When Rachel gave me the go ahead some 20 month ago to make the switch from Comcast to DirecTV, I don't think I'd ever been as excited to give my money to a company. I'd never been a satellite guy. Always kind of scared of it, yet drawn to it. I sort of understood the bug's desire to get as close to the zapper as possible. So we made the switch, and I was convinced, for the time being, that this was the greatest thing we'd ever done. I was getting way more sports programming. I would be able to see Friday Night Lights commercial free! 1080p programming! Who cares if I didn't even know what 1080p programming was at the time, I had it! I lived in this utopian TV universe for over a year. Then the honeymoon stage ended with a thud.
Remember in college when you met someone at a bar or party, and you were so distracted by the fact that they looked really good in a pair of leather pants and looked you in the eye while mouthing the words to Nelly’s “Hot in Herrre” that you completely ignore the fact that they’ve downed 3 pitchers singlehandedly and tells you constantly that they had a “strictly sexual” relationship with their ex? That was me with DirecTV. I was dazzled by the programming that I ignored the fact that their “on demand” content was almost exclusively pay-to-view” and that “on demand” was a complete bastardization of the term. By on demand, they meant you could download it whenever you wanted, but be prepared to wait 3 hours while it downloads before viewing. I also learned that no television stations air shows in 1080p as of yet, but you could download 1080p movies for roughly $6. Just be prepared to order said movie a day in advance, because it will take that long to download. Also, my channel lineup changed without notice. I was willing to shrug this off because I got the Big Ten Network and MLB in HD, while my friends with Comcast were stuck with their lame Comcast SportsNet. Suckers.
The major honeymoon killer came a few weeks ago, when I received a letter telling me that I was being “reassigned” to the Eugene market, and my local channels would be changing from Portland feeds to Eugene feeds. Not a big deal, but the very last line in the letter stood out like the guy who didn’t get the memo that it wasn’t a costume party: DIRECTV DOES NOT CURRENTLY OFFER LOCAL CHANNELS IN HIGH DEFINITION IN THE EUGENE MARKET.
Really? These channels are available over the air in HD, but you can’t offer them through your satellite service? When I inquired about this via email, I was told that they were in negotiations with the Eugene affiliates to provide HD service, but that the affiliates were currently demanding too much money from DirecTV, which they of course didn’t want to have to pass on to my bill. Very noble of them. Although I noticed that this was the same reasoning they had for why they didn’t carry Comcast channels such as Versus. Is everyone out to gouge DirecTV? I had my doubts. Then I found out I could still receive my local channels in HD…..if I purchase some sort of piece of equipment from DirecTV for $50. So they could spread out the cost of this rate increase over everyone in the area and add $1 to my bill a month…..OR CHARGE ME $50 RIGHT NOW? That was the deal breaker for Rachel. She’s ready to head back to Comcast because she’s disenchanted with Qwest’s internet service, for which I can’t really blame her.
Now I’m having an issue with my DirecTV box. I come home from work, the picture is choppy, almost like when you’re watching a video on a computer that doesn’t have enough processing power to display the video smoothly. Thinking it was the signal, I reset the box. Success! Then it happened again the next day. And the next. And – well you get the point. After about six days of this, I looked online in DirecTV’s handy “troubleshooting” forums and found out multiple people are having this problem. So I called DirecTV. The girl was really nice (for once I have nothing bad to say about a company’s customer service rep) but she had me go through the process of resetting my box, even though I told her that alleviated the problem temporarily and I’d just be calling back the next day. So she had me check the cables to see if any of them are loose. While I’m behind the TV checking cables, I all of sudden hear Jonah saying “Hi!” I turn around and Jonah’s chatting on the phone with the customer service rep, who he thinks is his mom. Kind of embarrassing for me, yet funny at the same time. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to call them back tonight.
So now the dilemma is this….if they have to come replace my box, it’s going to cost me at least $50. So do I stick with them, or make the switch back to Comcast and take advantage of a new customer deal? Or do I just threaten to leave, and sort of force DirecTV to give me a free box and the hook up thingy to get local channels in HD? I think if I threaten to leave, I better be fully prepared to actually leave if they call me on it. Anyone else in this situation, or gone through it before that can offer me some advice?
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Trip to the Dentist
The other day I had my semi-annual checkup at the dentist. About two years ago, I decided it was time to actually see a dentist after avoiding one for much of my twenties. So I started going, and I loved it! The hygenists were great, very friendly and not judgemental of the fact that I don't floss or do anything other than brush my teeth really. The dentist isn't like any dentist I've ever had. He looks less like a dentist than he does the lead singer for a hard rock band. It's a great time there.
Well a few months back, I went to Vegas. My first night there, I find myself at McDonalds at 3 in the morning. Who should walk up behind me and grab my elbow but Mr. Hard Rock himself. "As it was 3 AM and I was a little foggy, I said the first thing that popped into my head: "Dude, you're my dentist!"
"You dang right I am! Hey, you never saw me here alright? What happens in Vegas stays here, ok? Bet you never thought you'd run into your dentist stoned at 3 am at a McDonalds!"
Umm.....I'm still not sure if he was talking about me being stoned or him, but it was a little awkward. The next night at the football game I feel a familiar tug at my elbow..."remember dude, you never saw me!" This would be easier of course, if he stopped ambushing me everywhere I went. This again happened the next week at a home game against Cincinnati.
