So my supervisor's husband thinks I'm gay.
I used to do this thing at work where Fridays were "musical Fridays" and I'd listen to songs from musicals. I realize that musicals aren't the most masculine things in the world, but some of those songs are pretty catchy. Anyways, my supervisor told her husband, and he now thinks I'm gay. When she told him I was married and had a kid on the way, his response was "that doesn't mean anything. It could be a cover." Yeah, because a guy who listens to "Annie Get Your Gun" is really trying to hide something. My supervisor kept saying there was some other reason that he thought I was gay, but couldn't remember what it was. I was like "It's probably because I'm a David Beckham fan," to which she replies "No, that's not it, but that's definitely another thing to add to the list."
Do I give off a gay vibe? This has happened to me in the past. When I worked in Colorado, I know the bike patrol guys had a bet going on pertaining to my sexuality. I think that was because I mostly hung out with the girls we worked with, but wasn't getting any action. That doesn't make me gay though. Just cause the girls didn't like me doesn't mean I didn't like them.
I don't really have a problem with people thinking I'm gay. They're going to think what they want regardless, and nothing I do is going to change that. It's kind of amusing to think that because I have female friends I haven't boned, watch soccer, like the Spice Girls and saw Brokeback Mountain in the theaters, I must also make out with men in my spare time. You know, when my wife isn't around.
So this morning I spent some time looking for quizzes to tell me how gay I am. Most of them weren't very helpful, asking questions like "when you fantasize about sex, do you think of: A)Women B)Men C)Sheep D) All of the above." The results I got ranged from "Relax chief, you're 100% straight" to "You're 30% gay, but girls like a sensitive man" to my personal favorite "You are 100% Gay. Straight people don't question their sexuality and certainly don't take quizzes online." That one made me laugh.
Anyways, I'm off to work. Maybe I'll whistle at the construction workers on Highway 20 as I drive by. Or not.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I hope baseball is still around when my kid is old enough to play
So right now I'm watching the Little League Softball World Series live from Alpenrose Dairy. Three of the infielders for the East team are wearing protective masks in the field! Essentially these things are like the masks umpires wear behind the plate. I tried to find a picture of it online, but I was unsuccessful. The announcers commented on them, saying that parents demanded that they wear them following the tragedies this summer. Apparently one girl died in routine infield drills in Michigan, and there was a minor league first base coach that was killed when a line drive hit him.
I agree that these things are tragic, but they are almost assuredly "freak" accidents. Furthermore, the first base coach was hit in the neck behind his ear. No facemask is going to prevent that. The point is, you can't change the gear everytime someone gets hurt in an accident. If a kid trips in the outfield and breaks his neck running into the wall, are we all of a sudden going to get rid of fences and just make a line on the ground that if the ball goes over it's a homerun? Are we going to make walls out of foam? Furthermore, facemasks and the like restrict your vision, making it more likely you'll get hit in the face. Sure it's padded, but I'll bet it still hurts pretty bad. I'd rather have the split second extra time to get out of the way than get beaned in the mask a couple dozen times. That'd make me quit playing sports a lot quicker than one bad hop knocking off my dome. Are we going to outlaw baseball all together? I think we're heading in that direction.
Maybe I will understand the need to protect children to an absurd degree once I become a father. Maybe I will hold my kid out of football practice because it's too dangerous. Maybe I will instruct my kid under no circumstances to slide into second base because he could break his ankle. Maybe I won't let him play basketball because the wood floor is hard when you land on it and he could get a hip pointer. The overreaction from tragic events always amazes me, and it concerns me because my child probably won't have the same options I did as a kid.
Does this concern anyone else, or am I way off base?
I agree that these things are tragic, but they are almost assuredly "freak" accidents. Furthermore, the first base coach was hit in the neck behind his ear. No facemask is going to prevent that. The point is, you can't change the gear everytime someone gets hurt in an accident. If a kid trips in the outfield and breaks his neck running into the wall, are we all of a sudden going to get rid of fences and just make a line on the ground that if the ball goes over it's a homerun? Are we going to make walls out of foam? Furthermore, facemasks and the like restrict your vision, making it more likely you'll get hit in the face. Sure it's padded, but I'll bet it still hurts pretty bad. I'd rather have the split second extra time to get out of the way than get beaned in the mask a couple dozen times. That'd make me quit playing sports a lot quicker than one bad hop knocking off my dome. Are we going to outlaw baseball all together? I think we're heading in that direction.
