Somebody needs to explain to me why there's always one older than average student in every single college class. They also need to explain to me why they always feel the need to sit in the front row. I also need to know why the older than average student almost always feels compelled to raise their hand every 2 minutes and either argue with the professor or in some way interject their own opinion into the lecture.
Now, before you start smirking and eagerly click the comment button to make some sort of joke about me being that older than average student, know that I already thought of that joke. So save it. I'm not talking about myself, smartypants. I sit in the back with the athletes and stare at the doodles on my desk like a normal college student.
We have a guy, probably in his early 40's, who talks constantly. We're only in the third week of the term, and he's already comfortable enough not to raise his hand anymore before running his mouth about some personal experience of his. It's a business law class. Our instructor is a former lawyer. We're getting all the first hand knowledge we need from him. Yesterday we learned how his car was hit by a drunk driver while parked on the street 8 years ago and he's still trying to collect money from the guy. He's forking out $6,000 a year in lawyer fees. At this point, he's already spent at least $48,000 trying to recoup money for a car that probably wasn't worth that much. He claimed he drove a Porsche, but I have my doubts. Even if he does win at this point, he's still lost. Let it go.
We're already a full day's lecture behind because of this guy. Seriously. We've had 5 lectures total, and we've only got through 4 lectures worth of material. Our professor will say something pretty general, and Mr. Porsche is always right there to say "well, that's not always true." It's like he knows the exception to every rule. We get it. We get that the world doesn't always abide by its own rules. We get it. Let it go. My favorite was yesterday when he felt the need to interrupt the lecture because he felt that "it was important for everyone in the class to know" some minor detail about public defenders and their ability to go after clandestine meth labs. If it's important for everyone to know, don't you think our teacher is going to cover it? Don't you think we're going to have a quiz on it? Don't you think it will be in the muthaf*cking book if clandestine meth lab crime fighting is relevant to us?
I really can't for the life of me figure out why the older than average student can't figure out that everyone in the class hates them. Did they never go to college when they were of normal age? Did they not hate the older than average student themselves? Why sit in the front row? Can't you see just as well from the third? You already stick out like a sore thumb. Hell, I'm the only person in the class with gray hair wearing a polo and khakis every day. I know that people are like "what's up with that guy?" I get it. I can see fine from the back of class. I keep my yapper shut, unless I'm confused about something, or the prof asks a question and nobody else is answering. I want the class to keep moving. I don't want to be blindsided on a test by a question that we didn't get to cover in class because Porsche McDouche was jacking his jaws.
There's a saying in poker that if you can't spot the sucker at the table, it's you. Well if you can't spot the person in class that everyone hates, it's probably you. In that sense, it's probably a good thing he's in the class, because I'm probably public enemy 2. Either me, or girl who never remembers to put her cell phone on vibrate and gets at least one call per class. Hopefully she gets a new ringtone soon. I'm getting a little sick of Fergie.
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