Gotta say, I'm pretty excited for this episode of the Bachelorette. Bentley comes back - will he tell Ashley the truth, or will he continue to try and play the "the timing isn't right, in another life we could've been together" card?
Also, if any of you are single, please for the love of God apply to be on this show. What do you have to lose? At this point, nobody expects you to get married if you go on the show, so there's no pressure. You get a free trip to LA at the least, and a trip around the world at the best. Ok, maybe you get married at best, but the odds aren't in your favor my friends.
Enter Chris Harrison on his white horse, who still seems to think that it's better for Ashley to be in the same room with Bentley than to just show her the tape of him completely verbally destroying her. I love that he wrote down his room number on a piece of paper, and that Ashley stared at it like it was the Friday Sudoku puzzle in the New York Times. Ashley goes to get her closure in a shirt so thin that you can see her bra through it. I understand that it's hot in Hong Kong, but really?
Bentley answers the door and there's this awkward kiss that looks like it happened between two people that have been talking on Match.com for ten months and just met each other. Ashley then wipes the saliva off his mouth as if he's a toddler that just ate his birthday cake too fast. The odd match.com first date vibe continues as they have strange banter. Ashley finally asks about his kid, who she still thinks is the reason he left. Bentley says "she's good," and then changes the subject to her bug bites, apparently because he'd rather talk about that than his daughter. Ashley then tells Bentley that she doesn't understand and wants to hear where he's coming from. Bentley responds by saying "I think you know where I'm coming from," and follows that up by saying this: "I think you're here for a reason and you're here for a purpose and I think that knowing that I'm home it doesn't look good for me and you and I would implore you to see what you have here I guess," which is essentially the verbal equivalent of taking a bunch of those magnetic words you put on your fridge and putting them together randomly.
Ashley's finally had enough and finally snaps at him a little bit. Bentley uses the classic man tactic of pushing a woman until she snaps, then saying "where you're at, maybe we should end this," as if Ashley initiated the conflict. Classy. Ashley's got her closure as she tells Bentley to "f*ck off" on national tv. Also classy.
Closure? Ashley seems to have it, though I'm shocked that she bounced back as quickly as she apparently did. Evidently she can fall out of love as fast as she can fall in it. She's moved on to a date with Lucas. Ashley claims she hasn't thought about Bentley at all, except of course to acknowledge that she's not thinking about him. Lucas is looking good to go home saying a bunch of inane things like "I like to fish with my buddies" and "I'm having a great time." Surprisingly, he kinda grows on me when they get on the boat. Ashley asks what the hardest thing he's been through. Predictably (and justifiably) he says it's his divorce, but not before throwing in the "aside from family members dying." I'm not sure if that's enough to earn the rose, but I'm a little more nervous about my pick for him to go home. Lucas then refers to the boat they're on as a "pirate" boat. You know, if pirate boats had wine cellars and wait staff instead of cannons and slaves. Lucas gets a rose, and honestly, I think he earned it.
Group date! Of course Ashley matches up Blake and his mortal enemy Ryan, which I'm sure the producers had absolutely nothing to do with. Also humorous is matching up dopplegangers Ben and Constantine. Mickey and Ames seem to think that the rose is based on the winning of this dragon boat race. I'm actually surprised that Ames hasn't told us that he used to Dragon Boat race at Harvard. Ben is wearing a bandana that makes him look like some passively racist kamikaze. They further the subtle racism by donning red robes with dragons on them. To recap, we have one team that's taking it way too seriously in Ames and Mickey, one that's not taking it seriously at all, and may or may not be guilty of misdemeanor hate crimes in Ben and Constantine, and two guys that hate each other. Mickey again feels like winning the trophy means he wins the rose. I have a feeling he's going to be seriously confused at the end of the night.
Surprise! ABC staged a proposal on the beach. Ashley is struck by the serendipity of someone getting engaged on a beach while she's trying to get someone to propose to her! This is something like having the #1 song in the country stuck in your head, and then hearing that song on the radio. Someone proposed at the beach at sunset? OMG! What are the odds!?!?
Time for the after party! Ames gets the first one on one time, and apparently is still feeling the effects of his concussion, because he suddenly thinks he's James Bond and makes out with Ashley without spilling his drink (which I'm sure is shaken, not stirred). Ben uses some form of the word skeptic three times in five seconds, then throws out the triple play of cliches by talking about his walls coming down, ending up with a girl that he loves, and dreams coming true in one sentence.
Ryan gets his one on one time, and says absolutely nothing of consequence, but does smile a lot and kiss her hand. This leads to Ashley giving Ryan the rose, naturally. I seem to remember at various times during this episode guys saying that, if Ryan got the rose, they'd "jump off the 68th floor" or "just go home." Predictably, they do none of these things, because they're in Hong Kong and are hoping to go somewhere else awesome.
Commercial break! Dyson makes a fan with no blades? What kind of alien technology is this?
Ashley pulls out another shirt from the "look I'm wearing a bra!" collection for her date with JP. JP continues to say that Ashley crying about Bentley and falling asleep was the "perfect first date." The poor guy continues to be haunted by the ghost of Bentley, as Ashley spends the majority of the time talking about Bentley again. I'd bet even money that JP has been cheated on in the past. Ashley and JP do seem perfect for each other in that they both seem to be completely oblivious to logic. All I know is that if some girl spent an entire date telling me how much she cared for some other guy, and that she felt guilty about it, I wouldn't thank her for it.
At the rose ceremony cocktail party, it turns out a majority of the guys feel the same way I do. Nobody's really thrilled with Bentley's ghost hanging around. The guys seem shocked that Ashley would love any one guy more than the others. Love is not communism guys, not everyone gets the same amount. Lucas seems madder than anyone, and keeps talking about how he's wasting his time. Of course, he's got a rose, and knows he's safe. He makes no attempt to give it back. If this is some sneaky way to influence the guys still in limbo to pack it up, then it's brilliant. Otherwise he's got a lot of false bravado that makes me hate him again. JP (who's also safe), looks down from his pedestal to criticize the angry guys. Mickey sees an excuse to leave without looking like an ass and begs Ashley to send him home. Ashley calls his bluff and says "if you want to go home, you don't need my permission." I'm not sure that this is how Mickey actually saw this going, but he sticks to his guns and packs his bags. Ashley offers a tearful apology to the guys, and all of a sudden they've gone from anger to pity. Apparently they move on quickly as well.
Ashley tells Chris Harrison she didn't realize it would be this hard. Chris says "these guys have travelled the world for you," as if they've sacrificed something to be here. Ashley then says something about how she wishes she was Jasper from Twilight so the guys could feel what she's feeling (or at least that was my interpretation). Christ then offers the terrible advice to Ashley to "be herself." For a girl that's fueled by her emotions and clearly doesn't think before she acts, "being yourself" will likely result in you doing something you'll regret. In the end, Blake goes home. I'm suprised actually. I thought his strategy made sense: show the same insecurity in yourself that Ashley has expressed in herself, and get an empatheic rose. Of course, a logical and rational strategy will probably only work on a logical and rational girl. Ashley is the antithesis of this.
Scenes from upcoming episodes seem to show that this train wreck gets even train wreckier. I'm not sure how that's possible, but boy am I happy about it!