Maybe I will understand the need to protect children to an absurd degree once I become a father. Maybe I will hold my kid out of football practice because it's too dangerous. Maybe I will instruct my kid under no circumstances to slide into second base because he could break his ankle. Maybe I won't let him play basketball because the wood floor is hard when you land on it and he could get a hip pointer. The overreaction from tragic events always amazes me, and it concerns me because my child probably won't have the same options I did as a kid.
Does this concern anyone else, or am I way off base?
Monday, August 13, 2007
There's times when I think Walmart is the worst thing ever. Then there's times when you find a fantastic deal and think "Walmart is the best thing ever!" This weekend I experienced both at the same time.
Rachel and I were in the market for a new grill. We've been using a Coleman "Road-Trip" portable grill for the past 4 years as our main BBQ machine. It worked great when we lived in an apartment and didn't have a lot of space, but now that we have a house with a backyard, we felt it was time for an upgrade to a stainless steel behemoth that cook a entire cow at once. That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
After browsing through a few stores up in Salem, we came to Wal-Mart. They had a grill that looked great, had a side burner, and 50 inches of cooking surface. I think they do grill size the same way they do TV sizes, so that gives you an idea of what we're dealing with here. Best part? It's only $200! Had I been by myself I would've bought it on the spot and headed home to set it up. However, I was with Rachel, and she's nothing if she's not a patient shopper. So we file the grill under "potential purchase" and decided to get some lunch and see a movie while we think about if we want to buy it or not. When we decided that this was the grill we wanted, we headed to the other Wal-Mart in Salem (more on our way home) to make our grilling purchase. While there, we also bought a propane tank, a grill cleaning tool and an OSU grill cover. Total price: $250! I'm think we're getting away with robbery here.
Then we get home and find out that the grill is dented to hell. Looks like an elephant sat right on it. So we load it back in the box and head to Lebanon (closest Walmart to our house) to return it. There we are told that we can't return the grill because we didn't purchase it there. Upon asking for a second opinion on the matter at customer service, we're told that it won't be a problem. Good to see everyone's on the same page. So we think we're fine, until we encounter an unforseen problem. Lebanon Walmart doesn't have the same grill. So it's back on up to Salem.
This time we pull up to unload the grill and this total stoner dude is working. He says he's going to get a cart, and I think he means one of those flatbed carts that they use at Costco all the time. Oh no. This guy comes back with something that looks like one of those crates you got your milk carton from in the cafeteria on wheels. I swear this thing was like 1/4th the size of the grill. He pulls it up behind my car and proceeds to help me lift the grill out of the back of the car. However, he forgot that things on wheels roll on hills, and our milk-crate goes rolling away. I track it down, and the guy has to call the Wal-Mart greeter over to help us. Larry was his name. Larry's one of those over-helpful fellas that loves his job because he can talk to people, but hates his job because he feels he should be fighting the Nazi's in a foxhole or something. I liked Larry actually.
Anyways, Stoner asks Larry to hold the cart. But Larry being Larry, he doesn't want to hold the cart. No.....Larry wants to lift the grill out of the back of the car. This is the most action Larry's seen since Vietnam, and he's not about to let it pass him by. So I end up holding the milk-crate. Larry's ambition was quite a bit larger than his logic however, and he tries to hold the box by the top as they lift it out of the car. The box rips, and the grill slams about 3 feet to the ground. Stoner is delighted at this, and starts doing the stoner giggle. Larry is pissed at himself. I'm pissed that this is taking so long. That's when I realize Rachel went to customer service like 10 minutes ago to get an exchange receipt and still isn't back. No clue what happened to her. We'll get back to that later.
So we finally wheel the grill back in on the little milkwagon and I head over to pick out a new, undented grill. Stoner McBurnout is right behind me with the milkwagon. Once I find a grill I look at him, and he's got this puzzled look on his face. "Dude, I don't think we have any more carts." He's seriously perplexed by this situation. I calmly say "Well, how about we take the faulty grill off the cart we have right here, and put the new one on it, and then we can put the old one back on the cart when we're finished?" He says "Oh, I guess that'll work. Either that, or we can put the grill on top of a regular shopping cart. Would that work for you?" Seriously. I was amazed. So I say "At this point, I'll use whatever will get this grill into the back of that car without denting it." So he goes and gets a shopping cart. We balance the grill on top of the cart, and he says "you think it'll stay all the way to the car?" I say "It better." He says "I'm going to let you do this then." The guy did not have the confidence in himself to wheel a shopping cart 100 ft to a car without causing damage to anything, be it cart, human, car or grill. So I wheel this out to my car. When I get out there, Stoner is nowhere to be found. Larry notices this and sees a chance at redemption. So Larry and I get the grill in the back of the car and everything's kosher. Larry feels competent again and I have an undamaged grill.
