Always have an End Game

You know what's awesome?  Christmas.  Family, food, and new stuff.  It's fantastic.  An underrated part of Christmas is the new socks Santa always leaves in our stockings - is there anything better than slapping on a fresh pair of clean white socks?  I say no.  In fact, Christmas is so awesome, there's only one thing that's more awesome:

Christmas when you have young kids. 

Up to this point, I have to say Christmas is most awesome with a four year old.  Jonah really got into it this year.  He woke up every morning, jumped out of bed with the single minded focus of finding Christopher, our "Elf on the Shelf" that moves around our house every night.  Once that task was completed, he moved onto placing another ornament on our magnetic advent calendar Christmas tree thing on the fridge.  Only then would he bothered with his normal routine of announcing that he was going potty and that he expected me to have his chocolate milk made and Ben 10 on the TV by the time he got back.  We must've gone to see Santa at some store or another four or five times. On Christmas Eve, Jonah saw a plane in the air and was convinced it was Santa and exhorted me to "use the gas pedal dad, he can't beat us to the house!"  Jonah asked me one night why our neighbors didn't have lights on their house.  Being the idiot parent I am, I saw this as a good teaching moment to explain to him that some people didn't celebrate Christmas.  You'd think I just put a milkshake in front of him and ripped it away...he looked shocked.  "Why wouldn't they celebrate Christmas?  Santa won't come to their house!  They won't get any presents!" I could tell that maybe this conversation wasn't going to have my intended impact.  I tried explaining that some people celebrated a holiday called Hanukkah (yes I googled the spelling) that lasted for eight days and they got presents every day.  Jonah scoffed at this and said "So?  Santa brings like a HUNDRED!" and then promptly walked away.  We'll revisit religion at a later date I guess.

Jonah really got into the present thing.  At least the receiving part.  Jocie was happy just to tear up wrapping paper for four straight hours.  As we're opening presents, Jonah kept asking where his next present was.  He was getting a little greedy and impatient, so I called him aside to try to calm him down.  I said "look buddy, you need to pump the brakes a little bit.  You're not the only person getting presents here.  You need to sit patiently and wait your turn.  If you can't do that......."

It was at this point I realized I was screwed.  I hadn't thought out a punishment yet to attach to this threat.  I certainly wasn't going to give Jonah a timeout on Christmas for being excited.  I also realized that everyone there (my mom, stepdad, brothers and their significant others) were watching me intently, ready to grade my parenting skills.  So, of course, I say the dumbest thing possible.

".....I don't know what's going to happen."

I'm not sure if Jonah interpreted it as an open ended threat, in that literally any punishment imaginable was awaiting him if he kept up his "gimme gimme gimme" routine, or if he picked up that his dad was an idiot and he had me behind the eight ball, but it didn't much matter as the whole room exploded in laughter and Rachel shook her head and gave me one word, deadpan answer..."nice." Any parenting leverage I had at that moment was gone forever, and Jonah was free to continue on his merry way.
As an aside, I can't guarantee that I remember this correctly, but I'm pretty sure Jonah did in fact tone down his "me first" Christmas after that.  Maybe I did get through to him in some small way.  That in itself would be a Christmas miracle.  If Rachel parents with the precision of a surgeon with a scalpel, I'm a butcher with a hatchet....but apparently our kids are turning out alright thus far, so I guess it works alright. 

It's hard for me to think that a Christmas is going to be better than the one we just had, but, like I said that fateful morning, I don't know what's going to happen.

Distracted Driving - Where does it end?

CNN.com just posted this article, which basically says that the NTSB has recommended a full ban on cell phones while driving.  This is an example of something that is in theory a good idea, but really just completely misguided. 

I get that texting while driving is dangerous.  I'll admit, I do it every now and then, and even while I'm doing it I realize that this probably isn't a good idea.  If I got ticketed while texting, I would completely understand.  For that reason, I understand not surfing the web on your phone or emailing either.  But this idea that talking on your phone causes more crashes is just nutty.  First it was banning hand held phones.  I assumed the idea behind this was to get people to keep both hands on the wheel.  If this is case, why isn't eating while driving banned?  Why are there still radio's in cars that require you to move your hand off the wheel to change the station?  Why are there in dash GPS devices that are supposed to help you drive? 

This article says the NTSB wants to ban all hands free devices too, unless they're installed by the manufacturer.  Why?  How is a hands free device installed by GM more safe than the one I have clipped to the visor in my car?  In fact, Rachel has one that was installed by the manufacturer, and it's terrible.  This weekend she was trying to program names into the things memory, and the list of options was a little vague so she said "help."  The thing immediately starts dialing 911.  Later, when trying to program "Cardiac Rehab" the machine said it was too close to "Andy."  I'm not making this stuff up.  My $50 third party device eliminates this by automatically downloading my phonebook every time I get in my car.  It's awesome.

So now we've eliminated hands free devices, which now gets to where the NTSB is going so off course.  So talking to someone not in the car is now banned, but having a conversation with wife in the passenger seat is OK?  How is this different?  What's next, are we banning passengers in the car?  Forget about singing along with your favorite song on the radio....you're DISTRACTED.  My favorite part of the article is the suggestion by the NTSB that cell phone companies design phones that will not work if you're sitting in the drivers seat of a car, but will work in other seats.  What kind of crazy technology and collaboration between automotive and communications companies will that take?  Be prepared to pay more for your car and your phone because of that little gem.  It's insane.  We're heading towards the day when driver's seats are in a special compartment that is sound proof to the rest of the car....essentially sensory deprivation.  You know what will happen then?  PEOPLE WILL FALL ASLEEP FROM BOREDOM!!!  Hello more crashes! 

While any one person dying is tragic, it's not a reason to re-evaluate everything.  A football player dies from heat exhaustion and dehydration during a college football practice in the middle of the summer in the deep south now means that my four year old son needs to have a water break during his one hour session of "Little Kickers" which is indoors.  In December.  They spend literally half of that hour listening to the coach tell some psycho kid to stop running into the goal at full speed or sitting on blue dots talking about what their favorite food is.  One kid drinks a whole bottle Southern Comfort and dives head first into a pool that's 2 feet deep and now college kids aren't allowed to drink in their fraternities or sororities.  A bunch of stupid people take stupid loans to buy houses they know they can't afford, and now I can't refinance my home.  Is my loan stupid?  No.  Is my house unaffordable?  No.  Have I ever missed a payment?  No.  But the government put ridiculous rules in place that make it impossible for me to either refinance in a way that makes financial sense.  Sure I could just sell my house, but then when I go to buy a new house, I have no money for a down payment because I had to cover my loan, and nobody will finance at 100% anymore.  Who is actually being helped by these policies?  It's knee jerk overreaction at best, and I hate it. 

I'll leave you with this quote from an interesting research study (Read this awesome article from the Seattle Times for more info. by OSU on how the eradication of wolves in the Olympic Peninsula led to large numbers of elk which ate foliage, leaving fewer large trees, driving down bird and small mammal populations and causing erosion along riverbeds. 

Driven by fear, Americans had dewilded the West without realizing the full consequences. “We thought that we would prosper if we made the continent a safe place to be. We did all of this with the best of intentions, not understanding what we were doing."

Playoffs?

Normally I shy away from sports related posts....mainly because I get the distinct impression that most of the people who read my blog are women.  This is why I write a bazillion words on every episode of The Bachelor.  Rule number one of communication:  Know your audience.  This, perhaps, portrays me to the general public as a namby-pamby guy who'd rather go to see Riverdance than a Rose Bowl.  This is simply not the case.  Fact of the matter is that that I can appreciate both forms of entertainment. 

Speaking of the Rose Bowl however, I heard a viewpoint on the radio that I hadn't quite heard before.  Oregon State hasn't been to a Rose Bowl since my parents were in high school.  Growing up as a fourth generation Beaver, it's been something I've wanted to experience since I was about six.  It's the Granddaddy of Them All!  So great is this dream of mine to see Oregon State run out onto the field on New Year's Day in Pasadena that I've vowed not to visit the stadium for any reason until that day comes.  I don't want anything to take away from that moment, whenever that comes (and it will!). 

Or will it?  Mike Parker, as only Mike Parker can, spent a good thirty minutes on the radio building up his argument against a playoff in college football, referencing Glengarry Glen Ross numerous times in the process.  Half an hour!  Finally he got to the point:  If there's a playoff, the Rose Bowl ceases to exist as we know it, and that's not good. 