Needless to say, I was seeing my dentist in a whole new light. So I was more than a little excited for my dental appointment this week. Would he acknowledge the meetings we'd had, or would he go the professional route and pretend it never happened? Perhaps he'd give me a knowing head bob and a discreet fist bump.
As I sit in the chair bubbling over with anticipation, I'm met by the silent hygenist. I didn't know these existed. I thought it was a job requirement for a hygenist to be overly friendly and chatty. After all, they have to keep up both sides of the conversation because you have sharp metal objects in your mouth. This lady said not one word the entire time she was cleaning my teeth. I had to entertain myself by watching a spider work on a web in the corner of the room. She gets done, and she says "you had A LOT of plaque. You're going to feel like you got punched in the mouth this afternoon. I'll go get the doctor." A few moments later she returns to try and pitch me on some overpriced electric toothbrush. I'm absolutely sure that it's required of her to peddle this toothbrush. Otherwise, she'd have said nothing.
Finally, the Doc arrives! The conversation when like this:
Doc: Andy my man, how are you? Wasn't that Stanford game awesome?! Great day, team played awesome....just great man.
Me: Yep...hope they play like that this weekend.
Doc (To hygenist): I know what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there, but you know who I ran into at McDonalds at 3am? Andy! Crazy right?"
Hygenist: Crazy! (then she laughed awkwardly and left)
Doc: Dang right!
He then poked 3 of my teeth, takes off his gloves and says "You look great man...see you in six months!" and left.
Really? Did that just happen?
Well a few months back, I went to Vegas. My first night there, I find myself at McDonalds at 3 in the morning. Who should walk up behind me and grab my elbow but Mr. Hard Rock himself. "As it was 3 AM and I was a little foggy, I said the first thing that popped into my head: "Dude, you're my dentist!"
"You dang right I am! Hey, you never saw me here alright? What happens in Vegas stays here, ok? Bet you never thought you'd run into your dentist stoned at 3 am at a McDonalds!"
Umm.....I'm still not sure if he was talking about me being stoned or him, but it was a little awkward. The next night at the football game I feel a familiar tug at my elbow..."remember dude, you never saw me!" This would be easier of course, if he stopped ambushing me everywhere I went. This again happened the next week at a home game against Cincinnati.
Needless to say, I was seeing my dentist in a whole new light. So I was more than a little excited for my dental appointment this week. Would he acknowledge the meetings we'd had, or would he go the professional route and pretend it never happened? Perhaps he'd give me a knowing head bob and a discreet fist bump.
As I sit in the chair bubbling over with anticipation, I'm met by the silent hygenist. I didn't know these existed. I thought it was a job requirement for a hygenist to be overly friendly and chatty. After all, they have to keep up both sides of the conversation because you have sharp metal objects in your mouth. This lady said not one word the entire time she was cleaning my teeth. I had to entertain myself by watching a spider work on a web in the corner of the room. She gets done, and she says "you had A LOT of plaque. You're going to feel like you got punched in the mouth this afternoon. I'll go get the doctor." A few moments later she returns to try and pitch me on some overpriced electric toothbrush. I'm absolutely sure that it's required of her to peddle this toothbrush. Otherwise, she'd have said nothing.
Finally, the Doc arrives! The conversation when like this:
Doc: Andy my man, how are you? Wasn't that Stanford game awesome?! Great day, team played awesome....just great man.
Me: Yep...hope they play like that this weekend.
Doc (To hygenist): I know what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there, but you know who I ran into at McDonalds at 3am? Andy! Crazy right?"
Hygenist: Crazy! (then she laughed awkwardly and left)
Doc: Dang right!
He then poked 3 of my teeth, takes off his gloves and says "You look great man...see you in six months!" and left.
Really? Did that just happen?
Monday, October 12, 2009
Columbus Day Survey
In keeping with the "honest" theme of this note, I must disclose that I will not be tagging anyone. You all get a little ditty telling you I did this, and you can choose to do it if you want to.
Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose at least 8 people to be tagged. Don't forget to tag me!
To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours.
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Hershey's Special Dark. God Bless the candy jars littered around this office
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
Heavenly Harvest Farms on Highway 20. A little pumpkin patch action.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Not as well as some people....I don't own the game. I will never forget the first weekend I played it. A solid 48 hours of having my mind blown by the allure of a game involving a guitar and a genre of music I usually avoid.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
As usual, Jonah....who refused to get out of bed until I offered him a banana.
5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
I think it was around 9:30 that I tapped out.....weekends involving home OSU football games tend to take it out of me....I think I get too emotional.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
If we could sell our house for more than we paid for it, sure. I'm pretty done with Albany.
7.Which of your FB friends lives closest to you?
Hmmm....probably one of my co-workers...though I don't know exactly where any of them live. There's a few in North Albany.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
I think I'm facebook friends with most of my exes, but do I hang out with them? Nope. Would I hang out with them? Sure, they're all good people.
