It Puts the Lotion on Its Skin......

Last night, Jonah decides he wants to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas."  Why he's so into this movie, I have no idea.  He's been walking around the house all weekend quoting Jim Carrey. "th-th-th-THE GRINCH!" was the most common phrase uttered at 814 Riverbow Ave. the past two days.  Rachel and I had no desire to watch it with him - me because it's July and Rachel because she has a hatred for Jim Carrey topped only by her hatred for cats.  So we set him up in our bedroom to watch the movie and hopefully fall asleep.  We headed out to the couch to watch some old episodes of Friday Night Lights.  About half an hour later, Jonah calls me into the bedroom.

"Dad, can I show you something?"
"Sure buddy, what is it?"

He proceeds to get out of bed, walk into the bathroom, get his stool, reach up on the counter and grab a huge bottle of aloe vera lotion, walk back into the bedroom, put the lotion on the nightstand, and get back in bed. 

"That's what you wanted to show me?  That you can get the lotion all by yourself?"
"Yep."
"Ok, but please don't use the lotion while you're in bed."  I could forsee a massive disaster coming, and hoped to avoid it.  Plus, it's extremely creepy when your son asks if he can keep a giant bottle of lotion next to the bed - especially when he's watching Jim Carrey in a giant green suit.  Perhaps I don't really need to worry about that for another decade or so. 

Pretty soon, he calls again and asks if he can use the lotion.  I allow him one pump of lotion from the bottle and he happily starts massaging his arms.  To cut this off at the pass, I take the lotion back into the bathroom and consider the matter closed.

Half an hour later, here comes Jonah, oiled up like a professional wrestler.  He's go so much lotion on, I could smell him across the room.  His skin is glistening like a vampire in sunlight.  His hair has so much in it that it is all stringy and sticking out at strange angles.  This is why being a parent sucks.  How do you discipline a kid when you're laughing hysterically?  There's no way that message gets across correctly.  Plus, he didn't really cause any damage, other than the head sized lotion stain on Rachel's pillow. 

Being a parent is awesome.

One-Upped by Grandma

You try hard to raise a good kid.  You expect him to be polite.  You expect him to listen.   So when you go to the store and he wants to ride in one of those cars strapped to the front of a shopping cart, you expect him not to try and climb on top of it while you're pushing it.  For one thing, those things are longer than a Cadillac and handle about as well as a tank.  There's nothing worse than trying to maneuver one of those things around a promotional display of 4th of July hamburger buns (only $0.49 each when you buy 8 packs!) in the middle of an aisle.  I tell him to stop climbing on it.  He says it's dirty, and he's just washing his car.  Cute, but not acceptable while it's in motion.  So we stop to pick up something.  Immediately he stands up and I have to wait for him to wash the hood.  At this rate, we're going to be at the store forever.  So I say no more washing the car.  Then he stands up and sticks his head out the side and tries to touch all the little cards on the shelves promoting deals.  I say no more standing up, so he tries to do it sitting down.  He's like the velociraptor in Jurassic Park - testing every part of the fence until he finds a weakness.  It's at this point that I realize he is actually listening, and I have to remind myself that 3 year old's can't interpret the meaning behind what I'm saying.  He doesn't understand that "don't stand up" really means "sit there and drive the damn car and THAT'S IT." 

In other news, yesterday Jonah cried when I left for work because he wanted to play with me.  That makes you feel good as a parent.  Last night, grandma came to stay with us.  She's watching him today because our daycare provider is on vacation.  He runs over and gives her a hug and she says "hey buddy, are you ready to play with me?" to which Jonah replies "Yeah!  Dad, when are you going to work?"  I'd only been home from work for roughly two hours.  Nothing like a grandma to burst your parenting pride bubble. Although since he was adamant that he get to share a room with Grandma last night instead of ending up in our bed like usual, I think I'm ok with it.