He's right on both counts.  Already the Rose Bowl has been devalued with the creation of the National Championship game and this absurd thing where we have bowl games after New Year's Day.  I have no problem with pitting #1 vs. #2.  It makes sense....it's the game everyone wants to see.  That being said, I'd actually be disappointed if OSU won the Pac-12 and finished #2 and was sent to Miami for the Orange Bowl game.  I'd rather they finished #3 and went to the Rose Bowl.....at least the first time they win the Pac-12.  After that they can go to the National Championship all they want.  The Rose Bowl has always been the holy grail for the Pac teams, and it bugs me to think that it's suddenly not anymore.  Ask Oregon fans....Is the Rose Bowl a little less special to them now that they've played in a National Championship The Natty?  (Sidenote:  Now the Cliff Harris has essentially been wiped from our collective memories, can we pretend "The Natty" never entered our lexicon?  I don't know that it's possible to cheapen a National Championship experience, but calling it "The Natty" probably comes close.)  

Let's look at some arguments of playoff supporters, and I'm going to tell you why these people are wrong.

Argument:  Bowls would still matter!  1 v. 4 in the Rose Bowl, 2 v. 3 in the Sugar, National Championship at the Orange!

You're right...they would still matter, but if you go beyond 1v2 though, all of sudden there's no "Rose Bowl."  There's a national semifinal game AT the Rose Bowl, and nobody gets as excited for a penultimate game.  In addition, while it's great for national television audiences, it's brutal for fans of the respective schools.  If you're talking about people having to travel to a semifinal game, then hop on another plane to fly to another destination the next week for the championship you're going to price out all but the largest donors.  Many families plan vacations around their respective team's bowl games....now they'll have to decide between going to a semifinal or holding out hope that their team wins and gets to the big game.  

Argument:  We need to decide the national champion on the field!

So you want an national champion who "earned" it.  I get that the championship is "decided on the field" but how often does the best team actually win in a playoff format?  Anyone really think that the Giants were the best team on the field in Super Bowl XLII?  No...the Patriots were the victim of one of the most unlikely catches ever.  Teams that weren't even good enough to win their division have won the world series five times in fifteen years.  Heck, the Packers had to win in the last week of the season last year to even make the playoffs!  The best team doesn't win a championship...the hottest team does.  If anything the 1 vs. 2 format pits the two teams most DESERVING of playing for a national championship against each other. 

But what about Oklahoma State?  Aren't they deserving?  You're right.  They probably deserved a shot.  But if you expand to 4 teams, what about #5?  If you put this model towards the 2011 season, that would mean Stanford gets into the playoff and Oregon gets short shrift.  How is that fair?  Oregon HAMMERED Stanford on their home field!!  Oregon won the Pac-12!!!  Again, you can't please everyone. 

Argument:  Ok fine Mr. Smarty Pants, what if we go to four SuperConferences and have the champs of each conference duke it out in a playoff?

Well Mr. Playoff, that'd solve the Oregon/Stanford problem, but let's use this season again for this analysis.  In no "SuperConference" world would it be possible for Alabama and LSU to not be in the same conference.  It simply wouldn't happen.  So, even if you went with four SuperConferences, you'd probably still have a Final Four that looked something like LSU v. Oregon (REMATCH!) in one semifinal and Oklahoma State v. Wisconsin in the other.....and nobody, not even Badgerland, thinks Wisconsin is one of the top four teams in the country. 

Argument:  FINE!  Then we expand the playoff to 8 teams, and allow for four "at large" berths!

Nice try....but #9 is still pissed and a legislator from whatever state #9 happens to play in is heading to congress with some plan to blow up the current system.  Another problem would be that teams that play in a conference championship game now could potentially be playing as many as 17 games in a season (13 regular season - assuming they play at Hawaii, conference championship, quarterfinal, semifinal, championship).  Good luck getting university presidents who still have to pretend that academics matter for these teams to agree to that.  Oh, you want to shorten the regular season?  Good luck getting cash strapped universities with no chance of playing in a national championship (think Arkansas State or Utah State) across the nation to willingly sacrifice home games so that Alabama can make a run at a national championship.  It's not going to happen unless you basically blow up the current FBS and cut it down to the 32 most successful and wealthy programs and leave the other 87 teams out in the cold.  Say goodbye to Boise State.  Sorry Houston, we know you had a great year, but we just don't need you anymore.  Robert Griffin III?  I think I know who he is.....didn't he play in that crappy second division? 

Look, the reason the NCAA tourney is so successful in basketball is because of the first two rounds....when some no name school from the Patriot League knocks off a Duke or a Kansas....it's something you can't replicate in football, or baseball, or really any other sport.  So why are we trying?  They say that sports is a reflection of society, and in this case it's true.....the rich are getting richer at the expense of the poor. 

If we go to a playoff format, it'll be only the 1% that get to play in the sandbox, and I'll never get the chance to see the Beavers play in a Rose Bowl, and that makes me sad. 



So you Want to be a Parent

First off, I love my kids.  They (along with my wife) are the best thing about my life.  I have never second guessed my decision to have kids. 

That being said, I totally get why people would not want to have kids.  There's no shame in not wanting kids.  In fact, the world would probably be better if more people actively avoided having children, and I applaud people who make this decision consciously.  This may sound insensitive, but there are very few things in the world more annoying than an under supervised child.  I've often said that the worst part about having children is other people's children.This is not the child's fault though.  No, the blame lies solely with the parent.  Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the worst part of parenting is other parents.

First, an example of the disinterested parent.  If you want to see disinterested parents, go to anything that involves children being supervised by a non parent.  I'll use Lil' Kickers.  We signed Jonah up for Lil' Kickers as a way for him to interact with other kids his age in a fun environment, and to also prep him for school by learning to follow instructions from people who aren't his parents.  Other people seem to view it as "paying $100 so that other people can manage their kids for a hour a week so I don't have to."  Jonah's soccer group has one such parent.  This dude brings his son in and makes some clearly disinterested statement like "OK, son, go have fun, run around, make friends......"  You know, basically a statement that implies that you ignorantly think your son is too young to understand that the tone of your voice is 50% of the message.  News flash....kids aren't dumb.  Literally, as soon as this kid gets onto the field, Dad pulls out his iPhone and STARTS WATCHING VIDEOS ON FACEBOOK OF SOMEONE ELSE'S KIDS.  I wish I were making this up.  Here his own son is playing soccer LIVE in front of his face, and he's got his nose buried in a 4.3" grainy display of someone else's kids decorating a Christmas tree.  He then proceeds to spend the next 50 minutes composing a song on his iPhone keyboard, rather loudly I might add.  My favorite is when he through a little jazz style "skibbity be bop" vocal in over the top and then spent ten minutes changing the speed of his vocals to match the music.  He kept looking at Rachel as if to say "pretty cool, eh?"  If he only knew he might've found the person who would be LEAST impressed with his technology and musical talents.

Honorable mention goes to the lady who thinks it's hilarious that her two kids don't listen to the coach at all and are constantly running off before the instructions for the drill/game are given, thereby slowing down the entire session so coach can corral the kids and start everyone on time. 

Our fun with other families continued with picture day at JC Penney in Salem.  If you want angry families, this is the place for you.  There's disgruntled teenagers in there for family portraits that are basically sweating hatred through their pores.  I couldn't figure out if they were angrier that they had to wear collared shirts or spend time with their parents on a weekend - we'll call it a tie.  There's single mothers who apparently are only getting photos because Grandma wants them....and thus are bitter that Grandma tagged along to provide her input on what shots should be used and how many photos to order because, after all, she's paying for the pictures.  And then there was this one kid, who I swear to you I never figured out who he belonged to.  He very well could've been left at the picture studio by parents who were nose deep in their iPhones posting flowery messages about how awesome picture day was in an attempt to (falsely) prove to people that they're good parents.  This kid decided that the game of Battleship that Jonah and I were playing on my iPod was worth seeing, because he literally got in between Jonah and I while we were passing the thing back and forth.  (Side note:  I realize the irony of me using an iPod in this story, but at least Jonah was playing with me.)  Jonah's reaction to this was awesome:  He didn't say a word, just stared at the kid (who I'd guess was about seven) with a "do you mind?" look on his face. 

