Ben followed in the footsteps of so many Bachelors before him and woke the girls up at an insanely early time - if I were the girls, I'd be nervous at how easily the hotels they stay at give up room keys - and of course they all freak out at being seen in such a disheveled state. Lauren H. in particular had a rough time being seen in her retainer. With the retainer in and her hair a mess, she kind of looked and sounded like one of my all time favorite movie characters:
On to the group date! They made Mexican food or whatever, but really all you need to know is Jojo said this:
Nobody talks like this in real life. NOBODY.
At the afterparty, Jubilee talks a good game about getting to Ben first and making her presence felt, but she puts forth hardly any effort as Olivia once again crowbars her way into Ben's personal bubble. As Olivia says that making food with Ben (that the chefs thought was terrible by the way) made for the "best day ever," Jubilee commands one of the other girls to go break them up so that she can talk to Ben. Why another girl would do this for her, I have no idea. Anyways, nobody accommodates Jubilee, and she's getting madder and madder as Ben grabs girl after girl to talk to first. Except Lauren B. He doesn't so much talk to her as plant his DNA all over her mouth with his tongue in every corner of the city. Because nothing says romance like aggressive kissing in a Mexican alley. He is clearly smitten with Lauren B. in a way he's not with the other girls.
Finally, he comes a-calling for Ms. Jubilee, who is bound and determined to make him pay for disrespecting her all night. She starts by refusing to hold his hand in front of the other girls. She claims that this is because she "doesn't want to offend anyone." At first this logic made no sense to me, but remember how the girls basically thought that the back rub he gave her after Lace went home was tantamount to Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee on a boat, I kind of get where she's coming from. She then chides Ben for making her have to wait and watch him date other girls and OH MY GOD do we have to do this every season? There's always one girl who fails to grasp the realities of the show she's on and demands to be treated like she would be if she weren't on television. They love the fancy clothes and extravagant dates in exotic locations, but are completely unwilling to accept the pesky little detail of the twenty other women and cameras everywhere that make the other stuff possible. It always cracks me up when the girls play the "you need to prove to me that you like me more than the other girls" card on this show. I know that probably works for them back in the real world. Back home, there's not twelve girls that look incredible in bikinis hanging on his every word either. Why would Ben waste his time and energy with the one girl basically begging for him to prove his affection when the other ten girls just light up when he walks into the room and looks in their general direction? Don't make it hard on yourself, Jubes. She then says "I look at the Laurens (blonde) and the Olivias (blonde) and the Beccas (blonde) and realize that I'm not that kind of girl. I think this is a subtle reminder to Ben that she's not white and reminding him that some people might see him as racist for dismissing her, but it's too late though: she asks if he sees a future together, and he says "based on the other relationships, I'd have to say no." Then, amazingly, he asks her if she would agree that it's time for her to go home. Because yes, she'd much rather go home than continue traveling the world on ABC's dime, Ben. What a dummy.
He then returns to the group and makes an overdramatic speech that involves the term "Jubilee was someone who from the very beginning intrigued me greatly." Like I said, I think he realized this might be the only chance a dorky white guy from Indiana would ever get to date a black girl and then break up with her for no apparent reason without repercussion. Jubilee just made the whole process easier for him by getting all clingy. I kept waiting for the shot of Jubilee talking in the car to her mom, but then I remember that everyone she know is dead, except for her commanding officer and whomever it was that taught her to play the cello. She'll be alright. Oh, and somehow Olivia gets the rose, despite Lauren B. getting most of his time (and his tongue). This will be important later. Also, the girls are PISSED at his decision. Also important.
Lauren H. gets the second one-on-one date, which involved Mexican fashion week. Ben tells us that a lot of people don't know that Mexico City is known for its fashion, which seems like a huge contradiction to me. How can something be "known" if most people don't know it. Most people don't know that I'm known for being the best Bachelor blogger on the internet either. Lauren H. is nice, they seem to get along well, but the rest of the date is boring. She gets a rose.
Prior to the rose ceremony, the girls are all talking and Amanda is talking about her baby daddy and all the fun stuff that comes with sharing custody, and Olivia says "this sounds like an episode of Teen Mom that I watched." Now, Olivia is like 23 years old and probably doesn't have any friends who even have kids yet, so I'm willing to give her a little grief and then move on. The girls, however, are not as understanding. Granted, Olivia's a much bigger annoyance in their lives than mine, so their anger is more of a "lifetime achievement award" towards Olivia than anything else.
Remaining Twin (I think it's Emily) is really upset about all this and calls Dumped Twin (Haley). Remaining Twin has been the most likable she's been all season this episode, but as soon as she gets on the phone with her twin, it's like she morphs into this ditzy valley girl instantly and starts talking in a whiny voice and everything is SO DRAMATIC. I just watched an Episode of How I Met Your Mother where they talk about the phenomenon of "revertigo" - where you change and evolve over time, but when you see someone from your past, you instantly become who you were the last time you were with them. Like Lily in this scene with her high school friend Michelle. Anyways Remaining Twin decides to tell Ben how terrible Olivia is, and once she becomes the Jackie Robinson of tattling, the other girls line up for their turn in the big leagues. One after another, they all tell Ben what a monster Olivia is to them.
Now Ben's in a situation. He's already given Olivia a rose, but she's also clearly someone that everyone else hates. He postpones the rose ceremony to talk to Olivia, and that's where this episode ends. Will he take back the rose? I don't think so. Ben's been very conscious of other people's feelings throughout this season, and I don't think he'll want to be the first bachelor to rip a rose away from someone. More than likely, he'll just tell Olivia "look, the other girls hate you, and now I have to pay more attention to that. Watch yourself." and then sit back and watch the fireworks next week as Olivia self destructs and either sends herself home or he can be entirely justified in dismissing her. If you start messing with the sanctity of the rose, I'm not sure what the point of the show is anymore.
And I'll just end this now, because clearly I'm tired. I just tried to defend the structure and morality of The Bachelor television series.
TO BE CONTINUED.......
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