10. How do you feel about mountain dew?
I feel it had a good run, but have you seen a commercial for it lately? Me neither. Never really cared for the stuff myself.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Probably in the days after Jonah was born. I was pretty tired and emotional, plus my grandpa died a few weeks later.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Mrs. Lasselle. I think that's actually the first time I've ever written that. It looks weird. Rachel took the picture.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Jonah and Rachel playing around in the hay at the pumpkin patch.
14. Was yesterday better than today?
So much so, I laughed when I read this. Yesterday I spent at the park with my son and wife....today I'm spending it at my desk at work with nothing to do thanks to a holiday for a guy that basically sailed to this continent on accident.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes, but why would I? There's time to go outside and there's time to stay in and watch a good show or game. Everything in moderation, right?
16. Are you upset about anything?
Really just with this holiday thing. I mean really, either everyone observes it or no one.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Wow.....some very sad, lonely person wrote this question. Of course they are. Every single one is worth it - for the experiences, the lessons learned, the companionship.....I want to give whoever wrote this question a hug and say "you matter, little man/woman."
18. Are you a bad influence?
When I want to be. I give off a "good influence" kinda vibe, so I can easily steer people in the wrong direction because of my trustworthiness. Makes me sound like kind of a dick, doesn't it?
19. Night out or night in?
In. It's free and you can wear sweatpants. If I were single, I'd probably say out, but I'm not. So in it is.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Food and talking. I like interaction.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My grandpa.....glad I did, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have got to say goodbye.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say.
"Great call we beat the rush. Thanks man." See? I'm a good dude!
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
I'd say I'm about 88% satisfied. A little less stress, a little more money and I'd be 100%
24. Do you hate anyone?
Lance Armstrong and extremists. That's about it.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Nothing exciting. A few "hey how are you! Good to hear from you" emails and that's about it.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yep. Unless they're testing for caffeine.
27. Has anyone called you perfect before?
If they did, they were lying.
28. What song is stuck in your head?
Indian Flute by Timbaland and Magoo....ooh dada dooo da da dooo do do.
If someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Whoever took over for Ed McMahon with the publishers clearing house. Anyone else either has bad news or a gun, and those people suck.
30.Wanna have grand kids by the time your 50?
That would mean Jonah's a dad by 20. I think I'd rather wait 'til 55 at least.
31. What do you have to do tomorrow?
Open all the mail that didn't come today. Can you feel the excitement?
32. Do you think too much or too little?
I think too much about what to say on these things and too little about what I can do to help around the house.
33. Do you smile a lot?
Yep. It's more fun than frowning.
34. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yep.....one of the first memorable dates Rachel and I had.
35. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
I like the 23 flavors.
36. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer?
About 9...one at home and 8 at work.
37. Facebook or Twitter?
Facebook. I've tweeted once. I wasn't impressed.
38. Chicken or Beef?
Both?
39. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
Yep....sprained a finger. Sorry Grant.
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yep......thanks Grant.
41. Bacon or a bagel?
Both?
Can you fill this out without lying? You've been tagged, so now you need to answer all the questions HONESTLY. At the end, choose at least 8 people to be tagged. Don't forget to tag me!
To do this, copy this entire message, then go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, delete my answers, and type yours.
1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Hershey's Special Dark. God Bless the candy jars littered around this office
2.Where was your profile picture taken?
Heavenly Harvest Farms on Highway 20. A little pumpkin patch action.
3.Can you play Guitar Hero?
Not as well as some people....I don't own the game. I will never forget the first weekend I played it. A solid 48 hours of having my mind blown by the allure of a game involving a guitar and a genre of music I usually avoid.
4.Name someone who made you laugh today?
As usual, Jonah....who refused to get out of bed until I offered him a banana.
5.How late did you stay up last night and why?
I think it was around 9:30 that I tapped out.....weekends involving home OSU football games tend to take it out of me....I think I get too emotional.
6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?
If we could sell our house for more than we paid for it, sure. I'm pretty done with Albany.
7.Which of your FB friends lives closest to you?
Hmmm....probably one of my co-workers...though I don't know exactly where any of them live. There's a few in North Albany.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
I think I'm facebook friends with most of my exes, but do I hang out with them? Nope. Would I hang out with them? Sure, they're all good people.
10. How do you feel about mountain dew?
I feel it had a good run, but have you seen a commercial for it lately? Me neither. Never really cared for the stuff myself.
11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
Probably in the days after Jonah was born. I was pretty tired and emotional, plus my grandpa died a few weeks later.
12. Who took your profile picture?
Mrs. Lasselle. I think that's actually the first time I've ever written that. It looks weird. Rachel took the picture.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Jonah and Rachel playing around in the hay at the pumpkin patch.
14. Was yesterday better than today?
So much so, I laughed when I read this. Yesterday I spent at the park with my son and wife....today I'm spending it at my desk at work with nothing to do thanks to a holiday for a guy that basically sailed to this continent on accident.
15. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes, but why would I? There's time to go outside and there's time to stay in and watch a good show or game. Everything in moderation, right?
16. Are you upset about anything?
Really just with this holiday thing. I mean really, either everyone observes it or no one.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Wow.....some very sad, lonely person wrote this question. Of course they are. Every single one is worth it - for the experiences, the lessons learned, the companionship.....I want to give whoever wrote this question a hug and say "you matter, little man/woman."