More about JC Penney Pictures - What a nightmare.  It's basically a robbery minus the guns and ski masks.  You get a window of about 10 minutes to get pictures taken in which they snap maybe 20-25 pictures total.  In our case, we wanted some of the kids together and individually, so that means you get a total of about 7-8 shots of each to pick from.  In any batch of photos, you can usually throw out about 10-20% for closed eyes and/or not looking at the camera.  This doubles when you're talking about kids under the age of five.  Then, in our case, you get a photographer that looks like she can't wait to get home, get all glammed up then hit the town to make a bad decision or seventeen.  Of course she asks Jonah to take a few shots with his collar "popped" while looking at the aforementioned collar.  She proclaimed this to be her favorite pose.  Why on Earth would you want photos of the side of your kids face holding a popped collar?  "Merry Christmas Grandma, your grandson is well on his way to being a self absorbed douchey frat boy in 14 years." So now you are down to approximately 4 usable shots of each kid....hope you like them! 

unselect them from our order.  This whole process takes at least three times as long as the actual picture taking did....and I think that's intentional.  We've got a 4 year old who just wants to get home to play super heroes and 4 month old that's constantly counting down to the next hunger induced meltdown.  Chances are you're going to agree to something you're not fully on board with in the hopes of fending off a temper tantrum that will provoke "the look" from other parents.  You know the look - it implies you aren't a qualified parent because your kid got upset in public.  It's usually given by people that are annoyed they had to turn away from their iPhone to see who the shameful parent in question is.  In our case, the prolonged picture selecting process ultimately resulted in a win for JC Penney, as Rachel dropped her argument that nowhere on the coupon did it mention you couldn't use it on more than one package at a time, costing us around $20 extra dollars, all for about two usable shots of each child. 

So take note, future parents.  If you want the payoff of watching them take their first steps and becoming a person you're proud to say you're related to, you'd better be prepared to pay the price both emotionally and monetarily.  If not, use that money you were going to spend on diapers or college savings on a new flat screen and trip to Europe.  You'll get no disapproving looks from me.

Ice, Ice Andy

There are many documented stories of Duck fans behaving badly over the years.  Like this one. Or this one. Or this genius.  However, aside from the occasional college student yelling a homophobic slur at me from time to time, I've found most Duck fans to be rather civilized towards me personally.  Maybe this is because of my non-threatening, happy-go-lucky demeanor.  I don't look like a threat, therefore the Duck fans largely leave me alone.  Except for one particular group of Duck fans:  Elementary School Girls. 

Yep, they hate me.  Perhaps it says something about me that 8 year old females feel that they can harass me without fear of reprisal, but whatever.  In 1999, a friend and I made our way down to Autzen for the Civil War.  I don't remember much about that particular game, other than we lost, and Joel wore cowboy boots.  I also remember a little girl blocking our path on the way out of the stadium and saying "The Beavers Suck!" and then turning to her mom for an approval.  Joel, in perhaps the best heat of the moment comeback I've ever witnessed, says to the mom "lady, I don't know what's worse, the manners you've taught your daughter, or the fact you let her cheer for the Ducks."  The look of disgust from this lady was priceless.  I didn't know it at the time, but now that I have children of my own I can say without a doubt that having your parenting skills criticized is one of the most insulting things in the world.  Makes the memory even sweeter as time passes.

Saturday I had the pleasure of witnessing my 13th Civil War in the last 14 years, and the 7th one I've seen at Autzen Stadium.  We've only won one of those games, and yesterday was more of the same.  As we shuffled out of the stadium, I heard not one word from a Duck fan.  It was like we didn't even exist, which may actually be the most damning indication of Duck fans feelings towards us Beavers now that I think about it.

Anyways, we make it back to our tailgate and set up in some camping chairs for some people watching and drinking (Pepsi Max for me, of course.)  Again, Duck fans are paying us no attention.  Except of course for an 8 year old girl in a Kenjon Barner jersey and some Ugg boots, who was staring straight at us and popping her jersey in our general direction.  It took me a few moments to realize what was happening, and I think the confused look on my face emboldened our little antagonist.  She ran off joyfully "popping" at anyone wearing orange she saw. 

I wish this was the end of the Little Miss Popper story, but sadly, it is not.  A few minutes later as we stood around talking about the game and life in general, I see something pass through my field of vision from behind me and land on the ground a few feet away.  I wheel around to see where it came from, and all I see are the bottoms of some size 3 Ugg boots and a green #24 jersey running away from the scene, popping her jersey as she disappeared around the side of a motor home a few spots away from us.  I look back to see what this little hoodlum threw, and see a few large ice cubes sitting on the ground.  What kind of crazy 8 year old throws ice at group of adults?  Furthermore, why isn't there an adult around to admonish this pigtailed monster?  I wish I'd followed that little girl around until she found her parents so I could tell them what happened, because if my son or daughter ever did something like that you can bet your ass I'd want to know about it so I could make sure it never happened again, but I never seem to think of these things at the time they occur.  It's only much later that I seem to realize what the best course of action should have been.

So yeah, 8 year old female Duck fans hate me.

'Tis (Almost) the season

You know how people lose their minds when the McRib surfaces?  Or how nobody passes up a chance to get into the Nike Employee Store?  It's because these are things that are rare, that only happen on special occasions.  It's the reason Oregonians lose their minds over a half inch of snow while people in Wisconsin just roll their eyes and say "here we go again." 

It's like that with Christmas.  Devout Christians like to say "Keep Christ in Christmas." (Side Note:  I absolutely love that the first wall post on that facebook page is a link to "the world leader in edged weaponry."  Nothing says Christmas like a Hapkido Dagger with 2 Hidden Kunai Throwing Knives.) I like to say "Keep Christmas in December....or at least after Thanksgiving."  I also found it interesting that a majority of the search results for "Keep Christ in Christmas" were for websites selling merchandise emblazoned with the slogan.  Isn't that in direct opposition with the meaning behind your slogan?

Is any holiday more overlooked than Thanksgiving?  If Christmas is the Super Bowl, Thanksgiving is Howie, Terry, Jimmy and JB sitting around for three hours prior to kick-off talking about how awesome Christmas is going to be (I think my analogy got confused, but just go with it.)  Everyone knows about "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" and "A Charlie Brown Christmas," but until I went online today, I had no clue that there was "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" - In fact it wasn't even released until a full 8 years after the other two holiday specials.  It's almost as if they said "well I suppose we HAVE to do a Thanksgiving special, right?"  I'm assuming I have no recollection of the Thanksgiving special because it was hastily thrown together and probably sucks because nobody cares about Thanksgiving.

I just don't understand why we have to rush Christmas.  Over the past week, my facebook news feed has been littered with people posting about listening to Christmas music stations on Pandora or other Internet radio feeds.  This is just insane to me.  I love Christmas music, but let's be real here...there's only about 20 different Christmas songs - they're just sung 20,000 different ways each.  How many different versions of O Holy Night are you prepared to listen to?  I'll save you some time....Celine Dion's version is really the only one you need. 

Second most common facebook post right now is some version of "OMG! Starbucks red cups are back!  Yaaaaaayyyy!"  This might be more ridiculous than the McRib Panic......at least you get to eat a McRib.  The cup just holds the same coffee you always get, although I like the Seattle PI's take on the whole red cup thing. 

ABC Family does their "25 Days of Christmas" programming every year that usually features 8 different movies about some supermodel/actress playing Santa's daughter and having to save Christmas by finding a man.  This year, they're doing a "Countdown to the 25 Days of Christmas" in the week leading up to the "25 Days of Christmas."  So we're clear here, they're having a countdown to their countdown.

We're going to get burnt out people.  Savor the season.  I like Christmas because it is so fleeting.  I eat a sausage and egg casserole for breakfast on Christmas morning that quite possibly might be my favorite food in the whole world, but I only eat it on December 25th.   Why?  BECAUSE IT'S SPECIAL, DAMMIT!!  All those candies and cookies are sacred!  You don't make those in November!  November is for pie.  The day we cut down a tree is one of my favorite days of the year....but you don't do it before Thanksgiving (or even right after) because your tree will die.  Unless of course you have a fake tree.  Fake trees are another blog post altogether, but we'll just summarize by saying that unless you live in Texas or Hawaii or some other place where there are no evergreens and it'd cost you a fortune to have a real one, fake trees are unacceptable.

I realize the precariousness of the stance I'm taking here.  I'm admonishing over-celebrating Christmas while simultaneously championing the season.  I think I'm so adamant on this because it's one of the very few aspects of my life where I am able to exert some measure of self-restraint on myself (my bank account and my waistline are nodding grimly right now.).  Being able to wait for Christmas reminds me that I still possess one of the few qualities that separates man from beast.  So right now, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving and eating some turkey with my family on the 24th.  THEN, and only then, will I start thinking about ZooLights and a candy that we like to call "Knock Out Drops" in our family.  I'd link to the recipe, but a google search of Knock Out Drops results in links to making homemade date rape drugs....and that is definitely not in the Christmas Spirit.

