Anyways, off to Venice. The guys meet Andi, and they seem pretty shocked that there's no date card. Is this really a big deal to them? Cody is convinced he'd get the first one on one date, which of course means he won't. And of course the date goes to Nick, the guy Cody went off on for being an arrogant douche and called "bro" fifty thousand times last week. DRAMA!
Side note: Venice looks awesome. I'll add that to my list of cities I want to visit but won't see until the kids are out of college. Andi says "I know this probably wasn't a popular choice with the guys, but they need to trust me." So they're all supposed to be ok with you taking the same guy out over and over? If they are, they aren't here for the right reasons, Andi.
The non dating guys give us the requisite "this hotel is amazing!" plug - I wonder how many people make their travel plans based on where ABC puts people up during this show. They walk around and order pizza and take pictures with pigeons. What I don't understand is why Andi would think a one-on-one date would prove to her that Nick's performance on the last group date was an aberration...wouldn't throwing him in another group date figure this out a little better? Apparently not, as Andi feels "much better" about Nick now. Every season is the same...the group dates are always disasters, everyone puts on their best face during the one-on-ones, and then it goes back to drama central the next time everyone's together. Rinse, wash, repeat.
Meanwhile, the group date card comes, and Cody's not on it. He does an idiotic dance and eloquently states his feelings by saying "one-on-one...me." This guy is so going home on this date. He's a complete idiot. He's getting ready to show Andi he's more than muscles and a nice tan and a Chris-Griffin-from-Family-Guy voice. Sadly for him, those muscles are the only reason he's still around, and once Andi gets to know "the real Cody," he's going to be on his way back to the states to eat his egg white omelets and crossfit classes. I love all the "aww, buddy!" comments Cody gets from the other guys. It's like when the autistic kid finally checks into the last basketball game of the season.
Time for dinner at something called a Masquerade Hall. Italians made places specifically to mingle while concealing your identity? Furthermore, I love the irony of people on the Bachelorette using this place to help Andi find out just who Nick is. They again go over what a Grinch Nick was on the group date. Cody gets brought up, and Andi says "I find it very attractive when a man is liked by other men," which may be the weirdest statement ever. I get that you want to be able to hang around other people with your significant other....but I've never been like "you know what makes that person super attractive? Other people like them!" Andi asks Nick if he feels he's a front-runner, to which he replies with something about how special their connection is. I wasn't really paying attention because I was distracted by the pouty duck face Andi put on. So annoying! How do you have a serious conversation with someone who is making that face at you? It looks like she's bored/not buying it/drunk/disinterested. This is the opposite of what she's actually feeling, because she's totally digging him and gives him a rose. They then go over being in a Masquerade Ball and how he's been hiding his feelings behind a mask and oh my God make it stop.
Group date time, and Andi's hand wringing over her secret admirer letter. Andi takes them to a castle filled with suits of armor and swords. She's super enjoying hanging these guys out to dry. She looks like she's really excited to find out the results of this test, when we all know that she's going to be devastated by whatever she finds out. Already, Chris is like "I've been hiding something from her." Josh is wondering if he's going to get tortured. Clearly they know how reality shows work.
Andi goes first. "Is Italy your favorite country in the world?" She says yes. I say bullshit. She'd live there if it was her favorite country. Why wouldn't you live in your favorite country? The guys go next, and the questions are the standard "are you here for the right reasons?" "are you ready for marriage?" Until Dylan gets going. "have you slept with more than 20 women?" "Do you wash your hands after going to the bathroom?" He answers both these questions incorrectly from the perspective of what Andi's probably wanting to hear. Then he tells Andi he's not feeling well and needs to go home. Wow. Andi then acts like he's her seven year old son and asks him where it hurts. Unbelievably Dylan responds like a seven year old by patting his belly and his head. This was one of the stupidest things I've ever seen. Ferris Bueller is proud of that performance, Dylan. He's my front runner to go home at the end of the show tonight now. Chris 'fesses up to being the secret admirer in one of the least surprising reveals ever.
The scary Italian lie detectors reveal the results and tell us know who lied, but they omit Dylan. The guys know Andi lied about Italy being her favorite country. Turns out Andy Lasselle is a human lie detector. Andi ends up ripping up the results of the test, robbing us of any sort of resolution and rendering the entire date worthless. Why go on a date where you're going to be separated from the guys for most of the time and then not get any sort of payoff? Holy crap I hate this show.
Brian then gives Andi the most unsuccessful lie detector test ever. Then he asks her three questions: "Is your name Andi?" "Have you ever been in love?" and "Do you want to make out?" She says no to which Brian giggles and screams "you're lying!" and gets his kisses. He then tells the camera "I think Andi was surprised that I showed initiative." I think she probably was surprised that Brian was able to make a move so far from a basketball court.
