There are many documented stories of Duck fans behaving badly over the years. Like this one. Or this one. Or this genius. However, aside from the occasional college student yelling a homophobic slur at me from time to time, I've found most Duck fans to be rather civilized towards me personally. Maybe this is because of my non-threatening, happy-go-lucky demeanor. I don't look like a threat, therefore the Duck fans largely leave me alone. Except for one particular group of Duck fans: Elementary School Girls.
Yep, they hate me. Perhaps it says something about me that 8 year old females feel that they can harass me without fear of reprisal, but whatever. In 1999, a friend and I made our way down to Autzen for the Civil War. I don't remember much about that particular game, other than we lost, and Joel wore cowboy boots. I also remember a little girl blocking our path on the way out of the stadium and saying "The Beavers Suck!" and then turning to her mom for an approval. Joel, in perhaps the best heat of the moment comeback I've ever witnessed, says to the mom "lady, I don't know what's worse, the manners you've taught your daughter, or the fact you let her cheer for the Ducks." The look of disgust from this lady was priceless. I didn't know it at the time, but now that I have children of my own I can say without a doubt that having your parenting skills criticized is one of the most insulting things in the world. Makes the memory even sweeter as time passes.
Saturday I had the pleasure of witnessing my 13th Civil War in the last 14 years, and the 7th one I've seen at Autzen Stadium. We've only won one of those games, and yesterday was more of the same. As we shuffled out of the stadium, I heard not one word from a Duck fan. It was like we didn't even exist, which may actually be the most damning indication of Duck fans feelings towards us Beavers now that I think about it.
Anyways, we make it back to our tailgate and set up in some camping chairs for some people watching and drinking (Pepsi Max for me, of course.) Again, Duck fans are paying us no attention. Except of course for an 8 year old girl in a Kenjon Barner jersey and some Ugg boots, who was staring straight at us and popping her jersey in our general direction. It took me a few moments to realize what was happening, and I think the confused look on my face emboldened our little antagonist. She ran off joyfully "popping" at anyone wearing orange she saw.
I wish this was the end of the Little Miss Popper story, but sadly, it is not. A few minutes later as we stood around talking about the game and life in general, I see something pass through my field of vision from behind me and land on the ground a few feet away. I wheel around to see where it came from, and all I see are the bottoms of some size 3 Ugg boots and a green #24 jersey running away from the scene, popping her jersey as she disappeared around the side of a motor home a few spots away from us. I look back to see what this little hoodlum threw, and see a few large ice cubes sitting on the ground. What kind of crazy 8 year old throws ice at group of adults? Furthermore, why isn't there an adult around to admonish this pigtailed monster? I wish I'd followed that little girl around until she found her parents so I could tell them what happened, because if my son or daughter ever did something like that you can bet your ass I'd want to know about it so I could make sure it never happened again, but I never seem to think of these things at the time they occur. It's only much later that I seem to realize what the best course of action should have been.
So yeah, 8 year old female Duck fans hate me.
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