18. Are you a bad influence?
When I want to be. I give off a "good influence" kinda vibe, so I can easily steer people in the wrong direction because of my trustworthiness. Makes me sound like kind of a dick, doesn't it?
19. Night out or night in?
In. It's free and you can wear sweatpants. If I were single, I'd probably say out, but I'm not. So in it is.
20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Food and talking. I like interaction.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
My grandpa.....glad I did, because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have got to say goodbye.
22. What does the last text message in your inbox say.
"Great call we beat the rush. Thanks man." See? I'm a good dude!
23. How do you feel about your life right now?
I'd say I'm about 88% satisfied. A little less stress, a little more money and I'd be 100%
24. Do you hate anyone?
Lance Armstrong and extremists. That's about it.
25. If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Nothing exciting. A few "hey how are you! Good to hear from you" emails and that's about it.
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yep. Unless they're testing for caffeine.
27. Has anyone called you perfect before?
If they did, they were lying.
28. What song is stuck in your head?
Indian Flute by Timbaland and Magoo....ooh dada dooo da da dooo do do.
If someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Whoever took over for Ed McMahon with the publishers clearing house. Anyone else either has bad news or a gun, and those people suck.
30.Wanna have grand kids by the time your 50?
That would mean Jonah's a dad by 20. I think I'd rather wait 'til 55 at least.
31. What do you have to do tomorrow?
Open all the mail that didn't come today. Can you feel the excitement?
32. Do you think too much or too little?
I think too much about what to say on these things and too little about what I can do to help around the house.
33. Do you smile a lot?
Yep. It's more fun than frowning.
34. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Yep.....one of the first memorable dates Rachel and I had.
35. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
I like the 23 flavors.
36. How many hours a day do you spend on the computer?
About 9...one at home and 8 at work.
37. Facebook or Twitter?
Facebook. I've tweeted once. I wasn't impressed.
38. Chicken or Beef?
Both?
39. Have you ever punched anyone in the face?
Yep....sprained a finger. Sorry Grant.
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yep......thanks Grant.
41. Bacon or a bagel?
Both?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
The defriending of Andy Lasselle
I've been de-friended!
Today I was flipping through facebook and decided to check up on a "friend" of mine that I hadn't thought about in a while. We were friends at one point on Facebook, I distinctly remember a few messages sent between us when one of us added the other (I forget who added who). Much to my surprise, we were no longer digital friends.
The whole idea of someone being a friend on facebook is a fluid situation. Some of my "friends" are people I haven't seen in twenty years. Some of them are people who remembered me but I only have a vague recollection of them, or in some cases don't remember them at all. At this point, if someone wants to be my friend, I see no reason not to be theirs (with a very few exceptions). I'm friends with people I've met only once and may very well never see again.
There's been times that I've thought "you know, I don't really have any contact with this person, other than seeing their status updates....do I really need to be friends with them?" The answer I keep coming back to is "yes." What if sometime I'm snowed in at an airport where I don't know anyone except for a facebook friend that lives in the area? While I'd never directly call someone and ask them to do me a favor as big as that, if I posted a status update saying "snowed in at the Denver airport," perhaps one of my FB friends would see it and give me a call asking if I needed a place to crash. There's no downside to being connected.
So now I'm wondering why I was de-friended. I'm trying not to take it personally, but it does bruise the ego just a little bit. I like to consider myself a nice, friendly guy (as we all do), so when someone says "I no longer want to have contact with you" it stings the ego a little bit, no matter how infrequent or impersonal that contact has been. Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do? Should I have commented on something I didn't? Did I not send a birthday message? Or did I comment on something on a mutal friend's page that upset someone else? I don't know. Or did this person simply change their mind and say "I shouldn't have added him as a friend in the first place." I should make it clear that I'm not mad or upset that I was defriended...it's your life and your page to do with it what you want....I'm just more curious as to the decision making process that led to my deletion. I think I've only defriended one person ever, and that person was dishonest in her relationship with a friend of mine. I think I've only denied or ignored one friend request as well.
Perhaps it simply comes down to FB friend philosophy. I tend to want to be friends with the people I have the least contact with....the people that I may otherwise never be able to contact if the need or desire to do so arose. Being friends with my wife, or brother, or coworkers....it's nice to acknowledge the relationship, but I don't really gain anything from these updates that I don't get at home, or on the phone. Now, if a person I went to elementary school with takes a trip to australia and posts some pictures.....that's something I wouldn't ever get to see if I wasn't friends with them...I'd completely miss out on seeing some amazing pictures. Or say circumstances lead me to move to a new city, and the only person I know there is someone I had a biology class with freshman year of high school that just so happens to be a realtor. I might just send that person an email asking if they could help me out. I've even used facebook to get a dental referral...see what I'm saying?
So I'm here to say that if you're my friend on facebook now, you'll be my friend on facebook until the site starts charging a fee, goes offline, or I decide that I'm too old to do this stuff anymore and delete my account. Until then.....you've got a friend in me.
Today I was flipping through facebook and decided to check up on a "friend" of mine that I hadn't thought about in a while. We were friends at one point on Facebook, I distinctly remember a few messages sent between us when one of us added the other (I forget who added who). Much to my surprise, we were no longer digital friends.
