We start with the conclusion of last week's rose ceremony, where Ben pulled Olivia aside. Instead of asking her why other girls are saying she's rude and mean to them, he essentially asks her why she's not getting along with his ten other girlfriends. Olivia gives the standard "I'm not here to make friends, I'm an introvert (an introverted TV newsperson - right), blah blah blah. Ben eventually has heard enough and has made his point that she's on thin ice. As I said last week, he's made his point, now he can send her home without a rose at the next rose ceremony. More on this later. The girls see Ben come back with Olivia still holding a rose and they're not happy about it. "This means someone that deserves to be here is going home," one of them whines to the camera. This line of thinking holds no merit, as the only reason anyone deserves to be there is if Ben still wants to have sex with them. Ben made the decision that he'd rather have sex with Olivia than Jennifer, and as a result sent her home. The girls always seem to forget that being nice won't carry the day in most situations. The same reason they probably dated a meathead quarterback in high school over the nice kid with bad acne in the drama class that volunteered at a soup kitchen and helped them with their math homework.
The group travels to the Bahamas and Chris Harrison makes an appearance to let the ladies know there will be a one-on-one, group, and a two-on-one date. Caila is the "lucky" winner of the one-on-one. Leah is pissed. She's the only person remaining to not get a one-on-one, and is clearly upset that Ben chose to go on a second one-on-one with Caila before giving her a shot. As if to grind the knife further, Ben sits on the couch right between Caila and Leah before talking about how excited he is to go on his date. Again, more on this later.
Caila and Ben go out to partake in one of Ben's "favorite activities:" deep sea fishing. How deep sea fishing became the favorite activities of this dummy from Indiana is beyond me. That's like a Hawaiian saying their favorite activity is building a snowman. Just imagine this, but with Lilo instead of Anna:
The date itself is pretty unremarkable, other than Ben grilling Caila for some juicy backstory on her life that she's unwilling to give up. She then says some weirdly vague bullcrap about feeling "like I'm in love with you" but being unable to fully love someone because she's afraid of hurting him. Ben says "you're hurting me right now" and Caila apologizes. Ben then says that her confusion and non-answers are sexy because they prove she's not happy all the time. I give up on this dude. "By all means, Caila, stop smiling and being fun to be around. It turns me on so much when you talk in circles and confuse the crap out of me."
Caila also makes reference to Leah being upset that Ben picked her for a second one on one, but refuses to name her when Ben grills her for information. Ben sucks. More on that later.
The real fun of this episode starts with the group date, which involves taking a boat to a small island inhabited by swimming pigs. Ben thought it'd be fun to get everyone in a bikini and feed pigs chicken sausages. A few things I really like; women in bikini's, tiny uninhabited islands, chicken sausage, and pigs. What I do not like is all of these things together. This group date was the equivalent of puppymonkeybaby.
It is not sexy in any way when a girl is running for her life holding a processed meat tube over her head as a ravenous pack of pigs bears down on her. Poor JoJo at one point was nearly dragged under by an unstoppable porcine wave. Of course, Ben immediately says "this date is great. Everyone's having a great time with the pigs. Some girls are feeding them, others are trying to pick them up! Some girls are having the pigs chase them around!" No Ben, those girls are running for their damn lives. Those pigs are trying to eat their little piggies. The only direction Ben gave the ladies was to cross their arms over their chests to get the pigs to stop. In reality, all that gesture accomplishes is keeping their bikini tops on as the pigs rake their grubby hooves all over them in search of more hot dogs. What a nightmare.
Ben continues to show he has his finger on the pulse of the ladies by pulling JoJo aside and saying "isn't this great?" JoJo can't even lie to him and tell him she's having a good time. She's like "you get that this is weird for everyone, right?" Ben does not get it. Instead of sympathising with JoJo, he instead basically chides her for not supporting HIM. "You get it, though JoJo. Out of everyone here, you know how hard this is for me." For you? Poor Benny, having to figure out how to juggle dating nine women so desperate for his attention they're willing to be eaten alive by pigs to prove how much they love him. What an idiot. No girl is going to give him that validation....
.....except Becca. When he pulls Becca aside, she says "yeah it's tough, because it's pretty obvious you have a real strong connection with Lauren B. But I'm OK with that, because I like you so much."
I'm pretty sure that Becca just said that she was totally cool with him being madly in love with someone else because she likes him enough to let him do that. Suddenly her virginity makes so much more sense. Her boyfriends don't have sex with her because they're too tired from BANGING THE OTHER GIRLS SHE'S OK WITH THEM BANGING! What a disaster.
Ok, back to Leah. She's desperate to stay around, because, much like Becca, she's so into this guy who is so into other guys that she needs to find a way to be with him. Leah hatches a plan to sabotage one of the other girls relationships with Ben. Incredibly, she decides to go after Lauren B. It's become clear that all the girls understand that Ben feels differently about Lauren B. than all the other girls. You don't bring down the biggest wildebeest on a hunt, Leah. You peel off the slowest, ugliest animal in the herd and you kill it.
Anyways, Leah's plan almost works to perfection, as Lauren B. interrupts her just as she's telling Ben what a manipulative witch she is. Ben immediately tells Lauren that he really likes her, but this one negative comment he got from a rival girl has him all flustered. Somehow, Lauren B. doesn't put it together that Leah might've been the culprit. She goes back to all the other girls and sobs to them about how someone told Ben she was mean. Leah walks in and says "someone said you were mean? Well it wasn't me!" Jesus, way to go Leah. She played that about as cool as Jim Carrey after he farted in the elevator:
As if to double down on her idiocy, Leah then goes to see Ben again later that night. She tells the cameras that she's going to give Ben one last chance to get to know her, and then proceeds to spend all her time bad-mouthing Lauren again. Not surprisingly, Ben says "yeahhhh I think we're done here" and sends her home. Another one of my favorites melts down. Lauren B, you're all I have left.
The two-on-one date between Haley and Olivia could've been much more awkward and memorable, but the terrible weather they had cut this bit short. Nobody was really interested in hanging out on that island longer than they had to. Ben goes totally cold-blooded and picks up the rose before escorting Olivia down the beach to tell her "you see this rose? This rose is not for you." and leaving her alone on the beach as he prances back down to Haley to roll around on a blanket with her, before boarding a boat with her and leaving Olivia alone with her thoughts. I did get a kick out of Olivia pleading her case by trying to distinguish herself from the other dumb girls by saying "intellectual things are my jam" and then telling Ben "she's come to a lot of important realizations lately." Ben questioned her on this, and not having anything really to say, she just blurted out "I love you." What a mess.
The episode ended with a rose ceremony and the lesser of the two remaining Lauren's being sent home. The previews for the rest of the season look intriguing as Ben is evidently going to pull a reverse Brad Womack and propose to two women as opposed to none. Or probably not. Damn you, ABC and your misleading edits.
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