But where's my wife?
She's still at Customer Service, waiting for the girl to get off the phone. Apparently they don't handle many returned grills, because the entire Walmart organization seemed confused by the situation. Customer Service Girl is trying to tell Rachel that she needs to bring the grill to customer service so they can verify that it is faulty. Rachel says "why don't you just call down to the Garden Center and confirm that we returned a faulty grill?" What a novel idea? After a few more non-problems that had to be sorted out, we finally got out of there.
I love Walmart, but I hate Walmart.
Rachel and I were in the market for a new grill. We've been using a Coleman "Road-Trip" portable grill for the past 4 years as our main BBQ machine. It worked great when we lived in an apartment and didn't have a lot of space, but now that we have a house with a backyard, we felt it was time for an upgrade to a stainless steel behemoth that cook a entire cow at once. That might be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.
After browsing through a few stores up in Salem, we came to Wal-Mart. They had a grill that looked great, had a side burner, and 50 inches of cooking surface. I think they do grill size the same way they do TV sizes, so that gives you an idea of what we're dealing with here. Best part? It's only $200! Had I been by myself I would've bought it on the spot and headed home to set it up. However, I was with Rachel, and she's nothing if she's not a patient shopper. So we file the grill under "potential purchase" and decided to get some lunch and see a movie while we think about if we want to buy it or not. When we decided that this was the grill we wanted, we headed to the other Wal-Mart in Salem (more on our way home) to make our grilling purchase. While there, we also bought a propane tank, a grill cleaning tool and an OSU grill cover. Total price: $250! I'm think we're getting away with robbery here.
Then we get home and find out that the grill is dented to hell. Looks like an elephant sat right on it. So we load it back in the box and head to Lebanon (closest Walmart to our house) to return it. There we are told that we can't return the grill because we didn't purchase it there. Upon asking for a second opinion on the matter at customer service, we're told that it won't be a problem. Good to see everyone's on the same page. So we think we're fine, until we encounter an unforseen problem. Lebanon Walmart doesn't have the same grill. So it's back on up to Salem.
This time we pull up to unload the grill and this total stoner dude is working. He says he's going to get a cart, and I think he means one of those flatbed carts that they use at Costco all the time. Oh no. This guy comes back with something that looks like one of those crates you got your milk carton from in the cafeteria on wheels. I swear this thing was like 1/4th the size of the grill. He pulls it up behind my car and proceeds to help me lift the grill out of the back of the car. However, he forgot that things on wheels roll on hills, and our milk-crate goes rolling away. I track it down, and the guy has to call the Wal-Mart greeter over to help us. Larry was his name. Larry's one of those over-helpful fellas that loves his job because he can talk to people, but hates his job because he feels he should be fighting the Nazi's in a foxhole or something. I liked Larry actually.
Anyways, Stoner asks Larry to hold the cart. But Larry being Larry, he doesn't want to hold the cart. No.....Larry wants to lift the grill out of the back of the car. This is the most action Larry's seen since Vietnam, and he's not about to let it pass him by. So I end up holding the milk-crate. Larry's ambition was quite a bit larger than his logic however, and he tries to hold the box by the top as they lift it out of the car. The box rips, and the grill slams about 3 feet to the ground. Stoner is delighted at this, and starts doing the stoner giggle. Larry is pissed at himself. I'm pissed that this is taking so long. That's when I realize Rachel went to customer service like 10 minutes ago to get an exchange receipt and still isn't back. No clue what happened to her. We'll get back to that later.
