JJ is a bad guy. Clint is not quite as bad of a guy, but still very arrogant. Clint and JJ get along. They like to joke about performing sex acts on each other. Clint decides joking around with JJ is more fun than trying to date Kaitlyn, but his macho bro-code won't let him lose a girl to another guy, so he turns on the machismo. Kaitlyn kinda likes hooking up with dudes, so she's down with him. Other guys tell her Clint and JJ are idiots, so she confronts Clint. Clint doesn't like being challenged, so he gets testy. Kaitlyn tells him to leave. Before he leaves, JJ throws him under the bus and asks for an apology. Now Clint wants to fight JJ. JJ feels so bad about using his friend's demise for personal gain that he does this:
Get it together man!
Nick returns, lays on the charm, still befuddles me why any girl likes this guy. Kaitlyn really likes him though, and invites him back to her room. When he leaves, she suddenly decides that it was a bad idea. She doesn't regret having sex, mind you. She regrets that it might damage the rest of her relationships. She should probably just hump the rest of the guys to make it equitable. I think that's probably her best course of action here.
Ian wants to be on Broadway. However, he gets passed over for a nerdy dentist. This sends him into one of the most epic rants ever on the show. In case you've forgotten. Ian:
- Is a very talented singer
- Went to Princeton
- CHEATED DEATH
- Has been around the world MULTIPLE TIMES
- Has LOTS of sex in his real life
- Had a girlfriend that was ten times hotter than Kaitlyn.
He then proceeds to tell Kaitlyn most of this, while also throwing in that she's dumb and sort of a slut. He then says he was disappointed she wasn't as "deep" as him, then proceeds to exclaim "I need to have sex." Ian is an idiot.
Shawn was one of my favorites. I was surprised by his sick burns in the rap battle, and he definitely had that Ryan Gosling vibe working for him. Unfortunately, he then decided to tell Kaitlyn about how he was in a serious car wreck six years ago that left him in the hospital for two months, but it was worth it because if he hadn't almost died, he wouldn't be her with her. Car crash stories - you've heard one, you've heard them all, right?
He then shows her pictures of his sister and his dog and then flips out when he doesn't get a group date rose. I thought this was all very weird, until it's revealed that a drunk Kaitlyn snuck into the guys hotel room and told Shawn that "he was the one." Now it makes a little more sense. But still...stop whining!
Jared is probably my favorite of the guys left, which isn't saying much. He looks like a weasel and woo's Kaitlyn with quotes from Dumb and Dumber. THIS IS YOUR FRONT RUNNER?? Ugh.
Josh was another guy I liked....the big dumb galoot from Kuna,Idaho. Unfortunately, he decided that he needed to defend Kaitlyn's honor from that bastard Nick, because that's what big dumb galoots from Idaho do. It didn't go well. So, the quick thinking galoot does what any quick thinking galoot would do to get himself back in good graces with a lady, he asks her to give him a haircut while blindfolded. ABC gives her some clippers with battery life on 10%, she shaves half his head and calls it good. The result is not exactly Natalie Dorner-esque:
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| King Kuna |
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| Queen Margaery |
Cupake Chris got to (sort of) be Aladdin, and made the comment that "I always go for the princess - maybe this time I'll actually get her to go for me too!" This is just so, so sad. It makes you wonder just how many Tennessean princesses have told this guy "you have great teeth, but the answer is no." I love how as Kaitlyn dumps him on the cliffs of Ireland, he cuts her off and says "I see where this is going, what can I do?" This is like asking the semi truck that's already blown a tire and is crossing median right towards you to take a time-out. He then narrates his own meltdown "C'mon Chris, get it together.....I promised myself I wouldn't cry!"
Also, Ben Z. (who looks just a little like Superman in Man of Steel when he's still just a lumberjack and doesn't know he's Superman yet) got sent home. I have no idea why, because he seemed like a pretty good guy, even if Kaitlyn in a coffin in an Irish pub makes him think of his two-decades dead mother. I think this is why he went home. Instead of kissing the "dead girl" in the coffin, he instead tries to turn it into an actual funeral.
The biggest development to me was Chris Harrison basically telling Kaitlyn "you're way too much of a ho for me to send you to these guys' mothers." It was either this, or Kaitlyn said "hey Chris we've got a problem. I can't hump these guys at their parent's houses.....can we just skip to the fantasy suite part? I'll cut a few of the prudes this week, I promise!" Either way, this girl needs to get it together. She's like that girl that says she "hates drama and immature people," yet every time you find yourself a bar with a mechanical bull, there she is, riding that thing like Pecos Bill:
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