The Big Bed Debate

Alright, I'll admit it.  Our three year old son sleeps in the same bed as us.  We've tried having him sleep in his own bed with varying levels of success over the past three years, but inevitably he ends up back in bed with us.  Rachel and I decided that our own sleep was valuable as well, and it made more sense to get us all to bed at a decent time rather than having us all up super late battling over where everyone slept.  I don't mind having him bed with us, but I wouldn't mind NOT having him in bed with us either.  Now that we've got another little one, Rachel has commented that we need a bigger bed to accomodate all four of us.  My response has been tongue in cheek - Nope, there'll only be three of us in bed because I'm heading for the guest room.

Jonah, like most young kids, doesn't really like being alone.  The only time he's on his own really is in the evening, after he's had his dinner and his bath, and is in our bed watching cartoons while Rachel and I watch something a little more mature (I know, I know - to say that Bachelor Pad is more "mature" than Hong Kong Phooey is debatable at best, but just go with me).  Inevitably, he falls asleep with the television on.  This is where the dilemma truly begins.  Do I risk waking him up, only to have him whine and complain that he wants to watch more cartoons, or do I just gently nudge him to the middle of the bed and let him keep sleeping?  I have a long, well documented history of taking the path of least resistance at every opportunity, so he stays. 

I don't know where kids get the energy they do, but they're constantly moving, even when in a deep sleep.  Jonah's like a compass in the bermuda triangle - he has no concept of north and south.  He loves to sleep sideways, making our family look like a giant "H" on the mattress.  He's getting big enough that he's starting to push either Rachel or me off the bed at night.  For that reason, it's about time he "man up" and head to the kick-ass captain's bed with the equally kick ass Transformers bed sheets we bought for him last year.

Ah but there's a catch.  With Jocelyn now here, she is sleeping in a basinette right next to our bed for feeding purposes.  Side note: Breastfeeding mom's deserve one gigantic round of applause.  They're basically 24 hour restaurants - Jack in the Box for infants if you will.  I don't know if all breastfeeding women do this, but Rachel graciously lets me sleep all night, not waking me up when Jocie (Pronounced JOSS-E if you were wondering) starts crying because I can't feed her anyways.  I think if I were breastfeeding, I'd make as much noise as possible just because I was so annoyed that I had to be up at 3 am.  It's probably good for everyone that I can't breastfeed, for more reasons than I can list here.  Anyways, with Jocie sleeping in our room, the timing is not really great to move Jonah back into his own room.  I don't expect Jonah at his age to understand why Jocie needs to sleep in our room, but he has to GTFO. 

So as I see it, we have four options:

• Continue to let Jonah sleep in our room until Jocelyn is done breastfeeding, thus allowing us to transition her to her crib in her room.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  July 2012.  Advantages:  Probably the easiest for Jonah to understand.  Disadvantages:   I said July 2012!!!!!  Plus, what if he doesn't accept the idea that just because Jocelyn is moving to her own room, why should he have to?  In that case, we could be co-sleeping until he gets to school and finds out that most kids aren't still sleeping with their parents and is publicly shamed on the playground during recess.
• Buy Jonah a TV for his bedroom, then let him fall asleep in there.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  9pm the day we buy the TV.  Advantages:  If Jonah falls for it, he's out instantly.  Disadvantages:  You mean aside from giving a 4 year old his own television?  What happens on those nights he doesn't fall asleep and we have to go in there and turn the TV off?  He's going to pitch a fit and try to come into our bed, resulting in hours long battles.  Also, he's only entertained by the same Disney movies for so long, which means buying an additional box and paying DirecTV to install it unless we want to seriously ramp up our movie rental budget.  Either way it costs us money.
• Let him fall asleep in our bed, then start carrying him to his room.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  As early as tonight.  Advantages:  IF he stays asleep, conceivably I could bring him back into our bed when I wake up in the morning and he'd never be the wiser.  Disadvantages:  If he wakes up, we have to start doing the musical rooms thing.  When he wakes up in the morning, is he terrified that he woke up somewhere other than where he fell asleep?  That usually doesn't happen until you're in college, and it's usually just as terrifying then.  Or so I'm told.
• Just pull the "BECAUSE I'M PARENT AND I SAID SO" card and 86 the kid.  Estimated date of reclaiming our bed:  Whenever I'm ready to endure the pain in my firstborn son's eyes.  Advantages:  Aside from the immediacy of getting him out, I don't really see any.  Disadvantages:  Longer evenings for us as we either listen to him cry himself to sleep or have to continually get out of bed to place him back in his room.  Jonah is also upset and feels abandoned. 

Based on this, I think we go with option 3 for now, then when he's a little older, entertain option 2.  Also, eventually might be able to get to the point of letting him watch until a certain time in our room, then regardless of if he's asleep or not, sending him to his own bed.  That's the idea at least.

Do any other parents face these problems?  What age did your kids start sleeping in their own rooms?  How long did the transition take? Any suggestions?