The downside of never leaving college

My job comes with some sweet perks.  Aside from the ridiculous 17% that my employer contributes towards my retirement, They also provide $20 a month to anyone who wants to join a fitness club.  Lucky for us, we work on a campus that has a pretty sweet ass recreation center that charges $23 a month for employees or affiliates of OSU.  So, yeah, I took advantage of that and got myself a membership to Dixon. 

Ten years ago, I used to play basketball for a couple hours a day at Dixon, and while I wasn't even close to the best player out there, I could hold my own and had a reputation as a "sneaky good" chubby guy who could take advantage of people with better physiques who thought I'd start wheezing and collapse after a few times up and down the court.

Now I am that wheezy collapsing dude.  I'm the opposite of a Twinkie -  I've got about a twenty minute shelf life before I expire. 

So how do I fix it?  Well, by supplementing my court time with some cardio of course!  Dixon has an excellent cardio room, but I have to remember to put my dignity in my gym bag with my towel. 

The cardio room consists of largely two groups of people:  college girls in spandex and slightly doughy male faculty and staff of the university in their 30's and 40's who have bad knees and need low impact exercise.  I'll let you take a stab at which category I fall into.  Where are all the college guys, you ask?  Well, they're on the basketball court, of course!  (Or in the weight room, but as I have never had the desire to ever set foot in a weight room, I just pretend like they don't exist.)  I arrived at Oregon State in the fall of 1997, and I've never left.  My mind still thinks I'm a basketball player, but my body very clearly indicates that I am in fact a doughy ellipticaller.  And while you might be thinking "Yeah, but if you keep going every day, eventually you'll be a basketball player again,"  you're wrong.  I've been down this path before.  Every two years or so, I say "that's it....I'm changing my lifestyle.  I'm dedicating myself to getting healthy." Never happens.  Turns out that internal motivation is a recessive allelle.....I'm the mm in the Punnett Square of the Motivational trait.

OSU needs to be (just a little) more like UO

I'm still having trouble writing that, but it's true.  Just look at these two promotional ads for the universities:

Pretty boring, and just a little cheesy.  Hey, come to OSU, you can go to a farmers market and ride your vintage bike with a ridiculous wicker basket attached to the front!

Nice right?  It's clean, crisp, and shows a much more dynamic university.

Oregon State has gotten way too concerned with what UO is doing .  We've heard the whole "big brother, little brother" mumbo jumbo so much that we're starting to buy into it ourselves.  "We're not the little brother, we'll show them!  We'll be completely different!" 

In fact, we've almost become what we used to make fun of Oregon for being.  Are you more likely to find a guy with dreadlocks riding a bike in Birkenstocks to the farmer's market to play hacky sack with his friends in Corvallis or Eugene?  At this point, you'd have to say it's a 50/50 thing at best, right?  It's starting to drive me nuts.  Is Oregon really that bad?  Maybe, but that doesn't mean they're always wrong.  As a university, they've established themselves as a place for energetic people who want to lead and do great things.  OSU has established themselves as a place to quietly go about your business and not get recognized.  It's ridiculous.  Have a little pride Beavers!  Beat your chest every once in a while and let everyone know that you're here.  





Lasselle Family Vacation, Part 3 - Go West, Young Fam!

Day 1 - Richland Center, WI to Lincoln, NE - 491 miles - Let's See if You Can Hit my Curveball

We hit the road and headed straight for Dyersville, Iowa to see the Field of Dreams Movie Site.  We'd been there once before, but we went in May when there was no corn growing, which really took away from the atmosphere.  I really can't explain it, but just stepping onto that field I felt an overwhelming sense of joy.  It really felt good to run around the bases with Jonah and play catch with him along the first base line.  There were a few other groups of people there, and one of them had a wood bat and a few balls.  We stood in the outfield and shagged balls for them for a while, and then they offered me a chance to hit.  After a few mammoth pop flies to first base, I mentioned that it would be pretty neat to hit one into the corn.  The guy pitching commented that he once got one in on one bounce, but that was as close as he'd ever come.  I wondered how often he'd come to play there.  On the next pitch, I got a good piece of it and put it about fifteen feet back in the corn in right field.  It was kind of satisfying, but that was quickly erased when I realized I'd just deposited a ball that belonged to someone else into a giant cornfield.  Jonah and I walked through the corn for about 10 minutes before someone else came out and found the ball.  The guy that had thrown the pitch then gave me the ball and said "here's a souvenir for you."  It was a nice gesture, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to put the ball in the trophy case I don't have or on a shelf in the bedroom.  It's a pretty neat place where they just allow anyone to come onto the field and play around, and I'd encourage anyone road tripping through Iowa to check it out. 

The rest of the trip involved cornfield after cornfield.  We hit Omaha right around 5pm, and got stuck in some midwest rush hour traffic.  We briefly contemplated stopping at the Omaha Zoo, but Rachel wasn't feeling that well thanks to a blocked milk duct (yet another thing that makes me glad I'm not a woman) and we just pressed on to Lincoln so Jonah could go swimming in the pool at the hotel. 

Day 2 - Lincoln, NE to Casper, WY - 572 Miles - Moving the Wagon Down the (Oregon) Trail

This was perhaps the most uneventful day of our entire journey.  It was straight driving through the heartland.  I took us on a minor detour to see Chimney Rock, as I am a sucker for anything minutely historic.  Growing up playing the Oregon Trail game, I knew that this Rock was a big landmark on the trail.  Unfortunately, the rest of my family is not as into historical landmarks as I am, and I got a few eye rolls from Rachel and a couple "I just want to keep going to the hotel to go swimming!" from Jonah.  Jonah, remembering his bee-sting episode from our last historical stop at Little Bighorn, wanted to know if there were any bees at Chimney Rock.  I made a sarcastic comment that I hoped he got stung, which made him start crying.  Lesson learned - three year olds can't process sarcasm.  Rachel placated me by taking a few pictures of Jonah and me at the rock, and then we moved on.  We pulled into Casper hungry for pizza.  We tried ordering online from Domino's on my iPod Touch, but that quickly turned into a near disaster.  I tried to order a hand tossed Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza to be delivered to our hotel, but when the confirmation came at the end, it had the delivery address as the address of the Domino's - essentially saying we were going to carry it out.  I called the Domino's to correct this and found out that the pineapple had been changed to chicken.  We got the pizza sorted out, and then the delivery guy showed up with a stuffed crust pizza.  He apologized, but said "Our cook is new and still learning, but hey, it's a nice surprise for you, right?"  I'm not sure that the newness of the cook had anything to do with him accidentally baking a ring of mozzarella into our crust - rather I think that had to do with him being a moron.  And anyone who tells you that stuffed crust is a nice surprise still thinks it's 1994.  It's just not that good. 

Day 3 - Casper, WY to Red Lodge, MT - 525 Miles - I Will Drive No More Forever

Wednesday was the day of travel I'd looked forward to since we planned the trip - Yellowstone!  We hit the road early, leaving our hotel around 6 am.  We drove through Grand Teton National Park, but had a rough view of the mountains thanks to an overcast sky.  We didn't see any wildlife either, although some guy with binoculars told us there was a bald eagle in a tree on the other side of the lake.  We snapped the obligatory "We paid $25 to drive through this park so we're going to take a few pictures of cloud covered mountains, damnit!" shots and then moved into Yellowstone.  I hadn't been to Yellowstone since I was a teenager, so I was pretty excited.  The first thing I learned is that you should never go in the South Entrance.  It's just basically a forest.  You can get almost the same experience driving highway 20 to Newport.  Until you hit Yellowstone lake, there's really not much to write home about.  Rachel, riding in the back with the kids, dryly remarked "so this is Yellowstone, huh?"  Her first trip to the park was not going as she envisioned.  The scenery changed about the time we hit Yellowstone Lake, and we veered West to see Old Faithful. 