Marcus then wins the night by telling her he was thinking about leaving, but then saying he loves her and getting a pretty serious make out session. Andi can't believe that this amazing man who loves her thought about leaving. I'd be real surprised if anyone else got the rose tonight. Josh completely botches the lie detector follow up time by saying "I'm glad you ripped up the results" Andi starts in with that attitude she reserved normally for Juan Pablo. Josh forgot the cardinal rule of dating Andi....it's all about Andi, and you do not question her motives or her methods. Eric found that out when he said that he felt she was acting in front of the cameras, and NOW HE'S DEAD. Coincidence? I think not.
Chris reveals to Andi he's the secret admirer and gets his kiss, which is not nearly as romantic as the Marcus make out sesh. High five for the sly butt caress though, Chris. You're not such a shy farmer either. Maybe you're actually a Naughty Farmer:
Of course, Andi gives the rose to Chris, making me look stupid. You know what's even stupider? Giving a rose to a guy for revealing he wrote you secret admirer notes over the guy who straight told you he loved you. Marcus, you got hosed buddy.
Since Nick wasn't on the group date, JJ takes it upon himself to be salty about everything. He's tired of everyone fist bumping and giving "atta boys" to each other. JJ's finding it harder to enjoy other people's success on this "journey," but feels he has to, or be branded an a-hole. He's got a point. (see: Douchebag, Nick).
Andi says that "her relationship with Cody is definitely the furthest behind (because you haven't taken him on a one-on-one date yet, idiot), but that's why I waited this long to see if maybe it takes Verona to bring out the romance between us." If it takes an Italian village to make you guys feel like kissing, I'd say you probably already know your answer, Andi.
They go to something called a "Juliet Club." Apparently people write letters to Juliet asking for romance advice. So they're looking for romance advice from one of the most romantic characters in literary history, and instead they get advice from Cody. This is almost like those commercials where people go into fancy steakhouses and find out they're eating Walmart meat. Of course they read a letter from a guy who really likes this girl, but always shares his time with her with a bunch of other guys. WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?
Time for dinner, and Chris chooses the sport coat/V-neck combo. His V-neck is more like a V-navel. That thing's cut deeper than the Grand Canyon. Andi counters with a leather jacket and tight, flesh colored pants. A match made in heaven! Cody, of course, has written his own letter to Juliet. He praises Juliet for living the greatest love story of all time.....which always cracks me up because it ends in a murder/suicide. How is that more romantic than being married for 70 years? McAdams and Gosling probably have a better claim on the "greatest love story."
Cody starts going off on how much he loves Andi, and Andi just breaks down and starts crying and feels that she's not deserving of his affection, so she sends his ass home. Cody, despite his over-bubbly enthusiasm, doesn't seem that fazed by the whole thing. Just kind shakes his head and says "well, that sucks." Cody's bag gets pulled out of the hotel, and the reaction from the guys is "meh." Despite not really feeling any sort of romantic affection for the guy, Andi cries some big ass crocodile tears and talks about how hard it was. Were I Cody, I would've said "if it's breaking you up this much to send me away, shouldn't that tell you something?" Then hop in the van and let her stew on that for the rest of her life. BOOM.
Cocktail Party time! Chris and Nick are safe. My guess for the guy joining Cody on his way out is Dylan. Nick grabs Andi immediately, and the guys are all bitter. I'd love to see all the guys just standing at the door saying "hey can I steal you for a second?" Andi, of course, loves it and says that Nick "is a man." Dylan comes in to steal her, and Andi looks like the cheerleader who's dad walked in while she was getting handsy under the blanket during a movie on the couch. The guys start in on Nick for not respecting the "bro code." How dare you try to spend time with her?
JJ goes in for the kiss, Brian reads a note (the coward's way out), and Marcus reiterates how much he loves her. Josh and Andi have another grouchy conversation, which should end with Josh angrily yelling "Damnit Andi, I love you! Don't you understand that?" But of course it doesn't. Even if he didn't mean it, it'd be a pretty good way to extend your stay on the show.
Andi and Harrison have a talk, which would've been much better if Harrison had pulled out a second copy of the lie detector results and asked Andi again if she'd like to see them, but of course he doesn't. Really missed a golden opportunity there, ABC.
Finally, we get to the rose ceremony, and Andi sends home.....JJ. Well, I should've known the guy who said "one of us is going home at the end of the week, and I have no clue who it's going to be and it scares the hell out of me." FORESHADOWING.
Tune in next week when Brian and Chris go home.
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