- She went on a date with Brian. They made out. There is zero tension in their relationship, but because you can't propose halfway through the season, they needed to invent a reason they might not be good together. The brightest minds at ABC got together and came up with "Brian's last girlfriend and him got along really well from the get-go too, so maybe that's a sign they shouldn't be together." Yes, damn those relationships where two people get along well.
- She went on a date with Dean. Dean really doesn't want Rachel to meet his family. She will get to meet his family, because ratings.
- She went on a date with Peter. Peter is still emotional that he couldn't make it work with his ex girlfriend. Pete may have played the sensitivity card one too many times.
- She took the other three dudes on a date. One was named Adam, the other I already forgot, and Eric gets the pass. Eric is from Baltimore, so anything he says about his hometown or his upbringing is believable to me. There is an 80% chance the police are involved in his hometown date. Baltimore is terrifying.
Eric's up first. They meet, they hug, and Eric says "this is the nice part of the city. This is not how it was for me growing up." As they drive to their next location, Eric says "oh they're selling drugs right there." Most time's I'd say ABC just threw that anecdote in there, but #baltimore. They go shoot hoops, and some guy named Ralph shows up and says like six words and then takes off. OK then. Ralph does not seem very significant to this process.
Eric then recants how many people around him were criminals growing up. Rachel would rather talk (again) about how she is the first girl he's bringing home. Wherever they are walking to is not the "bad part" of Baltimore. My wife had a friend from high school that lived in a row house in Baltimore. She slept with a hammer under her bed. Rats the size of bulldogs roamed the streets at night. There was no need for street lamps because of the light from police helicopters searching for suspects. Eric's family is not from the Baltimore I saw on my visit.
Eric's aunt wants to talk about what it's like being the first black bachelorette. Rachel brings up the fact that she's being judged by black people, and she's being judged by everyone else. It's an interesting point I hadn't thought about. It's gotta be tough to feel like you could potentially be letting down a whole race of people if you make a mistake....or that society is just waiting for you to make a mistake so they can say "I knew it wasn't going to work." I have no idea how accurate that is, but it doesn't change the fact that she believes that. Eric's mom says that she didn't show him the love he probably wanted because she'd seen a lot of good men not reach for their goals because they always reached for their mama. I think I know what he's talking about. When I was in eighth grade I missed the bus on a very rainy morning. I called her, expecting her to tell me to just get back in bed and she'd call the school and tell them I'd be there tomorrow. Instead I got my butt chewed and told in no uncertain terms that I needed to get on my bike and get my ass to school. I pedaled the four miles to school, showed up an hour late, soaked to the bone, and then spent the next hour in the nurses office drying out. So my childhood in suburban West Linn was a lot like Eric's in downtown Baltimore.
Brian's date is a tour of Miami. They eat South American food, dance to some Caribbean music, and make out some more. Brian says his dad is cool and his mom is crazy. Well that's what I heard at least. If we're judging who Rachel loves by the size of the flowers she brings the families, Brian wins in a landslide. Mama Brian tells Brian he's passing up on "so many women" and that "she may love you, Brian...but the mother is the mother. Blood is blood." In the end, Brian's mom drops the mean mom routine and concedes that Rachel seems pretty cool. Brian's a shoo-in now.
Pete's up next, and he's in Madison! I love Madison. In the summer, it's one of the coolest cities around. Pete claims he goes to the farmer's market every Saturday. By himself? Is that a thing one does? Pete's friends show up at the restaurant, and there's a discussion that involves the line "8 of 10 of Pete's best friends are black" 80% of Pete's friends are black, and he lives in a city where 7% of the population is black. This seems.....unlikely.
Pete's family seems cool, but Pete's family also puts out the "he's not ready for marriage vibe." This seems like a sly way for Pete to get out of having to propose without looking like a dick. Also, there's always one guy/girl that can't pull the trigger on the "L word" on hometowns. This has to be a part of the production meetings, right?
Time for Dean's hometown - Aspen...where the beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Dean's dad is apparently a yogi who has given himself an unpronounceable name that mean's beautiful soul. Rachel can't understand why they haven't talked in two years, and basically tells Dean he needs to tell his dad he loves him.....what's more likely: Dean telling his dad he loves him, or telling Rachel he loves her?
Side note: I missed the first commercial promo for Bachelor in Paradise because a Victoria's Secret commercial for t-shirt bras came on before and in my highly uneducated self needed to figure out if this was a bra you wore as a t-shirt or that you wore under a t-shirt (it's the latter, much to my relief. I was having nightmares of Jocelyn asking for t-shirt bras in a few years and my head exploding.)
Holy shit Dean's dad. Let's all hang on the floor while dad bangs on a gong. Then there is a feather ceremony for Dean's deceased mother. Dean and his dad have some one-on-one time that revolves around Dean's dad praising him for talking through his nail chakras or something. Dean is having so much trouble not punching his dad in the face right now. I'm a huge fan of watching uncomfortable situations, and this is like the Super Bowl of those....although if I'm Dean's dad, I'm a little pissed that we've gotta do this on national tv 11 years after the fact. Dean's dad then gets pissy about being told he wasn't the best dad. Dean's dad then says that what you think of the other person is actually what you think of yourself.....and follows it up by saying his own dad took off and that he "never knew the son of a bitch." AMAZING. In the end, Dean tells both his dad and Rachel that he loves them, but with his dad it was almost sarcastically said. I'll call it a push. Still, he stands as much chance of Rachel saying yes to his proposal as his dad does.
Rose Ceremony time...this is a big one, because the loser gets no nookie in the fantasy suite. Brian gets the first rose, because I think Rachel will lose her shit if she doesn't get that man in a bedroom soon. Eric and Pete take the next two roses, and Dean gets the annual "you're awesome but your family is kooky-dooks" goodbye hug.
See y'all next week for fantasy suites and more contrived conflicts!
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