So we finally wheel the grill back in on the little milkwagon and I head over to pick out a new, undented grill. Stoner McBurnout is right behind me with the milkwagon. Once I find a grill I look at him, and he's got this puzzled look on his face. "Dude, I don't think we have any more carts." He's seriously perplexed by this situation. I calmly say "Well, how about we take the faulty grill off the cart we have right here, and put the new one on it, and then we can put the old one back on the cart when we're finished?" He says "Oh, I guess that'll work. Either that, or we can put the grill on top of a regular shopping cart. Would that work for you?" Seriously. I was amazed. So I say "At this point, I'll use whatever will get this grill into the back of that car without denting it." So he goes and gets a shopping cart. We balance the grill on top of the cart, and he says "you think it'll stay all the way to the car?" I say "It better." He says "I'm going to let you do this then." The guy did not have the confidence in himself to wheel a shopping cart 100 ft to a car without causing damage to anything, be it cart, human, car or grill. So I wheel this out to my car. When I get out there, Stoner is nowhere to be found. Larry notices this and sees a chance at redemption. So Larry and I get the grill in the back of the car and everything's kosher. Larry feels competent again and I have an undamaged grill.
But where's my wife?
She's still at Customer Service, waiting for the girl to get off the phone. Apparently they don't handle many returned grills, because the entire Walmart organization seemed confused by the situation. Customer Service Girl is trying to tell Rachel that she needs to bring the grill to customer service so they can verify that it is faulty. Rachel says "why don't you just call down to the Garden Center and confirm that we returned a faulty grill?" What a novel idea? After a few more non-problems that had to be sorted out, we finally got out of there.
I love Walmart, but I hate Walmart.
Monday, August 6, 2007
ask, and you shall receive
So of course, after saying that today was kind of strange, I get my neighbor's mail in my mailbox. But wait, there's more.....
On the way home I pass a guy in his mid-20s sitting next to his mangled bike, being attended to by two firefighters. Right next to them, a cop is interviewing two high school girls, who seem to be trying to explain the the cop what happened, as they lean against the dented hood of their Jetta. I'm not sure that this accident required the response of two cop cars and a fire truck, given that the dazed biker seemed to be fine other than the fact his elbow was cut up and he had an ice-pack on his head, but then again you never can be too careful. My favorite part was the hand motions the girls were using to explain how the biker was riding erratically and "came out of nowhere." It was pretty awesome, and I was upset when the light turned green and I had to leave.
On the way home I pass a guy in his mid-20s sitting next to his mangled bike, being attended to by two firefighters. Right next to them, a cop is interviewing two high school girls, who seem to be trying to explain the the cop what happened, as they lean against the dented hood of their Jetta. I'm not sure that this accident required the response of two cop cars and a fire truck, given that the dazed biker seemed to be fine other than the fact his elbow was cut up and he had an ice-pack on his head, but then again you never can be too careful. My favorite part was the hand motions the girls were using to explain how the biker was riding erratically and "came out of nowhere." It was pretty awesome, and I was upset when the light turned green and I had to leave.
Do you know where your elderly person is?
Ever have those days where nothing happens normally? That's today. It started with my drive to work. Passing HP, I see a guy in his mid-30's who could probably have his picture in the dictionary next to the term "poindexter." Sprinting down Highway 20 as if he's late for work. Hilarious. I have no clue where he walked from, if his car broke down or what, but he was hauling ass. Good stuff.
As if that wasn't amusing enough, I get into downtown Corvallis, and I literally had to stop at every crosswalk to let an elderly person cross the street. All the way down 2nd. Three different times. It was like the assisted living place had a jailbreak or something.
Anyways, I hope that's a sign of more fun stuff to come. I'll keep you posted.......
As if that wasn't amusing enough, I get into downtown Corvallis, and I literally had to stop at every crosswalk to let an elderly person cross the street. All the way down 2nd. Three different times. It was like the assisted living place had a jailbreak or something.
Anyways, I hope that's a sign of more fun stuff to come. I'll keep you posted.......
Friday, August 3, 2007
Shoot me now
I'm dying at work, but I can't leave. Nothing to do, but I have to be here in case the phone rings. It's rang three times all week. Yay. So here's some quick ramblings
*First off, Happy Birthday to my brother Grant. He's now 25. Hard to believe, since it seems like just yesterday he was working summers for dad in the hay fields and spending his evenings hanging with friends and playing guitar hero. Oh wait, that was yesterday. All kidding aside though, he's been a pretty good brother over the past 10 years, which is surprising considering the rocky first 15.
*Tried out a couple new restaurants in the area in the past few days. The Tokyo Steak House and Sushi Bar has a great atmosphere and the food was pretty decent, but it just took forever to get our food......45 minute wait after ordering. They were fairly busy, so I may give it another shot....plus any place where they cook the food on a hibachi right in front of you is fun....especially when they turn onions into flaming volcanoes and juggle eggs with their spatulas.
