Bachelor in Paradise, Week 4: Double up Unnh, Unnh!

I like my episodes real thick and juicy.......

I don't care that this show is staged beyond belief.  I don't care that these people are getting paid to fake fall in love.  I just love that there's people willing to do this stuff for my enjoyment.  It's awesome.

Let's see if we can pack all four hours of this week's goodness into one blog.  The flip flopping between Monday and Tuesday's episode was impressive.  For example:

Cody on Monday:  Claire, I'm here for you and only you.  So much so, I will give this date card away because I don't want to date anyone here.
Cody on Tuesday:  Michelle, it's you or nobody girl.  I'm only here for you.

Side note....does Cody remind anyone else of Chris Griffin, or is it just me?

Michelle on Monday:  I'll never find love!  I'll never get out of Utah!
Michelle on Tuesday:  This thing with Cody is amazing.  It's moving too fast!

Clare on Monday:  Nothing will come between Zach and me!
Clare on Tuesday:  I'm out of here.  Zach doesn't know what he wants.

Graham on Monday:  AshLee is freaking me the hell out.  I'm not sure I can do this.
Graham on Tuesday:  AshLee is like a sports car.  I love driving her!

Other things that need addressing (in no particular order):

• Jesse is living proof that looks will get you everywhere with some people.  He fooled Jackie right up until he too Christy on a date.  Christy then tells him how her ex boyfriend cheated on her and she found a bra in his bed (I'm sorry, but who are these people who forget their undergarments in other people's beds?  When you're getting dressed after a covert humping, isn't that something you'd grab first?  You don't just forget to put on a bra.  Unless this was some sort of "Kristy found the bra but conveniently didn't see the naked girl crouched behind the laundry basket" scenario).  When Jesse finds out that he denied knowing how it got there, he gleefully blurts "that's what I would've done!"  Kristy, rightly says "so you've been in this situation before?" at which point Jesse just starts singing Shaggy lyrics and is saved by a "stray" dog (with a collar!), because girls love dogs and will stop whatever they're doing to pet them and baby-talk to them.  Lucy then shows up, takes off her clothes and goes on a date with Jesse.  Lucy says that he is "hot, funny, and smart."  Nice is not a quality she saw in him.  She knows he's a douche, but doesn't care.  Somehow, Christy sees it as an attractive quality in men that they are willing to go on dates with her friends.  Naturally, they all end up in bed together. 
• Lacy gets dehydrated and everyone acts like she's got bit by the Outbreak monkey.  The girl straight up ran to the bathroom to throw up, and all of a sudden she needs a stretcher?  Then Marcus is spooning her in a gurney while she gets checked out by a doctor?  First off, if I was a doctor, I'd refuse to help anyone who was in an emergency room but felt well enough to spoon.  If it's an end of life thing, that's different, but I'd refuse to administer an IV to someone whose boyfriend was rubbing his junk on her butt at the same time.  OVER THE LINE.  If they allow that stuff in Mexico, I'm never going.  Don't trust doctors who encourage this behavior.
• Marcus loves Lacy.  He accidentally tells her.  She's happy.  He tells her for real.  She's super happy.  Does she say it back? 

• Sarah does everything short of sedating Robert and tongue raping him to get him to kiss her, and yet she thinks he's totally into her?  At one point, she's sitting in his lap in a secluded pool and their faces are about three inches apart.  She says something about "getting more comfortable," so he positions himself so that HE CAN NO LONGER SEE HER FACE.  Basically he looked like he was getting ready to burp her.  Finally he sees no other option, so they kiss, and she's super pleased to have won this battle of attrition.  Of course scenes from next week make it look like she's totally into the new guy, whomever that is.
• AshLee is still pissed that Clare had sex in the ocean with Juan Pablo.  Why, I have no clue.  Also, she thinks nobody will hear her say it because there's not a camera on her?  Apparently she forgot about the giant microphone she's got taped to her ass at all times.  Also, what does the fact that it's "caught on camera" matter?  By the time Clare (or anyone else really) sees the footage, you'll have been long gone from the island.  Such a contrived, bullshit story line.
• Cody asks Clare on a date.  Clare wants to talk to Zack to "see what he'd say."  Zack says "I'm not going to tell you not to go."  Clare says "well, what if some girl asked you on a date - would you say yes?"  Zack's answer: "depends on who the girl is."  Worst answer ever.  Unless of course he was trying to get her to dump him, in which case, he's a genius.  I vote for the latter, because when she did leave, not once did he try to stop her.  In fact, HE HELPED HER PACK.
• Jackie - so hot, so boring.  Maybe this means she'd be the only person you could actually hang out with in a non-reality show setting.  Maybe not. 
• Kalon (much like Lucy) was brought in just to cause a ruckus and get the hell out.  Neither of them had any intention of staying.  Kalon's whole goal seemed to be to test the limits of what ABC would allow him to say on air. ("I'm looking for 5'10" and some boobs," "I'd love to motorboat those things," and whatever that was he said about a "tight Mexican hole."  Ugh.
• Jesse's liberal use of the term "what's-her-nuts" was wonderful, and it may make its way into my daily vocabulary.