The whole idea of someone being a friend on facebook is a fluid situation. Some of my "friends" are people I haven't seen in twenty years. Some of them are people who remembered me but I only have a vague recollection of them, or in some cases don't remember them at all. At this point, if someone wants to be my friend, I see no reason not to be theirs (with a very few exceptions). I'm friends with people I've met only once and may very well never see again.
There's been times that I've thought "you know, I don't really have any contact with this person, other than seeing their status updates....do I really need to be friends with them?" The answer I keep coming back to is "yes." What if sometime I'm snowed in at an airport where I don't know anyone except for a facebook friend that lives in the area? While I'd never directly call someone and ask them to do me a favor as big as that, if I posted a status update saying "snowed in at the Denver airport," perhaps one of my FB friends would see it and give me a call asking if I needed a place to crash. There's no downside to being connected.
So now I'm wondering why I was de-friended. I'm trying not to take it personally, but it does bruise the ego just a little bit. I like to consider myself a nice, friendly guy (as we all do), so when someone says "I no longer want to have contact with you" it stings the ego a little bit, no matter how infrequent or impersonal that contact has been. Was it something I did? Was it something I didn't do? Should I have commented on something I didn't? Did I not send a birthday message? Or did I comment on something on a mutal friend's page that upset someone else? I don't know. Or did this person simply change their mind and say "I shouldn't have added him as a friend in the first place." I should make it clear that I'm not mad or upset that I was defriended...it's your life and your page to do with it what you want....I'm just more curious as to the decision making process that led to my deletion. I think I've only defriended one person ever, and that person was dishonest in her relationship with a friend of mine. I think I've only denied or ignored one friend request as well.
Perhaps it simply comes down to FB friend philosophy. I tend to want to be friends with the people I have the least contact with....the people that I may otherwise never be able to contact if the need or desire to do so arose. Being friends with my wife, or brother, or coworkers....it's nice to acknowledge the relationship, but I don't really gain anything from these updates that I don't get at home, or on the phone. Now, if a person I went to elementary school with takes a trip to australia and posts some pictures.....that's something I wouldn't ever get to see if I wasn't friends with them...I'd completely miss out on seeing some amazing pictures. Or say circumstances lead me to move to a new city, and the only person I know there is someone I had a biology class with freshman year of high school that just so happens to be a realtor. I might just send that person an email asking if they could help me out. I've even used facebook to get a dental referral...see what I'm saying?
So I'm here to say that if you're my friend on facebook now, you'll be my friend on facebook until the site starts charging a fee, goes offline, or I decide that I'm too old to do this stuff anymore and delete my account. Until then.....you've got a friend in me.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Welcome to facebook, mom?
My mom just joined Facebook. I can't decide if this makes me feel young or old. My initial reaction was "oh crap, I'm going to have to censor myself, and she's going to be able to keep tabs on me!" Then I remembered that I'm 30 freaking years old. Plus, just to let you in on a little secret, my mom swears too. Not very often, but every once in a while she'll let an expletive fly. Usually for something really insignificant, like burning the bag of popcorn in the microwave or something. She gets a speeding ticket and usually all it will elicit is a "shucks" or "darn."
Having not talked to mom yet about Facebook, I'm not sure what her intentions are. Is she using it to keep in touch with her kids? Is it a way to reconnect with old college buddies she hasn't seen in years? Is she using it to gather intel on an enemy or former acquaintance with whom she had a falling out? All of these questions will be answered.
Truth be told, this post is kind of a test for you, Mom. Are you Facebook savvy enough to find this note? Can you comment on it, or am I going to get a phone call (more likely a text message, her preferred means of communication since being Blackberried) asking me how to tag someone in a photo, or what it means to "like" something someone said? Are you going to ask me why you would poke someone?
Actually feel free to ask me that. I have no clue why you'd ever poke anyone. I've never been poked, nor done any poking. Has anyone? Is this something that 15 year old guys do to girls they like? Is it something you do to the person next to you when you're both on your mobile devices? I don't know. I don't care. It seems stupid to me. Anyways.....
Welcome to Facebook, Mom. I hope you find it as entertaining and informative as I do. Here's a few tips though:
Applications are largely a waste of time. Quizzes such as "which Friends character are you?" aren't really that insightful, nor are they accurate. Plus none of writers of these quizzes know how to spell, which makes me think they are some sort of scam.
Feel free to comment on anything on my page, but don't "like" everything. If you like the fact that I post something about Jonah saying his first complete sentence, it will be cheapened if you like that I post that I'm bored at work. I'm just sayin...
If you want to post old family photos, that's fine, but show a little restraint. Facebook is not the first girl I brought to the house back in high school - you don't need to break out the pic of me wearing a cowboy hat and nothing else on the rocking horse. Pictures of Grant like that are fine, however.
Perhaps the most important rule of social networking....don't post cryptic status updates. Don't say things like "Louise hopes everything turns out ok...." or "waiting for the answer to a big question." Fishing for comments is my biggest pet peeve on the social networking circuit, as well as just about everyone else.
You can still call. Don't let this be the only way you communicate.
No, Jonah doesn't have a facebook page.
That's about it. Happy facebooking, Mom!