The Harrison Bar and Grill on the other hand has no atmosphere. It's a former mexican restaurant that now serves burgers and chinese food. Go figure. My burger today was really good, however again it took almost 45 minutes to get our food, despite the fact that the restaurant wasn't even close to half full. Other people at our table weren't as impressed with their meals....Kristi had a bone in her chicken strips, Marianne's burger was cold in the middle, and Sarah had an uncooked french fry in her turkey sandwich. Go figure. I don't think I'll be eating there again.
*I've read a few books by author Christopher Moore in the past months, and I must say he's a very interesting read. I'd recommend both of the books: Fluke, about a whale biologist who is swallowed by a whale, and Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, which is a humorous take on Jesus' childhood. It's very funny to think of Jesus wondering what sex is like as a kid, and him coming to terms with being the Messiah. I should note that if you're religious and don't like to think of Jesus as anything less than the most perfect person ever to walk the earth, I wouldn't read it. You'll just get angry.
*I am the world's worst handyman. I found this out last night when I tried to install some shelves in the walls of the nursery. I succeeded in drilling two holes into the wall, breaking an anchor and stripping a screw before getting the first shelf support in the wall.....crooked. I'm sure I could've made it work, but the last thing you want in a baby's room is wobbly shelving. When it comes time to teach my kid life skills like handywork, how to change a tire, haggling over the price of a car, having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, etc, all I'm going to be able to do is teach them how to write blogs and drink a pepsi in under 10 seconds. If that doesn't scream "future president" I don't know what does.
*I'm off to Seattle for the Mariners-Red Sox game tomorrow.....enjoy your weekend!
*First off, Happy Birthday to my brother Grant. He's now 25. Hard to believe, since it seems like just yesterday he was working summers for dad in the hay fields and spending his evenings hanging with friends and playing guitar hero. Oh wait, that was yesterday. All kidding aside though, he's been a pretty good brother over the past 10 years, which is surprising considering the rocky first 15.
*Tried out a couple new restaurants in the area in the past few days. The Tokyo Steak House and Sushi Bar has a great atmosphere and the food was pretty decent, but it just took forever to get our food......45 minute wait after ordering. They were fairly busy, so I may give it another shot....plus any place where they cook the food on a hibachi right in front of you is fun....especially when they turn onions into flaming volcanoes and juggle eggs with their spatulas.
The Harrison Bar and Grill on the other hand has no atmosphere. It's a former mexican restaurant that now serves burgers and chinese food. Go figure. My burger today was really good, however again it took almost 45 minutes to get our food, despite the fact that the restaurant wasn't even close to half full. Other people at our table weren't as impressed with their meals....Kristi had a bone in her chicken strips, Marianne's burger was cold in the middle, and Sarah had an uncooked french fry in her turkey sandwich. Go figure. I don't think I'll be eating there again.
*I've read a few books by author Christopher Moore in the past months, and I must say he's a very interesting read. I'd recommend both of the books: Fluke, about a whale biologist who is swallowed by a whale, and Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, which is a humorous take on Jesus' childhood. It's very funny to think of Jesus wondering what sex is like as a kid, and him coming to terms with being the Messiah. I should note that if you're religious and don't like to think of Jesus as anything less than the most perfect person ever to walk the earth, I wouldn't read it. You'll just get angry.
*I am the world's worst handyman. I found this out last night when I tried to install some shelves in the walls of the nursery. I succeeded in drilling two holes into the wall, breaking an anchor and stripping a screw before getting the first shelf support in the wall.....crooked. I'm sure I could've made it work, but the last thing you want in a baby's room is wobbly shelving. When it comes time to teach my kid life skills like handywork, how to change a tire, haggling over the price of a car, having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex, etc, all I'm going to be able to do is teach them how to write blogs and drink a pepsi in under 10 seconds. If that doesn't scream "future president" I don't know what does.
*I'm off to Seattle for the Mariners-Red Sox game tomorrow.....enjoy your weekend!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
I'm on the Juice!
So yesterday morning my eyes were kind of bothering me, so I figured I'd make an appointment. Lucky me, they had a spot open at noon! In I go, only to find out that my eyes were bothering me because I have an inflammed eyelid. Basically the inside of my lid is bumpy, and it keeps knocking my contact lens off kilter. The remedy? Steroids!
I wonder if this means I can compete in the Tour de France next year..........
I wonder if this means I can compete in the Tour de France next year..........
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