Old Faithful is a lot like Mount Rushmore in that you need to see it based on reputation only.  There's not a whole lot you can do other than take a picture and move on.  Unfortunately, unless you time your visit right, you have to wait a while to snap that picture at Old Faithful, and on this day that meant sitting through intermittent rain showers.  The other bummer is that another geyser a couple hundred yards away was erupting with great gusto, but you can't get nearly as close to that one...so we waited with a lady from the south who kept saying that she didn't remember Old Faithful "teasing" the crowd as much on her last trip.  This was a full fifteen minutes before its scheduled eruption, mind you.  Right on time, Old Faithful did its thing, and Jonah said what any three year old would say after hearing about Old Faithful from his dad for about seven straight hours prior to viewing it:  "That's it?"  Yep son, that's it. 

We got back in the car and kept cruising through the park.  Finally, we spied our first buffalo.  Now the family was starting to get excited.  Rachel hopped out of the car to snap a picture of a buffalo grazing in a field, though she didn't get as close as she wanted to for the shot.  "I didn't want to be the girl with the camera who got gored that everyone reads about in the papers."  Jonah thought the buffalo were cool, but he was more interested in seeing a moose.  There were herds of buffalo everywhere, and it seemed like every corner we went around we'd see a line of cars backed up as people tried to get the perfect shot of them.  Jonah was starting to get tired of seeing buffalo, and groaned every time we saw another herd.  I really don't remember there being this many buffalo the last time I visited the park, and I wonder if that had to do with the time of year I was there (early summer as opposed to mid September) or if conservation efforts were leading to a population increase.  In either event, it was pretty neat to witness these giant animals roaming free.  One was walking on the road right next to our car, and hearing the clapping of his hooves on the pavement was a pretty surreal experience. 

Upon leaving the park, I noticed a sign that said Construction Ahead - Highway 212 closed 8pm -6 am.  It was only 6:30, so I thought we were golden.  We made it to the summit of the pass around 7:15, where we encountered a flagger.  She informed us that the road was already closed, and we'd be lucky to get through.  She suggested we drive back and take the Chief Joseph Scenic Highway, which would only add about half an hour to our trip - a half hour we'd probably have spent waiting for them to let us through on the road anyways.  We took her advice and almost instantly regretted it.  I'm sure the highway is scenic, but I couldn't tell you.  It was pitch black and foggy.  I could barely see ten feet in front of the car.  The website linked to above mentions "world class opportunities for wildlife viewing."  If near heart attacks from deer, rabbits and foxes darting in front of your car as you drive white knuckled down a mountain road in zero visibility is your thing, then by all means take this road.  It was insane - it had so many switchbacks and 15 MPH turns that it easily added an hour - if not more - to our trip.  We finally pulled into our hotel in Red Lodge, MT at 10 pm....16 hours after we'd left Casper.  The kids were amazing on the trip, and thankfully Jonah slept for the last few hours. 

Day 4 - Red Lodge, MT to Coeur d'Alene, ID - 515 Miles - Jonah Reunites with Future Fiancee

As we planned our trip, we noticed we'd have another chance to visit our friends the Coxes in Idaho.  We set up a play date for Jonah and Lizzy to go swimming at our hotel and grab some food.  Our trip started out alright, but somewhere between Roscoe and Absarokee, MT Jonah starts to complain that his mouth hurts.  As Rachel questions him on this, he starts to projectile vomit all over the backseat.  We pulled off at a historical marker sign and spent half an hour cleaning puke out of the car.  Jonah kept apologizing, saying he was so sorry.  We finally figured he'd drank too much milk at breakfast (which would account for the amount of vomit) and had gotten carsick from the less than straight road that his Highway 78.  Rachel and I both said a little prayer, thankful that Jonah had slept through Chief Joseph's Scenic Highway the night before.  The rest of the trip was smooth sailing, and we pulled into Coeur d'Alene just before 4 pm.  The Coxes came over shortly thereafter, and we went down to the pool to take a swim.  Unfortunately, the Comfort Inn seemingly dumped extra ice from the ice machine in the hallway into the pool, because it was insanely cold.  We swam for maybe five minutes before violating rule one of the pool area and allowing children under six to use the hot tub.  Not wanting to cut the kids playtime short, we moved the party to the Carl's Jr. down the street, which had a playland.  Jonah and Lizzy had a great time playing, and two hours later, they were still not ready to say goodbye.  We finally were able to get them out of there by promising ice cream at the Dairy Queen two blocks down.  Another minor battle ensued to get Jonah to leave DQ, but I was able to tempt him by promising he could play Angry Birds on my iPod on the way back to the hotel.  Angry Birds is turning out to be a pretty quality download!

Day 5 - Couer d'Alene, ID to Albany, OR - 449 Miles - Home at Last!

Let me just say that five days straight of car travelling is one too many.  We were all ready to be home, and nobody was looking forward to the last leg of our journey.  Not a whole lot happened.  We tried to stop at the fruit stand in Eltopia that we visited on the way out, but it didn't open until 10 am and we passed it at 9:30.  Either the GPS was screwed up or I took a wrong turn, because we ended up taking highway 14 on the Washington side of the Columbia instead of the quicker I-84 in Oregon.  No harm was done, and it was interesting to see the Gorge from a different viewpoint.  Also, did you know Washington had a replica of Stonehenge?  Oddly enough, it's apparently a WWI memorial.  We didn't stop, but you can see it from the road as you drive along 14. 

So we made it!  It was a fantastic trip with only a bee sting, a soul crushing loss by the Beavers, a brutal road construction detour, and one bout of carsickness detracting from the experience...and really, sometimes those negative things are the things that end up being the fondest memories, so I'd have to say the trip was as close to perfect as you could ever get for a road trip with two kids under the age of 4! 

Lasselle Family Vacation, Part 2 - America's Dairyland

Wisconsin!!  It truly has become my home away from home.  During the fall, it's really difficult to tell the difference between Oregon and Wisconsin.  The weather was dang near perfect the entire time we were there.  We didn't do much the first day, just laid around recuperating from the trip out there.  Jonah went to the fire station with "Papa Badger" (his name for Rachel's dad), in which he had to sit behind the wheel of every single vehicle.  I think there are 18 or so.  The next day was the hottest day we had out there, about 98 degrees.  We made our mind up early to find some sort of pool or water park to go to.  Wisconsin Dells is a city about an hour away from Richland Center, and I think it can best be described as the Vegas of Wisconsin, if water parks were casinos and it was for families rather than single people and gambling addicts.  The whole town is water parks and other attractions.  Unfortunately, our kids can't swim, which makes the idea of paying somewhere around $100 to splash around in a wading pool.  So we looked at other options.  We finally decided on a hotel about an hour in the opposite direction in Prairie du Chien.  The Country Inn and Suites had a water park that you could use for $7 a person, plus it was called "Bearfoot Bay."  The hotel is built a ways out of town, and seems to be built for the sole purpose of housing people who are visiting the local Cabela's, which is right next door.  It turned out to be great for our family, as Jonah loved splashing around in the wading pool which had all sorts of fun water features, and we got to practice his swimming in the deeper pool.  Despite the sweltering heat outside, nobody else was using the water park, so we had the place to ourselves for a few hours.  After we left, we drove next door to the Cabela's to check it out.  I'd never been in a Cabela's, and I don't plan on heading into another one.  Aside from the display of stuffed animals of North America, it basically seemed like a fancy GI Joe's.  I will say this though - they did sell some mighty tasty gummi orange wedges in there.  We left Cabela's and drove about an hour (there's something about Wisconsin in that everything seems to be about an hour from everything else) to Rural Route 1 Popcorn in Montfort.  This place sells some crazy popcorn flavors - I enjoyed some warm and spicy Cajun seasoned popcorn.  Jonah ended up picking out some Packer popcorn (green and yellow, flavored like green apple and pineapple), while Rachel got some Brewer popcorn (Blueberry, Caramel, and Vanilla) and some Chocolate. The night concluded with us watching the Badgers lay waste to UNLV and give me a taste of what the Beavs were in for the next weekend. 

The next days included roller skating at the local skate rink, trips to the apple orchard for some amazing apple cinnamon donuts, and just hanging around the house.  We stumbled across the show American Ninja Warrior, and Jonah had us set up a ninja training course for him in the yard.  It was pretty entertaining to watch. 

We also got Jocelyn baptized at a church in Cross Plains (you guessed it, about an hour away).  Rachel's mother's cousin is a priest and agreed to do the baptism, despite the fact that it was his birthday.  The ceremony was short and sweet, and then we all to the rectory for a barbecue.  We had some beef and chicken kabobs and spent a few hours visiting with Rachel's extended family.  The highlight might've been the conversation that revolved around a 3 foot likeness of Pope John Paul II, who resides at the top of the stairs in the rectory and basically is a Catholic Chucky doll.  The thing is seriously creepy and I could feel it judging all of my past sins.  No way I'm getting into heaven now that Pope Chucky has seen directly into my soul.