Having not talked to mom yet about Facebook, I'm not sure what her intentions are. Is she using it to keep in touch with her kids? Is it a way to reconnect with old college buddies she hasn't seen in years? Is she using it to gather intel on an enemy or former acquaintance with whom she had a falling out? All of these questions will be answered.
Truth be told, this post is kind of a test for you, Mom. Are you Facebook savvy enough to find this note? Can you comment on it, or am I going to get a phone call (more likely a text message, her preferred means of communication since being Blackberried) asking me how to tag someone in a photo, or what it means to "like" something someone said? Are you going to ask me why you would poke someone?
Actually feel free to ask me that. I have no clue why you'd ever poke anyone. I've never been poked, nor done any poking. Has anyone? Is this something that 15 year old guys do to girls they like? Is it something you do to the person next to you when you're both on your mobile devices? I don't know. I don't care. It seems stupid to me. Anyways.....
Welcome to Facebook, Mom. I hope you find it as entertaining and informative as I do. Here's a few tips though:
Applications are largely a waste of time. Quizzes such as "which Friends character are you?" aren't really that insightful, nor are they accurate. Plus none of writers of these quizzes know how to spell, which makes me think they are some sort of scam.
Feel free to comment on anything on my page, but don't "like" everything. If you like the fact that I post something about Jonah saying his first complete sentence, it will be cheapened if you like that I post that I'm bored at work. I'm just sayin...
If you want to post old family photos, that's fine, but show a little restraint. Facebook is not the first girl I brought to the house back in high school - you don't need to break out the pic of me wearing a cowboy hat and nothing else on the rocking horse. Pictures of Grant like that are fine, however.
Perhaps the most important rule of social networking....don't post cryptic status updates. Don't say things like "Louise hopes everything turns out ok...." or "waiting for the answer to a big question." Fishing for comments is my biggest pet peeve on the social networking circuit, as well as just about everyone else.
You can still call. Don't let this be the only way you communicate.
No, Jonah doesn't have a facebook page.
That's about it. Happy facebooking, Mom!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Vegas Hangover
Last weekend was my first "real" trip to Vegas. I went once before, but it was a really bad day. In fact the day was so bad, I remember the exact date. Everyone does actually. It was September 11, 2001.
I had a really great time in Vegas. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, just the typical gambling, hanging by the pool, staying up way too late and getting up way too early. I ended up making enough money at blackjack and Wheel of Fortune nickel slot machines (which I'd highly recommend to anyone) to pay for all the food, drink, tips and taxi rides that I did while I was there. I'm pretty sure that I tested the limits of my body between the lack of sleep, secondhand smoke inhalation and unhealthy eating. I fully believe that if I'd stayed one day longer, I'd have started to break down and either got sick, or had a heart attack or seizure or something. So I was pretty happy to make it home in one piece on Sunday.
What I wasn't expecting was how much Vegas sticks with you once you're home. The tiny little jolts of adrenaline you get when you hit blackjack or get a "double spin" bonus on a slot machine are hard to replicate in a cubicle. I don't get the same feeling when my boss sends me an email asking me to do a "database clean-up project." It felt weird to go to bed before midnight (and even weirder to get up at 5:15.)
Actually, it almost feels the same as when I first played Grand Theft Auto III. The game was so unlike any game I'd played before. I would play for a few hours, and then go outside and have visions of just clubbing some stranger on the sidewalk for $20, or turning my car sideways on Monroe Avenue in front of a city bus, then pulling the driver out and slamming the bus into Clodfelters. Vegas had the same effect on me. It was strange to me that people in Corvallis didn't have margaritas so big they needed a shoulder strap to carry them. Nobody was wearing a tube top. The guys at work weren't slamming into the walls on the way out of the bathroom. I don't think I've seen a neon light yet, and I haven't had someone who doesn't speak English try to hand me a card with a naked girl and a phone number on it in three days. Why aren't these things happening? Vegas has slipped its seductive finger under my collar and is gently pulling me towards it.
Of course, I have to say no. I have to say no for the same reason I've never had a sip of alcohol and don't use painkillers. I'm scared of what'd happen if I start. I have an addictive personality. Once I say yes to dang near anything, I can't stop. I watch one episode of Friday Night Lights, I'm going to watch 8. I eat one potato chip, I'm eating the whole bag. I drink one Pepsi....well you all know what happens next. I always need someone to make me stop. Good thing I have to be accoutable to my wife and son. Were I single, I have no doubt I'd have lost a ton of money last weekend. I might've missed my flight trying to "chase the unicorn" as Grant so eloquently put it.
So stop tugging on my collar Vegas. Go find some other sucker to whisper sweet nothings to. I'm done with you. There's plenty of other people you can tempt. Maybe one day our paths will cross again, but it'll be on my terms. In other words, don't call me Vegas. I'll call you.
I had a really great time in Vegas. I didn't do anything out of the ordinary, just the typical gambling, hanging by the pool, staying up way too late and getting up way too early. I ended up making enough money at blackjack and Wheel of Fortune nickel slot machines (which I'd highly recommend to anyone) to pay for all the food, drink, tips and taxi rides that I did while I was there. I'm pretty sure that I tested the limits of my body between the lack of sleep, secondhand smoke inhalation and unhealthy eating. I fully believe that if I'd stayed one day longer, I'd have started to break down and either got sick, or had a heart attack or seizure or something. So I was pretty happy to make it home in one piece on Sunday.
