Lauren gets the first one-on-one, and Ben drives her around to see Warsaw. Fun facts about Warsaw - The Plumlee Brothers are from Warsaw, as well as Tom Metzger - A white supremacist who was grand wizard of the KKK in the 1970's. He takes her to see the movie theater where he shared his first kiss. Ben then goes into great detail about this first kiss, and then re-enacts the whole scene with Lauren, who is forced to play the role of the 12 year old girl who laughed at Ben when he asked her all those years ago. Seemed a bit weird and creepy to me. After that, they drive past his church, which is massive. A couple quick searches on the internet let me know that roughly 25% of the population of the town goes to this church. That is just nutty to me.....lots of groupthink in this community. The date continues on to the youth center, where Ben used to work. They spend time playing with kids, but curiously not together. Ben plays with the boys, Lauren plays with the girls. Ben consoles a crying kid named Eric, and Lauren exclaims "I've never seen anyone interact with a kid the way Ben did." As a flight attendant, you'd think she would've consoled a kid a time or two. Teachers, doctors, coaches....she's never seen anyone say "you look like you need to have some fun?" I'm all for giving Ben credit - he's active in his community, works with kids...these are good things - but let's not act like he's the first person to do these things. The director of the center calls everyone together and challenges Ben to a bet that Ronnie, a special needs kid, can hit a shot from mid-court. If he makes it, Ben has to kiss Lauren. Why we're doing this in front of elementary school kids is beyond me. There's no discussion of what happens if Ronnie misses. Turns out Ronnie is known as "half-court Ronnie" and is some sort of basketball shooting savant, because he drains the shot and shows absolutely no emotion as he nails it. Everyone around him goes nuts, but Ronnie is cool as a cucumber, as if to say "you really thought I'd miss?" I like Ronnie. He's the real MVP of this skit. Ben and Lauren then sneak off to kiss in semi-discreet areas of the rec center, I assume to not suck face right in front of the kids. However, since the cameras still need to see them, they aren't exactly out of sight. This whole thing is kinda weird. I'm happy when this date is over.
Up next, Ben takes JoJo to Chicago. Because the date card can never be entirely straight forward, it says "let's find love in the Windy City." I was actually surprised when none of the girls asked where the Windy City was. Sadly, I spoke too soon, as one of the girls remarks "the Windy City? I suppose it is windy here" as we come back from commercial. They head to Wrigley Field, where Ben explains that his dad and him love the Cubs. JoJo has never played baseball before, and it shows. She awkwardly pitches underhand to Ben, who stops her to say "this has always been a dream of mine, let me soak it in." My dreams usually involve hitting a fastball off of Kerry Wood or Greg Madddux, not a real estate agent from Dallas named JoJo in a "Mrs. Lasselle" jersey, but whatever. They then make out in the outfield, which is kind of cool, but also weird because the jumbotron is showing every tongue-wrestling moment in 1080p HD on a 100 ft screen directly behind them. I actually kind of hope that ABC just added that in post-production, because I can't imagine that's very much fun for Ben or JoJo. JoJo then asks Ben what the large board with scores on it is. "That's a scoreboard" Ben says. "Oh come the f*ck on!" yells Andy at his television.
The three-on-one date is weird, as Ben sits on a truck on a farm and watches the girls fly kites. Nothing of any consequence happens, until he gives Amanda the rose and says "so....Amanda and I are going to continue this date, so ya gots to go" to Becca and Caila. It was a little brusk and cold hearted, and I get the sense neither of them really has a chance to win.
On the date with Amanda, Ben says that the point of bringing them all to Warsaw was to envision what normal life would be like, and one of the normal things he likes to do is to go to McDonalds. I call huge bullshit. For one, there are billions of "normal" things that you can do on a date in your hometown that don't involve a fast food restaurant that literally nobody over the age of 16 is going to take a date to. Second, there's this:
This is some of the worst product placement ever. Ben's "normal" visit to McDonalds involves the world's friendliest cashier complimenting the beauty of his date and chatting him up about everything If this was a normal trip to McDonalds, everyone would be pissed off that it was taking this douche so long to order. He then says that he's "always wanted" to get behind the counter of a McDonalds. NOBODY DREAMS ABOUT WORKING AT MCDONALDS! This is like the shittiest item from the shittiest bucket list of all time. So long as you aren't a felon (and probably even then), you can probably get a job at a McDonald's tomorrow. The two of them then serve people in the drive thru, completing this normal time at McDonalds. My normal trips to McDonalds involve me sitting at a table by myself, staring at my Double Quarter Pounder, crying in shame and whispering "I wish I knew how to quit you."
Emily gets the final date of the week, and she gets to go to Ben's house and meet his parents. She takes this as a good sign. It's not. Emily tries way too hard to oversell herself, rambling and saying things you never say to parents the first time you meet them. Things like "If I could just sit on my couch and watch movies all day every day, I would." While I have no doubt this is true (and I would love to do that as well), you say something like "I love to read" or "I love volunteering" or anything that doesn't immediately make them picture you as a lazy waste of space. Mama Higgins actually breaks down into tears when talking to Ben saying "I heard her talk a lot about her dreams and aspirations, but I didn't hear anything about your aspirations!" What kind of nonsense is this? The woman is supposed to put her own dreams on the back burner for your Benny? Way to set women back fifty years, Mama Higgins. Because Ben is incapable of disappointing his parents, he dumps Emily immediately, saying "I don't see you ever being my wife." Again, there's no good way to dump someone, but this probably isn't the best way. Essentially, he says that she's not mature enough for him, and then Emily proceeds to have one of the most mature exits in Bachelor history. She's obviously upset, but she holds it together. Good for you, Emily. You came in as a total joke, but left with a decent shot to be the Bachelorette...of course your sister might have to come too, and then it's just ridiculous.
Rose ceremony takes place on the steps of what looks to be a spooky abandoned courthouse...giving it the look of a horror movie set, and not the location of a ceremony to extend a rose to a woman that may be your wife. Amanda, Caila, Lauren, and JoJo get the golden tickets to hometowns, leaving Becca out in the cold, and one season of the show closer to being the real life 40 year old virgin. She's only got like 8 more seasons of this to go. I love how Becca is seen as a failure, despite the fact that she's beaten out roughly 45 of the 50 women she's been up against on this show over two seasons. Only on the Bachelor could you be in the 90th percentile of desirability amongst some of the most attractive women in the country, and view yourself as a failure. My guess is she goes on Bachelor in Paradise this summer, says 'to hell with my morals,' hooks up with Chris Bukowski and then ends up marrying Jared from Kaitlyn's season.
No comments:
Post a Comment