Labor Day revolved around an early birthday party for Jonah that could be attended by all of his Wisconsin family.  It was also a way to make Jonah feel special since so much attention was directed towards his new baby sister.  Jonah's favorite toy is an Optimus Prime toy that says things like "Decepticons incoming!" and makes a maniacal laughing noise when you rev his buzzsaw type weapon.  I'd say it's creepy, but that would do a serious disservice to the Pope doll.

The rest of the week included some day trips.  The first was to a local produce stand that also moonlights as a petting zoo and mini golf course.  Jonah got a kick out of feeding the potbelly pigs and pygmy goats. We also went to the county fair, where Jonah and I marveled at one of the most perfect looking roosters ever created.  

If this rooster didn't win first prize, I don't know what the heck judges look for, because that is a text book rooster in my opinion.  It's great having the fair in town, but for some reason they didn't open the rides until later in the day, so Jonah didn't get to do the Ferris wheel, which really bummed him out. 

Thursday brought my dad and his friends Jerry and Ralph into town.  They had flown in to Chicago on Wednesday to take in the Cubs game before heading to Wisconsin for a few days before the football game.  Jonah had a difficult time comprehending having both is grandpa's in the same house.  He kept saying "Grandpa Dale is coming?  But he lives in Oregon!!"  Dad and his friends were staying that the Park View Motel.  It's aptly named, as it is directly across the street from a park.  Jerry and Ralph just ripped on Dad mercilessly for picking this dive.  Dad kept trying to justify it by saying "But it's a little piece of Americana!" which got him absolutely nowhere, given the fact that the guy that checked them in was a dead ringer for "Peggy" from the Discover commercials. 

Then came gameday. 

Moving on.......

Actually, aside from the score, the day was awesome.  There were 16 of us that went to the game, including Grant and my friend Dave from college, who flew in from Austin, TX.  Dave was up to his typical Dave antics, falling asleep for a few minutes in the second quarter and then disappearing in the second half to wander the stadium.  I kept getting text messages from him saying he was lost and looking for an "alumni center to get a beer."  After the shellacking the Badgers laid on the Beavs, we headed down to the UW Memorial Union Terrace for some more beer and hanging out.  Seriously, I can't think of a better place to hang out after a game - it's just filled with people eating brats and drinking beer.  There was a live band doing a cover of a Blackstreet song, and we could watch the sailboats out on the water.  Dave made sure to comment to Jonah's 14 year old cousin Brett that "if he played his cards right, he could look like this someday" as he patted his belly.  Little by little, people started to head home from our group, until it was just Dave, Grant and I left.  We hung out for a few more hours, chatting with some other friends from college who made the trip.  Then we headed to State Street Brats to conclude our evening.  Dave and Grant challenged each other to drink a "boot." which was about 2 Liters of beer in a plastic boot.  Given that the game kicked off at 11 am and they'd both been drinking fairly steadily for about 10 hours prior to this, I wasn't optimistic about the rest of the night.  Dave tapped out early, then had to find half empty glasses of beer on other tables to dump out his boot and save himself the embarrassment of returning a 3/4 full boot to get his deposit back.  Grant fared much better, but also had to waive the white flag before finishing.  The Badger fans were very gracious to us Beavers, with everyone thanking us for making the journey and asking us if we were being treated well on our trip.  We made it back to the hotel around 11, and Grant promptly propositioned the front desk girl to order us a pizza.  "Justine, Justine!  If I give you $5, will you order this pizza for us?"  She declined, and I ended up making the call.  We ordered from a place called the Glass Nickel Pizza Company.  We ordered a bacon cheeseburger pizza and a chicken cordon bleu pizza, and both were fantastic.  I think Wisconsin is underrated in the pizza game.  The cheese makes it fantastic.  You can keep your Chicago or New York style pizzas....give me a Wisconsin pizza any day.  Keeping up with the good food theme, we ate breakfast at Mickie's Dairy Bar the next morning, before dropping Grant and Dave off at the airport and returning to Richland Center to prepare for our trip home. 

Lasselle Family Vacation, Part I - The Journey to Wisconsin

Welcome to the official blog of the 2011 Lasselle Road Trip, brought to you by the all new Dodge Journey.  I've finally got a few minutes to put fingers to keyboard and document our adventure.  I've decided to break down the trip into three parts:  Oregon to Wisconsin, the stay in Wisconsin, and the trip back.  This will be part one.  While the idea is to do this so that Jonah (and I guess Jocelyn) can read this years from now and remember our first big road trip as a family, I hope anyone else who stumbles across this blog enjoys reading about it, and is maybe encouraged to take a road trip themselves, because we've had an amazing time so far.

Day 1 - Albany to Couer d'Alene - 452 Miles - The Journey Begins

Jonah woke up this morning and immediately started jumping up and down saying "today's the day!"  He was extremely excited, to say the least.  We had breakfast, loaded up the car, and hit the road.....to soccer practice.  Before we could officially get on the road, we had to attend Jonah's last session of Lil' Kickers.  This was strategic - we wanted him to be a little tired before we got on the road.  Soccer went well, we even exchanged numbers with the parents of another kid in the class.  The possibility of making new "couple friends" seemed to be a good omen for our trip.  Couple friends are extremely hard to find, but that's for another blog, and I don't want to jinx it anyways. Jonah was pretty distracted throughout the session, continually coming over and saying "I just want to go to Wisconsin." We made it through somehow, and the trip kicked off in earnest.

Jonah immediately wanted to pop in a DVD.  Watching movies in the car is still pretty new to him, as we only let him watch on trips of an hour or more.  He selected his newest movie, "Tom and Jerry and the Wizard of Oz."  It's only 45 minutes long, so we were on to movie #2, Enchanted, before we hit Portland.  Unfortunately, Jonah has learned how to skip ahead in his movies to watch his favorite parts, which cut out about half an hour of Enchanted.  We only brought 10 movies for the trip, and Rachel and I nervously commented that we'd burn through all of them on the first day at this pace. 

After a quick stop in The Dalles for sandwiches from the cooler, feeding Jocie, and gas, we were ready to cross our first state border.  So far, so good on the trip.  Jonah had taken to playing "I Spy" with Rachel while I drove.  His new favorite thing to say is "I spy something beautiful," with the answer always being his baby sister. The kid is so proud of his sister it's ridiculous.  We hit Kennewick, and briefly thought about feeding Jocelyn, but she was still sleeping so we decided to push it.  Not more than 20 minutes later, she was screaming, and we had to pull off at a roadside produce stand in Eltopia.  We felt a little bad about pulling into their parking lot and then not buying anything, so we decided to browse the foods there.  They were super nice, and Jonah took full advantage of their free samples of blueberries.  We finally settled on some blueberries and a cantaloupe.  Of course, about this time, a lady in her late 60's pulled in and the lady working the stand remarked to her that we were "driving all the way to Wisconsin with two young children!"  The elderly lady looked at us and said "I'm driving to Wisconsin too, race ya!"  She went on to tell us that she lived in Wisconsin for fifty years, along with a brief history of every other place she'd lived.  Seeing people from Wisconsin along the way would become a theme, but at the Eltopia fruit stand was probably the most unlikely.

Back on the road for the final leg of our first day, Jonah got his hands on the GPS.  Every so often, I'd hear the GPS say "recalculating" in its female voice with the British accent.  I'm not sure why, but I feel more comfortable taking directions from a Garmin with an accent from across the pond.  It probably makes no sense, because an English person is probably less likely to know what the best route to Couer d'Alene is than someone from America, but whatever.  Jonah's button mashing on the thing had redirected us to the local police station, which he found hilarious.  He kept saying he was taking us to jail. 

About half an hour from our destination, Jocelyn got hungry again.  Not wanting to stop, Rachel, who was sitting in the backseat with the kids, experimented with "mobile nursing," just dropping a boob in Jocie's face while buckled in.  It was uncomfortable, but effective as Jocie got enough milk to keep her content for the rest of the trip.  Rachel remarked that she didn't understand why God didn't put nipples on our fingers, as it would make the whole nursing thing a heck of a lot easier, earning herself the quote of the trip award.

