My first run-in with the cops of this fine city was a disaster. I wrote about it two years ago, and I'll repost it at the bottom of this post for anyone who doesn't already know the story. It involves a neighbor, some allegedly stolen rocks, and a videotape. Good stuff.


Last night at 2:30 in the morning, my phone starts vibrating on the night stand next to me. I'm expecting it to be my good buddy Dave, who sometimes forgets that we're not in college anymore and gives me a call at odd hours on his way home from the bars. He'd already called me earlier (around 10:30) so I was a little confused. I look at the number and it's local and I don't recognize it. I figure it's a wrong number and put the phone back down. Then my phone gives the obnoxiously vI iolent shake that indicates a message has been left. While I'm checking the message, the call waiting beeps in. Same number! Now I'm panicking that it's the hospital and something's happened to someone in my family or something.

Here's the message: "Hi Andy, this is Officer So-and-So from the Albany Police Department. I'm sitting outside your house right now and your garage door is wide open. It's 2:30 in the morning, just thought you'd want to know. I'll wait a few seconds and call you back."

Really? This cop is driving around calling people whose garage doors are open? So I hang up the phone, and call him back. "Hi officer, I understand you're outside my house right now." "Yes sir, your garage is open." "Thank you for the heads up, I'll shut it right now." Sure enough, he's out there.

I don't know how many times we've left our garage open. Probably at least 20. Why this night the cop decides to track down my cell phone number and give me a call is beyond me. I can't figure out if I should be happy that this guy is trying to prevent crime before it happens, or pissed that he woke me up to lecture me on the safety of my weed whacker and golf clubs. I'd almost rather the cops were issued a universal garage door opener so they could just close them as they drove around neighborhoods. At least that wouldn't have woken me up on one of the hottest nights of the year and made it incredibly difficult for me to go back to sleep.

And now...the rock stealing story.

So last night Rachel and I are nice and comfy on the couch watching National Bingo Night. Yeah, we're that exciting on a Friday night. Around 9:30, there's a knock on our door. I get up and answer it, and to my surprise, there's an officer of the law there. He asks if he can come in and talk to us for a second. "About what?" I ask. He says he has some questions about some rocks. Rachel and I both thought that maybe he wanted to buy them, which would be great since we want to get rid of all the river rock in our backyard. Heck, we'd have given them to him for free. But no, that's not why he was there.

The people in the house behind us have accused us of stealing rock from them. Apparently we have about 4 or 5 pieces of shale in our backyard that look like some rock they have piled up in their yard. So they called the cops. The cop asks us how long we've lived there. I say "since July." He says "this July?" I say "yes." Immediately the cop gets a smile on his face and says "It's only May. How did you move in in July of this year?" Smartass. Obviously I did not move in two months into the future. Yet he seems to think that he caught me in some sort of a lie, because he makes a point to say "so you moved in in July of LAST year."

Once the time of our arrival on Riverbow Ave is established, the cop then asks us if we've ever been in our neighbor's yard. I say no. He says "well he claims he has videotape." Why this guy is videotaping his rock, I have no clue. So I say "wait, this guy says he has me on videotape stealing his rock?" to which the officer replies "well he says he has a videotape......why do you think you're on it?" I reply "I'm pretty sure he doesn't have me on videotape." Now the cop's all over me. "You're pretty sure? So you're saying there's a chance?" Now I'm starting to get annoyed, so I say "can you show me the rock in question?" So we go into the yard, and sure enough, there's some rock back there.....the same rocks that were there when we moved in. We try and explain this to the cop, who says again "have you ever been into your neighbor's yard." And I say again "no, I've never been over that fence." He says "Have any of your friend's ever been in his yard?" To which I say "not to my knowledge." He says "But your friend's could've been in his yard?" Apparently I'm supposed to know everything that everyone I know is doing at all times.

At this point the cop has pissed off Rachel who comes into the yard and says "that rock has been here since we moved in. He probably couldn't see it because there were weeds there which we just pulled last week. We don't want the rocks. If they are that important to him, we will give him the rocks. He can also take these rocks here, and this one there, and there's a few over here he can have too." At this point the cop decides he's had enough and says "thank you for your time."

I don't know what we did to piss our neighbors off, but I'm really starting to hate this place. It's a foregone conclusion now that we won't be living in Albany any longer than we have to. Stupid city.