day we cut down a tree is one of my favorite days of the year....but you don't do it before Thanksgiving (or even right after) because your tree will die.  Unless of course you have a fake tree.  Fake trees are another blog post altogether, but we'll just summarize by saying that unless you live in Texas or Hawaii or some other place where there are no evergreens and it'd cost you a fortune to have a real one, fake trees are unacceptable.

I realize the precariousness of the stance I'm taking here.  I'm admonishing over-celebrating Christmas while simultaneously championing the season.  I think I'm so adamant on this because it's one of the very few aspects of my life where I am able to exert some measure of self-restraint on myself (my bank account and my waistline are nodding grimly right now.).  Being able to wait for Christmas reminds me that I still possess one of the few qualities that separates man from beast.  So right now, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and eating some turkey with my family on the 24th.  THEN, and only then, will I start thinking about ZooLights and a candy that we like to call "Knock Out Drops" in our family.  I'd link to the recipe, but a google search of Knock Out Drops results in links to making homemade date rape drugs....and that is definitely not in the Christmas Spirit.

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