What I wasn't expecting was how much Vegas sticks with you once you're home. The tiny little jolts of adrenaline you get when you hit blackjack or get a "double spin" bonus on a slot machine are hard to replicate in a cubicle. I don't get the same feeling when my boss sends me an email asking me to do a "database clean-up project." It felt weird to go to bed before midnight (and even weirder to get up at 5:15.)
Actually, it almost feels the same as when I first played Grand Theft Auto III. The game was so unlike any game I'd played before. I would play for a few hours, and then go outside and have visions of just clubbing some stranger on the sidewalk for $20, or turning my car sideways on Monroe Avenue in front of a city bus, then pulling the driver out and slamming the bus into Clodfelters. Vegas had the same effect on me. It was strange to me that people in Corvallis didn't have margaritas so big they needed a shoulder strap to carry them. Nobody was wearing a tube top. The guys at work weren't slamming into the walls on the way out of the bathroom. I don't think I've seen a neon light yet, and I haven't had someone who doesn't speak English try to hand me a card with a naked girl and a phone number on it in three days. Why aren't these things happening? Vegas has slipped its seductive finger under my collar and is gently pulling me towards it.
Of course, I have to say no. I have to say no for the same reason I've never had a sip of alcohol and don't use painkillers. I'm scared of what'd happen if I start. I have an addictive personality. Once I say yes to dang near anything, I can't stop. I watch one episode of Friday Night Lights, I'm going to watch 8. I eat one potato chip, I'm eating the whole bag. I drink one Pepsi....well you all know what happens next. I always need someone to make me stop. Good thing I have to be accoutable to my wife and son. Were I single, I have no doubt I'd have lost a ton of money last weekend. I might've missed my flight trying to "chase the unicorn" as Grant so eloquently put it.
So stop tugging on my collar Vegas. Go find some other sucker to whisper sweet nothings to. I'm done with you. There's plenty of other people you can tempt. Maybe one day our paths will cross again, but it'll be on my terms. In other words, don't call me Vegas. I'll call you.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
My first run-in with the cops of this fine city was a disaster. I wrote about it two years ago, and I'll repost it at the bottom of this post for anyone who doesn't already know the story. It involves a neighbor, some allegedly stolen rocks, and a videotape. Good stuff.
Last night at 2:30 in the morning, my phone starts vibrating on the night stand next to me. I'm expecting it to be my good buddy Dave, who sometimes forgets that we're not in college anymore and gives me a call at odd hours on his way home from the bars. He'd already called me earlier (around 10:30) so I was a little confused. I look at the number and it's local and I don't recognize it. I figure it's a wrong number and put the phone back down. Then my phone gives the obnoxiously vI iolent shake that indicates a message has been left. While I'm checking the message, the call waiting beeps in. Same number! Now I'm panicking that it's the hospital and something's happened to someone in my family or something.
Here's the message: "Hi Andy, this is Officer So-and-So from the Albany Police Department. I'm sitting outside your house right now and your garage door is wide open. It's 2:30 in the morning, just thought you'd want to know. I'll wait a few seconds and call you back."
Really? This cop is driving around calling people whose garage doors are open? So I hang up the phone, and call him back. "Hi officer, I understand you're outside my house right now." "Yes sir, your garage is open." "Thank you for the heads up, I'll shut it right now." Sure enough, he's out there.
I don't know how many times we've left our garage open. Probably at least 20. Why this night the cop decides to track down my cell phone number and give me a call is beyond me. I can't figure out if I should be happy that this guy is trying to prevent crime before it happens, or pissed that he woke me up to lecture me on the safety of my weed whacker and golf clubs. I'd almost rather the cops were issued a universal garage door opener so they could just close them as they drove around neighborhoods. At least that wouldn't have woken me up on one of the hottest nights of the year and made it incredibly difficult for me to go back to sleep.
And now...the rock stealing story.
So last night Rachel and I are nice and comfy on the couch watching National Bingo Night. Yeah, we're that exciting on a Friday night. Around 9:30, there's a knock on our door. I get up and answer it, and to my surprise, there's an officer of the law there. He asks if he can come in and talk to us for a second. "About what?" I ask. He says he has some questions about some rocks. Rachel and I both thought that maybe he wanted to buy them, which would be great since we want to get rid of all the river rock in our backyard. Heck, we'd have given them to him for free. But no, that's not why he was there.
The people in the house behind us have accused us of stealing rock from them. Apparently we have about 4 or 5 pieces of shale in our backyard that look like some rock they have piled up in their yard. So they called the cops. The cop asks us how long we've lived there. I say "since July." He says "this July?" I say "yes." Immediately the cop gets a smile on his face and says "It's only May. How did you move in in July of this year?" Smartass. Obviously I did not move in two months into the future. Yet he seems to think that he caught me in some sort of a lie, because he makes a point to say "so you moved in in July of LAST year."
