Tales from Dari-Mart

A bag of these cost me 15 minutes today

Sitting at work today and I'm struggling to make it to 5.  So I took a quick break to run down to Dari-Mart and get myself a Pepsi Max.  Silly me, I forgot that there's no such thing as a quick trip to the downtown Corvallis Dari-Mart. 

I was fourth in line at the counter.  I should also mention that they have two counters (and two clerks working) but, of course, only one is available.  Dude number one is buying Megabucks tickets.  No real problem with this, other than the guy was about 80 years old, so it takes him longer to do everything.  Again, he's 80, so he can take as long as he wants.  I'm still in a good mood. 

Dude number two drops $160 in cash on the counter, and I'm freaking out because I think he's buying lottery tickets.  $160 on lottery tickets?  Great, you just increased your chances of winning from .0001% to .0016%.  Good luck with that.  Turns out, he's just getting some money orders.  When you figure out a good reason to have a money order, let me know.  The Internet tells me they are safer than personal checks, but I suppose that's only because they can't bounce.  Seems like if you misplaced a check, you could cancel it or at least have some recourse of getting your money back.  You lose a money order and you're screwed. 

Anyways, there's quite a button pushing process to get a money order, and this dude is getting two.  So its taking a little while.  Dude number 3 in line is getting antsy.  He's probably in his early 20s, wearing a wife-beater and a gigantic backpack.  He probably hasn't showered in a week.  I get the sense that he maybe lives on the streets....only he's still young and stupid enough to think that he's cool for doing it.  He does not have the look of someone who has been beaten down by life yet...though if he has to wait one more minute at Dari-Mart, that might be the end of him.  He's tapping his foot, sighing loudly, even kneeling down at one point.  After a few minutes, Mr. Money Order is done, and - after double checking that the receipt he has in his hand is legitimate - he moves on out the door.

"Finally!"  Homeless Joe says.  "We need to be playing the Jeopardy! theme up in here, amiright?"

I give a courtesy smirk and look down at my phone, wondering where it is exactly that this kid needs to be in such a hurry.  I'm certain it's not work or school, and I'm praying that doesn't need to be somewhere to pick up his child.  Perhaps a court date?  Who knows.

Homeless Joe plunks down his desired purchase - a ginormous bag of Sour Patch Kids.  Of course it's Sour Patch Kids.  I'm expecting this guy to pull a mountain of dimes, nickels, and pennies out of his backpack, but no...he's got a wallet.  On a chain.  And it's got a credit card in it.  Now it gets good.

"Sir, your card has been declined.  Do you have a debit card?"

Somewhat surprisingly to me, he does. 

"Sir, your card has insufficient funds."

Now I'm trying not to laugh as Homeless Joe gets exasperated.

"Aw are you kidding me?  I checked it a couple days ago and I had $3.64 left on that thing!"

This dude was down to his last four dollars, and he spent it on a bag of Sour Patch Kids.  Sorry - he ATTEMPTED to spend it on Sour Patch Kids.  Who knows what he actually spent it on.  Now, instead of just shuffling on out the door, our determined hero takes his giant bag of Sour Patch Kids back to the rack and......you're not going to believe this.....picked out a SMALLER BAG OF SOUR PATCH KIDS.  Incredible.  I loved everything about this.  He saunters back, muttering about how he now looks like a hypocrite for talking about the guy in front of us holding up the line.  Sadly, he now had to go to the back of the line, and I wasn't about to wait around just to see if he had enough for a small bag of Sour Patch Kids.  What should have been a five minute trip had already taken me close to twenty. 

This was, by far, the most amusing thing that happened to me all week.  Also, it made me very thankful that I've forgotten what it's like to have to wonder if you have enough money to buy a snack....much like I've forgotten what it's like to ask for $1.76 of gas at the station so I can make it home.

Here's to hoping something this weekend reminds you how lucky you are to have what you have, instead of being grumpy about what you don't.