We made it to our first stop, our friends Josh and Jen's house, around 7:30 ish.  Jen had been Jonah's daycare provider when he was first born, and their daughter Elizabeth was Jonah's first "best friend."  They also have a son (Kolby) a few months older than Jocelyn.  Jonah and Lizzy started playing like they'd never been apart, running around the house and playing out in the backyard while we got caught up.  Lizzy was very excited to have a "sleep over" in the living room with Jonah that night, and took extra care to lay out the blankets and pillows perfectly when it was time for bed.  Jonah wanted to have a "three person nap over" as he called it, including me because he's a little scared of the dark still.  Rachel and Jen agreed to stay out there til the kids fell asleep, which ended up taking longer than expected.  Lizzy had brought her baby doll to the sleep over, and kept explaining to Jonah that in the middle of the night he'd have to change her babies diaper, because that was the daddy's job. 

Day 2 - Couer d'Alene to Bozeman - 366 Miles - Watch out for Buffalo!

Day two started with some more play time for the kids.  After breakfast and showers, we took the kids down to Lake Coeur d'Alene for some splashing around in the lake.  Again, the idea was to break up the driving and also to tire Jonah out before we hit the road in earnest.  Of course, as we parked at the lake, there was a guy in a "Wisconsin Basketball" t-shirt that we chatted up.  He had just moved to Idaho a few months ago, but was nowhere near as friendly as the little old lady at the fruit stand.  The kids had a blast playing around in the lake, and Rachel and Jen hatched a plan to marry off our kids, even posing the kids for some shots for their "wedding slide show:"

After a full morning of playing at the lake, we hit Red Robin (Yum!) for some lunch, and then it was time to say goodbye.  Jonah's not very good at goodbyes and wanted Lizzy to come with us.  We left Coeur d'Alene around 2 pm and headed for Bozeman on our shortest driving day of the trip.  Jonah immediately fell asleep.  Jonah had made some comment in the weeks leading up to the trip that when we got to Montana he was going to "meet some girls."  Where that came from, I have no clue.  I can tell you that we definitely did not meet any girls in Montana, but the front of our car definitely met some bugs.  It got hard to see there were so many hitting the windshield.  Montana has plenty of bugs and plenty of road construction - at one point, the highway was cut down to one lane for 18 straight miles and as far as I could tell they were only presently doing construction on one bridge that was shorter than a football field.  Not cool, Montana.  Because it was only one lane, the speed limit was cut from 75 to 55, which was a huge bummer.  When we get back to Oregon, it's going to take some getting used to the speed limits again....driving 80 sure makes the miles pass quickly.  We got our first lightning sighting, which was exciting for Jonah even though he missed the actual strike.  I promised him we'd see more on the trip.  After a stop for gas, I let Rachel drive for the first time on the trip.  She was happy to chip in on the driving, but grumbled about how "of course I let her drive at night over the continental divide where there could be a buffalo in the middle of the road."  Point taken.  We pulled into our hotel for the night around 8:30 and promptly went to the pool for a few minutes so Jonah could swim.  This was probably the smallest hotel swimming pool you've ever seen, and also the warmest.  The Rodeway Inn was no Four Seasons, I'll tell you that much.  Heck, it was no Holiday Inn Express, but at least it had WiFi.  Why the cheap hotels offer free internet, but the expensive ones don't is beyond me.  I just booked a room at the Waldorf Astoria in New York for my boss at work last week for $559/night.  WiFi is available, for a fee.  for $559 a night you should get a complimentary laptop or iPad for your stay!  As we went to bed, Rachel and I remarked at how great the kids had been doing, and that this trip was going so much smoother than we expected.  Famous last words.

Day 3 - Bozeman to Hill City - 503 miles - Jonah's Last Stand

The day got off to an auspicious start when Jonah rolled out of bed and got wedged between the bed frame and the wall at 3 am.  I pried him loose and he fell back to sleep immediately, seemingly no worse for the wear.  We woke up early to get some of the Rodeway Inn's continental breakfast before getting back on the road.  Their breakfast consisted of a few different types of cereal, bread, and grape jelly.  That was about it.  Also, the Bozeman Rodeway appeared to be the official motel of Korean-Americans, as we were the only non Asian people in the hotel.  As we drove off, we saw a few giant tour buses outside, which explained things a little better. 

I wanted to make a quick detour to the Battle of Little Bighorn National Monument and see where this famous battle had taken place.  I knew going into this that I would be the only person in the family interested in seeing this, but I hoped that at least Jonah would like seeing some mannequins of soldiers with guns.  We pulled in, and immediately Jonah gets stung by a bee on his thumb.  You've never seen a kid so confused and afraid.  He's sobbing and panicking at every single insect he sees.  He kept saying "why did you decide to come here daddy?"  Good question, son.  I felt bad, but this is what usually happens when I try to plan something.  When Rachel plans it, everything goes off without a hitch.  When I plan something, chaos ensues.  We stayed long enough for Rachel to feed Jocelyn and for me to take three pictures of Custer's death site and then we were back on the road, $10 well spent.  Jonah had his thumb up like a hitchhiker for the rest of the day. 

Our bad luck continued as we made our way through the northeast corner of Wyoming and into South Dakota.  We planned on quick tours of the towns of Deadwood and Sturgis, but Jocie cried all the way through Deadwood, and Jonah slept through Sturgis, so those we never even go out of the car. 

Our luck started to change when we hit Rapid City around 4:30 in the afternoon.  We stopped at Dinosaur Park, which is probably one of the hokiest roadside attractions I've ever seen.  Jonah loved it though, and we had to get pictures with every single dinosaur.  We tried to have a lady take our picture, but we learned that when you have an SLR camera, you have to be selective of who you choose to take your picture:

Sorry Jocie, I guess you don't get to be in this family photo

Jonah also got some gummi dinosaurs as a snack, which fired him right up.  He forgot all about his bee sting and was talking a mile a minute as we got back in the car for an early evening trip to Mount Rushmore, or "Mountain Rush" as Jonah kept calling it.  Mount Rushmore, was pretty impressive, and had the kids been older and we had more time, I would've loved to have hiked around a bit and got a little closer to marvel at the level of detail that went into this project.  I can't help but feel like after they did Washington's face, they thought it was too much work and kind of skimped on the other three.  Lincoln's cheek basically blends into the mountain. Of course, the car parked next to us had Wisconsin plates.  As we took pictures, a lady offered to take a picture of the four of us, that turned out only mildly better than the failed Dinosaur Park family portrait:

It was now around 6:30, and we'd been on the road for about 10 hours.  Tired and hungry, we made our way to our hotel in Hill City.  Hill City is a tiny town that I think exists solely to house Mount Rushmore tourists.  We grabbed food at the only eating place we could find in the town - Dairy Queen - and pulled into the Comfort Inn for the night.  Again, the car we parked next to had Wisconsin plates.  Jonah got to go swimming again, in a much larger, colder pool than the night before.  The gummi dino's from a few hours earlier had still not worn off, as Jonah's "swimming" turned into him showing me how every superhero he could think of would jump into a pool.  It was quite entertaining for the one old guy hanging out in the hot tub.  We all slept well that night as we prepared for our longest leg of the trip the next day.

Day 4 - Hill City to Richland Center - 733 Miles - Finally!

Our plan to gradually increase the length of the driving each day had paid off thus far, but with a twelve hour drive ahead of us with no planned stops, we knew it was going to be a trying day.  Things got off to a good start as we had the car packed and gassed up before 6:30.  The Hill City Comfort Inn had one of the best continental breakfast I've ever had, with waffles, biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs that didn't suck, sausage and fresh fruit.  I made sure to tell them as we checked out that they were doing things right with that breakfast.  We were on the road by 7, and predicted that we'd show up at Rachel's parents house at 8:30 that evening. 

Our trip started off a bit rough, when our GPS decided to take us the most convoluted way ever back to I-90 in Rapid City.  We ended up on a street that was little more than an alley, and ended at a daycare facility on a cul de sac.  It took us nearly an hour just to get back to the highway.  Fortunately, traffic was light and the road construction was minimal, and we were able to make up some serious time on I-90.  Jonah watched a few movies, kept asking when we'd be there, and disagreed with the suggestion we stop for food because it would delay our arrival at Grandma and Papa's.  We broke out a few things we'd been holding back to entertain him, including a Scooby Doo Sticker Treasury and his Leapster Explorer, which had a cool photo scavenger hunt he could do where he took pictures of something that started with every letter of the alphabet.  Rachel offered to drive the last leg, but as it had started raining and was getting dark, I felt bad making her drive in the most difficult conditions again.  A quick stop at Culver's for dinner while Jonah slept in the car, and we pulled into Rachel's parents house at 8:35, five minutes after our predicted arrival.  In total, we logged 2,068 miles on the way out there, averaging 23.1 MPG - pretty good for our seven passenger Journey.  The car was in serious need of a wash, but the inside had stayed pretty darn clean.  Rachel and I high fived on our successful mission accomplished.