Once the time of our arrival on Riverbow Ave is established, the cop then asks us if we've ever been in our neighbor's yard. I say no. He says "well he claims he has videotape." Why this guy is videotaping his rock, I have no clue. So I say "wait, this guy says he has me on videotape stealing his rock?" to which the officer replies "well he says he has a videotape......why do you think you're on it?" I reply "I'm pretty sure he doesn't have me on videotape." Now the cop's all over me. "You're pretty sure? So you're saying there's a chance?" Now I'm starting to get annoyed, so I say "can you show me the rock in question?" So we go into the yard, and sure enough, there's some rock back there.....the same rocks that were there when we moved in. We try and explain this to the cop, who says again "have you ever been into your neighbor's yard." And I say again "no, I've never been over that fence." He says "Have any of your friend's ever been in his yard?" To which I say "not to my knowledge." He says "But your friend's could've been in his yard?" Apparently I'm supposed to know everything that everyone I know is doing at all times.
At this point the cop has pissed off Rachel who comes into the yard and says "that rock has been here since we moved in. He probably couldn't see it because there were weeds there which we just pulled last week. We don't want the rocks. If they are that important to him, we will give him the rocks. He can also take these rocks here, and this one there, and there's a few over here he can have too." At this point the cop decides he's had enough and says "thank you for your time."
I don't know what we did to piss our neighbors off, but I'm really starting to hate this place. It's a foregone conclusion now that we won't be living in Albany any longer than we have to. Stupid city.
Last night at 2:30 in the morning, my phone starts vibrating on the night stand next to me. I'm expecting it to be my good buddy Dave, who sometimes forgets that we're not in college anymore and gives me a call at odd hours on his way home from the bars. He'd already called me earlier (around 10:30) so I was a little confused. I look at the number and it's local and I don't recognize it. I figure it's a wrong number and put the phone back down. Then my phone gives the obnoxiously vI iolent shake that indicates a message has been left. While I'm checking the message, the call waiting beeps in. Same number! Now I'm panicking that it's the hospital and something's happened to someone in my family or something.
Here's the message: "Hi Andy, this is Officer So-and-So from the Albany Police Department. I'm sitting outside your house right now and your garage door is wide open. It's 2:30 in the morning, just thought you'd want to know. I'll wait a few seconds and call you back."
Really? This cop is driving around calling people whose garage doors are open? So I hang up the phone, and call him back. "Hi officer, I understand you're outside my house right now." "Yes sir, your garage is open." "Thank you for the heads up, I'll shut it right now." Sure enough, he's out there.
I don't know how many times we've left our garage open. Probably at least 20. Why this night the cop decides to track down my cell phone number and give me a call is beyond me. I can't figure out if I should be happy that this guy is trying to prevent crime before it happens, or pissed that he woke me up to lecture me on the safety of my weed whacker and golf clubs. I'd almost rather the cops were issued a universal garage door opener so they could just close them as they drove around neighborhoods. At least that wouldn't have woken me up on one of the hottest nights of the year and made it incredibly difficult for me to go back to sleep.
And now...the rock stealing story.
So last night Rachel and I are nice and comfy on the couch watching National Bingo Night. Yeah, we're that exciting on a Friday night. Around 9:30, there's a knock on our door. I get up and answer it, and to my surprise, there's an officer of the law there. He asks if he can come in and talk to us for a second. "About what?" I ask. He says he has some questions about some rocks. Rachel and I both thought that maybe he wanted to buy them, which would be great since we want to get rid of all the river rock in our backyard. Heck, we'd have given them to him for free. But no, that's not why he was there.
The people in the house behind us have accused us of stealing rock from them. Apparently we have about 4 or 5 pieces of shale in our backyard that look like some rock they have piled up in their yard. So they called the cops. The cop asks us how long we've lived there. I say "since July." He says "this July?" I say "yes." Immediately the cop gets a smile on his face and says "It's only May. How did you move in in July of this year?" Smartass. Obviously I did not move in two months into the future. Yet he seems to think that he caught me in some sort of a lie, because he makes a point to say "so you moved in in July of LAST year."
Once the time of our arrival on Riverbow Ave is established, the cop then asks us if we've ever been in our neighbor's yard. I say no. He says "well he claims he has videotape." Why this guy is videotaping his rock, I have no clue. So I say "wait, this guy says he has me on videotape stealing his rock?" to which the officer replies "well he says he has a videotape......why do you think you're on it?" I reply "I'm pretty sure he doesn't have me on videotape." Now the cop's all over me. "You're pretty sure? So you're saying there's a chance?" Now I'm starting to get annoyed, so I say "can you show me the rock in question?" So we go into the yard, and sure enough, there's some rock back there.....the same rocks that were there when we moved in. We try and explain this to the cop, who says again "have you ever been into your neighbor's yard." And I say again "no, I've never been over that fence." He says "Have any of your friend's ever been in his yard?" To which I say "not to my knowledge." He says "But your friend's could've been in his yard?" Apparently I'm supposed to know everything that everyone I know is doing at all times.
At this point the cop has pissed off Rachel who comes into the yard and says "that rock has been here since we moved in. He probably couldn't see it because there were weeds there which we just pulled last week. We don't want the rocks. If they are that important to him, we will give him the rocks. He can also take these rocks here, and this one there, and there's a few over here he can have too." At this point the cop decides he's had enough and says "thank you for your time."
I don't know what we did to piss our neighbors off, but I'm really starting to hate this place. It's a foregone conclusion now that we won't be living in Albany any longer than we have to. Stupid city.
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