Britt says "she didn't see this coming at all." Either she was over confident, or she failed her probabilities class in high school. Kaitlyn is happy, and yet her first words are "is Britt OK?" Classy move by her. In a complete lack of understanding of how the show works, Kaitlyn seems shocked that Chris tells her she has to send some guys home. Kaitlyn then calls her mom, who tells her she's proud of her. For what? For being attractive and funny enough to get a bunch of horny guys to pick her over the other attractive and less funny girl? Some parents are easy to please.
In another moment that has become a staple of premiere week, Kaitlyn tells the guys that she truly thinks that she's looking at her future husband in the room. The guys all of sudden morph into "hey it's time for us to impress her!" mode. Josh from Idaho makes a strong impression by giving her a steel welded rose that he made. Kaitlyn thinks it's "hot" that he made a rose out of metal. Harrison then shows up with the first impression rose, and Kaitlyn feels like she hasn't been Bachelorette long enough to have to make a decision. I would think that the first impression rose would be the easiest decision (aside from sending the guy who drank too much home) they'd have to make. Is he attractive? Does he have a real job, and not a made up job like auto spokesman or sex coach? Did he not bore me in the thirty seconds I talked to him? Congrats, you get a rose! How often does the first impression rose winner actually make it to the finale? It doesn't mean anything. Just pick someone you don't hate.
We get a nice little segment of guys who wanted Britt trying to mask their disappointment. Tony says something about how everyone has to drink from the same drinking fountain, but he's ready to head home to dig his own well. I think that means he's gonna go home and give himself a long, firm handshake below the belt if you know what I mean. I think you do. Jared can't wait to tell Kaitlyn that he voted for Britt, which just seems like one of those things that you don't just come out and say off the bat. I mean, I wouldn't lie about it, but you don't need to say "hey, I'm pretty happy you're the Bachelorette and all, but I voted for the other girl." JJ says he was 1000% in for Kaitlyn and then tells her he has a 3 year-old daughter and thinks that's going to be a strike against him, but Kaitlyn thinks he's great. I think he's weird. Dentist Chris tells Kaitlyn that "no one is more deserving of this than you" and gets a kiss out of it. Jared is starting to second guess his idiotic decision to out himself as pro-Britt (duh?) and wonders is Kaitlyn feels the same way he does. About what? About Britt? Probably not bro.
The kiss count moves to two as the not-a-sex-coach Shawn gets the first impression rose. Kaitlyn is not holding back...she's not here to play hard to get, she's here to get them hard.....hey-oh!
Rose ceremony time! Dentist Chris, Ben H., JJ, Kentucky Joe, Koopah(?), Daniel, Not Drunk Ryan, Josh the Rose Welder, and Sensitive Tony get roses, prompting some of the guys to get a little frosty that guys who voted for Britt are getting roses. They think that the pro-Britt crowd should opt-out of the rest of the show. Wonder if they'd feel the same way if the vote had gone the other way?
Brady, the guy who sings songs of spiritualism, apparently has had enough of this business, and one-ups Too-Honest Jared and tells Kaitlyn he was so into Britt that he's taking off to pursue her. Hilariously, the guys think that he's back there trying to talk himself into Kaitlyn's good graces. Also hilarious is that, as Harrison takes him off to find Britt, the sun is coming up! What an exhausting process. I'm definitely too old to go on a reality show.
Back to the roses, as Clint, Cory, Jonathan the Car-Lorax, Cory the Second, Second Ben, Tanner, All-In Ian (who made no bones about his pro-Kaitlyn stance), Justin, and Too-Honest Jared collect the roses. Looks like Jared's bold move paid off. That was a big risk, but he cashed it in. If he'd been the second guy to announce he'd picked Britt, he might be going home.
Moving on to scenes upcoming - they go to Ireland, they spontaneously jump into a pool despite the fact that there was a waterproof camera ready to film them, the go to the Alamo, she kisses all the guys, Amy Schumer! the guys are jealous, of course they fight, Nick the A-hole from Andi's season is back and apparently a major threat to win Kaitlyn, more angry dudes, Kaitlyn has sex with a dude who then runs naked across a golf course, lots of Kaitlyn tears, she tells the guys she had sex, someone burns a picture, guys cry, the dudes get lost in a hotel, more Kaitlyn tears, and a lot of "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me a bad person" comments. I feel like these are things that wife beaters and child molesters say the first time they get caught.
In any event, on to week 2!
No comments:
Post a Comment