The we realized we still had to drive back next weekend.

To be continued.......



He came to dance dance dance........

Yesterday, Jonah was trying on dress clothes.  "Why are we trying on clothes?" he asks Rachel.  "Because we're going to a wedding tonight," she replies.  This lead's Jonah to a series of questions:

• Will there be a swimming pool? (no)
• Will there be a ping pong table? (no)
• Will Carley be there? (no - Carley is his second cousin from Wisconsin)
• Will they play Dynamite? (Jonah's favorite song)

These are things our son associates with weddings.  All of these things happened at his Aunt Colleen's wedding last year.  The hotel we stayed at had pool and ping pong, and Carley was/is his bestest friend in the whole world.  Rachel, had to tell him that sadly, probably none of these things would be happening last night, and we resigned ourselves to the fact that Joanh was most likely going to be very difficult to control at the wedding.

We drove up to the wedding (for a former co-worker of mine), and Jonah and Jocie both slept in the car on the way up, which was nice.  We got to the wedding, and instantly Jonah has made a friend in Genevieve, a cute little girl who said more words in the three hours we were there than I think I've said in my entire life.  They got along great, holding hands as we went to take our seats, and insisting that they sit next to each other during the ceremony.  So far, so good. 

The ceremony was simple, brief, and well done, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that Joy - the bride - looked fantastic (that's a requirement of wedding recaps, to mention how great the bride looked, but that doesn't make it an less true) and then we were on to the reception.  Jonah didn't understand why he couldn't sit with Genevieve (apparently the idea of assigned seating doesn't register with him) and his dinner of two dinner rolls and fresh cut pineapple barely held his attention.  Jonah and I excused ourselves from the reception hall to run around in the lobby with Genevieve and Dailey, the son of a friend who has a penchant for smiling and sprinting towards the nearest open door. 

As the kids are playing "ring around the rosy" I hear the bride and groom starting their first dance.  I tempted Jonah with the promise of cake to come.  A few more dances with the father of the bride and the mother of the groom, and then the DJ says "And now Joy and Jonathan would like to invite all their friends and family to the dance floor to join them" over the beats of a faintly familiar song.....Taio Cruz's "Dynamite"

You've never seen a three year old so happy.  Jonah's eyes lit up, and he's practically dragging me to the dance floor.  "C'mon Dad, it's DYNAMITE!"  From there the night is a blur of dance circles around Jonah, bridesmaids and even the bride grabbing his hand to dance with him, and Jonah doing a combination of booty shakes, breakdancing moves, and "throwing his hands up in air."  At some point, he ended up with glitter on his forehead - glitter that is still there this morning.  The most common question asked of me last night was "did you teach him these moves?"  I reluctantly had to say no, and admit that my son is a better dancer at 3 than his father is at 32 - or at any point in his life for that matter.  I sheepishly said no and muttered something about his daycare provider teaching hip hop dance, but by that time, whomever had asked the question was already back to dancing with Jonah. 

We ended up leaving at around 10:45, over the protests of "Dad, just one more song!  Just one more song then I promise we can go!  PLEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE???" Five minutes down the road, Jonah asked one more question before falling asleep:  "Dad, can we go to that wedding again tomorrow?"

Rachel and I had a conversation about how we had a party monster on our hands, and nervously shook our heads as we pictured what life is going to be like 13 years down the road when we're trying to rein this kid in.

The Big Bed Debate

Alright, I'll admit it.  Our three year old son sleeps in the same bed as us.  We've tried having him sleep in his own bed with varying levels of success over the past three years, but inevitably he ends up back in bed with us.  Rachel and I decided that our own sleep was valuable as well, and it made more sense to get us all to bed at a decent time rather than having us all up super late battling over where everyone slept.  I don't mind having him bed with us, but I wouldn't mind NOT having him in bed with us either.  Now that we've got another little one, Rachel has commented that we need a bigger bed to accomodate all four of us.  My response has been tongue in cheek - Nope, there'll only be three of us in bed because I'm heading for the guest room.

Jonah, like most young kids, doesn't really like being alone.  The only time he's on his own really is in the evening, after he's had his dinner and his bath, and is in our bed watching cartoons while Rachel and I watch something a little more mature (I know, I know - to say that Bachelor Pad is more "mature" than Hong Kong Phooey is debatable at best, but just go with me).  Inevitably, he falls asleep with the television on.  This is where the dilemma truly begins.  Do I risk waking him up, only to have him whine and complain that he wants to watch more cartoons, or do I just gently nudge him to the middle of the bed and let him keep sleeping?  I have a long, well documented history of taking the path of least resistance at every opportunity, so he stays. 

I don't know where kids get the energy they do, but they're constantly moving, even when in a deep sleep.  Jonah's like a compass in the bermuda triangle - he has no concept of north and south.  He loves to sleep sideways, making our family look like a giant "H" on the mattress.  He's getting big enough that he's starting to push either Rachel or me off the bed at night.  For that reason, it's about time he "man up" and head to the kick-ass captain's bed with the equally kick ass Transformers bed sheets we bought for him last year.

Ah but there's a catch.  With Jocelyn now here, she is sleeping in a basinette right next to our bed for feeding purposes.  Side note: Breastfeeding mom's deserve one gigantic round of applause.  They're basically 24 hour restaurants - Jack in the Box for infants if you will.  I don't know if all breastfeeding women do this, but Rachel graciously lets me sleep all night, not waking me up when Jocie (Pronounced JOSS-E if you were wondering) starts crying because I can't feed her anyways.  I think if I were breastfeeding, I'd make as much noise as possible just because I was so annoyed that I had to be up at 3 am.  It's probably good for everyone that I can't breastfeed, for more reasons than I can list here.  Anyways, with Jocie sleeping in our room, the timing is not really great to move Jonah back into his own room.  I don't expect Jonah at his age to understand why Jocie needs to sleep in our room, but he has to GTFO. 

So as I see it, we have four options:

• Continue to let Jonah sleep in our room until Jocelyn is done breastfeeding, thus allowing us to transition her to her crib in her room.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  July 2012.  Advantages:  Probably the easiest for Jonah to understand.  Disadvantages:   I said July 2012!!!!!  Plus, what if he doesn't accept the idea that just because Jocelyn is moving to her own room, why should he have to?  In that case, we could be co-sleeping until he gets to school and finds out that most kids aren't still sleeping with their parents and is publicly shamed on the playground during recess.
• Buy Jonah a TV for his bedroom, then let him fall asleep in there.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  9pm the day we buy the TV.  Advantages:  If Jonah falls for it, he's out instantly.  Disadvantages:  You mean aside from giving a 4 year old his own television?  What happens on those nights he doesn't fall asleep and we have to go in there and turn the TV off?  He's going to pitch a fit and try to come into our bed, resulting in hours long battles.  Also, he's only entertained by the same Disney movies for so long, which means buying an additional box and paying DirecTV to install it unless we want to seriously ramp up our movie rental budget.  Either way it costs us money.
• Let him fall asleep in our bed, then start carrying him to his room.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  As early as tonight.  Advantages:  IF he stays asleep, conceivably I could bring him back into our bed when I wake up in the morning and he'd never be the wiser.  Disadvantages:  If he wakes up, we have to start doing the musical rooms thing.  When he wakes up in the morning, is he terrified that he woke up somewhere other than where he fell asleep?  That usually doesn't happen until you're in college, and it's usually just as terrifying then.  Or so I'm told.
• Just pull the "BECAUSE I'M PARENT AND I SAID SO" card and 86 the kid.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  Whenever I'm ready to endure the pain in my firstborn son's eyes.  Advantages:  Aside from the immediacy of getting him out, I don't really see any.  Disadvantages:  Longer evenings for us as we either listen to him cry himself to sleep or have to continually get out of bed to place him back in his room.  Jonah is also upset and feels abandoned. 

Based on this, I think we go with option 3 for now, then when he's a little older, entertain option 2.  Also, eventually might be able to get to the point of letting him watch until a certain time in our room, then regardless of if he's asleep or not, sending him to his own bed.  That's the idea at least.

Do any other parents face these problems?  What age did your kids start sleeping in their own rooms?  How long did the transition take? Any suggestions?