Bachelor in Paradise, Week 3: Geography Lesson

So, we've established how this show is going to go now:  Every week, somebody new shows up and takes one of the veterans on a date.  Then, as soon as that date is over, another new person shows up and takes the same vet on a date.  DRAMA.  The editors are earning their paychecks this season though:  First the raccoon, then sound bites of Chris grunting over his "injured" knee as the lights go out in his hotel room with Elise.  I have serious doubts as to the validity of his knee actually being injured, because these people have cameras on them all the time, yet they missed a significant event like that?  No way. 

All that was background noise though to the train wreck Michelle Money was this week.  Let me sum up her episode:  "What Marquel and I have is special.  Nothing can come between us.  Except that I'm going to encourage this new girl to take Marquel on a date.  I can't believe he accepted the date!  Screw him, I never liked him anyways.  Secretly, I've been pining for Robert (who also happens to be the only guy not hooking up with anyone at the moment.)  That's who I really want to date!  Wait, there's Jackie!  I wish she'd take her butt back to the mainland. 

Nevermind the fact that we are not on an island (unless you count the Americas as the largest island since Pangea), I want her out of here because she's sooooooooo pretty.  Thank God she picked that man-whore Marquel for her date...I hate that guy.  Robert is amazing.  He'll totally pick me over that one-armed insecure whiner Sarah....wait what?  I'm going home?  How'd that happen?   Wait....what's Chris saying?  He's giving me his rose because I deserve love?  Damn right I deserve love.  Even though every guy here had a chance to give me a rose and gave it to another girl, I deserve to stay here and do the other girls hair as they get ready for their dates.  I'm not ready to go home to my daughter, I am going to stay on the island of Mexico until love comes my way.  That next guy who gets off the plane better understand how much I love him even though I haven't met him yet."

It was exhausting watch her play the desperate old single lady.  That next guy isn't going to be three steps into the compound before this happens:

Good luck, buddy.  Hope you like biological clock ticking single moms.

In other news, Jackie continues to be the most attractive and boring person ever to grace the Bachelor show, Claire is distraught about her dad dying a decade ago until she sees a pregnant turtle, which apparently is her dad reincarnated to tell her it's ok to be happy, and AshLee has regained the throne of craziest person on the beach, although Graham slightly overreacted to the news that she follows his instagram feed.  You could set that shit to private if you don't want crazy desperate women looking at your photos, Graham Cracker.